I have always been an antisocial, colorless guy who just liked to stay outta people's way and not stand out. But after encountering a strange light and being brought to the world of Equus in the land of Equestria I may have a bit of a problem. While there I see and do many things I thought could only happen in fantasy. I don't know why I've been brought to Equestria, and I have a feeling Celestia knows more than she's letting on, but I try to make the best of it and think of it as a chance to reinvent myself.
(If you came here expecting action, good. Gore? Has that too. Has some sexual themes but they vary and won't be frequent.
This will be written in 1st person and I will inform you when the POV changes.
If you are confused or lost please comment so I can better write the story for following chapters and gain experience for future stories).
Great story so far! Looking forward to the next chapter!
I'd recommend against describing yourself at the beginning of your story; it just seems Gary Stuish.
1662963 I thought it may not be needed, but this was just to clarify somethings that some people may want to know
Needs some editing in some places, but otherwise this is pretty good, gonna track this and see what happens.
1664357 I always fell asleep in English class, sorry.
"t didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would"
Then apparently you didn't write long enough, needs more filler details, the chapter was too short and straight to the point, work on giving details and you got a good story going for ya
1665676 This was more of a trial and error chapter and its main goal was for the viewers to make comments such as yourself, so i can better write the following chapters. And the reason for the detail thing, I'm doing it in a first-person layout, so if I don't see or don't notice those details I either won't describe them or vaguely describe them.
But overall I intend to take all relevant comments into mind and improve the story.
Great chapter!
This first chapter takes an interesting spin on it, in that it's not in the view of the human coming to Equestria, but is the pony's reactions.
But, despite the new take on it, this chapter admittedly feels like a rough draft. The errors and the lack of overall contingency and formatting make it feel a bit...incomplete.
But, it's good so far. And I'll be watching it, if only to see where you take it.
Just take some advice: Don't get too emotionally involved in it. I did that, and ended up running my story (Chronicle of Choices) into the ground via making it more emotional and less "everybody-dies-and-you-get-depressed". So, you've got to keep your original concept in mind, and keep writing with that in mind.
1688943 I read your story and felt the same way, yours was one of the reasons I started my story. And I get what your saying, and the first chapter was supposed to be a rough beginning, but I doubt it will end up the way I see it ending. Although the story will most likely be derailed a few times, but only to extend or explain the past and future parts of the story. And as for the basic outline; it won't be emotional or "everyboy-dies-and-you-get-depressed", but more "why does all this shit happen to me?" kind of story.
The first two chapters were just to get everything started, most chapters following them are where stuff will happen.
yay
like this so far.
more
1779065 As you command flutter-rage
So..................
many..............
MEME"S
this is a good story!
Impress me more!
1788272 The funny thing is I actually use meme references like this all the time in real life when ever I can
1793320 So awesome!
yaaaaaay!
--Edit--
no nobody can say first!
MUAHAHAHA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxVvKb0fGAY
Encore Encore!
1809349 What is the mean of these 'Bacon Pancakes'?!
1809601 bacon.
1810209 nuf said?
1810317 Indeed
huh, I thought it would be pretty silly keeping pissed, stoner, and logic personalities.
oh well, great chapter man. 6/10
1819720 It would have been to hard to keep track of 5 separate points of view that are variations of me, also I needed to get rid of them for an other part of the story.
1826446
Right out the door and I spot an error! Second sentence in the story, "my brothers or out too." I think that's, "were out too."
1956533
And I fixed it now
And I think you mean 'are out' not 'were out', that's past tense, meaning they're already back.
know whats good to listen to while reading?
this, especially for dark stories.
1971687 That......................is awesome
1973382 thanks man.
Just a little information to any who try and translate the Latin chapters; capitals can change the meaning of Latin, so type them in as they are........that is all
Elemental powers.....so awsome!
2048804 It's like having a bunch of mini Pyros in you
awesome
!
2094485 Tank ya
Thanks for the chapter!
You had to make a short chapter didn't you?
Good chap anyway!
2178239 I'd make them longer if I could. My creativity is like mana. And you never seem to have enough mana when you need it, do you?
2178273 No it seems, I understand no need to worry about making them longer because you need time to think and plan you can't just go ierbjdkfgfgj and there is the song of my people affect and make it funny.
2178298 I shall play for you the song of my people.....make it rain.
2180486 What about chocolate rain?
2183531 The chocolate song of storms.... genius!
2186454 How about a big o'l storm of chaos?!
)
( I would have used Discord but they have none
2188900 Yeah, but Pinkie is next in line for the throne of chaos anyway
2193350 Totally!
let's do this Pinky Pie style!
This made me realize that I have not eaten rock candy in 5 years.
2316605 And once you do you'll be like; Huh, wasn't as good as I remember. That's the effect it always has on me.