Perfection? I don't want that, because that would mean stopping, standing still, instead of improving.
Twilight is an alicorn, the Crystal Empire has been restored, and harmony has seem to completely set back into Equestria. The problem is that Celestia fears that there is one more evil that she, her sister, Discord, and possibly Chrysalis and Sombra, must fight one more time. One more evil that the group nearly lost to the first time they fought him.
(This is a rewrite of the story. Everything will be different.)
Page generated in 0.104 seconds
Total duration
762 users online
761,730 hits today, 2,724,632 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Please let there be an epic fight Faust I pray it.
3080718
Don't worry. There is an epic fight somewhere in the story.
Faust wills it of course.
3080800 yay! I'm happy!
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
3219732
I have not even considered that. I take it you liked what you read?
This is a featured story? 0_o
Awesome.
Ok, I havn't read this yet, but you updated it with-
An intriguing description.
Several chapters done.
Sound grammar(From what i've seen)
So i'm going to like and favorite it and see where it goes.
Best of luck.
3393984
Thanks. Hope you enjoy it.
"Nighttime had fallen over Equestria and the only pony still awake was Princess Luna, who was spending her night going through the dreams of the sleeping ponies. Even after a thousand years the dreams ever got any better and the majority of them dreamed of better lives that existed when they were asleep."
Hold up.
This works fine, just pace it better. Punctuation is key.
"had become a purple color that was almost identical to Twilight Sparkle's coat color."
Unless it's 'has', 'it', or other words that are merely required to piece the sentence together, try not to use one word too many times in a single sentence.
All in all, interesting, but needs help on description. You could have made this take up about 4,000 words if you described events well enough to paint a vision in the reader's heads of the scene. Ever heard of purple prose? It's bad. But doing just the opposite is worse.
I reccomend finding an editor.
EDIT: I apologise if this seems harsh. I enjoyed it, but it needs work. It would not, for example, be accepted onto EqD in its current state. At this point, what you need is not kindly-meant lies, but brutal honesty. That's how it will improve.
In fact, if you wouldn't mind, I could edit for you. It has potential.
3394023
Purple Prose? Never heard of it I'm afraid.
3394023
Really? You'd be the first who wanted to edit one of my stories.
Not even sure how to do something like that to be honest.
Edit: But I would be honored to have an editor.
3221636 Yes. Yes I did. So, are you going to do it?
3394856
It makes me happy that people enjoy the story.
And I will post it there after I fix some pieces of this story.
Interesting, I always knew Rarity would desire the end of the world.
They really should have trusted Twilight from the beginning.
3395401
In my stories if you ignore Twilight you're asking for trouble.
Works all the time.
3394069
Very well. Send me the drafts via the messaging system on the site.
I just have one condition; if i'm going to edit for you, please edit your own work first. There's so much room in your story for expanding on what you've already written, but i'm not going to write description for you.
3395465
Hehe...Many thanks by the way. I'll start working on the chapters.
3395474
Best of luck.
3395487
Thanks. I'll need some luck.
Excellent chapter. I say bravo.
Ooooooh, midnights in Trouble~!
3633369
Yeah. Surprised by how things turned out?
This ain't good....
3866076
As in the flow of the story or whats happening to the characters?
Oooh! I just have to see where this is going.
Celestia, be quiet and let Luna talk. I want to know what she's trying to tell us.
That opening. Twilight's thinking of her time on the other side of the mirror.
Tricky stallion. I am liking where this is going already.
Oh Applejack, for your honesty you should receive a medal or something...or maybe just a good year of harvests.
PINKIE! Quit ruining the boundaries between worlds. You'll hurt someone one of these days.
More power means more dreams...and this can't end well.
Wait...the villains are related to the Royal Sisters?
And dang it Rarity, stop trying to destroy the world.
Rarity! You goofed up big time.
Wait a minute here...Mom?! Celestia doesn't mean Faust...does she?
The Fausticorn! There aren't enough words to describe what just happened.
And that is a good ending to a very interesting story.
Interesting start. Can't wait to see a certain very powerful changeling Queen join the cast.
I wonder if Midnight was sealed 'cause the sisters couldn't stand the thought of a male Alicorn.
It wonder what are they hiding.
And the plot thickens. And I'm not talking about Celestia.
She's dead, wrapped in plastic!
So... Pinkie's powers include dream necromancy.
C'mon, Chryssie, stop being a tease and appear already.
Dammit. Rarity, you had one job!
Huh, so they're all related and it seems that reforming Discord brought their original mindsets back too.
Rarity...
Midnight, you have some 'splaining to do!
Pwned!
That was fun, but could've used more Chryssie.
OH F
K!!!
Curb Stomp battle ftw.