Chapter five: Prodigal Daughter of Equis
It was an average day in Equestria…or it would have been, if not for the light rain scheduled in ponyville. Normally rain in the weather schedule would be a normal thing, but this was no normal rain. It was part of a tradition that started after the first pegasi moved to ponyville.
Today was Pinkie Pie’s official funeral.
The service was being held outdoors in a cemetery, and there was a reception planned afterwards. Rarity had handled the arrangements, and would have paid for everything had not everyone involved given their services for free. Most of the town was present, and even all three princesses had taken the day off to be there.
“I still can’t believe she’s gone.” Twilight said, glancing over at the closed coffin. She, like most of the other ponies present at the cemetery, was dressed in black. Some wore dresses like Rarity, while others wore more casual clothes like Apple jack, who only wore a black hat and vest. Even the Princesses had exchanged their normal regalia for obsidian colored replicas.
The Apples were taking it hard. They were the closest things the Pie family had ever had to neighbors, and had been the ones that had found Pinkie the night her family had died. Besides the Cakes they were the closest thing she’d had to family, and in their hearts Pinkie had always been a part of theirs.
“None of us can, Darling. Rainbow Dash even refused to come because she’s still holding on to hope, and poor Fluttershy is practically drowning in denial.” Rarity replied to the lavender unicorn. Twilight nodded, as worry for her Pegasus friends welled up inside her. Rainbow Dash’s loyalty and persistence was admirable, and her stubborn refusal to admit that there was a chance Pinkie was dead was expected…but Fluttershy’s flat out denial that Pinkie was even gone was troubling to say the least. They had expected the yellow Pegasus to bust out crying when they’d told her their pink pony friend had gone missing, but instead she’d just smiled and commented how she’d probably show up tomorrow with a wild story, a smile on her face, and an apology for worrying everyone. It had seemed like optimism at first, but as time went on it Fluttershy’s response to the situation didn’t change, no matter how much worse things seemed to get with time. Always smiling, always assuring them Pinkie would be back at any moment. Twilight had even entertained the idea of holding an intervention or having a professional psychiatrist speak with her canary colored friend.
Twilight noticed Celestia had taken her place by the coffin to lead the service, and quickly moved to her seat. She took a brief moment to check the note cards she’d brought with her, so she’d be ready when it was her time to speak. They were all blank, of course. What does one say when one of their dearest friends is taken from them? There were no words to describe how she felt right now.
She glanced around as Celestia began speaking. Any other situation and Twilight would have been paying rapt attention to her mentor. Any other situation and she would have been so happy to see her.
Any other situation and Pinkie would have been sitting next to her.
She spotted the Cakes, both nearly inconsolable. Ditzy Doo and her daughters had shown up, and Time Turner as well, though he was standing in the back, almost as if waiting for something. Scootaloo was sitting with the Apples, and Twilight swore she saw Rainbow hiding not too far away, amongst some of the other graves. She’d probably say she only came to oversee the traditional funeral rain shower if asked.
Spike gently tapped Twilight, letting her know it was time for her to go up and speak a few words. She stood and made her way up to the podium, her mind blank and her heart feeling empty. What was she going to say? What could she say? Where were her words when she needed them?
Finally she reached her destination, standing in front of the gathered ponies sharing in her loss, standing next to an empty coffin, and she opened her mouth to speak when she spotted a cloaked pony running straight down the aisle, stopping in front of the coffin. Before Twilight could say a word, the pony opened up the coffin, jumped inside, and shut it on themselves.
Everyone gasped, some in shock, some in outrage. Twilight was flabbergasted. Who would be so disrespectful as to jump in another pony’s coffin at their funeral? It made her tremble with anger. In the blink of an eye she used her magic to rip the top of the coffin off and pull the pony out. “Just who do you think you are?!” She demanded of the figure.
The cloaked pony giggled and pulled off her hood. “I’m the deceased, silly. I’m supposed to be in the coffin.” Pinkie replied. “Sorry I was late though. I only found out I was dead a few hours ago.”
* Flashback *
“I can’t believe this! You forgot to tell them I was still alive?!” Pinkie exclaimed as she flew through the void of space towards her home. Hal Jordan had just finished explaining about how he’d never gotten around to telling her loved ones she was still alive, and she was less than happy at the moment.
“In my defense, that was a really busy day. There was a civil war that broke out two solar systems over and a giant killer space monster…”
“And that still doesn’t explain all the rest of the 378 standard solar cycles which were perfect opportunities for you to tell them I wasn’t dead!” The pink mare countered. “You realize that they probably had a funeral and everything, right? Do you have any idea how hard it is to have your citizen status changed back from deceased without going to court under suspicion of being involved in necromancy?! This is going to be my fifth time!”
“I was really busy and it kind of just…wait, what do you mean this is your fifth time?” Hal inquired.
“Just because I occasionally get drunk and break into the town hall’s records to prank everyone, doesn’t mean you’re off the hook!” Pinkie shouted, willing herself to move faster. “And besides, that prank got Caramel to finally propose to Flitter! It was totally worth it!”
“You…brake into the town hall and forge legal documents when you get drunk?”
“Not since they passed that law prohibiting me from drinking alcohol. Now when I get drunk, I spend the night running away from guard ponies…then I break into town hall and forge legal documents after that.”
Hal was silent for a moment before he replied. “What kind of drinks does your planet serve and where do I get some?”
“You’d already know the answer to both those questions, if you’d bothered to tell them I wasn’t dead!”
“How many times do I have to say sorry before you forgive me?”
“Everyone I know and love thinks I’m dead! You’re lucky you’re still invited to my birthday party! And you had better get me a really good present!”
* Back in the Present *
Pinkie sat there beaming with joy...until someone in the back decided to start a panic by shouting "Changeling!" In a matter of seconds, there was a dog pile of royal guard on the coffin. Pinkie found herself standing on the podium Twilight had been about to use for her speech.
"Nice try guys, but I'm a tag world champion!"
Two pegasi leapt at her, but Pinkie jumped nimbly out of the way, landing behind Twilight, giving her a quick hug before leaping away again as an earth pony guard landed less than a foot away from her. The pink pony pranced away from her pursuers as they pounced in her general direction.
"Guys, I know you're understandably excited to see me, but Family and best friends first when it comes to hugs!"
Right then, one fortunate guard finally manage to hit Pinkie from behind, tackling her to the ground…and causing a Baby Blue cannon to fall out of her mane and hit another less fortunate guard in the face. Several of the other guards quickly surrounded her, preparing to take her down, when Twilight appeared between them and her in a flash of purple light.
“Wait! Stop attacking!” The lavender unicorn said, before cautiously turning to her friend. “Pinkie...Is that really you?”
“Well, duh.” The party pony replied. “If I wasn’t me, then who would I be? Cheese Sandwich? That’d be ridiculous!”
Tears welled up in Twilight’s eyes, and the lavender unicorn suddenly moved forward and hugged her friend, taking the pink pony by surprise. Pinkie froze for a moment, then hugged her Purple pony pal back.
“It’s good to be home, Twilight.”
*
The guards quickly confirmed with a scanning spell that Pinkie was, in fact, the real Pinkie. Rainbow immediately made her presence known and started gloating about how she knew Pinkie was alive all along.
The Cakes practically trampled the Princesses on their way over to see the party planner. The two hugged her so hard, the guards had to pull them off of her when she started turning purple.
The Apple Family soon made their way over to her, through the crowd of ponies that had surrounded the Pink pony.
“Dang girl. Where have you been? You had all of us thinking you were dead!”
“Well, I guess you could say I was abducted by aliens.” Pinkie replied with a smile.
Applejack shook her head, then hugged her friend. "If any other pony said that, I'd think they were out of their mind. But you're strange enough that it's probably true. It's good to have you back."
Pinkie let go of the farmer and turned to face Rarity, who had just gotten past the crowd of ponies eager to welcome her home. She smiled and raised her legs to hug the fashionista...only to be smacked in the face with a purse.
“Don’t you ever do that to us ever again! Do you have any idea what you put us through?! Just suddenly disappearing like that, your rock farm house trashed in the middle of the night, leaving us to think you’d been kidnapped or worse.” The furious fashionista raised her purse to strike again, but a guard quickly confiscated the bag.
“It’s good to see you too, Rarity. I see you got a new purse...”
“You do not get to just come walking back into our lives with a joke and a smile, acting like absolutely nothing has happened since you left! Do you know I’m everyone’s back up party planner? ‘Hey Rarity, want to join a search party and help look for Pinkie?’ ‘Oh, no, I’m sorry Rainbow Dash, I have seventy three angry customers ready to bring out the torches and pitch forks to burn my house down if I don’t plan all of them the best parties ever within the next two months!’”
“Okay, so you're understandably upset, but it’s not like I had a chance to leave a note or something behind.”
“Why, if it weren’t for Minty’s help, I’m certain the town would have descended into absolute chaos.”
“I’m sure you're exaggerating just a little bit, and-wait, who is Minty?”
“Your replacement.” Applejack immediately replied.
“Applejack!”
“What? It’s true! Yall just don’t want to admit it cuz it’ll make you look bad.”
“Wait, I’ve been replaced?”
“She’s not your replacement, she’s...just...the pony who was conveniently hired by the Cakes to do everything you used to do before you vanished, likes to plan and throw parties for everyone, and has been helping all of us out when we run into the occasional friendship problem.” Twilight stated, plastering a very guilty looking and not at all genuine grin on her face.
“So what you're saying is that she’s not my replacement, she just happens to have taken over my role in every activity I would normally be a part of?”
“Um...well, that’s just because the two of you have so much in common. I’m sure you’ll both get along great, darling.” Rarity said. “But for now, You and Twilight should go let Fluttershy know your still alive, while I try to turn this funeral into a welcome home party, okay?”
*
A group of suspicious looking stallions gazed at a jewelry store from across the street, each of them dressed in a trench coat and wearing a ski mask. One of them scanned the street, looking for guards, then made his way across and looked in the window, noting a single sleeping security guard and a freshly hired employee inside, who was distracted with eating their lunch. He signaled to the others, and they joined him by the window.
“Just like she said, easy pickings. Almost the whole town is at that funeral, and the few guards that aren’t attending will never get here in time to stop us. Let’s do this thing.”
*
"So, um...I have a question." Pinkie announced as she trotted with Twilight along the path to Fluttershy's house.
"Is it about why Fluttershy wasn't at the funeral?"
"No...well, yeah, I want to know about that too, but I'm actually more curious about why ponyville has sky scrapers now. I mean, we were kind of popular before, but I didn't think we were popular enough to go full out Metropolitan."
Twilight sighed, glancing back at the colossal structures. "Yeah...a lot has happened in the last year. Most of the town itself remained the same, but a bunch of big wig companies started buying property around it and building stuff...next thing we knew, ponyville had a skyline." The purple Unicorn shook her head. "I'm still having trouble getting used to it."
"Well, it's not really much of a skyline." Pinkie remarked. "No offence to the owners, but there's only three or four buildings over ten stories high...granted those buildings are all at least eighty stories tall, because for some reason that's totally necessary, but still..."
Twilight giggled a bit at that. "Yeah, well...big corporations tend to be a bit excessive. Their business has done a lot for the town, though." Her smile slowly turned to a frown. "Of course, it's also caused some...problems. The crime rate has gone up significantly since you left. The town's guard had to expand their numbers, and then that entirely new agency was formed, and plopped it's base down on-"
The purple unicorn suddenly stopped talking, a worried and sad expression on her face. Pinkie could tell, where ever her friend had been taking the conversation, Twilight was certain Pinkie wasn't going to like it in the slightest. It would take careful tiptoeing around the topic and a very subtle and cautious approach to get Twilight to spill the beans, which would be difficult at the moment.
"Sounds like things have been rough, but I'm sure some good things had to have happened while I was gone too."
"Well, we did get our own local radio station."
"Really? That sounds awesome!"
*
"As long as neither of you make any stupid moves, no pony will get hurt." The leader of the masked robbers announced, as his accomplices started looting the store. Everything was going smoothly so far, as was expected. It was a pretty simple plan; get in, grab the money and jewels, get out before the big funeral was over. There wasn't much that could go wrong with-
The look out barged into the store, panic on his face. "Boss, its the guards! Their coming up the street!"
"What?! Already?! That's impossible! They couldn't have gotten here already, unless someone triggered the alarm before we even got inside!" The leader replied, baffled by this shocking turn of events that had shattered his perfect plan.
"Well...I did see you guys through the window," The mare working the counter stated,"And it doesn't take a genius to figure out what a bunch of suspicious looking stallions in ski masks and trench coats standing outside of a jewelry store are planning to do, so..."
The leader face hooved. His brilliantly simple plan ruined, all because he'd forgotten that his gang could be seen through windows. The other robber's started to panic, realizing that their seemingly fool proof plan was falling to pieces before their very eyes.
"Crap man, we're gonna get busted!"
"I can't go to prison, dude! I'm too handsome for jail!"
"What do we do? What do we do?!"
"We're not going to prison, now stop panicking! The guards won't touch us while we have hostages!"
*
Twilight knocked on the door to Fluttershy's cottage once again, frowning. Pinkie and Twilight had been standing outside of the cottage for a good fifteen minutes already, and there still hadn't been an answer. Worried, Twilight glanced over at Pinkie Pie. "I don't suppose you know where she keeps her spare key, do you?"
"Of course I do, silly. I know where every pony puts their spare key, just in case of a spare key emergency." The pink pony replied as she trotted over to the bridge in front of Fluttershy's house and reached under it with a hoof, grabbing the spare key.
"Really? Then where do I keep mine?" Twilight asked, as Pinkie trotted back.
"Which one? The one taped to the bottom of your balcony, the one Fluttershy hid in the bee hive, or the three Spike's misplaced since you guys first moved here? Because if it's the last one the answer is Rarity's fainting couch, your freezer, and his stomach when he accidentally put it in his sandwich."
Twilight blinked in surprise, then reminded herself that she was in fact talking to Pinkie, and that this particular outcome should have been expected. Pinkie simply smiled at Twilight's foolishness and unlocked the door to Fluttershy's cottage.
The door opened, and the two of them stepped inside. The hairs on the back of Twilights neck stood up as they crossed over the threshold. Her eyes scanned across the room, taking everything in. The interior of the cottage appeared to be the same as it always had been, with nothing missing or out of place, and yet she couldn't help but get the feeling something was missing.
The Couch is where it's supposed to be and so are the cabinets, the rug, the stove, the lamps, the tables, the bags of animal feed, and Angel's bed. So why does it all seem so...out of place?
"Hey, Twilight, I think I can hear voices upstairs."
Pinkie's voice snapped Twilight out of her thoughts. The lavender unicorn quickly trotted up the stairs, listening closely. She could hear two voices coming from Fluttershy's bedroom, but couldn't seem to make out what they were saying. Concerned for the safety of her friend, Twilight turned around and bucked the door open. To Pinkie's massive shock, the wooden obstruction went flying off it's hinges.
When did Twilight find the time to get that strong...and why?
With the door now out of the way, it was plain for them both to see the bedroom was empty, the voices coming from a radio sitting on the nightstand next to the bed. Twilight felt embarrassed and frustrated. The same day Pinkie Pie finally returned, it seemed Fluttershy had mysteriously vanished into thin air.
"...We have a report coming in that the local law enforcement of ponyville are currently in a standoff with a group of armed robbers with hostages. Local celebrity and DJ Vinyl Scratch is reporting to us live from the scene."
Twilight groaned. On top of the mystery of Fluttershy's disappearance, she now needed to come up with an excuse to step out and go stop an armed robbery. Twilight turned around to tell Pinkie whatever lie she was going to make up, only to find her friend had mysteriously vanished on her.
*
Vinyl Scratch peered over the public bench she was hiding behind, peeking over at the situation that was unfolding. "Not going to lie, it doesn't look good guys." She said to her microphone. "Some of the crooks in the store look like amateurs, but apparently their leader is a dude named Grand Larceny, and it's never a good sign when someone is named after a felony. So far the royal guards have only managed to secure a perimeter around the store to ensure they can't escape, but since all of their hostage negotiators are off duty and attending a funeral right now, they've had to call the ESD to borrow one of theirs. Given those guy's track record, the safe money is on someone getting shot today."
Not too far away from the DJ reporter, the guards had surrounded the jewelry store, using the SWAT teams carriages that had been strategically parked as cover. Several guards were in the air, keeping an eye on things from above and ensuring the suspects didn't escape via the roof.
Inside the store, the robbers in question were keeping low behind the jewelry counters. one of the earth ponies in the group had armed himself with the security guards hoof pistol, a small black bracelet like contraption that could shoot burst of magical energy that were stored in the power crystal inside. He turned to the leader of the group. "You do realize this thing only has six shots and no spare crystals, right? And there are like thirty guards out there...if they come in, we're screwed."
Grand Larceny, who was a rather mean looking unicorn stallion, turned to glare at him. "Shut up, you moron. They're not going to try anything as long as we have the hostages, so quit worrying. If the guards come in, we'll shoot them; if they try to hit us from out there, they'll get caught in the crossfire."
The hostages in question were tied up together and stuck on top of the counter, in plain sight of the guards, but also a position that would allow the crooks to shoot them without having to get out from their cover.
"But boss, what if one of them superheroes shows up?"
Larceny rolled his eyes. "Then we do the same thing we do if the guards try to get in. Honestly how hard is it to understand that as long as we have the hostages, they can't-"
The glass window at the front of the store shattered as something glowing and green came rocketing through it. Before the criminals could react, the hostages where surrounded by a green force field and pulled out of the building, just as a green and black clad pony landed in front of the store.
"Alright, bad guys, I've got to make this quick because I have a missing friend to go find and a party to attend."
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It's back!
And Hal prooobably should have sent a message sooner.
Interesting.
Oh, And Ponyville has skyscrapers and Twilight is Supermare. That's interesting too.
5581753 Nah, not super mare, just a hero of some sort...I had something a little more...Marvelous in mind.
5581745 It never went anywhere...but yeah, given that the last three chapters were all published in different years...I can see why you think it did...
Glad to see this back running, also loved Pinkie Pies alcohol fueled shenanigans
Just two slight errors that I noticed when reading,
Slight misspelling, should be 'amateurs'
Also, you have Vinyl state that Grand Larceny is leading the gang:
then make it seem like the audience havnt been introduced to him:
That said, overall this is agood way to re-start things, but I wonder where Fluttershy could be?
5582985 Re-did those things. thanks for pointing them out.
5583439 No problem, they were the only things I saw in what is a very well written chapter overall.
5583586 Thanks.
5589629 I'd expect nothing less from you.
This is was so funny, I can't believe Hal completely forgot to tell them Pinkie was alive
. Hey is Pinkie gonna meet Kyle or Jon?
6061057 Probably at some point, when school gets out of the way and I can work on this again.
Huh. Neat.
When’s the next chapter coming? And who else will get a ring?
10791703
Seriously? Meh