The Rate Is Too Darn High!
The Rate Is Too Darn High!
By Alaborn
Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.
Twilight Sparkle distributed trays of vegetables and dip on tables across the library. She levitated empty cups around the punch bowl in the corner. “Almost ready,” she said, smiling.
The librarian then checked on the kitchen. “How are the sandwiches coming, Spike?” she asked.
“Almost done,” he replied. He retrieved two slices of bread, and placed thick slices of cheese between them. Placing the sandwich on a metal griddle, he then weighted it down with a cast iron skillet, and breathed fire on it. The smell of toasty bread and melted cheese rose from the makeshift press. He proudly added the sandwich to a tray of identical sandwiches.
“This should be enough for everypony,” Spike called as he left the kitchen, tray of sandwiches in claw. He placed it on the table, by the punch, and wiped his claws on his adorable apron.
“Thanks for your help, Spike,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”
“But you talk about books all the time,” Spike said.
“I don't always get to talk about books with my best friends!” Twilight Sparkle replied. “I can't wait for the inaugural meeting of our new book club!” She happily trotted to the window, gazing out to the street beyond. The gray skies of early winter were darkening early. The air outside was chilly, the ground still muddy from the recent rains. But the library was toasty warm, and would feel even better with the company of friends.
Twilight Sparkle turned to the book resting on a coffee table: Ponyville, the Early Years. It was one of the first books she had read after deciding to stay in Ponyville, and she couldn't wait to hear her friends' thoughts on the writings of Bent Quill, particularly those friends with a long family history in the town. Almost instinctually, she picked up the book, her magical aura flipping to a favorite chapter.
The sound of the door opening interrupted Twilight Sparkle's reading. She looked and saw Rarity had arrived. The white unicorn looked stunning in a rich royal blue cloak, protecting her mane and coat from the wind outside. Rarity carefully hung up her cloak and took a seat.
Pinkie Pie followed, carrying a box of treats from Sugarcube Corner. As soon as she stepped into the library, Rainbow Dash flew in, coming to a stop as close to the fireplace as she could.
“Rainbow, dear, what did you do with the scarf I knitted for you?” Rarity asked.
“Ah, I'm too cool to wear that,” she replied.
“If you ask me, you look cold, not cool.”
Fluttershy was next to arrive, a pink scarf wrapped around her neck. “Thank you again, Rarity, for such a thoughtful gift,” she said. Fluttershy did look more comfortable after making her flight into town.
Finally, Applejack completed her journey from the farm. She looked down as she stomped her hooves, far harder than necessary to knock the mud off them. Twilight Sparkle looked at her friend with concern. “Is something wrong?” she asked.
“Sorry, Twi. It's just that darn insurance company. They're raising rates, and that's really going to hurt the farm next year.”
“I got a letter from them too, darling. I haven't opened it yet,” Rarity said. “Not something to look forward to, but it must be done.”
Twilight Sparkle nodded slowly. She turned her head inside the library. “Spike?” she called. “Didn't we get something in the mail from the insurance company today?”
“Check the basket by the door,” Spike replied from the kitchen.
Twilight Sparkle lifted a small pile of mail with her magic, isolating an envelope from the Royal Equestrian Insurance Company. “I'm sure it's not that bad,” she told Applejack, tearing open the envelope.
The unicorn's eyes moved back and forth as she read the letter. Five seconds later, they started twitching. The envelope slipped from her telekinetic grasp, fluttering to the ground. All her friends were watching her with great concern. Spike returned from the kitchen, and he too looked at Twilight Sparkle, worried.
Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in front of Twilight Sparkle. “Hello? You still there?” she wondered.
Twilight Sparkle didn't react to her friend's gesture, but she finally spoke. “Nine,” she uttered softly. “Nine... nine... nine...” she repeated.
“What, nine percent?” Rarity asked? “That's not too atrocious, darling. Why, quite a few of my fabrics have increased....”
“NINETY PERCENT!” Twilight Sparkle shouted, driving her friends back. “The insurance premium is going up ninety percent this year!”
Spike picked up the fallen letter. He read it, making a disgusted face as he read the bad news. “Wait!” he interjected. “'A rate hearing will be conducted to discuss the impact of these premium changes...'” he recited, before trailing off. “Twilight, we still have a chance to do something!”
At Spike's suggestion, Twilight Sparkle snapped out of her mood. She read the rest of the letter. “You're right, Spike. The hearing is two days from now, and we should all go, and fight for the citizens of Ponyville.”
“But I don't...” Fluttershy started.
“As the Elements of Harmony, we should fight for what's right,” Twilight Sparkle interrupted. “Sorry, girls. I'm going to have to cancel book club tonight. I've got a lot of reading to do.”
Disappointed, the other mares headed home.
Two days later, Twilight Sparkle led her friends to one of the many meeting chambers within Canterlot Castle. It looked nothing like the grand chamber where the royal sisters held court, nor the ballrooms where ponies mingled for the Grand Galloping Gala. The plain room featured rows of wooden benches on one side, with tables and chairs on the other side of a low barricade. Utilitarian magical lights illuminated the room. This kind of room could be found in any town hall in any city in Equestria.
The audience side of the chamber was mostly empty. Only a few elderly ponies, likely locals from their dress, sat in the benches. On the other side of the room, a few ponies were seated, none familiar to the residents of Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle guessed the older earth pony with a gavel cutie mark and wearing robes was the government official responsible for this hearing, and the younger unicorn off to the side, quill at the ready, was clearly the stenographer. That left the rest of the ponies as representatives of the Royal Equestrian Insurance Company. A middle aged unicorn stallion and two younger ponies sat behind stacks of papers, quietly conversing. Each wore business attire, but beyond that, none of these ponies stood out.
Soon, the government official banged his gavel. The few conversations in the room ceased. “This rate hearing is now in session. Mr. Measured Risk, please present your findings,” he called.
The unicorn adjusted his tie and magically lifted a single sheet of paper in front of him. “Thank, you, commissioner,” he started. “I will briefly summarize the details of the rate filing. Most regions will receive a rate increase in the five to eight percent range. The primary driver of the premium rate increase is the rise of the value of the property, accounting for three to six percentage points of this increase. Most sources of claim have fallen within the expected range. A slight rise in claims due to rogue magical phenomena has been observed across Equestria, and has been reflected in this rate filing. We have noted both an increase in frequency of claims, and an increase in difficulty of undoing the effects of this magic. The claims study of this risk factor and the actuarial model for this risk going forward is included in the supporting documentation.
“Certain regions are outliers to this overall trend. Recent claim experience and risk models have been provided to the Ministry of Insurance for these regions. At the request of the Ministry, we will file additional experience reports annually, and monitor the developments in these regions.”
Measured Risk lowered his paper to the table. The commissioner nodded slightly, and spoke. “Thank you. There will now be a time for public discussion of the proposed rates. If anypony wishes to address the Ministry, please step to the microphone in the center of the room. Be sure to state your name for the record.”
The local ponies in the room stayed seated. The Elements of Harmony whispered among themselves.
“We need to speak on behalf of the town,” Twilight Sparkle said.
“Not me!” Rainbow Dash stated. “I live in the clouds, so I have pegasus insurance. I don't know the first thing about ground insurance!”
“I'm sure the Cakes are worried, but I've never talked to them about those kinds of finances,” Pinkie Pie said.
“I'll speak,” Rarity said.
“No, Ah'll do it. Ah'll give them an honest piece of my mind,” Applejack stated. She stood up and walked to the microphone.
“Mr. Commissioner, sir, mah name is Applejack, of the Apple family. Ah recognize the value of an insurance policy. You never know when somethin' weird could find its way out of the Everfree and ruin the entire year's crop. And damages from more normal problems, like fire or wind, could take away our rainy day fund, and then some. It's just good sense to have insurance. Mah family has been policyholders since there first was a Ponyville. We saw the first bloomin' of the zap apples. But we ain't never seen nothin' like this rate increase before.”
As Applejack returned to rejoin her friends, Rarity stepped up to the microphone. “My name is Rarity. I am owner of the Carousel Boutique, and a policyholder ever since I started my business. With bolts of the finest fabrics and a sister who can burn water, I too recognized the value of insurance, to protect me from perils like fire or flood. I strive to be generous in all facets of my life, but after I learned from my friends about this terrible rate increase, words failed me. This rate increase is truly the worst... possible... thing.”
Rarity returned to the group. Twilight Sparkle looked to the microphone. With encouraging nods from Applejack and Rarity, Twilight Sparkle stepped forward to address the commissioner. She tapped the microphone with a hoof, to make sure it was on. After hearing the noise resound through the meeting room, she cleared her throat and began to speak. “Thank you, Commissioner. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I come to you today not as the student of Princess Celestia, nor as the bearer of the Element of Magic, nor as the savior of Equestria three times over. Rather, I come to you as a resident of the beautiful town of Ponyville. We are not some outlier, to be spoken of in impassive terms in a rate filing. We are a town with good ponies, decent ponies. When I saw the ninety percent rate increase, I knew I had to do anything I could to help my fellow citizens.
“I worked late into the night, studying Ponyville and its risks. Yes, there are dangers from being located near the Everfree Forest, but there are similar uncontrolled regions near dozens of cities. Yes, Ponyville is built near a gate to Tartarus, but there are two hundred and forty-seven identified planar gates scattered throughout Equestria.
“When parasprites threatened all of Ponyville, my good friend Pinkie Pie was there to lead them away. When Cerberus broke free from his planar realm, my good friend Fluttershy returned him to his rightful home. And when an Ursa Minor was lured into town, I returned him home safely. The ponies of Ponyville survived the return of Nightmare Moon and the machinations of Discord, but they cannot withstand this premium rate increase. Commissioner, the rate is too darn high!”
Twilight Sparkle stepped back from the microphone and glanced behind her. Her friends smiled, and then stomped their hooves in applause. She smiled, knowing the good deed she had done this day.
“Thank you for speaking, Miss Twilight Sparkle, everypony,” the commissioner said. “But the ninety percent rate increase for Ponyville will be approved by the Ministry.”
“What?” she cried, one eye twitching slightly.
“The situation in Ponyville is very unusual, and has dominated a good portion of the Ministry's time over the past year,” the commissioner explained. “I'll let Measured Risk explain further.”
“Thank you for addressing the hearing, Miss Sparkle, and thank you especially for trying to learn about risk management,” Measured Risk said. “I'll try to explain the reasons for the large Ponyville rate increase as best as I can.
“You are correct that portals to other planes exist across Equestria, Miss Sparkle,” Measured Risk said. “Most are inactive, and present a minimal risk, comparable to general magical phenomena. The appearance of a creature from Tartarus in Ponyville recently means the portal is active, so we need to reclassify the Ponyville portal from a class D planar risk to a class A risk. In this case, the actual damage, or lack thereof, due to this portal is not relevant to the risk it presents for the future.
“Ponyville has also experienced higher weather-related claims than most towns. For example, high winds have caused property damage, and curiously, Town Hall suffered significant damage due to lightning. The cause might be due to rogue weather coming from the uncontrolled Everfree Forest, or perhaps due to poor weather management from the local pegasi, but this trend is one our actuaries can't ignore.”
Rainbow Dash, who had been looking out the window, suddenly turned to face Measured Risk. “Hey!” she interjected.
Measured Risk shrugged and continued. “The biggest risk factor for the Ponyville region is claims due to supernatural creatures. While always a higher risk due to the town's position near the Everfree Forest, supernatural claims have risen considerably in recent months. Two dragon-related incidents and damage due to an Ursa Minor go far beyond the claims normally seen, from creatures such as timber wolves. But all these pale in comparison to the destruction due to the parasprite swarm.
“Parasprites are a rare but recognized risk,” Measured Risk explained. “In each past incident, claims have been limited to crops and a small number of businesses, like restaurants and florists. However, in Ponyville last year, parasprites exhibited a never before seen destructive nature, destroying plants and inanimate objects alike. Almost every pony in Ponyville filed a claim. Paying these claims required dipping into surplus, and the Ministry of Insurance has been monitoring the company since then, to make sure the company's financial strength is sufficient to protect all insureds. To the Royal Equestrian Insurance Company, these parasprites weren't a lesson in listening to one's friends, but rather a threat to the continuing financial security of thousands of Equestrians.”
“Thank you,” the commissioner said. “Does anypony else wish to address the Ministry?”
Twilight Sparkle turned to her companions. “We've got to do something!” She searched for an answer, finally finding one in her quiet friend. “Fluttershy! You've got to talk to them!” she urged.
“Me? But I don't...” Fluttershy started.
“Fluttershy, you've faced down a dragon when it meant helping your friends. You can do this!”
“But I...” she protested in vain as Twilight Sparkle pushed her to the microphone.
Fluttershy glanced back, Twilight Sparkle nodding approvingly. She turned to face the commissioner. “My name is Flut... Fluttershy,” she said quietly. “Um, I'm not actually a policyholder. You see, I live at the edge of the Everfree Forest, so you won't insure me. And I understand. I live too far away for the fireponies to reach me, and even a fast weather pony might not be able to bring an emergency rain cloud in time. But I choose to live there to better help my animal friends.
“As for this rate increase, I feel really bad for the ponies that have to pay it, but I understand why you're doing it. And it just wouldn't be fair the ponies living in nice, safe towns like Fillydelphia and Baltimare to pay more when it's Ponyville that's so unsafe.” Fluttershy looked away, and quietly stepped back.
“That was unexpected,” Measured Risk said, chuckling. “You've made my day, Miss Fluttershy. It's not often I hear such kind and understanding words at a rate hearing, especially when I bear such bad news.” He paused. “It gives me no joy to ask the commissioner to approve such a large rate increase. Nor does it make me happy knowing that good ponies will have to pay these rates. But it's simply fact that claims in Ponyville have risen sharply, a trend which began two years ago.” He thought for a moment. “It started right around the Summer Sun Festival.”
All the other ponies from Ponyville turned and stared at Twilight Sparkle.
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You just can't sell insurance to the residents of a town that can get destroyed anytime the staff writers want a new conflict.
And "Acts of Discord" are a standard exclusion on all Equestrian insurance policies.
hehe
My own insurance has doubled (!) in the past two years, so I know how this goes. And I don't even carry a Derpy rider.
Your using proper english language book style formating. That is annoying to read on laptop screens. Try and double space.
All the other ponies from Ponyville turned and stared at Twilight Sparkle.
Balls. RUN TWILIGHT RUN!
Oops....
why complete why why?
This is funnier than it has any right to be. Well done.
Hilarious.
Uh-oh...Looks like Twilight's got some bad hoodoo on her...
1582713 That's the problem when you're the protagonist, commanding awesome magic, and with the tendency to occasionally go crazy.
Also: Great story
I'd expect the town to be insured against wild animal attacks, considering how close they live to the Everfree.
1584394
Like the guy said, there's a difference between Timber wolves, which is what the insurance is meant to cover damages by, and giant building sized bears made of stars.
Go Flutters!
I have to agree with the insurance agent. The Mane6 and Ponyville are bad risks. Like building on a flood plain. Except with monsters.
1584491 That's a good point but let's not forget that the Ursa was deliberatley drawn into the town by snips and snails. There's certianly a case to sue the pair (or at least their parents) for the damage that arose out of the Ursa attack.
1587431 I hope their parents have an umbrella policy with significant liability coverage!
1587431
Now that I think about it, I wonder if Trixie was insured?
1587847
Doubt it. As a traveling magician, a home would be money spent on unused building. Plus, we have not seen any other traveling showponies, she may be the only one so there most likely isn't stage-coach (pun intended) insurance... Even if there is, Ursas are apparently not covered.
. Trixie had the perfect plan for minimizing her work by boasting, posting challenge to hecklers, embarrass hecklers, everypony is entertained, hecklers have egos bruised, Trixie gets to be lazy. And she is fairly powerful 
(need better Trixie emoticons, so you get a Pinkie. JUST DEAL, ME.), anything smaller would have been fried by the cloud she made (which was big). All in all, I hope Trixie returns in canon. If not, I give her my sympathies.
Yes, you three should feel bad that you think she deserved having everything she owned destroyed
1698348
I certainly didn't think she deserved having her house destroyed. Personally, I think that the jerk level antagonists get waaaaaaay too much flack. Trixie and Gilda got disproportionate retribution in-universe, and Blueblood and the Flim-Flam Brothers seem to be subject to too many fics with stupidly over the top cruel psycho punishments considering their crimes.
1698392
That's what I'm saying! Gilda was just a jerkass, the worst thing she had done being taking an apple or yelling at Fluttershy, depending on your view, and the thing that happened was she yelled at Pinkie because she thought the parade o' pranks that they forced her through and said was just coincidence was Pinkie's fault and got rightfuly pissed, so she loses her only friend according to all fandom, Trixie had her thing I described, and the Flim Flam brothers had a legitimate product, just no business plan that was sane, and were dicks about it, so they deserved the shooing but nothing worse. The fandom is either indifferent or extreme, few are proportionate! And Diamond Dogs are just dumb; they would have had most of the gems if they just didn't try to enslave Rarity and gave her a portion for her work.
Also, Sombra wasn't completely crystallized before being shattered. Let that sink in for a bit.
1700935
Eh, Sombra kind of deserved that. He was planning on essentially working an entire nation of innocent ponies to death for... nebulous reasons.
Sombra isn't quite on the same level as "douchebag, but not actually evil when you think about it" antagonists like Blueblood, Trixie, etc.
Overall, a lot of the fandom seems to be "love and tolerate everyone, except anyone who is anything less than perfect. Those can burn in Tartaurus."
1701229
I hate that pary of the fandom. The Princesses themselves have flaws. And the princesses were more thorough with Sombra than with Discord for a reason. Blueblood is a dick for no reason other than he has status, even though the princesses themselves are very humble. He deservers fists to the face.
Also, I am thinking of a Black Ops 2 crossover fic, would you mind reviewing the first chapter once I make it? If I am lucky, it will be out by the end of the day. The premise is that a mercenary group was hired to get the Celerium drive and arrived before Section, and the drive gets shot with an explosive flechette and causes an odd effect with the mostly unknown element, my merc is in Equestria, in Canterlot Castle, the guards react in fear to big thing with strange weapons, more happens.
And your icon pic thing looks like it is eating that armor bit thing.
1701557
Eh, Blueblood derserves a good punch, but I've seen people proclaim in that he literally deserves to die. In "The Return of Princess Nightmare Moon" for example, which a large part of includes Blueblood bettering himself, he literally gets eaten alive in one chapter. He was saved the very next chapter, but there were people in the comments hoping that he stayed eaten and got digested. Because, you know, death by digestion is totally an appropriate punishment for being a jerkass.
And, I'm sorry, but I've never actually played any of the Blackops games. I tend to not read crossovers unless I know both of the series involved. I'll give it a shot though, see how it holds up.
He isn't eating it, it just happens to be covering his mouth.
1701764
I know about the armor thing. And sorry, the Black Ops crossover got started, but will be worked on tomorrow due to Fallout: Pony Land! (yes, that is it's name, and it is hilarious). Celestia help me, I have a few fics I am working on that I started concept buy never got through with the first chapter enough to gauge people's reactions.
Examples include, but are not limited to: A blind filly moving to Ponyville, royal guard dating Trixie and guarding Gilda who is a princess to a griffin tribe, and an ADD addled mare who's father is the leader of a crime family (which she is not involved with, but police stalk her for said connection in hopes of getting said parent) who has a griffin friend who isn't Gilda who both of them have crushes on each other but don't realize it because they have never had a crush in their life. *DEEP BREATH!!*
Oh, come now, it most certainly is _not_ all Twilight's fault!
Why, I bet if it weren't for the ... one or two times that Twilight may or may not have caused widespread destruction throughout the entire town, the CMC would be the leading cause of premium increases in Ponyville.
And let's not forget all the severe maintenance issues Twilight fixed when she created that time loop. Honestly, if it weren't for Twilight, the insurance would be _much_ higher... as would the water level.
So... all attempts by the protagonists to solve the sole conflict of the story fail completely and even backfire on them? That's the story?
4154850 It's a juxtaposition of the magical world of ponies and the utterly mundane world of real life. If the kind of things that happened in the show were to happen in the real world, there would be big problems, problems that no application of the Elements of Harmony could solve.
4155281 Well, yes. Obviously. It must then surely follow that these problems are insoluble. Wait a second....
I mean, don't get me wrong; sometimes they are insoluble, or at least unsolved, but stories about how someone realized their best efforts were all in vain are not, generally speaking, tremendously uplifting. And if there is truly nothing else to the story than "yup, this bad thing happened and no solution was found", not even a lesson on just how bad that thing is (and rising insurance rates are not something that need such a lesson), then that's just so many wasted words.
Ideally, stories should be fun and mean something. This story isn't fun, to me at least, nor does it mean much, so that's 0/2.
Now, if the story resolved with e.g. a herculean effort from Twilight and co managing to in fact reduce the rate increase (and clear her name) against all odds, that would be fun, even if it was still a +21% deal or the like; if it did so through the application of pretty much anything other than "OP magic" or fiat, such as good hard work, an genuine epiphany, or what have you, it would also mean something. But as it is, it's basically a Shaggy Dog, ending slightly worse than it started for all involved.
Reading this I had a sudden, inexplicable fear that he was going to drop them all XD.
Glad he didn't ^^. It's nice to see Spike doing things he takes pride in!
I can't help but think, "Wait until you find out how much they've actually read Twi ^^"
Well, I expected this to be a short, funny crackfic.
It was short and funny, but to my surprise it also had an interesting, and insightful premise!
Thank you for this well-written piece of fiction :).