It is the night of Fluttershy and Blueblood's wedding. Of course, in the land of matriarchs, one can only how exciting it is share love between an Element and a Prince.
It would be very exciting if one could remove Blueblood's socially-crippling fear of mares.
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Ok... Blueblood and Fluttershy... not a paring I would have picked, but seeing his apparent issues with mare I guess he needs somepony as kind and gentle as her and not somepony who would give him a swift buck in the flank like Applejack. So I guess I will have to keep an eye on this one.
1556102
Yeah, I figured they would pander to each other's interests/needs better than anyone else. Plus they could wear haute threads together or somethin'.
But, I'm glad I managed to pique your interest.
1556268
I guess it depends on your characterization of Blueblood, though having him clueless around mares is a fairly common one. Let see...I've seen him with Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Ditzy, and I think Daring but this is the first time I've seen him with Fluttershy.
I'm curious to see where this goes; it reminds me a little bit of the romance novels I used to read all the time, where one partner is frightened and broken and there's a marriage of convenience and then they wind up healing each other, etc.
1557123
GASP. YOU HATH DISCOVERED MINE FORMULA.
... define /healing/. Because, uh, I've been told my idea of "fixing" fictional characters makes everything x10 worse.
1558513
Isn't that standard procedure for any romance story?
1558540
Er, making things worse or the formula? Because somehow both happen with fanfiction, though at different ratios for different stories~.
1558565
I meant the things getting worse part. I've read a lot of published romance novels in my day and that always happens! There's gotta be some sort of misunderstanding and angst before the happily ever after.
1558642
YEAAAAAH~ That's prolly going to be the only real angst chapter. Now misunderstandings I can get behind. I've never been really into the romance genre (mostly because they over describe the appearances and I'm like NO, NO, TELL ME YOUR FEEEEEELINGS), but it's nice to see my assumptions verified through your comments.
1558740
Clearly, you have not read the right kind of romance if there was not pages upon pages of prose about THE FEELS
1558753
Obviously. I kind of get into a library and I'm overwhelmed. "SUCH MUCH GLORIOUS READING. UH UH UH UH YES LET'S READ THIS ONE. NO, THIS ONE. aw screw it i'll find a sociology book because /easily understood/"
...
I don't count "AND HE WAS BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE X" as a feeling.
... well, it could be lust. Yes, definitely lust. Can lust not be a feeling, like celebrities technically aren't people and therefore don't require privacy?
Hm. Too sexist for my liking.
1561315
It's AU for a reason. But I would be disturbed if the sexism from any direction was to your liking.
1561598
Will it get better or are you writing sexist fanfic for some reason?
1561605
Mm... a little bit of both. Most monachies have favored one gender over another so I ran with that. However, as I hope future slices of this fic will reveal, it's (sexism) not widely accepted by progessive ponies. Think of it the same way that older people and "traditional" families believe a woman belongs in the home and the man should be a pervy workaholic.
1561746
Okay, I'll follow for now and see where this is going. thanks.
Reads first sentence of description
.
Blueblood must be like Raj from the Big Bang Theory. He has to drink in order to talk to girls.
Reads second sentence of description
Reads third sentence of description
1556324 He's also been with Trixie
. Take my fanfics for example.
1558642 I HATE romance stories with misunderstandings and angst. Why the heck does love have to be tested like that?
1566747
Because there'd be no story otherwise?
1561746 England is ruled by a queen. You don't see them acting like females are supeior to males.
1566902
England has also had males rule as well, and even despite have a tradition of strong Queens there was still sexism.
1566902
Alright, Celestia's Paladin already cleared this up, but I. RAN. WITH. IT.
That means there will be feudal ideas and concepts but not exact references to any one system. I'm also clearing this up for any other commentors/questions/etc. Though I do apreciate that people are poking for holes. Otherwise I'd worry my story was so awful no one would want to even review it. c;
Interesting, very interesting!
There's a lot of unusual/uncommon character combinations here. Vinyl being a noble, related to Blueblood, and -from what we're being told - not necessarily a particularly likeable character? That's a first, at least for me! And that's just one example. Points for originality go to you.
Fluttershy&Blueblood have an interesting dynamic; especially so since they could have some traits in common (a rather cowardly nature, for one), as you've emphasised.
I don't quite understand why you've gotten such a poor rating, though, but I have my suspicions. First off, there are some (actually very few!) mistakes, such as this:
"He held it in front of him, warning Fluttershy not to draw one in closer."
Unfortunately, that one is shortly after the beginning, and despite the fact that it's one of the very few found in your work, it's probably going to sour a few folks.
There's the issue of the (rather sexist) views of many characters. Others have already commented on that, but let me assure you, not everyone thinks that's a problem; else Xenophilia would've generated a lot more ire.
On the contrary, I want to know more about how this society orders itself! An enduring female chauvinism appears somewhat believable, considering the fact that Equestria is ruled by two sisters who are, at least to a regular pony, functionally immortal; and despite the fact that Celestia probably couldn't care less about the gender of an individual herself.
The ancient unicorn kingdom had a king, but, according to the Hearth' s Warming Eve play, sent his daughter to wrap up negotiations. The other leaders are kept gender-neutral at best. Even if it was originally a prince that founded shortlived Unicornia: The play says it's a princess now, whether accurately or because of expected gender roles.
There's so much more that could be explored in some more detail. For instance: Was Shining Armor promoted to Captain of the Guard for his leadership abilities, or "merely" because he can create and maintain a forcefield the size of a city, apparently up to and including while he's asleep? (I.e. raw talent that's difficult to sweep under a rug). Still, the sexism issue might rub some readers the wrong way. I'd suggest you flesh it out some more, but... Well, that's what I'd suggest for everything in your story. Did I mention yet I'd really like to read more of it?
Lastly, there's probably simply the fact that most fans find Blueblood's mere presence offensive. Doubly so if he's not relegated to villain, horribly mistreated, or both. Some stories have pulled off a sympathic Blueblood, but it's an uphill battle.
In any case, I think I've cluttered your comments box enough for now. Don't get discouraged, and remember: You have at least some readers who are eager for more.
1595877
Uwah~! First off, let me say I'm thankful for your large, insightful review~! I crave this kind of feedback!
Yes, I must admit my speedy/sloppy writing combined with my poor reviewing skills leave a particular sense of lack in my writing. (Though, it's always harder to edit your own work because you /knew/ what you meant, isn't it?) Thank you for pointing out that tidbit, though~!
I'm actually aching to flesh out my vision of Equestria for this particular story, but I'm having trouble figuring out ways for doing so without just padding the story. Any suggestions (and this goes for anyone who reads or just wants to comment on this story) about how to expand without just spieling would be most welcome and met with a grin as big as Pinkie's.
Ah, don't worry about me being discouraged, though. I haven't written lately due to school (THE. CLOCK. IS. TICKING~!). Trust me, if I was in the fanfiction buisness for approval, I would have written AppleDash: The Treetop Romps or such. Once again, thank you for your review.
Wait... Fleur is Celestia's grand-daughter? Well... not the strangest thing I've read, that would be that she is her daughter and Fancy is her father. Pretty good chapter, I was a bit worried about how you will characterize Celestia, but I was wrong you did good, she does care about her family. Which is to me one of her defining characteristics.
1611305
FAMILIAL-FEELS CELESTIA IS BEST CELESTIA.
always
1611499
*raises finger, opens mouth then closes it* I don't think I can easily argue with that, though I'm more partial to badass Celestia myself.