The Psychopath Interviews

by The Psychopath

Blueberry Bugs

Kryostase belongs to Kryostasis

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The Changeling Hive was a great mystery, shrouded in legend. Not many creatures were lucky enough to get inside, let alone be let out again once they'd found themselves to be in this strange and ever-changing place of mystery. Some things were known about the inhabitants: Pony-like beings that were love-eating parasites, led by their beloved Queen and mother. They had a caste system, where there were simple drones, soldiers, and royal Changelings that were called princes or princesses. One such prince was roaming around in the vast tunnels of his beloved hive, making his way through the caverns, the small chambers and channels that were connecting everything in some sort of labyrinth where only his kind knew the ways through. This prince, named Kryostase, went on his merry way as he was inspecting the different sectors of the Hive. One could say that he was an overseer, or a 'mod' if one were to go with the more modern terms. Being his Queen's right hoof, looking through every chamber and tunnel in his assigned sector, he was a very busy Changeling. He was always on the run, taking mental notes, and organizing the drones and soldiers where he thought they'd be needed the most.

As the prince went about his daily routine his shoulder-long, blue mane was wavering every now and then, and the same could be said for his tail. His lithe body, being slightly larger than that of a soldier’s or a drone, was adorned with a larger pair of wings than most changelings. His insectoid and ice-blue eyes were staring up and down the columns of several different pillars that were holding the structure aloft. Grinning lightly his fangs were glistening in the sparse light that was emanated through some crystals in the cave system. And in that very same light one could almost overlook those faint scars that were showing over his left eye.

“You taped these on?” asked a voice.

Kryostase could visibly feel something being pulled off of his face.

He turned towards the voice of… Where was it coming from though? For a moment he wondered, did the Hivemind communicate with him? Then he shook his head, getting rid of the silly thought. Yet as soon as he felt something being pulled off…"What's going on?!" He yelled at nothing in particular as he was putting a hoof over his closed left eye, all the while he was feeling the pulling.

“Dingle dangle,” the voice added. There was an elongated tearing sound, as though an adhesive had finally lost its grip on its resting surface.

The voice revealed itself to be a pony of an extravagantly colorful appearance, somehow still well visible in the dark. He was holding one of Kryostase’s scars in his hoof and looking it over very pensively.

The Changeling's horn lit up in a blue aura, illuminating the darker parts of the little chamber he had found himself in. "Show yourself!" He bellowed out before he finally saw the creature that had been toying with him.

As the light of the horn became brighter he then shot a beam of magic right at the pony in question, "What have you done?! Who even are you?" he stepped a little closer, trying to get a better view of his visitor.

Kryostasis was booped when he got ‘too close’, and his mane, tail, wings, and eyes lit up like bright lights, illuminating the murky cavern and fully revealing the colorful pony that was teasing him. The intruder’s massive grin did not go unnoticed.

The stallion waved his foreleg wildly in the air, the movements actually detaching and reattaching his limb as though it were a pendulum hanging by the hood. “Hello!” he greeted cheerfully.

The prince, upon getting booped, had to scrunch his snout. After that he began to hiss, and generally screeched as soon as he saw himself illuminating the cave just because he got booped by that…Thing.

"What in the queen's name are you?!" He asked with a commanding tone one final time before he simply squinted, taking a step back all the while he stared into those rotating eyes of the stallion before him. "He-hello." He flatly said as he was in a defensive pose, just staring at him.

“I am me, and you are a bug.” The stallion flinched. “A big bug. Gonna need the big sugar cube for this one.” He took his tophat off, revealing the clip off corner and hollowness, but still the stallion went digging. He pulled out a giant watermelon, then a crayon, then his own head. “Oops. Went too far,” he laughed. “You must be called…” The stallion took a long look and started to focus so much his eyes grew wide and his head began to vibrate violently. “Blueberry Soda!” he shouted in sudden epiphany. Glasses popped up on his muzzle from nowhere. “Obviously, you’re made of the stuff,” he stated smugly whilst adjusting said glasses.

"I'm a Changeling!" He corrected, yelling at him once more before he tried to catch his cool again. Then he sighed a little and shook his head. "You're not… Discord. Your magic shouldn't work within here… Who and what are you?" He asked, this time in a calm and more intrigued tone as he watched him literally pull his own head out. And for the faintest moment he had to snicker.

Listening to him in anticipation he then waited for the stallion to say his name. "It's not Blueberry Soda. I'm Kryostase." the prince said in an almost neutral tone, looking at the silly creature before him as he looked at his newly created glasses. "Peculiar…"

The stallion gasped in disgust. “Sir, I am not Discord, because discord is chaos and chaos is inferior to Illogic!”

A second identical stallion wearing a suit, a monocle, and sporting a combed back mane appeared, pulled a glove off of his hoof, and slapped the changeling with it. “I never!” he gasped.

“I sometimes,” the first one said in the same tone of voice. When Kryostase blinked, the second stallion had vanished, leaving the first behind, now smiling widely once again. The colorful pony chuckled. “I don’t use magic, silly. That’s ridiculous.” He tapped his forehead with a rock. “No horn.” The rock turned into a glass mug, and the stallion glided across the floor to the changeling and grabbed his mane with both hooves whilst the mug floated in place. “How can you not be made of blueberry soda when I can do this. He wringed Kryostase’s mane, and a fizzy blue drink poured out of it and into the mug. “Want some?” he offered.

“Illogic- Ow!” he hissed at the two stallions once he got slapped with the glove, only to suddenly see the first stallion alone in the room with him again. He then tilted his head a little to the side, staring daggers at this character before Kryostase then watched him tap his forehead. “Not a unicorn...noted.” he calmly responded, trying to find a logical solution to what was going on. Not a moment later did he then try to move away, his wings buzzing for a moment as he watched in shock how the creature just glided without any forewarning. In disbelief he continued to stare at the glass as it was being filled with the soft drink, “This is all a dream, isn’t it?” he asked before he slapped himself in the face. “Okay!...No dream!”

“You shouldn’t do that, dearie,” the stallion said as he held Kryostase’s foreleg down. The stallion now looked like a pudgy grandmother wearing a nurse’s gown. “Let The Psychopath help you with that,” he said kindly. He leaned next to Kryostase’s right ear. “This isn’t a dream, or you would have a colorful stallion dressed as an elderly nurse talking to you in your left ear,” Psycho whispered.

Kryo was blinking. And then he blinked for a second time. Again and again, as he tried to comprehend what in Tartarus was going on. Until he then slowly breathed in and out again, calming himself a little bit, “So...you’re real. And you’re referring to yourself as ‘Psychopath’?” he asked, tilting his head once more. “Now then, why are you even here?” he wondered, raising his eyebrow as he then stared at the dressed up creature.

Psycho had turned into a tiny colt and kicked a rock. “I thought you were going to wonder how I got into here without being noticed in the first place,” he pouted. He melted into jelly and reappeared on top of the changeling’s head. “I’m bored and I’m interviewing people for no reason at all!” he laughed maniacally.

“Well, I was wondering that very same thing as well. But with you being able to do all the stuff you just did and-” he then abruptly paused, staring at him forming and reforming himself before he then stared upwards over his head to see a tiny version of the colorful stallion, “Also, what’s a ‘people’?” he wondered, only having heard of ponies, gryphons and the like. And at one point he then slowly sat down, and tried to use a hoof to catch the miniature-version of Psycho.

The changeling managed to catch the tiny Psycho, but upon contact discovered it was just an origami construct. Psycho popped out behind one of the stalagmites looking like a disheveled old stallion. “All you young’ns. Always chasin’ after origami. Back in my day we chased after chewed paper, and we appreciated the moisture!” He pulled a bucket from his hat and doused himself in water, rejuvenating his form. “A people is a word, thtupid! Gah!” His false exasperation disappeared as soon as he stepped next to a wall. “I got through by swimming! And then I found you, and then I thought ‘he looks pretty colorful’ and dropped by.”

“Gotcha!” he said, before he opened his hooves up. Staring down at the origami, then to the elderly pony he just threw the origami away, simply staring and trying to understand what he was doing other than doing what he was doing because he could do what he did.
After a couple of seconds of an awkward silence he then softly asked, “So...wait, swimming? Where did you swim through? There’s no river flowing through here.” he squinted a little at the stallion.

Psycho waved his hoof. “Pffff. You swim through rock. Like this!” The stallion dove sideways into the stone wall, creating a splash and undulations in the surface. It didn’t take long for him to reappear on the ceiling performing the butterfly.

“What on Equestria’s soil... “ he then paused once more and just stared up at him in shock and awe, “You told me that you’re interviewing creatures for no reason, right? Now, what do you want to interview me for? Do you have any questions?” he asked, thinking that when he would ask Psycho, making him feel like he’d be intrigued, the creature would soon leave his hive again.

A ‘door’ in the stone surface opposite to Kryostase appeared, and the colorful stallion came out covered in soot and wearing a miner’s helmet under his tophat. “Reckon ah can do that.” He rushed towards the changeling so fast that the soot remained in place behind him with the miner’s helmet. Psycho started booping the blue changeling with a mix, seemingly entranced by the action. “I just like to ask questions, like why a changeling like you is so colorful. You look like the ones living with ponies that look like they swam in paint. He looked to the side pensively, briefly stopping his booping. “Or ate some, and you know what they say: You become what you eat!” He pulled out a glob of orange, yellow, and pink ice cream from his hat and shoved it down his throat.

Watching him in slight amusement he then smirked a little. And as he got booped repeatedly by the stallion he then sighed, trying his best to move his head to the side so that the pony wouldn’t be able to reach him. “It’s my personal choice to actually look the way I do. For some reason, the drones and soldiers don’t express themselves in the way that the royals do. While they do have their own personalities, we also show our uniqueness in some way. In this case, my mane and tail coloration, to name a few differences.” he replied, simply shaking his head as he watched the stallion devour the ice cream in one heavy gulp. “Don’t you ponies get brain freeze from that?” he asked in return, raising an eyebrow for a moment. “And I look like...what colorful ones? Oh, you mean those other changelings, led by Thorax? Or...am I not seeing the greater picture here?”

“So that’s what his name is. I just call him a tropical deer,” Psycho said absentmindedly. “And what royals? You have bugs like Tia-Tia and Woona here too?”

“Tia-Tia? Woona?” he tilted his head a little bit to the side, “What do you mean? Can you describe what they...wait, do you mean Celestia and Luna?” the changeling questioned furthermore, raising his eyebrow.

“Yes,” Psycho answered with a bigger smile. “I’m their foal sitter. They’re still so tiny,” he lamented. “But they’ll get bigger one day and do great things, I’m sure of it.”

"You're… Their foalsitter? You… How old are you?" He asked both in shock and interest all the while he stared at him, wide-eyed. "The princesses of the sun and moon are thousands of years old, Psycho. The only creature with similar traits that comes to my mind is our mother and queen, Chrysalis. She has the strength to rival them both." Kryo said with a bit of pride in his voice as he smiled at the stallion.

“Pffff, no they aren’t.” The stallion’s dismissive exhale blew a wing strong enough that it pushed Kryostase back a bit, tearing a rivet in the stone floor from him standing his ground. “They’re foals.” He sat on his haunches and gestured sizes with his two hooves. “Woona is itty bitty, like this changeling worm.” He held a teeny, angry changeling larva that was hissing and spitting everywhere. Where did he get it? Well, he- “And Tia-Tia is slightly bigger.” The stallion dropped the larva gently onto the floor then started slamming a long stick against a chalkboard with a bunch of questions written on it. He was now sporting a mustache so big it covered his face and almost all of the suit he was wearing. “You didn’t anzwer mine question, Blueberry Soda!”

The prince tried to stand his ground while he felt that wind blowing against his body. He closed his eyes and waited until it was over again, and right when he did so his left eye twitched a little at what he saw. "Where did you get that hatchling from?" He asked in a very, very quiet tone, and in an instant the Changeling levitated the young one towards him. Holding the larva gently in his right hoof he then sighed a little and shook his head again. "It's Kryostase. I'm a prince, and part of the royal caste in the Hive. Chrysalis is our queen." He explained in a calm tone all the while he checked the hatchling for any injuries.

Psycho hummed pensively. The blackboard grew arms and imitated the pony, its body shifting in a manner that caused indents on its surface to take on a vaguely ‘face-like’ shape. “Hmmm. I think I remember her. She tried to hurt the foals I’m watching, so I shrunk her into a foal then batted her outta there!”

Kryo's eyes went wide at the news he just heard. The things that happened in front of him were one thing, but listening to Psycho's explanation he then glared daggers at the stallion once more "Where is our Queen?" he asked with a surprisingly soft and calm voice all the while his body began to shiver. "Tell me where she is. What. Have. You. Done. To. Her?" He asked, slowly stepping closer to the illogical creature, the blood within his system seemingly boiling as his face became a bright shade of green.

The stallion poofed into pink, glittering dust, and his voice started echoing throughout the chamber. “Somewhere, beyond the sea, somewhere, hidden in the treeeees!” he sang. “I’m watching her right now!” His words started to slur like he was drunk. “She’s in good pizzas mister cheese.”

Kryo then quickly went out of the room in order to bring the hatchling to one of the drones in order to bring it back to its place. Returning and closing the door behind him again the prince's eyes began to glow brightly, and his voice was cracking every now and then, indicating that slowly but surely he was losing his nerves "Bring her back… This instant! She's our leader! We need her!" He yelled in a commanding tone once more as his left eye kept on twitching.

Movement attracted Kryostase’s attention, the source being a chalk drawing moving on the walls. The Psycho drawing had taken the appearance of a boxer with a fluffy mustache. “You’ll have to fight me for it!”

"Then how do I fight you if you keep hiding in the walls and such?!" He yelled in aggravation as he stared up at the drawing while his horn was glowing brightly.

“I’m not in the wall. I’m on the wall? Duh?” Psycho pulled a bike out of his mouth and started biking along the walls. “WHat about the other hives of cheese ponies? Ever seen them before?” he asked.

"I don't know of anyone else but us!" He then tried to catch Psycho by using his magic, pulling him down from the bike all the while he swiftly flew at him.

The stallion opened the seat of his chalk bike and dove inside. He rose from a puddle of dripping water on the floor, looking like a sea pony. “There’s certainly more than just one group of you cheese bugs.” He took on an extremely pensive look, sitting on a large stone with his head resting on his foreleg and the other using a changeling larva to dab the sweat off of his brow. “Did you try looking harder?”

Kryo then tried his very best to just leap at the stallion, the prince now utterly enraged all the while he tried to catch the hatchling. He didn't yell or hiss, as the only thing he now did was to fight and catch Psycho, or at least he tried to do such a feat.

“I’m sure there are others just like there are plenty of other ponies around the world,” Psycho continued without moving from spot. He wiped the sweat off of the first grub with a second that he pulled out of his hat.

As the stallion kept on talking and standing there in the place, Kryo then quickly went on to finally catch him all the while he enveloped him in his blue, magical aura. "Even if there are others, I don't care about them right now. Who I care about is my queen, and the young ones you're mistreating! What kind of foalsitter are you, damnit?!" He asked with anger in his voice, levitating the young ones a couple of meters away, to a safe spot. "Tell me where she is!" He shouted, staring into Psycho's eyes as he held him in a tight grip.

Psycho’s eye spirals spun around and his smile didn’t fade. “Who said they were your young ones?”

The larvae Psycho had been messing with were plushies. Looking back to him, the pony had started stroking very thin mustaches that had grown on his face and began laughing mischievously.

“I have bamboozled you! T’was all a ruse! Muahahaha”

As Kryo turned his back towards the grubs, he tried to make sure they were actually just plushies. And once he saw that they really were what Psycho told him he then let out a deep sigh, being at least a little calmer. Still, one question remained, "Alright, you said the truth about the plush toys… But still, where is Chrysalis? Tell me, please." He asked, more desperate than angered.

Still holding him close, not letting the pony go as he averted his gaze. Those spirals could make someone very dizzy

The stallion grabbed Kryo and held him under a foreleg while gesturing to an invisible open sky with the free one. He was somehow still staying upright despite not standing with either foreleg. “I told you: She’s somewhere beyond the sea.”

"Then bring her back!...please." he snarled for a bit, then folded his ears against his head as he was trying to free himself from the stallion's leg.

The colorful stallion started digging into his hat and put out a giant, life size plushie of Chrysalis and shoved it against Kryo. “There you go.”

"You know exactly that a plush toy isn't the same." He replied, booping the stallion in a continuous motion all the while he put the plushie near the other two. "I miss her." He said, nay, whispered before he quietly sighed for a second. "Well then, it's a lost cause, isn't it? She's gone until you say otherwise, right?"

Psycho gasped, insulted. “Of course it is, look!” The Chrysalis plushing was looking angry and silently waving her legs in the air and yelling silently. “See? Same thing. They’re both obnoxious, angry, like to yell, and are very spindly like cotton candy.”

Despite the situation being a pain in the bug, Kryo couldn't help himself but smirk and actually chuckle for a moment. "You do a good impression of her. But that's just one of her sides, y'know?" he then paused for a moment and sat down on the floor "Did you turn her into a filly in order to teach her some manners?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

A giant soap bottle was swinging on the ceiling blowing bubbles from its open top. Psycho appeared on its surface. “Maybe.”

"So it's a yes." Kryo noted to himself. "Do I have your word that she won't be harmed? Since she's a filly now, she's in your care how. To a degree." He explained and smiled a little, looking upwards as he booped the Psycho with his magic.

The bottle and bubbles exploded into a shower of pies that plastered everything around them.

“I’m watching her.” He hiccuped. “What if the Illogic had its own hive? Hmmmmm.”

The Changeling foresaw something bad going to happen and thus he created a barrier with his magic, smirking upwards "And if the illogic had a Hive… Would there be any order? The Hive itself would transform and shift around constantly. Without any reason." He tried to explain, thinking about such a scenario. "What even is the illogic?"

“Illogic is Illogic, obviously.” Psycho scoffed. “Even Woona knows that.”

"Well… Imagine if I were to be a foal. Tell me what illogic is." He responded, shrugging for a moment.

“It is Illogic,” Psycho repeated. “And Illogic is superior to chaos!” he cheered.

Kryo booped the stallion, chuckling a little as he tried to make the best impression of an impatient colt "C'mon, tell me!" He then jumped in the air, booping him again.

Psycho dissipated then reappeared out of Kryo’s mane. “You’d have to pay with your sanity,” Psycho mused. “At least that’s what the others say.”

“The others? You mean the others who ventured into the illogic?” he asked furthermore, tilting his head a little bit, looking upwards before he then shrugged once again, “If I have to pay with my sanity then I’d rather not know.” he stated calmly. “So!” he booped the tiny stallion in his mane, “Are there any more questions you’d like to know? I mean, I got a couple of ‘em, but I suppose getting an answer is a problem.”

The stallion imploded from the boop, leaving ducks behind. He was quick to reappear on the side of a stalactite, thinking once again. Psycho’s pensiveness became so intense that the caves started to twist and bend and expand and construct and tremble violently. “What do you do?”

Kryo watched the implosion. Or rather, felt the suction of said implosive encounter as he looked upwards. Then turning towards the stalactite he grinned a little, right before he watched what was going on around him, “Please don’t destroy the interior.” he stated flatly before the prince then continued onwards, “I’m an overseer, for the most part. I have my sector in the hive that I observe and mend to, including the changelings that live and work within.” he responded with a faint smile.

“Make a new queen then,” Psycho said matter-of-factly. “A replacement for da tribe!” He acquired broken glasses held together by tape and large upper teeth. “Or at least the secretary of it,” he snorted.

“Erm...we’re not abandoning our mother.” he said, a slight bit aggravated before he calmed himself once more, “And we, the princes and princesses of the Hive are like its ‘secretary’. We keep it running while she’s gone.”

“So you jog a lot,” Psycho nodded. “I suppose each team sports different colors.” Psycho poked the changeling. “You must be the blueberry team.”

“One could actually say that, yeah. Even though I’m not related to blueberries I have this blue coloration. One of my sisters has a more greenish color, other royals have different colors again. And yes. I jog a very. Damn. Lot. I should get myself one of those..step counters they’re called? Yes, a step counter,” he said with a nod and a smirk.

“What if I…” Psycho held up another grub next to his open-smile. “Squeeze this worm?” The grub squeaked several times from the stallion’s gentle squishing.

Kryo was squinting towards him and the hatchling, "You're very sadistic, you know that?" He stated and asked in return, "If this is a real grub, I'll get bucking furious. And it's not a worm, you uncultured… Thing." He stepped closer and watched him, albeit not for long before he took the grub with his magic, whether it was a plush or not.

“What do you mean? All cheese bugs can do it.” Psycho gently squeezed the grub again from a distance somehow, and Kryostase was the one to squeak while the grub clicked in amusement.

The Changeling began to blush for a moment, but squinted lightly towards the stallion again as he gently patted the grub "You're silly!"

“What do bugs like you look like as worms?” Psycho asked as he squeezed the air and made Kryo squeak again.

The prince buzzed a little with his wings, "Stop that!" He kept the grub in his mane now, still looking at Psycho "And what kind of question is that? I'm not keen on being a worm. Not at all. Or did you mix up worm with grub again?"

The stallion crossed his forelegs and huffed. “They look the same, just with itty bitty hooves.”

There was a long pause, leaving the echoing of the caves to speak for the two. Then Psycho squealed the grub and Kryostase again.

The Changeling kept on squinting at him for a moment, "And I definitely didn't look much different from this young grub here. Most likely." He responded, shrugging for a moment all the while he gently booped the little hatchling with his magic. It chittered and giggled a bit.

“What if I grabbed an egg and wrote ‘queen’ on it. That’s how bugs make queens!” The stallion pulled a vial out of his hat and threw it at the changeling. It shattered and left behind a green muck; “And now you’re green. Science!”

"Nope, that's definitely not how it works. A prince, or princess can inherit the queen's blessing, which means that they'll ascend to queenhood, allowing them to create their own Hive." He responded with a smile. Then, when the vial was thrown at him he tried to dodge, yet it still hit his hoof and side! "What is that stuff?!" Kryo asked, trying to get it off as fast as possible, the grub being safely hidden in his mane.

“It is stuff in a vial,” Psycho answered plainly. He started massaging Kryo’s mane and tail, tossing the grub onto a bouncy rock. “And now you’re a shark cheese bug.” The pony was now sporting goggles and a scientist’s lab coat and within a small television. “If I can do it, so can you!”

"A what?" He asked plainly, blinking at the stallion as he watched him through the small TV. "Excuse me, what?" The bug blinked again, tilting his head a bit to the side.

“SCIENCE!”

Kryo then turned the television off. "That's enough TV for today." He smirked.

Comments

[Kryostasis]

AYYYYYYY
BUGPOWAH