• Published 3rd Nov 2012
  • 1,204 Views, 182 Comments

The Psychopath Interviews - The Psychopath

The Psychopath interrogates the characters of people on this site

  • ...

It spreads to Arewon

(Arewon is from Cheese Bread Eddy. Did you know that he's made of bread...and cheese...and crushed up eddies?)

Today, there were a bit of clouds. Not too dark, but not too bright. The few rays of light that erupted from the clouds gently shone upon the racetrack of the Wonderbolts, giving lovely heavenly dots of sunlight upon the otherwise dark and humid track. Unfortunately for a stallion cleaning up the track, a huge desk fell from the sky and nearly smashed him as it landed with a loud bang. Psycho found himself tilted diagonally in the ground.

“Welp, best start a new interrogation. Now who is it this time?” Psycho said as he ripped out some strands from the shocked stallion.”Puh puh pum. Ah! Air Eee wen. Argobon....Billy...Whatever.” the stallion tossed the strands away, turning them into sunflowers upon landing, and in front of him appeared Arewon.

The stallion before Psycho was of a medium toned build. His coat was a white color with an off-tone of grey. His shaggy mane was mostly black with red stripes mixed in. Atop his head he wore a pair of brown goggles with blue tinted lenses.His eyes were amber in color. Around his neck was a necklace with a strange symbol of a ‘R’ and a ‘1’, both combined to form one solid black shape. His cutie mark was the strangest part about him. It looked to be a group of 3 grey tuning forks touching at the middle, with a grey circle surrounding them.

The initial shock of Psycho’s sudden appearance stunned Arewon, causing his vision to cloud up momentarily. As his eyes cleared up, before him sat a stallion most strange. Where the desk came from never occurred to Arewon. There was just one detail about this stallion that he cared about. Pointing with a hoof toward Psycho, Arewon said the first thing that came to his mind: “Sick lid, bro.”

“And what is YOUR name again?” Psycho’s head bobbed as he asked the question.

“Uh, Arewon?”



“...Herring?” Psycho asked as he held a herring he took from his hat.

“Shrubbery?” Arewon replied, pointing toward a oddly placed bush.

“Ni. You’re here so I can know more about you. What’s with your necklace?”

“Oh this old thing? Lets just say that it’s my ‘model’.” He replied, giving the necklace a good ego rub with his hoof.

“Ahhh. Is-a there...ahhhh. Chocolate inside?” Psycho asked while taking in massive gasps of air.

“Ya’ll alright there, fella?”

“Mmyes. Why do you ask?” Psycho suddenly has a pipe that blows bubbles as he sits comfortably in a massive chair made of marshmallow.

“Oh, I dunno. Maybe the lack of breathing? Plus what’s with all the bad stage props? Is this ‘Whose Line is it Anyway’?” Arewon replied with a tone of annoyance.

“Bad props?” Psycho looked insulted. “I dunno. Ask the other me behind you.”

Arewon turned around to see a second Psycho waving at him.

“Dude, I must be tripping.” Arewon said with his head in his hooves.

“Yes you are.” the second Psycho said as the desk in front of Arewon disappeared and Psycho pushed the stallion over a rock, making him trip onto the floor. The crazed stallion then started to dance around Arewon yelling: “Whadadadye! Pizza pizza pie! By the way, where were you born. It’d be interesting to know.”

“Appleloosa. I figured the accent woulda’ given me away.”

Psycho started to speak with a very Indian accent. “What accent.? I have not heard it.”

“Story of my life.”

“How’d you grow up there? Wasn’t it too small for you and another?” Psycho chuckled.

“Bro, you lost me again. Who and what are you? And what’s with the 20 questions?” Arewon shot back.

“I’m Psycho the Psychopath. I am a herald of the World of Illogic, and I’m asking these questions to know more about everypony of interest in Equestria.”

“Oh, I’m a pony of interest? I’m flattered to say the least.”

“I’m sorry. Were you saying something? I was looking at this cloud...”

Lowering his head, Arewon muttered, “And that, fillies and gentlecolts is rejection.”

“Who are you talking to?” Psycho asked with his face now turned into that of a griffin.

“A wall.” The off-white stallion replied matter o’factly.
“We’re in the Wonderbolt race track stadium. There are no walls, but that makes no sense, so I like you already!” Psycho tore off his griffin face, stuffed it back into his hat, and put his normal face back on.”Now about those questions. Any brothers or sisters? And where’s my answer to the previous one?”

“Alright, alright, I’ll play your little game. Did I grow up there? Yes, until I was 18. Did I have any siblings? Only one brother.”

“Who vas he?”

“About 398.6 CC’s less of a stallion! Oh um, I mean Aresix...”

Psycho stared at Arewon plainly. “Gender change?”

“I like to call it a ‘deficiency’.” Arewon said with a straight face.

The Psychopath rolled his swirly pupils and pulled out a vial filled with pink and blue. “Give him this and it’ll properly allow the change. Should I throw it? If I do, and it breaks, it’ll happen to you.” Psycho began to smile maliciously.

Cutting his eyes at the chaotically colored stallion, Arewon said in a steady voice, “You wouldn’t...”

“Mmmm. I would, but that would ruin our interrogation.” Psycho looked sad and swallowed the vial.

Arewon watched in horror as Psycho ate the ‘dangerous’ substance, vial and all. “That can’t be safe.”

“My potion. My rules. So, do you have any powers?”

“Other than with the mares? Nah, just your average run of the mill earth ponies-Oh wait, does playing the piano count?”

Psycho grabbed Arewon, showing his teeth grating together and with his eyes widened. He shook the stallion as he yelled: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO! No it’s noooot!” the dropped him back on his chair...which somehow had reappeared along with the desk.

Arewon crossed his arms in annoyance, “Everypony’s a critic...” He said with a harrumph.

“Any backstory? Any? WHATSOEVER?”

“Oh there is a backstory, although I hope you aren’t expecting some sad tale about how much my life sucked. Because it didn’t.”

“Oh? I’m sorry. I was talking to this mouse.” Psycho lift a mouse sitting on his hoof.” “What was that about your backstory?”

Arewon rolled his eyes at Psycho’s antics. “Welp, as you can probably guess, Appleloosa isn’t the most advanced of places in Equestria- If you know what I mean.” He said, giving Psycho a nudge on his shoulder with his elbow.

“It isn’t very far from Equestria?”

“I meant that they aren’t as technologically advanced as the Rest of Equestria, as well as they aren’t as... Smart? I mean they fought off a Buffalo invasion with pies... I mean who does that?”

“The Pie People from the planet with a boring and unimaginative name, like Galaxor six.” Psycho swiped the air calmly with his foreleg.

Arewon facehooved, “Uh, yea, sure. Lets go with that.”

“What else is there? Hmmm. Who are your parents?”

“I was getting to that! Who is telling the story here?”

“The Pie people.” he said firmly. “The Pie People know everything.”

“I’m pretty sure they are dead and gone now. If not? Introduce them to Soarin, then they will perish.” Arwon replied with a mixture of annoyance and amusement.

“So, about your a-pair-ants.”

“Right, right. Anywho, I was born into a simple south western family in Appleloosa. My mum was a small framed pegasus, and my pop was a big old earth pony. Weird combo, am I right?”

“No. I’ve seen weirder.”

“I have no problems believing that...”

“Prease to be continuing.”

“Domo arigatou gozaimasu!" Arewon replied with a mock bow. “Anyways, twas a simple family, my pop was an Applebucker, my mum was apart of the local pegasus weather team. They met, fell in love, got married, some stuff went down and BAM, I was born into a happy family.”

“Anything special about them? Besides size and stature? Any bad apple?”

“Nah, my pop was just an all all around goof stallion. Since he was so big, it wasn’t uncommon for him to ruff up the local hooligans. Mom was a sort of rarity herself, pegasi being a little more uncommon ‘round those parts.”

“That all?”

“Well what else do you wanna know?”

“That was aboot it. Oh! Where do you live?”

“Once I figured out my special talent and turned 18, I high tailed it to Canterlot, where I have been for the last 4 years. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved my home. But I needed a change of scenery. Especially since there is more opportunities here in our fine capitol.” Arewon replied with a gesture of his hoof at the surrounding city.

“Well, this is all over. You wanna get to your house as quickly as possible?” Psycho asked as he ended up one millimeter from the opposing stallion’s face.

“I...Need an adult...?”

“I am an adult. One twenty years older than Tia-Tia.” Psycho said as he threw an apple at the hooves of Arewon, turning it into a cannon, with the said stallion being used as a projectile.

Psycho stood on it with an old officer’s uniform and holding a sword out. He spoke in a strange highlander accent.

“So. Yu want tae git up dere as fast as possible?”

“Uh, Do I?” Was Arewon’s only response.

“Yes. ye du. Fire!” With a loud bang followed by the cannons sudden backwards sliding, Arewon found himself flying back towards his house.”The target’s been subdood. To the next!”