The Psychopath Interviews

by The Psychopath

Interviewing Stephanie and Raging Inferno.

(The two interrogated are from TenshuraX)

The sun rises powerfully and casts its warm rays of pure brightness upon the castle of Canterlot. The yard is brimming with green, the statues are well polished, pegasi are falling from the sky while trying to scratch their backs. Yes. this is the perfect setting for Psycho’s first interrogation. The interrogation shall be starting within the highest tower of the castle. A room rarely ever used, and pretty much empty, save for the accommodations that the colorful stallion has added. A desk as simple as always, and plenty of carpets and colors in the room.

Today we have not one, but two who shall be called upon to be interrogated. First came Inferno. Full name: Raging Inferno. Standing at about 3 feet, her demonic horns are razor-sharp, and her hairless tail ships back and forth as she walks, her leathery wings are folded along her back and her slitted red eyes gleam in the light. Her red coat attracts some attention away from her razor-sharp teeth as she smiles, and she seems just a bit on the chubby side, though no pony would DARE mention that to her, her unsheathed claws seemed to gleam in the light. And flying around her head is a very very small creature, what could only be described as a demon, with horns, wings, teeth, tail, claws, and eyes just like Inferno’s. Her humanoid form is easily differentiated from that of ponies.

Psycho smiled maliciously as his pink, swirly eyes locked themselves upon his two invitees. He threw a pipe out of his mouth at an incoming pegasus guard, hurling said guard to the ground.

“What I’ve called you here for, is to learn more about you. Like, where do you come from, chubby?”

“HEY, i’m NOT chubby, and I just come from ponyville.” she responded, glaring.

“No. I’m sure you’re not. You just have quite the oversized bits of calcium and marrow. Alrighty then. What, is your quest?”

“I’m also not big boned, but I won’t explain to you, I don’t have a quest.”

“Then what is your favorite color?”

“... do you even have to ask? It’s red.”

“Oooo. Somepony has anger issues. Alrighty then. Now to be cereal. What do you like to do? Do you like to annoy those guards out there who are too uptight? Or do you like to do other things?”

“I don’t really have any specific things I like do.” she says with a shrug. The tiny demon, apparently noticing Psycho for the first time immediately began flying around his head.

Psycho jumped on the desked and screamed:” AH! A demon fly! Meet my giant fly swatter of doom!” he yelled as he pulled out a giant fly swatter from his hat.

The tiny demon’s horns then glowed red as she morphed into an exact copy of Psycho, and pulled out her own flyswatter. Psycho pulled out some sunglasses and swooped them on.

“It seems we have...a copycat! YEEAAAAAHHH!” he shouted as he threw a gray vial on his copy and turned it into a cat. “Now to be more serious. Why do you have an evil fly with you?”

“Uhh... that’s my little sister, not a fly.”

“Do you consider her a...pphbth...maggot?” Psycho muffled his laugh with the gray cat as said grey cat turned back into the tiny demon.

“No, no I don’t.”

“Why is your sister so small?” Psycho followed the tiny thing with his eyes until he pulled out his hat and a strong gust of wind came out.

“Because she’s about 5 days old.” stephanie just giggled and kept flying.

“That makes no sense to me...I LIKE HER ALREADY! So are you sure you come from Ponyville? You aren’t exactly ponies to me? Are you...evil?”

“Actually no, we do come from ponyville, but we’re not evil...well Blackluck might be.”

“Who is Blackluck? Your brutha?”

“Yes, and he’s as old as Stephanie.”

“What does he look like? Is he GREEEEEN?”

“He looks EXACTLY like stephanie, and Everberry.”

“And Everberry is a delicious Berry...of EVIIILLLL?!”

“No. Everberry is actually nice.”

“Awww. So could you tell me exactly where you come from?” Psycho yells as he pulls out a lamp from nowhere and blinds Inferno as he dons a cop costume.”Answer the question, or I shall bring out...the soft cushion.”

Inferno doesn’t seem to be affected by the sudden change of light as she replied: “We’re from ponyville, as I said before. if you like i could get all my sisters and brothers and bring them here, but, there are 7 of us total, so it’d be hard to investigate anything, especially with BB, Melody, and Heart around.”

“Sounds fun. So what is your purpose? Taking care of your brothers and sisters of microscopic proportions?”

“Actually BB, Heart, and Melody are already fillies, and no.”

“Then what are you here for? Who are your parents? Why am I starting to think like someone from...space?”

“1: I don’t know. 2: You probably don’t want to know and 3, That’s up to you..”

“And five-” Psycho was Interrupted by Raging Inferno who corrected him.

“You mean 4.”

Psycho cursed to himself: “Curse the instructions of the holy hand grenade. And four: Yes. I DO want to hear more about your parents.” Psycho jumps into Raging’s stretched out forelegs and holds a lollipop. “Tell me a story.”

“First of all, that’s way too cliché.” Inferno dumped Psycho onto the ground “And which ones.”

Psycho gets up with a nerd costume. “Duhrrr. Geez. I don’t know? Both? Will this be on the test?”

“Stereotyped, and I have 3.” Inferno seemed bored.

“That’s a mean thing to say.” Psycho walked to the wall holding the window, and flicked it with his hoof, blowing the thing away and taking some more guards with it to the hard below. “Wow! Your parents must have had FUN!...unless...*gasp*. You are THREE genders?!” Psycho threw himself into the wall and melted into it.

“Uhh... technically yes... but I was before my mom and dad got together, my mom was kinda with another mare, who could change into a stallion.”

“So you have two parents.” Psycho said as he began to chomp on some corn-on-the-cob through the wall”But one can change gender, so that makes three? My head hurts. Too much logic.”

“How about I explain it like this, mom had me before she was married, and with a different stallion than my dad. but the stallion she was with before wasn’t really a stallion, but a mare that also had stallion parts.”
“I see.” Psycho said to the tiny demon flying around his head as he adjusted his new glasses, paying no attention to what he was just told.

“WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!” Inferno yelled as she burst into flames.

“WHAT?!” Psycho shouted with a loudspeaker. “WERE YOU SAYING SOMETHING?! YOUR SISTER WAS TELLING ME SOMETHING NICE.”

Inferno deadpanned “She only knows 6 words.”

“Exactly. Eheheh. The Illogic can do things you can’t.”

Inferno walked over to Psycho and grabbed him, pulling him back to his seat “Now I’LL ONLY EXPLAIN THIS ONE MORE TIME BEFORE I FUSE THE CHAIR TO YOU!”

Psycho plainly stared at her with a plain look. “Yes yes. Your real ‘father’ is a hermaphrodite and your father isn’t the one that you really consider your father, biologically speaking.”

“Yes, finally.”

Psycho slowly lift his foreleg behind him and high fived the tiny Stephanie very discreetly as he adorned a face of innocence while looking at the ceiling.

“Fine, fine, was that all?” Inferno said as she tapped her hoof impatiently.

“Hmph. Do you have any powers, besides a generous size?” Psycho mocked while he ate some chocolate.

Inferno was obviously pissed off “I’m NOT overweight. I can control and create fire obviously.” she says indicating that she is currently on fire “And I can use magic as well as fly.”

Psycho’s eyes widened.”Oooo. What kind of magic? Becoming really tiny?” Psycho suddenly exploded into a cloud of smoke, revealing a tiny version of him riding on a tiny hot-air balloon.

“No. Mainly teleportation and fire, as well as a few others” she was looking around impatiently “OH! Also, I can read minds.”

“Really? What is your sister thinking of right now?”

“... You REALLY don’t want to know.”

“Mmmm. She’s thinking about burning everything to the ground and eating pies.”

“Nope. Though my biological mother DID almost burn ponyville once...”

“Umm. She’s thinking about rainbow ponies?”

“No.”

“Uhh...UHHH...ZIP ZOP ZOOBITY BOP?!”

“Also no.”

“Then what is she thinking about? Tell me. TELL ME!” Psycho shouted as he shook Inferno.

“You really want to know?”

“Ja.”

“Fine, don’t say I didn’t warn you” inferno smirked “She’s thinking of you plus rope plus bed.”

“Mmm...hide and seek?”

“Not quite, but I suggest you don’t be near her for a while.”

“Rrrriiiiight.Oh. Do you mind us roasting these marshmallows over you while you weren’t paying attention?” Psycho pulled in a stick and took off a marshmallow and started to chew on it.

“Yeah, I WOULD mind.” she turns her fire off. “Now if you don’t have any more questions then can we go?”

Psycho has the costume of a cavepony and is frantically hitting Inferno’s hooves together to make sparks to light his wood fire. Inferno did not look amused.

“If you don’t stop I will set stephanie on you.”

“Come at me then. We shall fight like gentlecolts.” Psycho praised as a mustache twirled upon his face.

Inferno smiled evilly and said “Well that fits Stephanie more than me.”

“What, no fun then? You are no fun. Atleast your sister knows how to amuse others.” Psycho pouted.

Inferno laughed “Not technically ‘sister’.”

“Then what is she? An evil bee you called a sister, and do you have any real backstory?”

“You missed something, Stephanie can’t be classified as ‘she’, but she is my sister slash brother.”

“Ewww. Anything about your backstory?” Psycho said calmly as he put his sunglasses back on and crossed his forelegs on the desk.

“Jees. I need specifics okay. SPECIFICS!”

“Um. Where were you born? Where did you grow up? What’s the name of your three parents? Where are your other brothers and sisters?”

“I was born in Ponyville. I grew up in Ponyville for the most part. My parents names are Rage, Berry, and Toast. Everberry and Blackluck are at home, while BB, Heart, and Melody are at school.”

“I thee. Well then, why ith your appearanth tho demon like?” Psycho now had a loyal guard costume.

“Still stereotyped, and Rage was a demon, and she turned Berry into a demon through a process I won’t explain, but I was... well... made when Berry was still part-demon.”

“Did they use quality materials or were you just slapped together?” Psycho adjusted his glasses that gave off a gleam of light.

“Still stereotyped, and I’m not a doll, though you seem like you’d know the most about them.”

Psycho is trying to found a pull string on Inferno’s back when she finishes, and quickly scampers back to his seat. “No. I don’t like dolls. They’re creepy. Do you know of any worlds other than Equestria?”

“Well then you and dolls would be a perfect match, and yes.”

“Well that’s lovely, doll. But you aren’t my type.” Psycho joked as his chin grew thrice its size.” And what worlds?”

Inferno opened her mouth and a whip-like thing shot out and wrapped around Psycho’s throat “I’m already taken, and 2, the one in pinkie’s mane, and the pseudo-hell that Rage created”.”

“Ewww. I’m not into the kind of relationship.” Psycho said as a huge chunk of ice slipped from his hat and slammed on Inferno’s tongue.” Those are also interesting worlds, but I know quite the hoof full of them.”

Inferno pulled her tongue back and glared at Psycho: “Is that all doll-guy?”

“Yes it is, enormous-boned one.”

Inferno got up and glared at Psycho “C’mon Stephanie” stephanie resumed flying around Inferno’s head.

“One more thing.”

“What now? If it’s more of your cliché’d costumes and stereotyped personalities, I don’t want to hear about it.”

“Does your sister like melted caramel sauce?” Psycho smiled as he threw his head from side to side.

“I don’t know, she’s never had it before.”

“Well then, THERE’S ALWAYS TIME TO FIND OUT! DOWN THE HATCH!” Psycho yelled as he pulled a lever from nowhere which covered Inferno in a delicious amount of melted caramel. A trap door then opened underneath her. Psycho smiled as he looked in another direction.

“Hey.” Inferno said as she appeared next to Psycho “I said that I can teleport” Inferno then burned the layer of caramel off.

Psycho exploded into another batch of melted caramel, but this time, he didn’t reappear. His voice simply echoed through the room:” We are now done. Tahtah.”

“Finally, but, just one more thing.” Inferno once again burned the layer of caramel off. “I’m not overweight OR big-boned, I’m pregnant.” and then teleported away with stephanie.

While the broken wall repaired itself, one block appeared with Psycho showing a horrified appearance, like he just saw the most terrifying thing ever.

Comments

[Cellin]

Psycho suddenly exploded into a cloud of smoke, revealing a tiny version of him riding on a tiny hot-air balloon.

I demand someone draws this.
anywho. Nice start. Looks like its gonna be pretty good.