• Published 3rd Nov 2012
  • 1,202 Views, 182 Comments

The Psychopath Interviews - The Psychopath

The Psychopath interrogates the characters of people on this site

  • ...

Double the fun

(The two interrogated are from Samaru163)

In Equestria’s more northern regions, there lies the small settlement of White Pine. The town is so named for the large forest of identical bone white trees with skeletal limbs, fittingly called the White Wood. Ever since their discovery they’ve been an enigma to the inhabitants; they do not grow, yet they do not wither away, almost like they’re in a state of between death. Even the ground around them is white and cracked, and no birds fly between the trees. No beasts wander among them.

To the west of the White Woods - separated by a small river - the land is normal and beautiful to behold. This land is shadowed by the Broken Mountains - so named because they appeared to be smashed apart by some great beast of old. Some nights the locals claim to hear great noises coming from their depths. From these broken mountains bellowed a loud scream. It sounded like somepony was laughing. It was quite an obscure occurrence, but from the sides slid a strangely colored stallion on a pogo stick who fell vertically into the ground, only to jump back up and unfold his pogo stick into a desk. The stallion took out a tissue and blew his nose on it, then unfolded it to check his list.

“Who is it this time?” he wondered with a sly grin.

Just then a snowball came flying from the sky and impacted with the side of his head, followed soon after by a light giggling.

“I think the problem was your swing was too strong,” a playful voice said. “Try loosening it this time.”

“I’m really beginning to question your abilities as a golfing instructor by this point.” a second one replied.

Psycho readjusted his lower jaw and took out a beard and stroked.

“What’re your names again.” he spoke with a type of spittle in his words. Directly above him were two bright green pegasi with pine green manes and tails standing on a cloud.

“Oh, hello there,” one of them spoke. She had blue eyes and her mane came down around her head like the frill of a lizard. Decorating her legs were golden bracelets fixed with large sapphires. Her mark was a chess king riding inside of a chariot. “Are you referring to us?”

“Do you see anyone else?” the second one asked, tossing away the golf club she was holding. Her eyes were fiery red, and her mane and tail were both tattered and unkempt. the bracelets around her legs were silver, and fixed with large onyxes, rubies, and undefinable pink and yellow stones. Her mark was a black die being tossed from a silver goblet.

“Mmyes. I was, ahhh, referring, to you, ahhhh.” Psycho took in a gasp that made his whole body shrink.

“Bless you.” the red eyed one said.

Psycho put on an oversized armor that made him disappear within. “Who be ye? What are your names?” he said before face-planting into the ground and sinking into it.

“I’m Games Master,” the first one said happily. “And this is my twin Festivities.”

“I shee that.” Psycho was within Games Master’s eye and speaking through a microphone. “And where do you live now?”

“Nowhere,” Games said, completely unaffected by this. “We move from place to place. Seems ponies don’t like us hanging around them. Why, I have no idea.”

“Me neither.” Fest said, taking a small black die from behind her ear and kicking it into the air. she caught it on her back leg and tossed it up again.

Psycho appeared from the ground a took up a black cup, catching the die. He then slammed the cup on the table and yelled:”Yankee!”

Fest giggled happily and held her hoof out in front of her expectantly. A small green fire appeared and when it went out the die was back in her hooves. “You’re an interesting stallion, you know that?”

Psycho ignored her as he drooled on his spot, staring into the air, then he snapped back and asked:”Do you have any relatives, besides yourselves and yourselves?”

“Well we do have our father and brother, but we’re not seeing them at the moment,” Games answered, staring at a chessboard in her hooves. “Not sure why, but they also don’t like us being around other ponies.”

“Vhat about your maja?”

A somber feeling quickly fell onto the area. Games looked up from her board slowly and Fest’s cheerful appearance seemed to vanish.

“We...don’t like to talk about it.” Games said finally.

“Mmmm.” Psycho’s head began to spin, then he started to smile again.”What else is there? What does your faja and brother do?”

“Oh! Oh! Can I say this one?” Fest asked as she jumped in place, her good mood suddenly back.

“I DON’T KNOW!” Psycho yelled before throwing a piece of chocolate cake at her face. She arched her back and ducked completely under it before knocking the cake from his hoof and catching it in her own.

“I was voted most flexible in the Young Flyers Competition,” she said proudly. “Anyway, we can’t really say what they both do, something about sciency things I think. They never let us come with them or help them work.”

“What kind of sciency things? Do they make vials like mine?” Psycho threw a green and blue vial into the forest that created a tornado of goop that threw said substance all over the place. The second the colors touched the trees, though, it withered away into nothing.

“Again, not sure. We never get to see.” Fest said, bringing a hoof to her mane and petting it affectionately. “Say, do you like to play games?”

“Yes. BUT, do you have any powers?” Psycho got close to Festivities knee, pulled out a massive hammer and poked her knee with it.

“Does being born with a rare condition that causes the magic levels in your body to swell to dangerous and possibly life threatening proportions and then your mother finding a way for you to expel said magic in ways similar to - but not the same as - a unicorn count?” Games asked with a curious smile.

“I dunno. Does being a herald to another dimension count as having an ability?”

“I’m not sure,” Games pondered for a moment before sliding two pawns across her board. Suddenly two large tokens made of stone shot from the earth. “Hey, do either of you think it should count?”

“Um, sure?”

“Why not?”

“Thanks boys,” Games said as she took the pawns off the board, causing them to sink back into the dead earth. “I guess that answers that...sort of.”

“Not really.” Her twin said with a giggle.

“AHHH! EVIL EARTHWORMS!” Psycho pulled a gatling gun from his hat and began to fire into the ground. The bullets were...pieces of exploding corn? ”YATATATATATA!”

“Corporal, it seems the enemy is upon us!” Games declared, suddenly dressed as an army general. “You lead the defensive, I’ll remain here and hold the flank.”

“Aye, captain!” Festivities saluted before vanishing in a green light.”

“So, anything else you want to ask?”

“Yes. VHERE IZ DOCTOR?! Doctor! Mediiic! Also, what do you like to do?”

“Me and Fest play games with ponies. Fun little games where you can ask us for anything if you win - with the exception of our items or any harm against us or our family,” Games explained like she had a thousand times already. “If you lose though, me and Fest get to make some...changes.”

“What were your lives before you became like this?” Psycho innocently asked as he held a giant earthworm under his right foreleg and was punching its face with the left one.

“Life wasn’t that bad, we didn’t see dad that much because of his work, our brother despised us, and our condition greatly hindered our abilities in and outside of school. But mom was nice and always around.”

“Yep.” Fest said, stepping out from Psycho’s shoulder with a painted worm around her neck like a scarf. “She’s the one who made us these.”

Both twins held their items up in perfect unison, causing a small spark of green magic.

“These sort of act as an ‘artificial horn’, a way for us to release all that magic inside of us.” Games added on.

Psycho flicked off the pony on his shoulder and made it land in a jar of jam.”Cool. Anything else you want to add?”

“Um...I don’t think so. Unless you want to hear about some of the things we’ve done?” Fest asked.

“Why not. I’ve got time to kill.” Psycho pulls a lever as he stares at the sky. A clock is slowly being moved towards a wide saw.

“Hmm, ever heard of the Banana Cream Incident?”


“That’s because you never will,” Games said, giggling with glee. “Oh, that was such a fun time. Though strangely enough, it was after that ponies stopped wanting us to come near them.”

“I guess they’re just sore losers.” Fest said, leaning onto her twin.

“That’s nice. Well, I guess that’s that. Unless you have just one more story to share.”

“How about the story of the stallion with wings for legs?” Fest asked.

“Never heard of him. Were his wings made of wheels?”

Both twins nodded to each other and giggled in unison. Fest then tossed her die towards Psycho and it landed on a four.

“Hmm...yep, they seem to be.” She said before falling back in a fit of giggles.

“Okay then. See you later.”

Psycho stood on his desk and saluted the two mares as a siren blasted its alert and the desk began to sink into the ground until it and Psycho completely disappeared.

Games helped Fest back to her hooves and she quickly retrieved her die. They then turned their heads to the village and grinned mischievously.

“Let the games begin-” Fest started.

“-May the festivities commence.”