A Roll In The Hay
It was ten years ago. Big Macintosh and I were on holiday at aunt Appleseed's ranch. They had found a special corner in the barn; it had been abandoned since the cows had been sold to another owner (Beet Road, if I remember well). We used to come there, away from his bullying brute of a little sister (yeah, even I have trouble believing AJ used to be like that, and I was there... she's come a long way, for sure), and away from grown-up conversations. They always talked about stuff we didn't care about, in those family reunions. Marriages, funerals, inheritances, land trades, food trades, stuff trades, foodstuff trades... it made our eyes glaze over; soon we'd get impatient and make some sort of mess, so we made ourselves scarce instead.
So there we were, in the barn; it was summer-quiet, the sort that comes when the breeze is too soft, and even the birds keep silent and seek shelter as Celesta's moment of overenthusiastic (and overzealous, and overbearing, and overwhelming) splendour passes. The brick-red, wooden barn was certainly a relief from the pressure of her Highness, but it didn't save us from the hot, still air. We were sprawled on the ground, as shapeless as the straw-gold stacks of hay that surrounded us. What little light passed the planks of the ill-maintained roof seemed like solid beams of light, and mottled the ground with many, tiny specks of light.
"Hey, cuz, " I said as I idly intercepted the lights with my hoof. Something in me kept expecting the perfectly prismatic sunbeams to break into small fragments as I hit them, like the most delicate glass. But they just redefined themselves to only go as far as my leg went. For some reason, I kept trying. "It's really hot today."
"Yup." Macintosh said. He kept swatting the piles of hay, throwing zillions of particles of dust in the air, making the sunbeams look even more tangible and solid, to my great (and unjustified) frustration.
"Stop it..." I said, vaguely. I flailed at him weakly. When that didn't work, I used my extended hoof and just tried to make myself roll at him. As I rolled, I noticed I would end up too close... but I just couldn't be bothered to try to stop myself. We collided like two barrels in a cart.
"Hey, watch it, " he said from somewhere under my ear. At least he had stopped flaying the straw. We were sort of tangled. Didn't care to find out how. My nose was stuck in his mane, but I didn't feel like pulling it out. So I breathed.
He smelled nice. Salty.
He shifted a bit under me. Unresisting, I left myself slide by his side. Now we were face to face.
Two half-lidded, green pairs of eyes, stared at each other with the infinite patience of idleness, the impotent frustration of boredom, and... something else? Why did my heart beat so fast? Why did his, for that matter? I had my hoof on his chest. Big Macintosh had always been big, and deceptively slow, with a heart to match. But either that heart had just given up on deception, or he felt...
"Braeburn, " he breathed, his gaze even.
"Yea-" He kissed me. It wasn't a long kiss of true love or anything. Just a peck. Like the sort Granny Smith loved to give us (and mommy demanded that we accept).
My mind was slow to work out an answer to that. But other parts of my brain must have been quicker to make their minds up, because, long before I figured out a word to say, I broke into a wide, goofy grin, and a soft snort. Finally, my line came;
"Macintosh... what was that for... You're not grandma..."
He gently bit me in the jawline. "Nope" His eyes were calm, soothing; I was kind of confused, and maybe a little scared, but he seemed to know what he was doing. Then I lost them, as he moved on to nuzzling my neck.
I nickered. "Cousin, that tickles..."
"Yep" He shifted a little, grabbed me between his arms, and he caught me in a long, right hug, his muzzle firmly in my mane. In turn, I sniffed at his straw-like mane.
Despite the heat, we stayed like that for a while.
Then he started working his way up to my ears. He breathed into them, which made me giggle and flick them this way and that. He wouldn't be deterred, though. "If you stop moving those ears, I'll tell you a secret..."
That got my attention. I foolishly gave him the benefit of the doubt; I have always found secrets irresistible. One day, they will be my undoing. "What is it?" I asked.
For a moment, he lowered his head to look me evenly in the eye. "Promise you won't tell?" he said.
Those eyes... you could get lost, in that calm green ocean. All you had to do was let yourself go... "S-sure," I said.
He went back up there, and whispered, with his big, soft voice "In reality, I-TURULULULULULUUUU!" Aaargh, the ringing! It was the first time someone pulled the "raspberry in the ear" trick on me. I was furious. I fought to get the big red dummy away from me. We wrestled and we laughed and we made a mess and--
He stopped all of a sudden. We looked at each other. Again, those eyes of his...
"Big Mac, where are ya, ye big fat doodoo brain!?" Applejack irrupted into the stable like the terrifying tomboyish mass of energhy that she was. We barely had time to separate before she started searching between the stacks of hay in which we always hid "Soup's served, don y'all dare make us wait at the table, ye lazy campers!" Ow, she was so loud. It was business as usual. Mac and I looked at each other, smiled, and shrugg-"There y'are! Come on, everyone's waiting fer y'all!"' Without a word, we followed her out of the barn, and through the prairie, to where the adults were. It was just another summer afternoon.
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woah.
im straight but this was a pretty cool story.
I wonder what Braeburn was gonna say....? 4/5 MOUSTACHES!
I wanted to like this story; really I did. But for me, first person is a huge turnoff. It isn't bad, but it isn't something I'd consider a favorite, either.
1459261 It was Big Mac that was going to tell him a secret right?
Haha! Big Mac got me for a sec there!
1459330 That's weird. It's actually a relatively traditional narrative, first person past tense. It's as if Braeburn is sitting next to you and telling you a story of his past. As versus an all-knowing unseen entity narrating a story in 3rd person. Whatever floats your boat though.
Good little fic. I don't care much for clop, but this wasn't. More like slice of life, even if the circumstances were um... shall we say, less than orthodox? lol. Still, have a thumb!
Okay... I like this, and I upvoted it.
But it seems really, really messy in terms of things like punctuation, word choice, and other formatting-type things.
Like look at:
"Yep" He shifted a little, grabbed me between his arms, and he caught me in a long, right hug, his muzzle firmly in my mane. In turn, I sniffed at his straw-like mane.
And compare with:
"Yep," he murmured as he shifted a little. He grabbed me between his arms and caught me in a long, right hug, his muzzle firmly in my mane. In turn, I sniffed at his straw-like mane.
Things like that seem to add up all through the story in a way that made me go "ggggggggggugh", but I like what you did here overall.
Yes.
I don't mind this sort of thing. So I enjoyed it.
Sweet in an odd way. I had to read this because it involves a friend's OTP, and I actually liked it too..=p
you must write more of this story, please!
1460241 Gah! No! Typos! Punctuation, my Archenemies! It was supposed to be a tight embrace, how the heck did it become a right embrace? What's a right embrace even supposed to be?
1460169 Precisely!
1460035 I thought it would be a great way to play with tension, just before AJ's interruptive irruption.
great story. I wish you would have made it longer, but i feel you had the element of story-telling well nailed down. Interesting concept, the braeburn x macintosh pairing has been done somewhere else, but this is surely a unique way of interpreting you loyalty to the ship.
1460169
Yes, I know. And I generally don't read anything in first person (not just fanfic, but published fic as well). I think I have a hard time imagining the narrator if they're constantly being referred to as "I".
1461862 Let me stop you right there; I don't do ship loyalty. I'm a shipping pirate; I'll pair anyone with anyone, laughing as I unleash the boundless powers of love! All it takes for me to write a couple is one thought;
1461956 FINALLY! Somepony who gets me! I'll pair any two ponies as well!
As for your next possible story... How about spike x celestia?
1465421 i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/121/526/Celestia%20challenge%20accepted.jpg
looks interesting..... must watchout for more....
indeed
1465765 or you could expand this story to make it much more...steamy.
1482642 You could not believe how close you are to guessing the plot of the next chapter.
Fluff. Fluff is something I really REALLY need to write more of. I'm sick of coltcuddling drama with a few fluffy moments here or there, I really just want to write fluff like this for a change.
Oh wait, the story.
I liked it, upvoted it, and blablabla, the errors are a slight turn off as a reader, but the sheer adorable nature in so few words make up for it, and if they don't to others I don't care. Just imagining a small Braeburn giggling and squirming as Big Mac constantly teases him like that is sheer adorable. I smiled way too big when Big Macintosh told Braeburn his "Secret".
GAAAH, MORE FLUFF!
Eh, could use some more editing. You abuse semicolons like they're some kind of red-headed stepchild, but in terms of what this set out to be, it was okay, I suppose. Not quite my particular brand of coltcuddling crack that I tend to love, but you can't cuddle all the colts in just over a thousand words.
I will say that linking that image was hilarious.
Here's a suggested soundtrack
Anyone wishing to proofread will be very very welcome.
Another suggestion:
1485174 Is there really going to be a next chapter or are you simply toying with me?
Very nice and super cute.
It's true what they say, everypony is gay for Braeburn
1570843 It's planned. It's just that, every time I've sat down to write it, the mood wasn't appropriate and it ended up being crap, even by my low standards. When you're writing atmospheric, fluffy pieces like this, mood is vital.
1571009 Thank you. The challenge with writing a sequel is tho make it stay that way. Or maybe I should go the Oyasumi Punpun way and spend that cuteness and innocence capital into drama and angst...
this needs a sequel!2
This we very cute and seemingly inoccent. I like the playful and sort of cunfusion in the romance, even if theyare suppose to be related.
Here, have a cute pony gift. Nice writting tecnique btw
i.imgur.com/T5Ho6VA.gif
Such a cutoff.