• Member Since 27th Sep, 2020
  • offline last seen Monday

GRYFFINDOR123456

Hi, I'm GRYFFINDOR123456 and I'm legally an adult. I love my little pony, Equestria Girls and G5 and I also love Harry Potter, Wednesday and Barbie!

GRYFFINDOR123456 Joined 27th Sep, 2020 · Offline

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Comments ( 2 )
donutmasterjoe
donutmasterjoe #2 · 1 week ago · · · Chapter one: Big Mac and Sugar Belle ·
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Big Mac screamed. He did not hear the front door open. The killer ran towards him, knife out. Big Mac hid under the table, shaking with fear. Ghostface lifted up the tablecloth. Big Mac ran outside, his safe option was to go to the barn. Or he could run to the orchard.

For a horror story, the last three seems too rushed, like mostly the rest of this chapter from there, which, while reading, gave me a vague vision of what is happening and that could easily be fixed by adding more (character's feelings) details or removing the periods replacing by commas that could help in the narrative description.

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