- Member Since 11th Apr, 2017
- offline last seen 8 hours ago
MellowSoul
"Damnation is only a daydream away, but still, we carry on..." -Morbid Angel
MellowSoul
Joined 11th Apr, 2017 ·
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If it wasn't for Rainbow being referred to as a pegasus two times in this fic so far, I would have thought this was a humanized fic without the human tag. The characters move and act way more like humans than ponies, and other than a few mention of stuff like 'Wonderbolts' (apparently as a sports team in this AU), there are way more references to human stuff not in the MLP world (for example, pepsi/coke/mountain dew). There's no mention of Rainbow Dash flying, despite her supposedly being a pegasus, but there are times she moves as if she can't fly- and in the instance of her jumping over the couch, it's even treated as an impressive athletic feat, all the while her flight is ignored.
Basically, this feels like a fic featuring human characters set on Earth in a story completely unrelated to the show, in which pony names have been slapped onto stuff so it would be allowed on this site. For all that the main character is NAMED Rainbow Dash, there's nothing about her that feels anything like the Rainbow Dash from the show, either.
11818378
To be fair, when you're writing T and M-rated fics in general, the authenticity of the characters is always going to be called into question. I've seen characters portrayed as drug addicts and violent criminals. It's hard to find source material relating to their ages, as there's nothing concrete to really go by. I would actually disagree with your assessment of Rainbow's character to some extent. Even in canon, it was always hinted her tough girl act was just that - an act. There were times we saw the mask slip, like the episode when Tank went into hibernation. Obviously there's some differences, as this is set in another time and place, but when you strip away the bravado, it's not as out of character for her as it might initially appear.
I never actually specified what about the protagonist didn't feel like Rainbow Dash, and it feels kind of weird that you jumped to the conclusion you did, as it had nothing to do with the reasons I had thought of.. But this protagonist pursued a business degree in college rather than a job anything close to what the athletic show Rainbow Dash had, and in fact, seems to be WAY less interested in athletics in general. At the point her workout routine can merely be described as pretty healthy as she mostly sits at a desk job, it's hard to square that with Rainbow Dash. Not only that, but her core interest of starting a rock band have nothing whatsoever to do with any hobbies Rainbow Dash had in the show itself.
Beyond that, it's still the case that I can't identify a single action in the fic which indicates these are ponies, other than two mentions of Rainbow Dash being a pegasus, which is exacerbated by the many ways this fic is written as if the characters are humans living on Earth. I mean... For crying out loud, the very first text in the fic uses a date indicating our world's dating system. The discussions on the setting talk about tech without a single mention of magic, to the point it feels EXTREMELY unpony. There are no mentions of hooves or wings or manes or anything pony in anatomy, in addition to the way they're written with movements that feel more human, which I've described above.
There's alternate universe, and then there's lacking any meaningful connection to pony stuff or canon characters whatsoever. I'm fine with humanized fics, but fics that claim to have the characters be ponies and then keep neither the characters nor the ponies are a different matter altogether.
11818564
I was just responding to what you felt seemed off about the canon. The whole point of stories like this is to take risks and break rules where I feel they can meaningfully be broken. The world and story absolutely broke tradition with a lot of the pony world, but there are parts that didn't. For example, we know they attend school because of the CMC. We can assume the other characters are still present somewhere. We know Rainbow's been training in sports, fitness, and acrobatics since she was a filly, which is referenced several times as well. I don't feel like there's any hard rule that says she couldn't change her course down the line unless we're talking about something set within the canon timeline, especially considering she was influenced by the others. What I was running with here is the idea she was a teen during most of the series, and that as an adult, she experienced an extreme form of character growth that diverted from the canon timeline in a surprising but somewhat realistic way. It's taking a lot more influence from external sources and seeing what can be done with them. Whether that's a good thing or not is really up to readers to decide. I was going for equal parts pony and not, essentially.
...Rainbow Dash is an adult from the very beginning of the series. She holds a job and lives by herself away from her parents. By the point the series starts, she is well-established on the weather team, and has likely been an adult for years prior.
11818585
Most seem to believe she was around 18 to 19 during the mainline series, at least last I knew. Here, she's around 25. A lot can change in six years. And actually, there's another Idea I was working with here that would reinvigorate some of her more canon aspects. I want readers to ask questions while the story's being written, like how Noah's intervention could further develop her character and possibly tap into her deeper potential. Some of her canon traits are already on display, such as her athletic abilities. It's being hinted she's possibly more powerful than the canon timeline.
...More powerful than the canon timeline. When she doesn't work out nearly as much, and it's treated as impressive when she jumps over a couch. Okay.
11818593
Think about the last few lines she said. She did actually keep up with her training to a certain degree, and in contrast to her younger, more brash self, she knows how to compensate better for her weaknesses. She's a lot less impulsive and more thoughtful here. The reason it impressed Noah was because it seemed more focused and less demanding than he would've remembered during school. This is the first time they're really getting to know each other, and as I said, she hasn't tapped into her full potential yet.
Look, I've already spent a number of comments here, and the last few have been short comments for a reason. At first I thought I was giving constructive criticism, and so put effort into explaining it. Now I'm kind of just not interested in continuing the discussion, given what it has turned into.
11818605
I wasn't trying to dismiss your criticisms. I totally understand why you feel the way you do about the story. I wrote it recognizing it wouldn't be for everybody. I'm just trying to give you my perspective and have a real conversation about the direction it could take. You never know how things could turn out until they actually progress there.
Why is this story called Faded Leaves?
11819697
I was tapping into the old school emo and metalcore stuff I used to draw influence from. I wanted to write a story with deep themes about love and loss like the stuff emo kids used to do, but with a more experienced and refined writing style.