Celestia is saddened upon the realization that she doesn't have any friends. Upon a suggestion by Luna, Celestia decides to disguise herself as her younger unicorn form. She travels to Ponyville in an attempt to make a friend, and maybe she'll be able to finally make a friend.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Feedback appreciated
So, uh, I got hung up on the writing. It doesn't read well. You're missing possessives, conjunctions, and a bunch of basic grammar things. Questions need question marks, and so forth. You need a serious editing pass on this. The English comes across surprisingly well, if awkward, which is one of the reasons I was confused by the poor grammar and punctuation.
I couldn't make it very far into the story, sorry. There are probably people that this won't bother, but I am not one of them.
The story is beautiful imo.. very well done. That scene where everyone bowed down after she revealed herself and she had to go back into her normal role, I really felt the disappointment
A cute one-off story, but, and I mean this with all due respect and friendliness, but this story needs a bit of TLC in the editing department. "Blossem" should be Blossom, "Stalion" should be Stallion, and several other issues.
11819804
I know, I've gotten a lot better at editing and building a story. Decided against going back through older stuff and cleaning them up.
11820339
fair enough, I've seen several of my other favorite artists hold a similar mindset regarding older pieces, keeping them as is in order to mark growth.