Legends foretell that the evil Changeling Queen, Chrysalis, will be resurrected, but only by a sample of pure love essence, which, at time of her death, was near, if not completely impossible to find, let alone harvest.
Jump forwards a thousand years, and the tragedy of the Land of Chaos is mere legend, as no soul dare enter the cursed realm, and those who do are said never to be seen again.
But that is a tale for another time… For now, let us focus on a small Bounty Hunters Guild, located in the legendary town of Ponyville, which it’s occupants, not as high as the town status. Hero Bell and Zenex the Shy, two changeling nymphs who, up until now, were considerably low in terms of status. Hero was reckless and Zenex was… well, shy.
But, this all changes when a mysterious backer offers them a substantial reward for a morally ambiguous job: Kidnapping the Changeling Princess, Ocellus the Dove. But little do the two ambitious bugs know, there actions have more than just lawful consequences… thus, the beginning of the epic tale of Terra Harmonia.
Author’s Notes, feel free to ignore.
Chapters edited by Melody Song, a dear friend of mine
Hi hello, this is Hero. This is my first delve back into writing (even tho I’ve had Harmonia and several other fics in the wip) in a while. I hope to get back into the writing space more often.
Anyway, as for TH. Terra is an idea I’ve had for… I think for about 6 months, maybe more. And my newfound love of Rhapsody of Fire, along with several other power metal bands, DnD, and just overall fantasy, it was only a matter of time before I made a fantasy style story, and I went with Harmonia.
Harmonia will be split into two sagas, this one, currently under a placeholder name of “The Bell Saga” and the second under the name “The Dark Disciple”. I won’t get into TDD, but for the TBS, let’s talk about what to expect. Minor spoilers to be expected.
Currently, it sits at seven stories, with a collective 96 chapters (138 if you count planned side stories) from start to finish, which is still subject to change. Each fic with have a start and end chapter that are translated in Latin. One fic will be an origin story for Hero. There are currently 3 side stories the TBS, an anthology, a character backstory, and a sort of epilogue story, we’ll cross when we get there.
Overall, I hope you all enjoy Terra Harmonia, I have a whole lot planned for it, and I hope to live up to the nonexistent brought on by myself.
Oh, and if you here and worry about my other projects, don’t worry, those are being worked on too, I haven’t forgotten you guys lol.
Ooh, like the first chapter!
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Thanks Mels! And thanks for being my editor lol
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No problem!
In today’s day and age, the average reader’s attention is very short, so if you are planning to entertain an audience and you already decide to start in media res in the middle of an action scene, then actually start with it.
Show don’t tell. You probably know the spiel. Everything you introduced in the beginning could have easily been introduced in more entertaining way during the story, in the next chapter for example and have the meaning and consequences of the first chapter unfold during the rest of the story.
Your audience, largely, is smarter than you treat them, and that is exemplary in this:
Imagine Shakespear screaming, “this is a metaphor”. Every time he makes a metaphor.
What else is the name ‘Bell’ supposed to be?
Every paragraph and every sentence should be reviewed, then you should ask yourself, “What is its purpose?”, “What effect does it have?”, “Can it be done better?”
You have a problem with filler words.
Besides that, it really hurts an action scene, which is supposed to happen quick. Alongside with words like ‘quickly’ that simply don’t work in writing, the reader is going to fill out these gaps subconsciously. Of course, no one is going to swing a sword slowly.
On a bit more nitpicky note, you could play more with the sentence, the length for example.
Now let’s remove the filler words and make it more hectic and ‘battle-like’.
Does it feel more battle-like or not?
Feelings are very important in writing. We can’t see the battle, and the mind fills many gaps. This is of course very subjective, so everyone has a different result.
But when you move feelings in a certain way, you should use words that support it, show us what the characters think and feel, and by ‘feel’ I also mean literal touch, sight, smell, and reaction.
Your treating the whole thing more like a movie than the written word.
And a slight sidenote: “…” is poison. It’s addictive and you start to overuse it. You aren’t alone in that. Besides there are better ways to make an abrupt ending to a se—
This comment isn’t meant to be insulting in any way and it’s only my opinion. I hope this helps you.
But the best way to improve your writing is to read your favorite authors and analyze their works. What works? Why does it work?
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I read over your critiques, and don't worry, no offense was felt nor taken.