“So what’s this friendship problem about?” Anon asked.
“The map in Twilight’s castle said we’re needed somewhere up north, so you coming or what?” Rainbow asked, floating outside Anon’s window.
“Well… I did make five other me’s so I could have more time to myself… eh sure, I’ll meet you at the station” Anon agreed.
“As soon as I’m done with my bath” he added, having been sat in his bathtub the whole time.
Taking a train ride with the girls, Anon was left underwhelmed at their destination.
In a valley north of Stalliongrad, there was a small town. It’s buildings lined up neatly in two rows.
“Well this place is a shithole” Anon stated.
“Anon!” Twilight chided.
“What? It’s a shithole, am I not allowed to call it a shithole? What’s over there? It’s a shithole” Anon defended.
“We can’t call other pony’s towns shitholes it’s rude!” She stated.
“Ok ok ok, it’s a dump” Anon corrected himself.
“Just… just don’t say anything” the Princess of Friendship said as they walked up to the town.
The locals were all ponies of the three main races, but they seemed… off.
They were all smiling widely, but they all seemed to be forcing it, and all their cutie marks were the same equal sigh.
“Um, I don’t think we blend in very well” Fluttershy whispered.
“Don’t worry, I am a master of diplomacy” Anon whispered back to her before wondering off from the main group.
“No” Fluttershy whispered in fear.
“Hey my man, what’s up with this freak show?” Anon asked a small colt playing with a gray ball.
“I’m sorry, what do you mean?” He asked.
“Dude this place looks like it’s a set for a 1984 movie adaptation. And what’s with all of you having the same cutie mark? You all into maths or something?” Anon asked, before his brow quickly furrowed as his mind shat out an explanation.
Before the colt could answer Anon’s head shot straight up.
“Wait a minute is this place Equestria’s Manhattan Project? Where’s pony Oppenheimer?” He asked looking around for a depressed guy in a hat.
“Hey where did everybody go?” Anon asked, seeing that the street had been cleared.
“Everypony must be doing the greeting song” the colt said.
“The what now?” Anon asked as the colt lead him to the front of the town.
After a long song about how great Our Town was and how equal they all were. The girls first looked at the towns ponies with confusion. Then it turned to fear.
At first they noticed Fluttershy cowering behind Rainbow, then they say what she was scared of.
For you see, the form we knew Anon in was his base form. But when he powers up he becomes what’s known as a Super American, and if he goes beyond that he becomes and Ascended Super American, or Super American 2.
But as he stood shaking violently. Physical red, white and blue aura manifesting around him, Anon went even further beyond.
“Is he ok?” Starlight asked.
“Fucking commies!!!”
…
Zebanon shot his head up. Moister slowly dripping from his muzzle.
“I’ve sensed a great disturbance in the force, I feel Anon is in a state of great rage” he said.
“Oh I’m sure he’ll be fine, the girls are with him” Cream Heart said, grabbing the zebra’s head and putting it back between her legs.
…
Groaning, Anon opened his eyes. His memory was foggy but he distinctly remembered going Super Saiyan 3 for a second.
“What happened?” He groaned.
“You yelled loud enough to shake the town then passed out darling” Rarity explained, passing him a glass of water.
Seeing he was inside a wood and stone building, Anon looked over at the girls. All of their coats seemed… duller, and their cutie marks had been replaced with equal signs. Looking at his own impressive ass, Anon say his question mark was gone, replaced with a equal sign like the girls.
“Ok what the fuck happened?” Anon demanded to know.
“After you passed out, Starlight Glimmer stole our cutie marks and locked them away. Our special talents are gone, and we can’t leave until we’ve got them back” Twilight expalined.
Getting back to his feet Anon looked out the window. The town’s pony’s were going back to their daily routine like nothing changed.
“Where are they?” Anon asked.
“Locking in that mountain” Applejack said, pointing to a cave in one of the nearby mountains.
“Well that makes things easier, don’t worry girls your big, strong stallion will take care of this” Anon said opening the door. Stopping for a moment to appreciate it was unlocked.
“Big Mac’s coming?” Pinkie asked innocently, pretending she didn’t just give the sickest burn imaginable.
“Anon there has to be a peaceful way, just sit down and let us think up a pla-“ Twilight pleaded, unaware it fell on deaf ears as Anon walked out like a father going to get milk.
Trotting up to the cave entrance, Anon was stopped by two ‘guards’
“Excuse me there’s something of mine in there I’d like to get back” Anon said, unusually polite all things considered.
“I’m sorry friend, but we can’t let you take your cutie mark back. But don’t worry, you’ll be happier without it. Here in Our Town you’ll be happy and equal just like the rest of us” the first guard said, his forced smile twitching slightly.
“I’m sorry I forgot to ask, what is the name of your town by the the way?”
“Our Town”
“Yes I know it’s your town now what’s it called?”
“Our Town”
“Dude I get it you live here now what’s it called?”
“Our. Town”
“Did the pink bitch take your brain when she took your mark? WHAT IS THE TOWN’S NAME!”
“OUR TOWN!”
“You know what fuck this” Anon sighed.
What came next was nothing short of Anon unleashing his full 600 pounds of compact American glory upon those poor guards.
“Ow, that hurt” one said, laying on the ground with a fat lip and a black eye.
“How’d you do that? We took your mark, you’re meant to be the same as everypony else?” The other groaned, his read leg shoved where the sun doesn’t shine.
“Steroids and crack cocaine! That’s why America is unstoppable!” Anon stated proudly as he marched into the cave like it was D-Day.
Entering the cave he found a wall of potentially hundreds of cutie marks. Looking through them he couldn’t find his or the girl’s.
“What the fuck is going on here?” He asked himself.
“Trespassing for one” a voice called out.
Stepping out of the shadows, Starlight Glimmer stepped between Anon and the cutie marks.
“Where are my friend’s marks you commie bitch?” Anon demanded.
“Safe, and don’t worry, none of you will be needing them. Here in Our Town everypony is equal, and now so are youl she stated proudly.
“Ok for one, I know as a communist or a socialist or whatever you are you’re naturally stupid. But come on those guys aren’t equal at all”
That caught Starlight off guard. Not the stupid part but the part where he challenged her town’s equality.
“Of course they are! They all have the same cutie mark now!” She defended.
“Yeah but the pegasi still have their wings and the unicorns still have their horns. Sure you handicapped them but that doesn’t mean they’re any less unequal. Earth ponies are still stuck as basic bitches” Anon explained.
“Ok we can’t fix that but if you ignore biology we’re all the same! We’re the perfect society!”
“Perfect? Hardly, you see Lighty, for a society to function there needs to be specialized of labour. While sure you have a point that the picture on someone’s butt shouldn’t decide your roll in life it does (somehow) give them an advantage in whatever talent they’ve got. Removing them removed that boost, you’re not making a perfect society your holding everyone back. If you make everyone equally bad at something that doesn’t mean they’re all the best”
Twitching slightly, Starlight resisted the urge to use magic to choke out this thestral and his nitpicking ways.
“Hey your mark is melting” Anon pointed out at Starlight’s cutie mark slowly running down her leg.
Seconds later Anon revised a rock to the head. Returning him to the land of uncontioustess.
…
Starlight returned Anon to the house the and the Mane 6 were staying in.
After a few hours he woke up but something was deeply wrong. All the girls could tell it.
Sat at a desk, Anon happily hummed to himself, writing something in a piece of paper.
Since waking up there has been no unnecessary profanity. No boasting about his overestimated skills, and he’s called them all by their actual names.
No Twiggles, no nothing.
“Nonny, you ok?” Pinkie asked.
Looking away from his desk, Anon smiled warmly at the pink mare.
“Pinkie I couldn’t be better. In fact I’ve just finished writing the constitution of the empire” he explained showing it to her.
As the girls read through it they were mortified.
“Anon, you realize this would dissolve the monarchy right? You wouldn’t be king anymore” Twilight stated.
“I know, but I think it’s only fair that the people get to pick their own leaders regularly. It may not be perfect but democracy is still the freest form of government, and being free makes ponies happy, which makes me happy” Anon explained.
“Ok she definitely hit him harder than we thought” Applejack said.
“Oh don’t be mad at Starlight, I’ve already forgiven her” Anon responded before going back to his writing.
“What’cha doing now?” Pinkie asked.
“I’m writing an apology letter to everypony I’ve ever insulted or upset, it’ll take a while but it’s the right thing to do” he explained.
The girls could tell somethiy was definitely wrong.
“Ok Anon, something not right, do you mind if I check your temperature?” Twilight asked.
“Of course, whatever makes you happy” he said taking off his shades.
Taking a step back the girls continued to boast their shocked expressions.
“What’s the matter?” Anon asked.
“Dude, your eyes changed!” Rainbow stated pointing at him.
Trotting over to the mirror, Anon looked to see what all the fuss is about.
His eyes, usually a green hue had turned orange, resembling the usual colour of a thestral’s eyes.
“Well that’s strange” he asked “oh look my coat is changing as well” he pointed out.
“What?” Rarity said trotting up to the mirror.
It was true, the green fur around Anon’s eyes were slowly turning gray, spreading over the rest of his face millimeters at a time.
“How’s that even possible?” Rarity asked.
“His cutie mark” Twilight realised “our cutie marks represent our special talents, they’re who we are, without his, Anon is turning into a normal thestral” she theorised.
“Ok I know I skipped a lot of biology classes sugarcube-“ Applejack began.
“A few?” Rarity said in a doubting tone.
“Ok I skipped everything past the fifth grade, but I’m sure that ain’t how biology works” the orange mare stated.
“Anon isn’t a normal pony, he was only turned into one. Everything that made him who he was as a human, his ‘Anonness’ if you will, it must have been tied to his cutie mark. Without it, he’s turning into an ordinary pony, if we don’t get that mark back, we might lose everything that makes Anon, well, Anon”
Hearing Twilight’s words, the girls began to worry. Even Pinkie’s smile quickly faded.
“Ok but is that reeeeally a bad thing?” Rainbow asked.
“Rainbow!” The other five scolded.
“Ok ok we’ll fix him” Rainbow caved.
“Did I ever tell you girls how much I value your friendship?” Anon asked, completly oblivious to the seriousness of his dilemma.
So he hasn’t lost THAT much of himself.
Eventually the girls exposed Starlight and the town reclaimed their cutie marks.
“Blegh! I can’t believe I wrote all this shit” Anon said, feeding the constitution and all his many apology letters to the fire.
With his cutie mark restored Anon’s natural eye and fur colour began returning to normal.
“You know we’d probably have saved ourselves a ton of trouble if we just let him stay that way right?” Rainbow asked.
“I know” Twilight responded.
“Help the first amendment’s fighting back!” Anon yelled out. Wielding a poker as the fire spilt out onto the floor.
“But he wouldn’t be OUR Anon” she explained.
“Yeah, he was kinda boring that way” Rainbow admitted.
…
As the train pulled into the station Anon let out a sigh of relief. After all that shit he was finally home.
“Home at last, now I can sit back and-“ he began before immediately freezing upon entering the palace.
Sat in a pile of shards was the Crystal Heart. You know, the giant beating heart of the empire.
Stood next to it with a big bottle of glue was Unianon, with Cadence’s baby on his back.
“It was her fault” he insisted, pointing at the giggling newborn.
“I was gone for a few days and a baby destroyed our most precious artifact… I knew there was a reson I liked that kid” Anon thought to himself.
AN: Sane Anon may be the better Anon, but he isn’t our Anon.
11683511
"Our name is Legio-non, for we are many!"
*break down twilight castle door while dragging her* “hey Twilight I need your help with fixing heart is that good ok let go contact Celestia and Luna spike this is emergency” Anon say without care in the world I hope Anon prevent Starlight use time travel and switch with detonated scroll instead
Sanity is for the weak and madness is preferable.
11683550
Oh no, I just got a terrible idea. A wonderful, terrible idea.
Anon can timetravel.
Normal pony? Anon was not acting like a normal pony. The girls certifiably have their heads up their plots if that's what they view as a normal pony & act the way they do. Feels like the story is being set up for Anon or somecreature else to call them out.
Also, will Anon be putting a bounty on Starlight? Possibly sending some of Magehold's most effective & competent hunters & trackers after her? The ones who know how to handle a crazed spell caster. Unlike Canterlot, or any place of Equestria, Magehold strikes me as actually having competent citizens who can live their lives & do their jobs without having to ask their leader(s) how to do the job they should already know how to do. Plus, I can't see Anon letting Twiggles 2.0 just wandering around to enact revenge or be blind to her obvious spying on Twilight.
11683559
An awful idea. A wonderful awful idea!
great chapter love it
11683559
Let me guess he going to keep time travel spell himself while replace the scroll with a fake that explode. Also is he Anon the one who put himself in equestria in first place, also are you MAD STALLION GIVING HIM ACCESS TO TRAVEL THROUGH TIME HE WILL DISRUPT THE SPACE TIME CONTINUUM DESTROY THE WHOLE UNIVERSE ALONG WITH IT.
Ahahaha fuckin anon is great, love our sarcastic cursing threstal that is anon.
11683559
Welp... Equestria's fucked.
You know that a moment where you forget how many chapters there are, and then you remember the hard way?
You reaaally hate country people don't you?
Anon: wait a moment, this time it wasn't me who caused the chaos? Was this an aired episode or something?
11684285
I don’t really hate anyone, but I do find making fun of groups for comedic purposes is hilarious.
At least there's no storm so there's no actual urgency to fix the heart.
I binged thing fic for the past 12 hours and I don't think I have found a funnier fic on this site.
I should have known reading the chapter titles that this would fall under the subset of comedy that is detrimental to one's mental health, like Family Guy but there's only 5 jokes and 3 of them are sex-themed. I make this assertion after reading one and a half chapters and 7 comments.
If it weren't 11:47 p.m. I could probably articulate my feelings more eloquently, but fuck it
There is no perfect democracy in the world and there certainly is not one in America.
The politicians of the United States present their country to the world as a model of freedom and democracy (the power of the people), propagandize American democracy, and not only propagandize, send invincible armadas and troops to the other side of the planet to establish freedom (and in fact arrange genocides) where there is a lot of oil and supposedly little democracy. As it happened in Iraq.
How did American democracy begin? We will not look deep into history, where American slavery and the extermination of twenty million Indians of North America remained. Let's trace a segment of history from the end of World War II, in which American troops used nuclear weapons against the Japanese, killing thousands of people. Until now, the Americans and their satellites do not want to recognize the decisive role of the Soviet Union in the defeat of the German Wehrmacht, and attribute the victory to themselves. Meanwhile, their fear of communism abolishing the super-rich class prompted the Anglo-American imperialists to unleash a cold war against the Soviet Union and an arms race. Financial and industrial tycoons were afraid of losing their capital. At that time, business in America began to turn into underground crime. After the war, during the period of the transfer of part of the industrial sector to the production of military equipment for the production of tractors and other motorized agricultural machines, horse-drawn farmers could not buy motorized equipment. Magnates for the sake of expanding the market through their lobbies have pushed through a law on strengthening farms by ruining small farmers. So the destinies of millions of farmers were crippled, forced to leave the land and replenish the army of the unemployed in the cities. The fear of communism gave rise to McCarthyism in America, a repressive structure designed to deal with the objectionable, suspected of so-called anti-American activities. The undesirables were dealt with in different ways, some were forcibly locked up in mad houses. American healthcare took advantage of the opportunity and transferred psychiatric terror to business. A healthy American citizen could, by denunciation or slander, or simply for not liking the boss, end up behind bars in a mental hospital. The consequences for a healthy citizen forcibly placed without trial in a madhouse are catastrophic. Families were collapsing, the declared madman could not find a job in his specialty, relatives and friends shied away from him. Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev repeatedly reproached Americans for the fact that with the US population of 140 million at that time, 18 million were crazy. That's more than ten percent. Psychiatric terror continued there for decades, until, under public pressure, the practice of forcibly placing citizens in psychiatric hospitals was abolished. The criminal situation in the United States has developed in paid healthcare, where doctors were given the right to engage in corrupt business. Back in the 70s of the last century, it was revealed and reported to the US Congress that billions of dollars a year of citizens who can be treated with medicines are being performed in the country. Until now, citizens are in fear of getting sick and not getting under the scalpel. The person who has applied to the doctors is sent for tests, false diagnoses are made and they announce to him that an operation is necessary. If he does not believe, he is sent for repeated tests and repeated false diagnoses. Doctors do not need the health of citizens, but their money: the operation is expensive, and the victim of the scalpel lays them out. An unnecessary operation turns a healthy person into a sick person. Scalpel business, criminal in its essence, is set on a broad note in America. The Hippocratic oath there is valid only at the time of its giving by graduates of medical institutes. After receiving a diploma, the oath is immediately forgotten. Doctors in the United States are classified as the richest stratum. The drug business has taken on threatening proportions there. By 2000, the annual turnover of medicines in the world was 72 billion dollars. Of these , 66 billion are in the United States . medicines, as you know, treat one thing, cripple the other. Americans have been made drug addicts.
The social crisis in America escalated in the 60s, when there was a sexual revolution, when women wore miniskirts and jeans. It has been known for a long time: if a woman enters into power, a decline begins in the state. A kind of matriarchy has established itself in America, a woman has become the head of the family with the ensuing consequences. Families began to collapse, half of marriages disintegrate. The man, the traditional head of the family, was turned into a cook, dishwasher, laundress. There is no such humiliating position of men in any other country. And it has a devastating effect on the family. Because of the nervous relationship, spouses and children do not sit down at the same dining table, everyone eats in their corners. All this is the result of unnatural relationships in the family. An American tragedy.
In the middle of the XX century, the grain yield in the USA was 16 quintals per hectare. For the sake of environmental safety, it was possible to raise the yield to 20 quintals per hectare and stop there. However, business does not know the limit, in order to increase yields, the United States has gone to the superchemization of agriculture. The yield was raised to 40 quintals per hectare. As the Voice of America said, agriculture there brings high profits to the state due to the export of food. The consequences of overchemization are catastrophic: the soil and water are poisoned with yalochemicals, damage to fauna and flora is caused. Food has been poisoned within unacceptable limits. To calls to limit chemicalization, the American owners refuse under the pretext that this will limit grain exports to developing countries and famine will allegedly begin there. Moreover, the USA has started mass cultivation of transgenic cereals, such as soybeans, and mass export of GMO products to Russia and developing countries. the consequences of genetically modified products are not predictable.
In America, the number of lawyers has grown to this size. That this stratum of society can be called a class. The profession of a lawyer is to defend the interests of the defendant in the courts. In reality, the security of the accused criminal and the victim depends on which of them will give more money to the bar and the court. Those who like to sue are called litigators who have a manic need to sue someone. In America, litigiousness has adopted national headquarters. The army of lawyers confirms the situation.
The free sale of firearms in the United States has plunged the country into a national disaster. Some citizens have a whole set of pistols, rifles and other weapons. America leads in the number of murders. Weapons end up in the hands of mentally unstable citizens and minors. The psyche of society is damaged by Hollywood's film production. The shooting of classmates and teachers by schoolchildren has become systematic. During periods of economic and moral crises, a big shootout can begin in the country, which will lead to the disintegration of America itself.
An unhealthy situation has developed in public catering. Fast food, McDonald's chain, Coca-Cola drinks and the like cause somatic diseases in the population, such as obesity, liver damage and others. Information lawlessness negatively affects the health of society. Round-the-clock television, the Internet and the very quality of information, like horror films and debauchery, do not allow a person to relax. Excessive and negative information, in addition to other negatives of the American way of life, causes people a painful illness – insomnia.
The results of American business are sad. 100 million citizens suffer from obesity, 100 million from insomnia. 40 million American citizens do not have access to medical care. The same amount to education. The number of the disadvantaged in the richest country in the world is shocking. There are 33 million homeless people there. About a million citizens who have not paid for their mortgage apartments are thrown out on the street, living in tents. And all this the gentlemen in power call freedom and democracy. In reality, there is a deep social crisis caused by the bandit human-hateful capitalism of the American model. At the end of his premiership, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon stated with pleasure: "America is run by Jews." The world sees the consequences of their management. The Zionists are like a midwife, if they have come to power, they do not acquire wealth for themselves, they rob the people.
Globalism, as such, emerged from the Zionist ideology of power over the world. Among other issues, globalists are concerned about the overpopulation of the planet, they plan to reduce the population by methods of killing peoples with unconventional weapons: information, depraved culture, virology, hunger and the like. The globalists have tested all these types of weapons on their own people, on Americans. White Americans are degenerating. Meanwhile, myths about American democracy are heard all over the world. Which is actually a lie, and the US government is no different from the same corrupt Chinese communists.
this is so good and it is good to see it is still going and not abandoned
11692139
Schizo moment.
11693071
Is that your only argument?
11693077
Pretty much yeah.
I'd like to quote Walter Mondale on your wall of text; "Where's the beef?". It's filled with words and words but no substance at all. The entire argument you make can essentially be boiled down into "MuH aMeRiCa BaD", like it's literally your average Twitter Tankie post.
11693079
To be honest, the text that caused the conflict between us does not belong to me. I stole and wanted to use another person's words as my text. In fact, these words belong to Leonid Smorodin, a philosopher and writer. I, in turn, just copied the text of his article about the hypocritical "democracy” of the USA, I could give you a link to his article, but, unfortunately, it is not in English.
On December 14, 1975, the future US President Ronald Reagan said in an interview: "If fascism ever appears in America, it will be in the name of liberalism." Unfortunately, today we see confirmation of his words in the form of an eighty-year-old grandfather who shakes hands with ghosts, constantly forgets where he is, and with his own hands leads Americans to the second depression (I think you understand who I'm talking about). :/
Deaf ears
If anon time travels to the alternate equestrias I want him to cuck queen nightmare moon
I actually wondered if we could convert Starlight Glimmer though the stallionhood of one of his copies.
That mare is clearly not thinking rational because she wasn't thoroughly layed.