Big trouble in Little Crystal City
Anon, still depressed that he can’t traumatise Ponyville this year, sat eating some ice cream and watched some birds fight over a worm.
“It’s oddly quiet, is this what life without me in it is like?” Anon asked.
While he thought on the silence, a knock came on the door.
“Come in!” Anon said.
Opening the door, Crystal let herself in.
“Your Majesty, we have a problem” she stated.
“Is it my fault?” Anon asked.
“Strictly speaking no,” Crystal said.
“No? Something isn’t my fault for once? Ok this is serious” Anon said, getting to his feet.
Following Crystal out of the palace, standing in the city centre was a well dressed unicorn.
Which shouldn’t be hard considering most of them are naked but he went above and beyond.
“What’s fancy pants doing here?” Anon asked.
Letting out a huff, the magenta unicorn held himself high, chest puffed outs d head held high.
“That would be my cousin Mr Anonymous” he stated.
“Actually it’s King Ano-“ Crystal tries to correct him, only to get cut off by the stallion.
“Yes yes whatever, my name is Count Snobby, his Royal Highness, the Regent of Equestria Prince Blueblood has formally banished you from Equestria. Please vacate the kingdom at once” Nepotism explained.
A few moments pass, mostly Anon and Snobby staring at each other.
At first trying to suppress it, Anon burst out in laughter.
Cackling, chuckling, snorting and all around having a whale of it.
After he calmed down, Anon looked back to see Snobby wasn’t laughing.
“Oh you’re serious, let me laugh harder” Anon stated.
Proceeding to laugh even harder, Anon managed to piss off Snobby.
“Don’t laugh at my authority you peasant! I’ve been given it by Prince Blueblood himself!” Snobby snapped.
“Blueblood? Authority? Ok Celly you can come out, great prank” Anon called out, waiting for Celestia to come out.
Snobby smirked “the Princesses are away in Zebrica on a diplomatic tour. Until then, Prince Blueblood is Regent, acting as if he was Princess Celestia herself” Snobby explained smugly.
“Prove it” Anon demanded.
“I’m sorry what?” Snobby asked.
“I don’t believe she’d leave Blueblood in charge. So prove it” Anon explained.
With his right eye twitching slightly, Snobby went to say something, but turned to leave instead, stomping his hooves as he went.
“Twenty four hours! Then the Prince is sending in the troops!” Snobby called out.
“Sire, I have a bad feeling about this” Crystal warned.
“Oh don’t worry so much Crystal. I’m sure there’s a completely logical explanation” Anon replied.
After a couple of hours, Cadence and Shining arrived on the train with several royal guards and confirmed there was indeed a logical explanation.
“There was a coup!?” Peganon said in shock.
“I vote we invade” Rosa said, raising her hoof.
“Rosie I love your energy but no” Anon shut her down.
“I’m afraid so. Aunt Celestia asked me to act as Regent while she and Aunt Luna went on a goodwill tour across Zebrica to strengthen our economic ties. But the nobles managed to bribe key members of the guard to promote members of their families. Before I knew it they had pushed me and Shining out of Canterlot and have pledged loyalty to Blueblood” Cadence explained.
“Ok, several questions,” Anon said.
- You’re an alicorn. Why didn’t you just smash them?
- Why don’t you just call Celly and Lulu to come smash them?
- Why don’t you just rally an army and smash them.
“It’s not that simple Anon” Cadence stated.
“It sounds exactly that simple” Rosa muttered.
“Firstly, nobles have massive power over the capital, if I force them into submission they can manipulate public opinion into believing I’m the tyrant” Cadence explained.
“Secondly, the tour will shape the economic future of Equestria. With Griffonia in its current state, Zebrica is home to our major trade partners, even the slightest detour and our entire trade industry could be put at risk, we’ll have to deal with this ourselves”
“Finally Canterlot is a virtual fortress against assault, the body count would be too high”
“Unless it’s changelings,” Rosa reminded her.
“So a bunch of socio-political bullshit is stopping you from just marching in and firing a fat kamehameha in Blueblood’s face, got it. Don’t worry, as always, I’ve got a plan” Anon explained, much to the dread of the royal couple.
Gathering his counterparts, Anon began to explain his master plan.
“Gentlemen, Cadence, Rosa. We have a large crisis. In fact, if you got a moment, it's a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24-hour portage, and an enormous sign on the roof, saying 'This Is a Large Crisis' and a large crisis requires a large solution. Fetch a tub of blue dye, two pairs of comedic shoes, some black and gold robes and a Zebrican prostitute” Anon stated.
While to the unenlightened ponies who surrounded him, this seemed like the ravings of a mad stallion. To the Anons, this was a master plan of the highest order.
Several hours of the Amor couple and the Elements of Harmony making their own plan to depose Blueblood passed after the Anons disappeared.
“Maybe we should just have Shy give him the stare™” Rainbow suggested.
“If I’m being honest Darling, I don’t think even Fluttershy’s stare™ can break through his ego” Rarity said.
“If it were rocks it would weigh enough to sink a fleet” Cadence agreed, having had to live with the prince for several years.
“Alright we’ve gone through every idea from replacing his tea with bubblegum to using the Elements on him and so far we’ve found nothing that would depose Blueblood that would fit inside the restrictions” Twilight signed.
“I still think the bubblegum would work” Pinkie defended her idea.
“Pinkie, your plan ends with him choking to death” Applejack reminded her.
“The needs of the many Jackie” Pinkie defended.
“Hey girls, what's up?” Anon Asked walking in on them.
“We can’t figure out a way to depose Blueblood that doesn’t require Cadence forcing her way back on the throne or triggering a civil war” Twilight stated.
“I can't believe I’m saying this Anon, but what’s your plan?” Cadence asked.
“Oh I already did that” Anon informed them.
With a look of fear crossing every face other than Pinkie’s, they all yelled in unison.
“WHAT!?”
“I said I did my plan already, you girls have been in here for like six hours. Me and Shining took the kids to the park for an hour while you were in here” Anon explained.
“Anon, WHAT was your plan?” Twilight asked.
“I threw Zigzag at Blueblood” Anon explained.
“What the buck is a Zigzag?” Rainbow asked.
…
Within Canterlot, Prince-Regent Blueblood sat through yet another meeting of nobles.
With each report and discussion he paid slightly less attention. His position has proven more effort than he imagined.
“Um, sire?” One of the nobles asked.
“Hm?” Blueblood asked.
“A traveller is requesting an audience, he claims that he seeks a position in the royal court, and that he has a gift” he explained.
“A gift?” Blueblood thought, his attention having been gained.
“Well, there’s no harm in receiving a gift from my adoring subjects, see them in” he said, giving the guards their orders.
As the doors opened, an entourage of unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies entered.
Three unicorns lead the parade, singing as they did.
“Have no fear! Have no fear! Zigzag the Grand Vizier is here!”
Following shortly behind were four pegasi. Two unrolling a large red carpet and two rolling it up a carpet behind it. When one carpet ran out the other would be moved in front of it.
On the carpet was a well dressed blue pegasus with a vulture circling three golden balls as a cutie mark. With black robes with a golden trim and holes cut out for his wings and a golden cap covering his mane. Unlike many stallions he appeared to be wearing shoes, also gold, with jewels on them, they seemed to uncurl to great length as he stepped, then curled back up as he lifted his leg. The unicorn walked along the carpet.
Behind him, four earth ponies carrying a palanquin with its curtains drawn.
As the group approached Blueblood and the nobles they stopped.
Stepping forward the blue pegasus bowed lightly.
“Your royal highness, have no fear, Zigzag the Grand Vizier is here” Zigzag introduced himself.
Blinking at the pegasus for a moment, Blueblood raised an eyebrow.
“I… see. And what is it you do?” He asked.
“I am a travelling advisor, leaving each land I visit richer and each leader I serve wiser. I’ve served Emperors and Kings, dynasties old and new. And now o Prince of Equestria I offer my services to you” Zigzag explained.
Blueblood wasn’t convinced. You could see it in his eyes, the dismissive look was obvious to anyone who was watching.
“Yes that’s very nice, now I hear you came with a gift of some kind?” Blueblood asked.
Almost sliding across the floor effortlessly, Zigzag spread a wing over Blueblood’s shoulder as he smiled wildly.
“For the greatest of the great, to rest you from affairs of state” Zigzag began.
“I’ve searched the world and brought you things, at no little effort and great expense. A plaything, from far south of Gaza, a bountiful maiden from, Marebasa~” Zigzag continued.
As his words slipped into Blueblood’s ears the prince perked up.
“Marebasa” some of the nobles whispered.
Going to the palanquin, Blueblood peaked behind the curtains.
His eyes widened at the sight of his ‘gift’
A young, beautiful zebra mare dressing in silk and gold, laying seductively on her side, batting her emerald green eyes at him while she smiled.
Withdrawing his head Blueblood managed to control the blush forming on his face (but not his growing colt parts)
“Well ‘ehem’ Zigzag, I don’t see why you can’t stay a while” Blueblood stated.
…
“King Faisal I’m sorry but I must refuse” Celestia stated.
In the court of King Faisal of Saddle Arabia. Princess Celestia and Luna sat enjoying a feast held in their honour.
Well Luna was, Celestia was under assault by the king’s relentless persistence.
“Princess I see no problem with my proposal, I would be willing to double the oil exports to Equestria if only you’d give your blessing for my son to take Princess Twilight Sparkle as his wife” Faisal said.
“While it is a generous offer, I will not pressure Twilight into a marriage she did not choose” Celestia stated.
Faisal took a sip of his drink while he formed a response.
“I don’t see why she would be pressured, it would benefit her kingdom. My son is a good stallion, your highness, I promise he will treat your daughter with respect” Faisal said.
The room went silent as the sound of Luna spitting out her drink was left as the only noise.
Celestia, having unwittingly extinguished all light with her magic, looked at the King in shock.
“I-I’m sorry, what was that last part?” Celestia asked.
Faisal tilted his head slightly, confusion covering his face.
“My son will treat your daughter with respect?” He said.
“Your Majesty, Twilight isn’t my daughter” Celestia clarified.
“Ah, apologies your Highness, I had no idea” Faisal apologised.
Looking past Celestia, now focused on Luna, Faisal continued talking.
“Like I was saying Princess Luna, my son would treat your daughter with great respect”
“We are not Princess Sparkle’s mother” Luna corrected.
“What event led you to believe I was her mother to begin with?” Celestia asked, curious how he could think Twilight was her daughter.
“Well, if the rumours were to be believed, you hid her at birth to protect her, disguising her as your student and hiding her alicorn heritage through magic. I mean it would explain your bountiful foal bearing hips” Faisal explained.
And thus, for a moment, Celestia felt a level of hate equal to Anon’s hatred of paying taxes.
Shooting Luna a glare as she held in a childish giggle, Celestia swallowed her own anger.
“Why does everything revolve around my flank?” Celestia thought to herself.
AN: Inspired by a comment made by Even Evil Has Standards.
Also Celestia is fully aware of what Blueblood is up to, this is meant to be a test for Twilight. But as always Floridaman came out of nowhere breaking everything.
As God intended.
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Uh...what was the comment?
Anon: "Because it's large enough to have it's own gravitational pull?"
at this rate either anon is gonna accend in a stupid way or just have suddenly have become an alicorn overnight. Knowing how this story likes to go my guess is that anon tries to convince everyone he accended when he did cream heart in bed so great he became the god of sex.
Personally this was the worst idea Celestia had and when anon finds out that she knew blueblood would take over well he going to give her the devil. Considering annoying other kingdoms and getting away with it is anon thing and he is mostly harmless blueblood is a jerk who doesn't care about anyone but himself and exactly what would she have twilight do plan a coup and take over which would make sense expect gotta keep the nobles happy even if they have put a jerk in charge.
lol Twilight, you failed again!! Celestia might have to promote Anon over you if you keep this up.
I wonder if Marebasa might infect the Prince with something incredibly distractingly irritating, and Anon only has enough antidote for her…
And I can only imagine what other kinds of sage wisdom Zigzag will impart upon the doofus. This will be fun!
There is going to be a "Golden Balls" joke soon. Bet money on it.
The fact Celestia is risking the stability of the kingdom along with lives of others again just to test Twilight shows just how mentally damaged she is. Good job, on nailing her personality. Stupid puppeteering cake gobbler
I did enjoy the bit with Celestia’s hips being brought up once more. Coupled with the confusion of Celestia being Twilight’s mom was excellent.
Is Anon going to reveal Celestia’s manipulations if she doesn't properly punish them as traitors to the kingdom or interferes with Anon punishing them? Blueblood & his fellow traitors did essentially demand a valid leader of another government to vacate his throne with threat of military force if he didn't comply. Wars have been started for less, and legally Anon would be in the right to deal with them as if the had declared war.
Huh when did Anon spread that, don't tell me Marebasa is king daughter.
11710048
King Anon of Equestria, never ending chaos of fun, well he got my approval, given he have other counterparts that will take part in other species regional side as well, just need have another queen other than Queen heart to handle politics or advisor as well.
That's true anon can start a war and with his friends discord and rosa not to mention the yaks he could win celly and lulu would come back to anon now the king of Equetria with discord there nothing blueblood can do to stop discord form popping an army right in front off him
Nevermind. I found it.
11710071
"I'm taking my balls and leaving!"
11710035
I can imagine him saying that.
love the chapter
11710040
In all honesty I would pay 20$ to see this happen.
everything revolves around the sun. which so happen to have an image of, on your flanks
CAUSE EVERYONE HERE LOVES BIG PLOTS AND THEY CAN NOT LIE!!!!!
i think it would be funny if he did what he was not supposed to do and got sent to the moon with his other selves and then comes back right away and maybe keeps getting sent there and always coming back
11710080
When he was talking about there being a large crisis he mentioned getting a Zebrican prostitute.
That’s her
11710025
Remember the video you put in Affairs of State?
And like all of Celestia's plans involving Twilight, they have effectively backfired spectacularly...
11710356
I know it’s brilliant isn’t it?
11710332
Yeah, then I found it.
IJBOL. This is the stuff that keeps me coming back to this joke of a story.
Oh, and btw, shouldn't it be "God" instead of just "god"?
11710361
Indeed.
11709235
I have nothing against his patriotism but I don't get why he can't be born in Florida, now Ohio I can understand
To be completely honest I was thinking about another zigzag and I was wondering how she would fit into this plan of anons.
Welp rip king of saddle Arabia, killed when insulting celestia
Don't know why, but I laughed like a deranged lunatic at that
👍!!!
Blueblood coup is a fake or did they actually have a true idiot in their family?
Because if Blueblood is serious, he will be banished with nothing at best, blown apart by Anon at not best.