• Published 8th May 2023
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Adventures of thestral Anon - ImNew2023

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Morning after

After being kicked out (quite literally) by Cream Heart Anon made his way to Sugarcube Corner to get something while he nursed his headache.

Drinking a large milkshake Anon scouted out the day’s clientele. There were a few couples, some with their foals. A few customers were alone, Anon being amongst them.

“Morning Nonny!” Pinkie said, whizzing into the seat opposite Anon. Flinching slightly at her radioactive levels of energy Anon rubbed his head “how do you always have so much energy Pinkie? I’m pretty sure I remember you drinking an entire barrel of cider yourself” Anon asked.

Leaning in, Pinkie whispered her secret to avoiding hangovers “every morning I eat an entire bucket of cupcake frosting” Pinkie whispered “won’t that give you diabetes?” Anon asked “why do you think I move at the speed of Pinkie?” Pinks asked.

“I-I just gave up on figuring you out a year ago Pinks” Anon admitted “that’s how friendships are born Nonny, you just gotta wear them down enough” Pinkie said.

Rushing back and forth to a few tables Pinkie stopped at Anon’s table every hour and then “so why such a frowny face today?” Pinkie asked “work” Anon stated “what about work? Did you get writer's block?” Pinkie asked.

Hesitating about telling anyone in town about the mine Anon remembered a famous loophole he could use “Pinkie I need you to promise me something” Anon explained “ooh is it a Pinkie Promise?” She asked “yes, I need you to Pinkie Promise not to tell anyone about what I’m about to tell you” Anon said.

“A few weeks back Princess Luna sent me to empty out a mine controlled by a bunch of diamond dogs. I didn’t empty them out, I just told her they wouldn’t be a problem. Since then I have been operating it for my own benefit. Selling the gems mined there to some jewellers I met at Canterlot. But the stress of running a mine is way more than I expected and I’m thinking of hiring some help but I can’t think of anyone in town who won’t spill the beans about it” Anon explained.

Pinkie put her hoof against her chin. She looked almost philosophical for a moment before her mane formed into a large pink fuzzy lightbulb momentarily before returning to normal.

“That’s it!” Pinkie called out “what’s it?” Anon asked hesitantly. Normally when it was Pinkie doing the idea making it was going to be crazy. Even by Anon’s standards.

“My sister Maud moved into Ponyville to study, she loves everything about rocks and she doesn’t talk to many ponies she’s PERFECT! I’ll bring her around your place after work, BYEEEE!” Pinkie said excitedly before rushing off to another table.

Processing what he just heard Anon finished his milkshake, going to pay for it Cup Cake gave him a concerned look to her possible foal-daddy.

“Bit for your thoughts hun?” Cup Cake asked “Pinks being Pinks” Anon explained. Giggling lightly Cup Cake leaned over the counter to give Anon a light peck on the cheek “she means well you know that” she said “I know I know” Anon said “so how’s potential Anon Jr doing?” Anon asked looking at the large bump under the mare’s stomach “they’re fine, can’t be any more than a few weeks until we found out who the daddy is” she said smiling.

Chatting with Cup Cake for a little longer Anon eventually had to return home to tackle the mountain of paperwork he had amassed by the mine.

Waiting at his front door was Pinkie and a mare Anon had met only once. Maud Pie.

“Nonny you’re back!” Pinkie called out waving her hoof at the approaching thestral.

Maud looked far less excited to see Anon, but then again she traditionally didn’t look like she was excited to see anyone.

“Hey Pinks. Been a while Maud, Boulder” Anon greeted, acknowledging Maud’s pet pebble as well “hello Anon, Boulder says hi as well” Maud said plainly, gesturing to the hamper she wore around her neck to hold Boulder.

Letting his self invited guests in Anon got the kettle on to boil “Pinkie says you have a job involving rocks” available” Maud said. She would have sounded excited… if it was any pony other than Maud asking.

“Yeah, running a mine is a lot more of a pain then I thought it would be. Someone- somepony helping me out would be a massive help, if you want it the job’s yours” Anon explained “what would I be expected to do on a daily basis?” Maud asked “just helping me sort out through paperwork, nothing major but the pay will be good” Anon explained.

“Will there be anything involving the rocks?” Maud asked, her mind quickly going towards her one passion “well, moving them out of the way to excavate new mine tunnels and caverns will need an extra hand every hour and then” Anon said “what happens to the rocks then?” Maud asked.

“Damn this girl really likes rocks doesn't she?” Anon thought “I do” Maud said “forgot she could read my mind” Anon thought “you think really loud” Maud responded.

Pinkie looked in between the two, oblivious to what was going on “sooo does Maud get the job?” Pinkie asked “I’ll take it” Maud said “good, come by tomorrow and we can get started” Anon stated.

“YAY! This calls for a party!” Pinkie cheered.

“That girl has a one track mind” Anon thought “yes” Maud said “ok first rule as your employer no mind reading” Anon stated “I don’t read minds, your face is just very easy to read” Maud explained.

(Canterlot)

Cadance woke up feeling like her stomach was eating itself alive “afternoon your highness' ' Shining Armour chuckled as he entered the room, carrying a glass of water and a small bottle of medicine.

“What happened, my head hurts to much to remember” Cadance said rubbing her temples. Putting both the water and the medicine on the side, Shining nuzzled his fiancé’s lightly.

“A certain pony drank way too much and passed out next to that Anon guy Twiliy keeps mentioning in her letters” Shining explained.

“I didn’t do anything embarrassing did I?” Cadance asked, worried something happened “not that I’m aware. I was just finishing my shift when I got this letter, I figured out you were drunk and came to get you” Shining explained.

Taking a look as said letter Cadance could barely make out her own hoof writing under all the poor penmanship and lipstick stains.

Dear Shinywiny

I love you so much!

When we’re married I want seven- no! Ten foals.

Have you ever gone drinking with Anon? He’s hilarious, he just hit on some mare and she’s totally into it.

I love you I love you I love you. I love cake also, crumble is awesome as well but not rhubarbe because it just looks like red celery. What’s that all about?

Cadance

Burying her face in her pillow Cadance let out a cry of embarrassment, kicking her hind legs and covering the back of her head with her wings.

Trying to hold in his laughter Shining put a hoof on Cadance’s back gently rubbing it.

“Auntie damn you Anon I’m never going out with you again!” Cadance declared, muffling it into her pillow.

“I don’t know much about this Anon guy but he sounds fun at parties. Even if he is half as weird as Twily made him out to be” Shining thought to himself.

(Anon)

“GAUGH! I sense a great disturbance in the force, like some fucker is talking about me” Anon said out loud as his fur stood on end.

Mrs Cheerilee stood at her desk. Jaw hanging low as did the class of foals when they reacted to Anon’s sudden outburst.

“Now where was I? Oh yeah, the American Civil War. There I was, standing back to back with President Lincoln. Confederate Vampires on the left, the Klan on the right. My rifle was down to its last round when I yelled “Abe! I need a melee weapon!” I never saw a lawyer throw his briefcase so fast in my life. But I killed 769 Confederates that day. Any questions”

The class looked to one another hesitantly before Snails raised his hoof “yes young one?” Anon asked, “did that really happen?” He asked.

Raising an eyebrow Anon looked directly at the young colt making him shrink into his desk “young man if you were there I promise you that was the least strange thing that happened on that day” Anon stated.

Looking for a way to get this psychopath out of her classroom Cheerilee stealthily kicked the clock making it ring a few minutes early “well class, thank mister Anon for his lecture on… earth history. And enjoy your weekend” she said watching the foals almost trip over each other trying to get out of the classroom quicker.

“If you ever need another piece of history I’m more than happy to explain how the war finished. Although I will warn you it gets weird” Anon offered.

“Um, I’ll have to see if I can slot you in Anon” she lied.

Exiting the schoolhouse Anon noticed a familiar foal leaving. He had the same brown fur as the colt who walked in on him and Cream Heart.

“Son? Wait a minute that’s not his name. Damn it Anon think… Buttons or something like that?” Anon thought. The more it bothered him the more Anon became almost unaware of his surroundings as he continued to walk.

Being jogged out of his thoughts by bumping into something Anon’s jaw nearly dropped when he saw what. Or more accurately, who.

Cream Heart, stood equally shocked, blinked before she responded “oh um, sorry about that. I wasn’t watching where I was going” she apologised “no it was my fault, head in the clouds” Anon stated.

The two shared an awkward moment of silence before it was broken “hey I want to apologise about what happened last night, I had way too much to drink” Anon apologised “no it’s not entirely your fault, I don’t usually drink so I definitely went over my limit” Cream Heart explained.

“Mom! School’s done!” Button called out as he trotted up to his mother. Spotting Anon Button’s eyes went wide for a moment before shrinking down to pinpricks as he remembered where he saw the stallion last.

“Alright sweetie” Cream Heart said “hey Anon, how about we meet up sometime for a coffee? I still feel bad about… you know” Cream Heart said before trailing off, her face starting to go red.

“Kicking me so hard ponies thought my cutie mark was a question mark with a horseshoe superimposed over it?” He gestured to the black and blue mark on his right side that was shaped like Cream Heart’s hoof print.

“Well, yes. It’s my treat, it’s the least I can do” she said “sure, you seem really nice now I’m not smashed off my face” Anon responded. Giggling lightly, Cream Heart gave Anon a small smile “it’s a date then, come on Button, I’m making your favourite for dinner tonight. I’ll see you later Anon” Cream Heart said bidding farewell as she and a still shocked looking Button disappeared into a crowd of parents with their foals leaving for their homes.

“Aw yeah got a date with a milf” Anon thought to himself “plus she’s not married which is a bonus” his brain added.

“Wait, she isn’t married right?”

“NONNY MRS CAKE IS GOING INTO LABOUR YOU GOTTA COME QUICK!!!” Pinkie screamed while throwing herself through the air, almost flying as she collided with Anon at 500mph.

AN: a shorty but a goodie in my opinion. Cadance’s wedding is coming up soon.

Can’t wait to give Anon a way to ruin it.

More than the shapeshifter bugs.

PS: do you think Anon should get more involved with the big bads? I'm not going to make him the hero of Equestria and usurp the mane six’s place but smaller, Discord level interactions would be more the scale. What do you think?

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