Adventures of thestral Anon

by ImNew2023

Nightmare Anon

“Anon I know you’re in there!” Rarity yelled while continuing to knock on the door to Anon’s cottage.

Groaning Anon pulled himself out of bed before heading downstairs. Throwing a blanket over himself I sat next to the door “it’s unlocked” he said. Hearing the door be thrown open several angry sounding hoof clops made their way towards him “how may I help you Rarity?” He asked.

Hearing the door get slammed shut the blanket was ripped off of him.

Seeing a glaring and furious looking Rarity stood opposite of him Anon tilted his head to the side “is there something wrong?” He asked, genuinely concerned about Rarity’s state. Watching her eyes twitch Anon came to the conclusion that something was indeed wrong.

“Your book has traumatised Sweetie Bell!” She accused him.

“Book? What book?” Anon asked. Anon had taken up writing novelised versions of his favourite franchises from earth as a hobby and a potential revenue source. They did moderately well and were more popular with foals than any other age group. But he still had no clue which one has apparently scared Sweetie Bell so.

“She didn’t read the Curse of the Wererabbit did she?” Anon asked “because I thought you guys would love the idea of turning into a giant rabbit” he added trying to defend himself.

“No you unthinking buffoon!” Rarity snapped “hurtful” Anon whined “she read one of your books that she borrowed from Scootaloo and now she’s barricaded herself in her room with magic, I can’t get through. She keeps saying some kind of unicorn is coming to eat Equestria” Rarity explained.

“Unicorn eating Equestria? Wait, do you mean Unicron?” Anon asked, “Does it matter?” Rarity asked impatiently “Yeah, I think I know how to fix this” Anon said.

Later that night Anon left for the Carousel Boutique. Meeting Rarity again the two remained on less than friendly terms “she’s in her room, third door to the left” she explained with a uncharacteristic bluntness.

Finding the door Anon tried to open it, only to get zapped by some light magic “you seriously can’t get through this?” He asked “I’ve tried, but she’s very stubborn about this” Rarity explained “remind me to talk to Celestia after this, turns out all you needed to make your sister a prodigy is fear of a planet eating robot” Anon said chuckling at the context.

Rarity was not laughing.

Clearing his throat Anon knocked on the door “Sweetie, are you in there? It’s Anon, I hear you’ve been reading one of my books” he explained “go away!” A small voice came from the other side of the door “Sweetie, open the door please” Anon asked, choosing to try and being patient “no! I’m safe in here” she stated “listen Sweetie, Rarity told me what’s happening, I know you’re scared of Unicron” Anon said.

The moment that name was uttered the sound of things being knocked over on the other side of the door rang out.

“He’s coming to get me, I know it!” Sweetie insisted “Sweetie, Unicron isn’t real, he only exists in stories. Besides, even if he was he got blown up” Anon explained.

Seconds later the doorknob shook for a second. Opening slightly Sweetie’s green eye poked out through the crack “you mean he gets beaten in the end?” She asked shyly “you’ve been in there all day haven’t you finished the book?” Anon asked “once he started attacking Cybertron I put the book down. Why did you make him so scary?” Sweetie asked.

“My god I really am the greatest writer of all time” Anon thought to himself “Sweetie, at the end of the book Hotrod gets the Matrix after defeating Galvatron and uses it to destroy Unicron. He’s nothing but a pile of scrap orbiting Cybertron by the end” Anon explained “so… he’s not gonna show up and eat everypony?” Sweetie asked “no Sweetie, he’s not” Anon said smiling at the little filly.

Slowly, Sweetie Bell opens the door, taking a hesitant step out. Looking at her older sister Sweetie bowed her head slightly “sorry I yelled at you big sis” she apologised.

Already wearing a warm smile Rarity nuzzled her little sister “it’s alright Sweetie, now go hop in the warm bath I drew for you and get all washed up. It’s a little late but you should still have a good dinner before you go to bed” she said. Dissapering down the hallway Sweetie left the two grown ponies alone.

Showing a much warmer expression to him then before, Rarity moved a step closer to Anon, pecking his cheek lightly “thank you for this Anon” she thanked “no problem Rarity, I am sorry for causing it. I had no idea my books were going to cause so much trouble” Anon apologised.

Seeing the genuine expression on his face Rarity simply continued to smile at the stallion “it’s alright darling, perhaps I did overreact earlier. I do apologies, it’s just that Sweetie Bell is my little sister, whenever something involving her happens I get… protective” she explained.

“I get it, you go from fun big sis to mama bear mode, it happens” Anon chuckled. Looking offended Rarity put a hoof to her chest “darling I will assure you that I am no bear!” She said taking the comment as an insult. Shaking his head lightly Anon continued to smile “it’s not a literal bear Rarity. It’s just a saying based on the fact mother bears are often extremely protective of their young, like how you are with your sister, it’s an attractive trait in mares” Anon explained, maintaining complete obliviousness to the last part of his explanation.

“Oh, well then. Thank you I suppose” Rarity said sheepishly, turning her head to hide her blush.

Clearing her throat Rarity tried to change the subject “well Anon, would you perhaps like to stay for dinner?” She asked. Shaking his head lightly “I’m good Rare, just check in every hour and then to tell me how Sweetie’s doing. I don’t want to traumatise anyone else with my world’s literature” Anon said making his way back downstairs.

Reaching the door he turned his head back to face Rarity “see you around” he said before leaving the Boutique.

Returning home Anon hunkered down for bed after a quick sandwich. He never really dreamed, sleep for Anon was mostly a period of darkness before returning to the land of the living. He was occasionally blessed by the mental image of Cup Cake’s plump blue rear presenting itself to him, but not tonight.

“Who dares to bring nightmares upon our subjects!” A booming voice roared out.

Snapping his eyes open, Anon found himself not in his bed, but an open field. From the distance he could see that it was day, but he along with all the land for what looked like miles was coated in a shadow, slowly growing with each second.

Looking to the sky Anon’s eyes shank to pinpricks.

Like pure evil given form, a planet-like celestial body moved through the sky. A burning hole of fire at its centre along with a colossal mandible on each side, the light of the fire growing ever brighter as it came closer.

“What the fucking shit is that!” Anon squealed in panic. Looking at the surrounding area he saw a sizable rock sat atop the grass. Flapping his wings to accelerate his speed he leaped behind the rock, attempting to use is as a shelter.

While he attempted to cower behind a rock, Anon could see somepony fire off one magical blast from her horn after another at the encroaching planet.

“Begone foul parasite! This filly is under our protection!” She bellowed, a much larger burst of magic into the heart of the approaching planetoid. Like before the magic appeared to harmlessly dissipate across its target’s body. While it was an attack that would destroy even the mightiest of foes, before this approaching object it was a token resistance.

Recognising the blue fur and flowing, gravity defying mane Anon started to crawl out from behind the rock he used as cover.

“Um, excuse me?” Anon asked quietly, approaching the alicorn princess. Snapping her neck to face him, Luna glared in rage at Anon.

“You! Thou are responsible for this blight!” Luna sneered using the Royal Canterlot Voice “what? How is this my fault!?” Anon asked, defending his position.

“Thy works of fiction have caused a blight amongst the youth of Equestria! And several of its adults!” Luna explained, continuing to yell with ear bleeding volume.

Noticing a lump of white fur between Luna’s front legs. Recognising the pink mane Anon made out the image of a cowering Sweetie Bell. Curled into a ball with her hooves over her eyes and shaking profusely.

“Sweetie? What’s going on here?” Anon asked, still confused out of his mind.

Lowering her hooves slightly, Sweetie Bell looked up to see Anon standing there looking at her in confusion “A-Anon?“ she asked, her voice filled with fear.

“Y-you said he wasn’t real, you promised” she added before covering her eyes again.

“Do not fear little one, this is only a nightmare” Luna said, using a warm tone while nuzzling the foal.

Turning back to you Luna’s glare returned “thy work of fiction has created this nightmare, therefore it is your duty to remove it. Unless you intend to find thyself in the dungeons of Canterlot in the waking world” Luna threatens.

“How in Cup’s dark blue plot-hole am I supposed to do that! Do I look like I have the Matrix of Leadership!?” Anon asked. Getting a somehow even darker glare from the Princess of the Night Anon decided to try regardless.

“Unicron! If you could lend me a moment of your time, kindly SOD OFF! FUCK OFF! Remove yourself from this dream sequence at your nearest convenience and overall get bent, thank you”

The earth beneath them shook as a deep roar came from Unicron.

Unicron appeared to be growing closer far faster than before. His mandibles sinking into the ground, his fang covered maw opened ready to consume the world we stood on.

“Wait, this is a dream right? He can’t actually hurt us” Anon said, relaxing at the realisation. Shaking her head Luna spoke “unfortunately not for us, we are strangers to this realm. If we are vanquished it will affect our physical forms” she explained.

Processing the fact he was about to be eaten by fucking Unicron, Anon swiped Sweetie Bell off the ground and from the debatable safety of Luna’s protection. Holding her in the air akin to a mandrill holding up a lion cub Anon frantically tried to get Sweetie Bell to regain control of her dream “ok Sweetie, this is your dream. This world is yours to control, if you want him to go away just think of him vanishing” Anon told her.

Squirming in his grasp Sweetie shook her head profusely “I can’t!” She squeaked out “you can! You wanna know why? Because I believe in you” Anon stated.

“Y-you do?” Sweetie asked hesitantly “yes, I do. Now make me and your big sister proud” Anon said, putting Sweetie down and gently nudging her forwards “and waste his imaginary ass!” Anon cheered, encouraging the filly to stand tall in the face of her fear “ok! Umm, how do I do that?” Sweetie asked, going from Rainbow Dash levels of confidence to utterly perplexed in about 6 seconds.

“It’s your mind, summon the Matrix of Leadership or something” Anon advised, shrugging his front shoulders, causing Luna to face-hoof herself “that is your advice? Summon the Matrix of Leadership or something?” Luna criticised “well excuuuuuuuse me Princess” Anon shot back.

Closing her eyes Sweetie Bell made a clear image in her mind. The image of the Matrix of Leadership she read about in Scootaloo’s book. A blue gem held in an orange metal container with a pair of white handles, one on either side.

“Pop”

With a mere thought of a filly the Matrix of Leadership, or at least a dream version of it laid on the ground. Sweetie latched onto it, trying desperately to pry it open with first her hooves then her teeth. Watching as Unicron was mere seconds away from eating all three of them, Anon elected to give her a nudge in the right direction.

“Sweetie, you have magic,” Anon reminded her.

Blushing in embarrassment Sweetie cleared her throat “um ok, alright Matrix, light our darkest hour!” Sweetie called out, her magic enveloped the Matrix. Slowly it opened, the shining blue crystal in its heart unleashing an energy wave that blinded everyone within its range. By the time the light had faded and Stan Bush’s song The Touch stopped playing Unicron was gone. The only evidence he was even here was the falling rain of metal chunks.

“I-I did it” Sweetie said “I did it!” She squealed with pride.

Watching the filly bounce about celebrating her victory Anon couldn’t help but smile proudly. Not only in Sweetie Bell for technically becoming a Prime but in himself for not soiling himself inside a foal’s mind.

Feeling a hoof on his shoulder Anon turned his head to see Luna wearing a far more neutral expression than her former fury “well done Anon, but we are not finished with you yet. Let us continue this at your place” Luna said. Before Anon could respond he felt something hard sack him on the back of the head, causing him to lose consciousness.

Shooting up from his bed Anon looked around. He was still in his room, alone. Letting out a sigh of relief “oh good it was only a dream, within a dream” he said laying back down.

Before he could return to sleep Anon heard the noise of creaking coming from downstairs.

“I swear to god if it’s Angel again I’m eating that rabbit I don’t care if Fluttershy finds out” he growled to himself.

Getting out of bed he cautiously went downstairs. Peeking his head into the kitchen he saw the source of the noise. The fridge door was open, poking out from the side of it was a dark blue pony flank with a crescent moon on its side.

“Why are you in my fridge!?” Anon yelled, not caring if she was a princess or not. Moving her head over the opened fridge door Luna looked casually at Anon “patrolling the dreams of foals burns many calories” Luna explained taking another bite of some cake he had in the fridge.

The next night Anon felt exhausted, despite sleeping all through the day his adventure with Luna had left him drained.

To Anon,

We have spent much time considering an appropriate punishment for thy actions in tormenting the dreams of our subjects. As such we have decided to bestow on you the duty of our assistant when it comes to patrolling the dreams of Equestria’s foals.

You will accompany us five times a week, helping to deal with the ever increasingly hostile nightmares thou has created. You will serve this position until we believe that thou has repented for thy transgressions against the small and the adorable.

For the sake of effecentcy we will travel to your dwelling each night, shortening the length of our magical link greatly.

Make sure to stock up on hot chocolate and those custard slices thou had last night. We find them quite delicious.

Your sovereign, Princess Luna

“Fucking giant donkey dicks!” Anon cursed at the top of his lungs, ensuring that everything with ears for a mile could hear his frustration.

AN: poor poor Anon, tries to make something of himself and ends up scarring a filly. Hopefully the next chapter will make him feel better about his state.

Comments

[LordMentat]

[rikusorasephiroth]

At least he didn't publish anything Lovecraftian.

Honestly, these ponies probably couldn't even handle the versions from Sucker For Love.

[TallBrew_CoffeePone]

Primus, these ponies are soft. It’s a good thing he did the 80’s movie. I don’t think even Celestia could handle the the horrors in the IDW comics.

[Emperor Draxgaroth]

In Optimus Primes voice: "ARISE ANONYMOUS PRIME

[PrincePegacornV]

11582043

11582103
EEyup!

[Poparakelis]

“Fucking giant donkey dicks!” Anon cursed at the top of his lungs, ensuring that everything with ears for a mile could hear his frustration.

[tsaukpaetra]

That was all on him.

[Vaguely Demented]

Always wondered what Unicron’s response would be if some one said “Ba weep granagh weep nini bong” to him. I shall have to continue to wonder.

[Zepher]

11699468
Unicron: *Plant sized nom nom nom.*

[Black--Soul]

“I swear to god if it’s Angel again I’m eating that rabbit I don’t care if Fluttershy finds out” he growled to himself.

*Malicious laughter of glee*

You will accompany us five times a week, helping to deal with the ever increasingly hostile nightmares thou has created. You will serve this position until we believe that thou has repented for thy transgressions against the small and the adorable.

Fair enough, what is the pay? Or is Celestia paying extra feeding her sister?

This was surprisingly entertaining, though my stories would have been a lot worse.
Alien, Alien return, Resident Evil Outbreak, Resident Evil 1-2-3 & fan made versions etc.