I survived time travel and all I got was a tax dodging daughter
After twenty long years in the past, Anon returned to the present, tired and aged by the experience of being a single mother of three deities.
“Why are you a mare and why does it turn me on?” Cream asked.
Because obviously that’s what she was most concerned about.
“Discord’s birth mother and I think your just kinky” Anon replied.
Holding in a snort, Cream nuzzled her husband turned wife.
“Oh you poor thing, would a kiss make it better?” Cream asked teasingly.
“Unless you’ve gained be power to make a penis grow through kisses I doubt it” Anon grumbled.
“Unfortunately not, but in all seriousness how do we fix this?” Cream asked.
“Well it was his mother who did this so I’ll go to Discord, explain the situation and get him to change me back. Also I might see if he can deage me a little, because I know I’m only in my forties but I feel sixty” Anon stated, groaning as his bones creaked a little.
“Welcome to the world of single mothers” Cream said.
“Ugh, you don’t get nearly enough credit” he replied.
“Eeyep, I’m just glad I stopped at one before Button’s father passed”
“From a crushed pelvis?”
Ignoring her husband/wife’s comment, Cream brought Anon back to their living quarters with, their children and clones there to meet them.
“This is officially the wirdest thing you’ve ever done” Rosa said, her face neutral due to no longer being surprised by anything Anon does anymore.
“Don’t worry sweetie it’s only temporary” Anon reassured her.
“Does this mean I have to call you Mom now?” Button asked, his poor little colt brain still struggling to keep up with everything Anon does.
“No Button, don’t worry I’ll be back to normal soon. I just need to go up north to explain the situation to Discord and have him change me back” Anon explained to the colt.
“Um, your Majesty?” Crystal asked, herself perplexed about the situation.
Tilting her head, Anon asked what was wrong.
“Yes?”
“While having your clones here was of great use in governing the Empire, I felt there was one major issue that needed your direct attention” Crystal explained.
“Well fuck you too bitch” Peganon whispered.
“Well, it’s Magehold” Crystal started.
“Oh for, Rosa what did you do while I was gone?” Anon asked her daughter.
“Don’t look at me, I’ve just been vibing” Rosa replied.
“Ok what did they do?” Anon asked again, this time turning to Crystal.
“They haven’t been paying their taxes” Crystal explained.
“Sweetie I’m so proud of you” Anon said, a tear forming in her eye as she smiled at her necromancer daughter.
Then her face dropped into a frown.
“Wait a minute I’m the government that’s bad” she added.
“Well most of Magehold’s population are dead so they can’t technically be taxed. The rest are slaves who don’t make a salary so they don’t pay it either” Rosa explained.
While technically right, Anon had to see the problems that would arise from it.
“Wait a minute I thought I made slavery illegal when I took over this place?” Anon asked, not remembering what she did 20+ years ago.
“Well they aren’t technically slaves, they’re volunteers. But they insist on being called slaves” Rosa explained.
“Is it the goth mares?” Anon asked.
“Of course it’s the goth mares” Rosa replied.
“Dang it, right we’ve got to come up with a solution because otherwise ponies can get away with not paying taxes by identifying as undead” Anon said.
“Would they really try that?” Cream asked.
“Hey I have a cousin who pretended to be a Native American to get into college” Anon explained.
…
Sat in Twilight’s castle, the Main 6 discovered another side effect of Anon’s travels through time.
They all had foals.
Well except for Princess Twilight the Unfucked.
Starlight didn’t have any either.
I think?
“Ok so Anon at some point causes a ripple effect that resulted in magic backed birth control never being invented” Twilight hypothesised.
“Ya think?” Applejack asked sarcastically as a trio of light green earth pony foals sat on her back chewing on her hat.
“Ok I know you’re all upset about the situation-“ Starlight started.
“I’m not” Pinkie corrected/interrupted.
Oddly enough it appeared Pinkie didn’t have any foals with her, something the others seemed worried about.
“Pinkie, where is your foal?” Twilight asked hesitantly.
Rummaging around in her mane, Pinkie pulled out a small pink foal with a black mane and tail.
“You keep her… in your mane?” Rainbow asked, frankly disturbed by the situation.
“I keep everything in there” Pinkie explained.
“Alright we’re getting a little off track, what do you girls want to do about this?” Twilight asked.
Her friends looked at one another before looking back at Twilight.
“Sugarcube, it’s not convenient for us to be mothers right now, it ain’t right to undo their existence now they’re already alive” Applejack stated.
“I always wanted to be a mother, I just didn’t have the time” Fluttershy said.
“But I’m still killing Anon” Rainbow added.
“Agreed” Rarity agreed.
Before Twilight could shut the idea down, a knock on the palace’s doors echoed.
“Spike! Could you get the door!?” Twilight called.
Being torn away from his newest comic, “Power Ponies vs The Home Owners Association” Spike opened the door, being met by Anon.
“Spike, where are the girls? I have a tax problem” Anon said, not bothering to say hi.
“Don’t you mean a friendship problem?” Spike asked, hoping Anon had spoken wrong.
“Nope, tax problem. I need them to help me figure out how to make dead ponies pay taxes so Magehold can’t dodge it” Anon explained.
Leading the stallion turned mare to the Mane 6, Spike went back to his comic.
“Well look who it is, Daddy” Rainbow said, her voice full of sarcasm.
“Rainbow I get it, compared to me any stallion feels inadequate but I’m married now- wait why do you all have foals?” Anon said before getting sidetracked by all the babies.
“I’ll give ya three guesses” Applejack said, also not very thrilled to see Anon.
Stood in thought for a few moments, the cogs in her brain turning to find an answer.
“You all adopted” Anon guessed.
“Nope” Applejack replied.
“Cadence has an NTR kink?” Anon guessed.
Twilight proceeded to vomit profusely at the thought.
“No” Applejack said.
“… well I give up what’s with the foals?” Anon asked, not having the energy for a third guess.
Everyone looked at Anon with rather annoyance or flat out unamusement.
Except for Pinkie who was just giggling the whole time.
Then she realised.
“Oh, oh no” Anon whispered.
“She can be taught” Rainbow said, her voice full of snark.
“But- when- how!?” Anon asked, trying to wrack her brain around this.
“Sex?” Pinkie said.
“I know HOW, but you all said you were on the pill!” Anon replied.
“Well we did some digging, turns out at some point you did something that altered the timeline so magic backed birth control pills don’t exist” Starlight explained.
Thinking back, Anon couldn’t imagine what she/he did to alter the timeline so much.
Except on the way home through the time portal, when she slipped and her rear fell through the fabric of time for a few seconds.
But Anon was pretty sure that wasn’t it.
Those thoughts were quickly thrown out her mind as a darker thought quickly consumed her mind.
Swallowing her breath, Anon looked at Twilight nervously.
“Twilight? What’s the fertility rate of the average pony?” She asked.
“Well, there are various factors that can determine fertility such as diet, genetics or exposure to magic but-“ Twilight began before realising what she was being asked.
Showing true fear, Twilight looked Anon in the eyes.
“Anon, how many mates have you slept with since coming to Equestria?” She asked.
Putting her hoof to her chin, Anon began doing mental gymnastics of the highest order.
“Well I was human for the first year I was here so none during that time, I was single for eighteen months before meeting Cream, then the Bug Bitch who pretended to be Cadence… then there was the time I slept with the Queen of Saddle Arabia, and her husband’s harem, and her sons harems all of whom I mistook for the King’s harem. So divide that by the number of days comes to one mare per three days”
Everyone in the room other than Anon and Pinkie dropped their jaws to the floor.
“What?” Anon asked, tilting her head innocently.
“Anon, that’s one hundred and eighty six mares” Twilight said.
“Yes, and?” Anon asked, not getting her point.
“Accounting for the 30% chance of twins. You could have nearly two hundred children!” Twilight explained.
…
“Who’s Mama’s little princess? Is it you? Is it you? Oh yes it is” Celestia cooed over her beloved daughter Sunset.
And then her beautiful moment was ruined by a low distance sound coming from the south.
“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”
…
“Why didn’t you stop me!” Anon cried as she shook Twilight back and forth relentlessly.
“Iiiiiiii diiiiiiiiiidn’t seeeeeeee” Twilight replied as she continued to be shaken.
“Dude you owe so much child support” Rainbow chuckled.
Releasing Twilight from her grasp, Anon began hyperventilating.
“Oh no, oh fuck, Cream and I have hardcore orgies with… ourselves every night! For all I know we’ve got a nursery full of foals, fuck Hippanon, Griffanon and Drakeanon are from races who lay eggs. Cream could have a clutch growing inside her for all we know!” Anon panicked.
Seeing their insane time travelling friend was having a panic attack, the girls tried to calm her down.
“Hey, why did you come down here?” Pinkie asked.
“Huh? Oh yeah. I need your help figuring out how to make Magehold pay taxes. Because you know, they're mostly dead and therefore can’t be taxed” Anon explained.
That was a problem the Element’s weren’t particularly skilled in.
“Well why don’t you throw them a tax party? Maybe they’ll want to pay taxes then?” Pinkie suggested.
“Yeah I don’t think anypony wants to go to a party they’ll have to pay for” Anon pointed out.
“Did you try asking them nicely?” Fluttershy asked.
“I did, they said F off” I replied.
“F off? Really?” Rainbow asked.
“I’ve realised there are tiny ears around” Anon said.
“Have you tried making them pay anyways? You’re the King ain’t ya?” Applejack asked.
“Yes let me do that to the cabal of liches and vampires with hordes of the undead. Making them do anything is a Herculean feat” Anon said.
Looking to Rarity, the rest of the girls hoped she’d have an idea.
“What are you all looking at me for? I don’t pay taxes, why would I know how to make others pay them” Rarity asked.
“Wait you don’t pay your taxes?” Twilight asked in surprise.
“Well I don’t pay myself a wage and my business account is registered to Puerto Caballo, which is a registered tax haven. So officially my tax rate is 0” Rarity explained.
“So much for the Element of Generosity” Applejack murmured.
“Where do you think all the bits I give to charity come from darling?” Rarity shot back.
“I think we’re getting a little off track” Starlight said before turning to Anon.
“You could change the tax law so any creature within the Empire’s territory living or dead that makes money rather through wages or a business are required to pay the appropriate taxes” Starlight suggested.
Thinking for a few moments, Anon nodded her head in agreement.
“Alright, thanks girls. But I do have one more… minor request” Anon thanked.
“What’s that Nonny?” Pinkie asked.
“I may need help tracking down all of my potential baby mamas. I promised Cream I’d crack down on the whole surprise thing. So yeah I need to find them before they come to me” Anon explained.
AN: Question, how much child support do you think Anon owes? XD
Also I might do a spin-off about Anon’s adventures during his/her time in the past.
Stats
Page generated in 0.033 seconds
Total duration
997 users online
1,566,243 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Was actually hoping for Anon to be like 'Welp, lemme just get out of your mane for a second and just...see someone about something...' and just wander back to unianon and ask him 'yo we gotta back in time again and make sure birthcontrol is a thing, I am not paying child-support for over 200 foals that I sure as hell ain't raising. And also I am not paying child-support cause that is like paying taxes.'
great chapter
Given let say he make 5,000,000 bits foals support for one require father income 24 percent. Leaving 1,200,000 times that by 200 of Anon foals are 240,000,000 bits. How many foals or filly did Anon have with Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie, and “ESPECIALLY RAINBOWDASH” on the bright side Discord have new mother again Fluttershy given soon once he return his father/mother to normal. I pretty sure he be very committed father toward Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie, and Rainbowdash, since they know he cares about them and their children. Wouldn’t Celestia would ask foal support too once she realized it also his Foal as well.
This would be a better arc than almost any comics being published today.
lol the image of an immediate expulsion makes me laugh so hard. No pause or hesitation. Just: blurgh!
Child support? Does Anon collect any salary as King? If he’s paid a ceremonial wage of 1x bit/yr, he might not owe much. Also, it might depend on the jurisdiction. Crystal Empire, Equestria, other countries may have different judicial systems that could require third party mediation… Hard to find a neutral court. Maybe Discord or Cadence?
When you think Mane six parents or whole family going to chase him or ambush Anon to death till he take responsibility. Heck I know for a fact that Bright Mac and Pear Butter will literally rise from the graves to go after him.
While this is quite bad, I wonder just how much worse it will get next chapter.
Anon probably owes more than Celestia has been alive for.
11761532
The rage of parents back from the dead.
11761535
He might have some sort of secret treasure that he left behind in order to get again that only he knows where.
Child support is about to be in the thousands
11761567
No way just thousands given 200 of them
Only Anon could owe 2,5 billion bits in child support alone.
Foals. Foals everywhere
I'm just picturing Spike standing off to the side, wondering to himself if anyone is going to ask why Anon is a mare now.
11758452
I think I put the date of the birth control pill’s invention around 300 years before the series started. So any population increase would have happened and been accounted for.
Or smt.
Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff
11761507
Ngl Cadance and Discord are out of the picture.
Cadance lives in Anon’s house and Discord is still squatting in his attic (the frozen wastes the Empire used to be in)
11761658
I think I remember the girls being sent back in time a chapter or two back, that’s when they found out about Eris turning Anon into a girl
Okay, I ran some quick calculations and Anon should be paying somewhere around 1,037,500$ per month if he only has 200 foals. . . Maybe he should stay female. Then he can claim he's not the father by virtue of being female. And if anypony asks if that's a recent thing he could just point to a history book as proof. XP
11761689
So roughly 50k in bits per child. But hear me out: Wouldn't the child support be exponentially higher since he's a king? We're talking Anon either grinding it down to zero because he's a king, or the unfortunate bastard's shelling out more bits than Luna getting scammed by a foal, because he's a king.
11761667
Who else would make decent nearly-neutral arbiters?
I’d like to imagine a court run by Discord akin to something that Roger Rabbit might do. lol That was such a classic.
Anon owes a ball and a leg in child support. Maybe 2 balls.
11761726
But if we're talking specifics, after digging through bits of Florida child support law, and hashing our specifics, he'd only reasonably be able to pay for 181 kids resulting in all of his income being siezed (assuming he only makes 10k bits in a month, which accounting his get rich quick scheme that put him into power, not him owning the mine idk if he still does probably wouldn't be crazy to assume his monthly income is significantly higher). Reasonably, his best bet is to shove his assets into Cream's hands not those ones you horny bastards, and get a job flipping burgers until the courts blow a fuse and give up.
11761689
He going back stallion either way he's not that heartless. He probably thinks of a scheme or digs up past valuable he hide.
11761669
I think I vaguely remember that, now that you mention it. I'll need to reread this at some point.
Probably about 6 times the us debt
Dang Applejack have triplets
He's the Ruler of his own nation and makes the laws... so he owes No bits as they can't collect.
Idea: the child support bankrupts the royal treasury and anon decides to blackmail Celestia and Luna with various baby stories because he was their mother for 20 years in exchange for a “loan”
Shit, the future where Flutters causes the holocaust is getting more and more canon... So it started, with Anon having a lot of children in equestria... But wait, if you already had them, doesn’t that mean the pill removal happened even before you traveled back in time?
11764790
I know one thing for certain with Anon involve destiny hold no bounds on him.
11761667
As an enjoyer of this series, I wholeheartedly say that there should be no such thing as DISCORD of all people, ponies, or Eldritch abominations being out of the picture. Entirely on the grounds of him probably putting a wormhole to Anontopia in the proverbial attic of the castle (would be more along Discord's style if the attic door was in the basement, or above Anon's throne room.)
I know you mean that in a sense of probably not using either until a later chapter but, just think about it.
This may be the greatest thing in this story. I think I like this better than her being with Cream Heart and Anon, even though I'd love for that to still happen. Probably as a political marriage to help pay for all the foal support.
11775176
No actual marriage since Twilight known him longer.
Lets go
weirdest
OK ridiculous funny as great until now. But now as in right now it gets not funny at all. So many mares with foal and no partner to raise them or money to finance them