A bullied kid with no friends, but a grand destiny that awaits him. Now, here it is again with friendship, magic, love, rivalry, and proving yourself. Meet Jeane Umbra, who is about to start his journey to go from victim to hero, or maybe his path shall lead him down the path of destroyer. Read on to find out.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Why did you make the main character male?
Okay, so far so good. Kinda wish there were a few more contractions like "I'll" as opposed to "I will" but that's just me. Anyway, can't wait to see the duel.
11556821
It doesn't matter actually. But Yu-Gi-Oh has always had a boy as the central protagonist (or at least it used to anyway. Haven't been keeping up with the anime for years), so some might want a girl in the lead role.
11557252
i agree a female lead in canon would be awesome and be a good way to make this mc stand out to the rest and you could go the extra mile and give the mc a badass archetype to play with like you do with the boys and not let it just be a girl who plays a cute waifu deck. but the reason i made the mc a boy is twofold: i write male mcs better and so i stick with them but i understand that all groups deserve equal representation in stories and too this is the latest in a long line of stories which have my oc jeane who is my dnd persona basically in stories. if you look at my story history both on this site, fanfic and ao3 he is present in alot of my stories and not just in the MLP universes... hes kinda my writing mascot at this point and i generally make the stories around his character at the beginning of our dnd campaign he was in and seek to reach a similiar end point as the dnd campaign. im sorry if i offended anyone with my choice of mc and i understand if you dont want to read my story but i would like it stated that the mc being male is for these reasons and not because of any other reasons.
This was a good duel though some of the monsters were misnamed. I can forgive that but there are also a number of card effects that were incorrect.
1. Infinite Impermanence only negates spells and traps in the column it was set. The only monster effect it negates is the one it targets.
2. Sunset could not have used her spell against Super Polymerization because it cannot be responded to. Moreover, Salamangreat Circle's protection effect only works on a Link monster that was Reincarnation Link Summoned, which Heatleo was not.
If you need someone to keep tabs on certain cards and effects being used, I'd be happy to volunteer my services. Send me a PM if you're interested.
11557829
i may take you up on that but i was aware of these mistakes but like i said in the first chapter there are some rulings of cards that i change or ignore for dramatic effect. i feel like the anime doesnt follow the rules to the letter they've gotten better but they still add and remove stuff for dramatic effect and i feel like if the canon sources can do it then so can i but like i said i may just ask you about this kinda thing. next chapter isnt duel but the one after it is and i think if you want we can talk about as part of writing this fanfic i have seperate documents which is basically an outline of the turns and what they draw/start with in hand. but i want to say thank you for being nice and i hope you are enjoying the fanfic.
That's... the dumpest duel I ever seen. Because of this author doesn't know how to play Salad or even knos its card.
11557856
i think you mean dumbest. i mean fair enough but that is your opinion and i feel like i made it clear that duelists wouldnt always be making optimal plays that personality and circumstances would get in way. but look man if you dont like the fanfic i understand but can you please leave the negativity out of the comment section. if you have constructive criticism though i am more then willing to hear it.
11557879
Ah... here, let me show you.
You can't summon great wolf like this. It require two FIRE effect monster.
Who allow you to do this? You activated Salamamgreat Miragestallio's effect (oh man, you spell the name wrong too), that's mean you can't activate any monster effect, except Fire monster.
What can you chain, mr genius? Super Poly is spell speed 4, mean you can't even response to that card.
That's the thing so wrong about this duel. I can find it more I guess.
11557888
look sir/madame im just writing a fun story about yugioh in EQG. it aint that serious my guy. but i understand that this may be something your passionate about and i understand that i upset you but please cut me some slack this is something i write for fun... it isnt a life or death situation.
11557893
Then at least stick to the rule of Yugioh, please. Oh, and I have fun for showing your mistake
11557897
whatever makes you happy my guy.
Couple of mistakes here and there, most of them being punctuation and capitalization errors. Remember, you capitalize names and the first word of every sentence. Nothing totally gamebreaking, but it does take me out of the experience.
11561181
thank you i will correct my writing as follows. also thank you for not being negative and given genuine constructive criticism rather then just saying i suck.
11561391
You could start by fixing up the story description. The same problems I pointed out before are there, as well as throughout the rest of the story. I don't consider myself an expert on this card game so my criticism will be mostly technical and focusing on syntax and story construction.
11561402
i did that just now... hey would you be willing to help me edit. if not i understand.
11561422
Do you mean just point out mishaps and misspellings? Because I can do that just fine in the comments. If you're looking for a dedicated proofreader or beta reader of some kind, I'm afraid I'll have to decline on that one. For now at least.
I love seeing YGO/MLP crossovers.
I wonder if Spike is a duelist in this AU too?
11563697
he is he is twilights little brother and is considered in world as a junior league contender but he hasnt officially signed up yet. i havent decided on the deck yet but it has two prereqs: Must have dragons and Must have Lord of d./Because i like lord of d., also not required but i would like it to be a fusion deck as i see fusion being the best summoning method for MLP characters since it is taking two or more monsters and making them stronger together then the sum of thier parts but a close Second is XYZ summons. spike will also be introduced in the friendship games arc and will duel a couple times in that arc and some others. i still havent decided if i want this to be a harem story but if so then twilight would be in it as she sunset, and starlight are three favorite MLP characters that are female... spike and big mac being my favorite males and discord being my favorite overall character but me being a star trek fan and him being played by q actor made that a foregone conclusion.
11563728
Cool!
Think he might slip in the other summoning methods too?
How far ahead is the Friendship Games?
11563732
It's the ark after the second ark the second Arc is the tournament Arc that was foreshadowed in chapter 3 in that Arc a lot of stuff pops off and you see more you see more of the cast dueling friendship games will be kindof be like a s ven v. Seven type deal
11563732
Also what are your opinions on turning this into a harem fic curious what my fans think
11563805
Ok then
11563805
I don't feel strongly about harem stories one way or the other, as long as it's done well and makes sense within the confines of the story's established points and progresses logically.
Fixed the last few punctuation errors in your description. You're welcome.
11564009
Additionally, I would take out the part that says "You know this story well". It's a matter of personal taste, but telling your readers that they've seen this all before might make them disregard this story. Even if you are treading familiar ground in your story, you want to make it seem like it's a fresh new idea so that the readers will be interested in what the contents might be.
11564021
thank you.
11564219
There's not much else to be fixed at first glance, other than that the chapter titles should be capitalized.
It ought to be "What Do You Desire", and "Trial by Fire". I'll leave it up to you whether you want to add a question mark after "Desire", since it is technically a question, but not one that will be directly addressed in terms of chapter titles.
If you want to do a harem, you can if you want to.
Doesn't Des Koala have 1800 DEF?
11565257
it does... my bad
11563728
I wonder how strong will Spike be too?
11565350
you'll have to read to find out... i will tell you that he and twilight are currently in crystal prep me treating that school like an all grades prep school which is why diamond tiara and silver spoon attend there for thier elementary school... figured it was weird that diamond tiara and silver spoon weren't at the rich kid school when canterlot obviously has grade schoolers in the cmc
11565358
Ok
How is it going?