• Member Since 31st Oct, 2022
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Anonymous15


Big MLP: FIM Fan and tries to write fanfiction of mlp.

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Source

I try to write alt ending to 28 Pranks later.. I don't like the ending to the episode so I wrote my own ending.

I don't own anything, MLP belongs to Hasbro.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 11 )
Comment posted by Anonymous15 deleted January 23rd

Apple Jack jumped in and said, "As the element of Honesty I got to agree with Twi, what we did was not cool we could have talked to her and still have a friend but i am pretty sure that after all that happened last night, Rainbow Dash will never forgive us and never wanted to be our friend."

What the fuck! First Applejack is all smug and confident they didn't do anything wrong and using her title to prop her nonsense up as absolute fact, despite the fact there is no basis in canon for her title to make it impossible for her to lie or to even detect lies for that matter and now without being shown to be convinced otherwise turns a 180 and even has the nerve to use her title again, acting like she didn't just change her mind out of nowhere and ignoring that even moments before she was spouting the opposite. Either she was lying before or she.... No she was lying before and used her title to do it making it worthless and now the way she thinks she can just smugly use it now to finally state the truth is just aggravating and disgusting. I get you want them to learn that their behavior was terrible, but you should have had her gradually become less confident what she did wasn't wrong before you finally had her confident she did. This just comes across as a force 180 out of the blue because plot and to have her be just as smug about it as she was before she was convinced makes it so much worse.

11488175
I agree. Rainbow was a pain but they should spoken clearly and precisely and directly to her about the problem. In show they didn't even do that pinkie just beat around the bush in trying to get rainbow to stop which would never get her attention.

this story need more work.

What did you think?

Uh, I get what you were going for, but IMO, this story fell into the trap a lot of fix fics fall into of going too far in 'fixing" what happened in an episode, although it is pretty easy to do. So instead of the mane 6 simply being called out, it felt like it downplayed just how out of control Rainbow was before the big zombie prank and treated her like she was purely the victim. The story also glossed over how the Mane 6 did try to talk to Rainbow about her pranks but it didn't work, and it seemed to imply that they never tried. Personally, I don't understand the idea that they never did or where it came from, but I digress.

Spike's letter didn't even sound like it was him that wrote it, but a mouthpiece for how you might have felt. The Mane 6 in chapter 1 also was meaner and jerkish than they were in the episode. They, generally, didn't rub it in nearly as much as they did here. Some did a little, but it was short-lived. They then asked her if now she understood how it feels for somepony to prank them with pranks the targets don't think are funny, and that part didn't happen here at all. It felt like it may have been done to set up what would happen to them later and make it a little more justified, but as a fix-fic, I don't think it was the right call.

I also thought Ponyville outright condemning the mane 6 san Rainbow was overkill, especially given they were in the prank too, so they really had no right to get on such a high horse (pun intended) and act like it was all the Mane 5's fault. Princess Celestia also seemed to be taking it too far by revoking Twilight's title as Princess of Friendship since when she did something even worse (mind-controlling ponies in Lesson Zero) Celestia didn't threaten to drop her as a student or anything like that, though she was upset with her. The part when she talked like the Mane 5 acted worse than Discord I thought was too over the top, since he has done worse than what the Mane 5 did with their prank even after reforming

I think it would have been better if how the mane 5 was scolded was toned down a little, not have Ponyville get into the act like they were innocent, and if Celestia must give a harsh scolding (which I personally don't think is necessary to begin with) have her give it to all that was part of the prank instead of her just targeting the Mane 5. I also think how Rainbow was initially talked to about her pranks and how she didn't listen should have been fully acknowledged, but still point out how such a prank the Mane 5 did on her was overkill. There's also the fact that sometimes, you have to show someone how it feels to be on the wrong end of something and just "talking it out" doesn't always work like people sometimes act like it does (I've personally seen it fail and it happens surprisingly often in this very site; it's typically effective, but the effect isn't like magic, especially when tensions are high doing the talking). It's also worth noting that always talking 100% super clearly and precisely every single time you talk with someone like they're 10 years old or younger and/or have learning difficulties can become condescending, like the person needs every single thing spelled out to them, which is partly why people don't always do it in real-life. The mane 5 could have used this in their defense, but still have it be pointed out that, if anything, it should've been a last resort after more attempts to talk sense into Rainbow failed and action needed to be taken.

All that said, I do like the idea of the Mane 5 getting called out, but it was just taken too far and reached the point that many of the characters started sounding like mouthpieces, which is one of the last things you want to do when taking on a fix-fic.

TL;DR, it went way too far with how the Mane 5 was treated, ignored how an attempt to talk to Rainbow was taken, and how Rainbow was basically treated like the victim that did next to nothing wrong.

... This is such a massive pile of flaming 💩that I can't even think straight. 11488326 does a much better job of explaining everything wrong with this than I ever could. So I won't.

This story was really unpleasant. The writing for the characters like Applejack and Derpy was pretty out of character, especially Depy because it feels like you're using her as nothing but a mouthpiece to vent out your strong feelings for these episodes, and it makes Derpy come off as unlikable in the process for how hostile she acts towards the Mane 5. And the repercussions that Rainbow Dash's friends experience felt so overdone that they just come off as petty and makes the Ponyville residents look like self-righteous hypocrites since they were in on getting back at Rainbow Dash for her pranks, too.

This honestly reminds of the Spongebob Squarepants episode "Little Yellow Book" where Squidward is set up to receive his comeuppance for doing something mean to Spongebob, but it goes wrong through playing the mean-spiritedness up way too much and not having enough of a funny creativity to make Squidward's karma entertaining that it just becomes unenjoyable and feels rather sadistic for the sake of being sadistic.


Word of advice: When you're writing a story that changes an ending or events of an episode that you didn't like, try to do more than just treating characters like mouthpieces or pinatas that you wanna bash open, and whenever you wanna make a character receive repercussions for their actions, try to tone it down when you feel like its going too far.

Derpy said, "Well, if I stole something from you will it be okay for you to steal my muffins? EXACTLY NO! AND DON"T STEAL MY MUFFINS."

Offers muffin

I should say that it was the Mane 5 and Ponyville residents' karma from scaring Rainbow Dash, they should had used the brains to think of it instead of just thinking lazy and do it.

Look who are the big pranksters now.

And this time they weren't laughing and making fun of Dash.

What would Celestia know about this sort of thing. She caused her sister to become Nightmare Moon and refuses to stop treating her own sister in such a way.

I wish someone would write fics like this but with episodes like Royal Problem, Newbie Dash, Parental Glideance, Testing Testing 1 2 3, Look Before You Sleep, and many more.
RD deserves better, and really the only reason she behaves so badly in episodes like 28 Pranks Later is because she is treated the exact same way by all her peers.

The grammar needs corrections as does the sentence structure throughout all the chapters. Character's are portrayed inaccurately with their personalities reduced to an insulting imitation of 1st graders. And the logic used here is worse than the shows.

Additional, take credit for your work instead of giving it to your deity of belief. It just shows you're setting up a scapegoat or excuse for yourself with this lackluster work.

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