• Member Since 24th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

dartagnan401


Trying out writing fiction. This should be fun.

Sequels1

T

Pinkie is hiding a secret that has been tearing her apart. She decides to tell Twilight, but while working up the courage and best approach to tell her, the secret comes out violently anyway.
(Pre-Season 3 finale)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

Loved it- I want a sequel.

You had one moment where you used “everyone” instead of “everypony”, but other than that I didn’t see any mistakes!

It was very well put together, intriguing, and I’d love to see a sequel! :yay:

A sequel(s) would be good. Especially one with Applejack, the down to earth pony, reacting to the 'horror' from outer space.

This was unexpected, still a good story though.

11403063
That's an interesting idea and good practice for more than 2 characters. Everyone I have asked has told me to write a lot if I want to get better. but writing is difficult for me if I'm not interested in the subject manner. I like this idea though, i think i will try it out.

Pinkie is hiding a secret that has been tearing her apart.

Not sure if it was intentional, but man, that line made for some really punny foreshadowing.

This was a bit rough around the edges, but all in all, not bad! Congrats on the first story!

11403823
originally it also had "sometimes literally" but I felt like it was too obvious at that point lol.

That was really cool, and I liked it a lot! It is well-written and engaging. Would you classify Pinkie as a Shoggoth?

11404017
something similar to one yes. Hurting her with physical force would be extremely difficult. Extreme heat and cold as well as chemical damage could hurt her severely though. She stores her extra mass in a curved space bigger on the inside version of hammerspace so she still weighs as much as a pony normally but if she transforms then all the rest of her comes out.

Sequel when? Tip for sequel tough, Twilight is alicorn they try to tell AJ but ends up like this time and rainbow thinks a monster is attacking the orchard so she tries to help only to be catapulted in the barn by Twilight

That was a good story.

Wow, this is really good. It makes sense for Pinkie to be something eldritch, all the characters act like themselves, it has a lot of potential for further chapters...
Simply amazing. Good job word-smith!

The way Pinkie Pie can be extremely hurt by something hot make me think she is The Thing somehow...But at the same time, I also think about Parasyte...

11438706
those two examples and shoggoths were what I based her on

People called me paranoid, but Deep down I always knew Pinkie was an eldritch abomination.

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