Whodunnit?

by SkarinOfAtmora

2 - Worst holiday ever

Twilight and her friends did their best to avoid the pony stampede headed towards the spa, lest they be trampled to a pancake. Once a little common sense kicked in all of Ponyville stormed towards Lotus and Aloe's establishment to rid themselves of the poison joke and enjoy the rest of their Hearts and Hooves day while the princessess figured out who would be cruel enough to do something like this.

"Are we sure it ain't Discord?" Applejack asked once again, her new slim form making it easy for her to avoid the horde of ponies.

"If-Fluttershy-says-it's-not-Discord-I-believe-her." Twilight responded while her head spun around and only speaking when it faced Applejack. In the last minute everytime somepony bumped into her, Twilight's head would spin in another direction.

"You wanna' know what I think?" Rainbow piped up. "I say we go to Discord and we-" before she could finish, somepony went right through her and her entire body collapsed in a sandy heap. But just like earlier it began to quickly form the cyan pegasus mare.

"Why is everypony running with sharp objects?!" Rarity screamed in horror and avoided sharp objects in a way Pinkie would later dub Neo-style.

"-and that'll show that motherbucker we mean business!" Rainbow Dash's body finally pulled itself together and it seemed Rainbow didn't even notice she got reduced to cat litter. It would also appear the stampede finally got past them and the six mares gathered in a circle. Actually, they all approached Fluttershy who was too embarrased to move.

"I will send a letter to Princess Celestia." Twilight's head finally stopped spinning and she summoned a parchment and quill and began writing down her message. "I'm sure if she comes to Ponyville she'll put everypony at ease so we can figure this out in peace. There!" Twilight quickly rolled up the letter and sent it away to Canterlot.

"Wait, you can do that without Spike?" Rarity asked with a raised balloon brow that squealed as it moved upwards. You know, balloon on balloon friction.

"Of course. But since Spike is my assistant I let him do it." Twilight explained. "Okay girls, while we wait for Princess Celestia let's think. Who could have done it?" before Applejack could speak Twilight raised a hoof. "Probably not Discord."

"And why the hay not?" Applejack asked annoyed. "All ah'm sayin' sugarcube is that it's probably that varmit's doin'."

"W-well-" Fluttershy finally spoke up. "If Discord had done this, then he would be here to enjoy the chaos, right?" the butter mare made a good point.

"Ah' suppose. But still!" Applejack was not about to let this go.

"Discord is our prime suspect but Fluttershy is right." Twilight said and tried to put a hoof on her chin for the whole thinking hard look but her head wobbled so much it was impossible. "Discord would be here laughing in our faces and taking pictures."

"Then who is responsible for this atrocity?" Rarity cried dramatically and pretended to faint, only for her balloon body to slowly float to the ground and land with a soft squeak, completely ruining the drama queen moment. "Horsefeathers."

"Maybe Chrysallis is at it again?" Rainbow Dash suggested.

"Hmmm, could be. Throw Ponyville into chaos and send her army to conquer it." Twilight thought it over. "But why Ponyville? I mean, Canterlot is-" before she could finish a letter poof'd into existance in front of her. "It's from Princess Celestia!" Twilight unraveled the scroll. "What the hay?" the entire scroll was covered in cake stains.

Dear Twilight.
I am not able to come to Ponyville at the moment as I am too busy eating myself-

Then there was a lot of scribbled jibberish, like somepony was trying to grab the quill from Celestia's hoof, before the message continued but in a different hoofwriting.

Canterlot is in quarantine. Princess Celestia became a cake and Princess Luna is chasing her lower half through the red light disctrict. I suspect poison joke. Waiting for treatment.
Sincerely,
Raven Inkwell

"We're doomed!" Rarity cried out once again and repeated her act from before. She once again landed with a soft squeak.

"We are not doomed Rarity." Twilight crumpled the parchment into a ball and threw it away, the ball of paper conveniently landing inside a pony shaped trashcan that walked by. "Girls, it looks like it's up to us to once again save the day." Twilight sighed. "Really getting tired of this Princess Celestia..."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Pinkie, who has been swaying leisury until now, bounced around her friends. "To the spa!"

---

Shining Armor was ready. He took a nice long shower, brushed his mane and tail, put on his old officer uniform that Cadance liked so much and made his way towards their designanted, ahem, Room of Love.

Since it was Hearts and Hooves day, Cadance's favorite holiday, Shining knew he was in for a treat. If last year was anything to go by his pelvis would need readjusting but it was worth it. It somewhat annoyed him that ponies associated Cadance's status as Princess of Love as something sexual but he did not correct them either. Truth is, Cadance was an expert on love and sex. How he managed to marry her was beyond him. Little nerdy Shining Armor marrying the prettiest girl in school.

"Suck it, Big Hoof." Shining smirked remembering the old high-school bully who was now flipping hay burgers for a living. Guards and maids bowed curtly as he walked past them, with a freshly picked rose in his mouth, and some even smirked knowingly. Yup, Shiny's gonna' get laid tonight. He finally reached the door to the Room of Love and knocked.

*TAP! TAP-TAP-TAP TAP! TAP TAP!*

"Cadance? It's me!" he said in a sing-song voice. Shining waited for a reply but none came. "Cady?" he called again but got no answer. "I'm coming in!" he announced and slowly opened the door. Shining peeked inside and the room was dimly lit by candles, a big heart shaped bed was covered with rose petals but Cadance was nowhere to be found. "Ummm, honey?" he entered the room completely and closed the door. Shining looked around but Cadance was nowhere to be seen. "I'm getting worried now-WHOA!" suddenly somepony tackled him to the ground but Shining quickly realized who it was. "There you are!"

"Silence, you lowly peasant!" Cadance growled at a now confused Shining Armor.

"Umm, Cadance?"

"I am not Cadance you fool!" the pink princess hissed and slapped Shining across the cheek. "I am the great Queen Chrysalis!"

"Oooooh!" to Cadance's utter shock, Shining suddenly smiled widely. "We're doing roleplay again!"

"What?" Cadance reeled back in disgust.

"Ahem." Shining cleared his throat and made his voice a little deeper. "I am King Sombra and I came to claim you as mine Queen Chrysalis!"

"What the buck is wrong with you?" Cadance jumped back in horror. "You are disgusting!"

"Do not play hard to get, my queen." Shining stood up and advanced towards a horrified Cadance. "After all, you quite enjoyed our last meeting." he strode forward with confidence, making Cadance scurry backwards. "The way I made you scream my name."

"What? You roleplay me and Sombra! You two are disgusting!" her cries fell on deaf ears as Shining was too deep in character.

"They way I filled you to the brim with my-"

*KNOCK, KNOCK*

"WHAT?" Shining barked in Sombra's voice before realizing what he'd done. "Um, I mean, yes?" he quickly reverted back to his normal tone and just in time as Cadance was pinned to a wall.

"Prince Shining Armor! There is something you need to see!" a guard's voice came from the outside.

"Can't it wait?" Shining groaned before looking at Cadance and licking his lips hungrily. "I'm about to have dinner." Cadance was drained of color.

"I'm really sorry but it REALLY can't wait! May we enter?" Shining's ears twitched. The guards and staff knew not to disturb them on this particular day if it wasn't of the utmost importance.

"You may." Shining backed away from Cadance who breathed a sigh of relief as her coat returned to it's natural pink. The doors slowly opened and two guards entered with a prisoner in tow. "What is it-" Shining's eyes fell on the prisoner. "Chrysalis!" his horn immediately flared up with magic.

"No! Wait! Shiny, it's me! Cadance!" Chrysalis cried out.

"Yeah, right." Shining rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"It's true, dumbass." Cadance spoke, making Shining turn around.

"What?"

"I'm Chrysalis, that's Cadance!" the pink mare pointed to the changeling.

"It's true Shiny!" the changeling replied.

"Whoa, whoa, hold up!" Shining's horn stopped glowing and he looked to his wife, then Chrysalis, then back and so on. "You're telling me-"

"Somehow we switched bodies, genius!" Cadance, or rather Chrysalis, said with an annoyed huff.

"That's what I've been trying to explain!" Chrysallis, or rather Cadance, said to the two guards who looked confused as Tartarus. "Shiny you have to believe me!"

"Yes, you have to believe us." Chrysalis snarled at Shining. "Oh great King Sombra."

Suffice to say Shining Armor blacked out like a true stallion.

---

The line in front the spa was a long one. Basically everpony in town was waiting to get cured from the poison joke. Good ponies as they are, Twilight and her friends waited in line like everypony else.

"Okay girls. We'll be cured in no time and then we'll figure out who is responsible for this." Twilight said confidently, her head nodding involuntarily.

"Ah' sure hope so, sugarcube." Applejack nodded in reply. "Gettin' real tired of dogs starin' at me."

"I agree." Rarity joined in the conversation. "I mean, how am I supposed to do my work if I could pop at any minute?"

"C'mon girls! It's not so bad!" Pinkie said and bounced happily in place.

"At least Pinkie hasn't changed much." Rainbow Dash said and tilted her head to the side and a little sand seeped out. "That's better."

"Yeah. It gives me a feeling that at least something is normal." Twilight chuckled before her eyes widened in realization. "Pinkie giving off a sense of normal. Now that's a scary thought."

"I just hope we get cured soon." Fluttershy said, hovering a couple of hooves of the ground. "My wings are getting real tired."

"WE ARE DOOMED!"

"GET HER AWAY FROM ME!"

"Oh for the love of! Now what?" Twilight groaned and she rushed forward to the entrance to the spa. "What's going on?"

"The cure doesn't work!" a milk carton pony shouted.

"WHAT?" basically everpony yelled together.

"What do you mean the cure doesn't work?" Twilight pushed forward towards Aloe and Lotus who, surprisingly, looked unchanged. "What is going on?"

"It's true." Aloe sighed in defeat. "We tried increasing the dose but it's not working."

"And the worst part is-" Lotus, who was crying, said through sobs. "-we can't even give massages anymore! Look!" she then touched a random pony and they immediately broke out in a horrible full body rash that itched so much you'd want to tear your skin off.

"Why would you do that?" said pony cried in agony and began scratching himself like crazy.

"Also this." Aloe then touched the same pony on it's front long and he fell to the ground and grabbed hold of the area.

"CRAMP! CRAMP! CRAAAAAAMP!" he rolled around on the ground and tried to both scratch himself and get rid of the cramp.

"Lotus causes a horrible rash and I give ponies agonizing cramps." Aloe explained and was about to hug her sister for comfort but stopped at the last second.

"By the stars..." Twilight couldn't believe what was happening. The most beautiful day in Equestria turned into a disaster that would be talked about for years to come. Hay, after this, who knows if ponies will ever celebrate Hearts and Hooves again. They had no cure, everpony was miserable, the princessess were out of comission so to speak and things were getting worse by the minute. The crowd was getting wild again, pushing and shoving each other in panic and screaming about the end of the world as we know it.

"What do we do Twilight?" Applejack asked with apparent concern in her voice, completely ignoring the dog that got a hold of her and gnawed on her mid-section.

*PRRRRRT*

"Sorry." Fluttershy finally got too exhausted to continue flying and dropped to the ground.

*POP*

"NOOOO!" Rarity scremed in horror as her flank was popped by a cactus-pony.

"Hey!" Ranbow shooed away a couple of foals that remade her sandy rump into a perfect cube.

"Wheeeeee!" Pinkie was just being Pinkie, bouncing around and thoroughly enjoying her new form.

"ZECORA!" Twilight shouted using the Royal voice which pierced through the commotion and made everypony stop to look at her. "We have to get to Zecora! She'll mix up a new cure and this nightmare will be over!" Twilight's brow began twitching as she was also in panic mode. "I bet she's working on the new cure as we speak! Nay! I know so! I mean, what else could she be doing?"

---

Zebrica was nice this time of year. The Sun shone brightly on it's sandy beaches and the tourist season was in full swing. Creatures from all over the world came here to relax and unwind. Five star hotels, casinos, restaurants, you name it, Zebrica had it all.

One such tourist was Zecora. She treated herself to going back to her homeland and spend time with her family while also enjoying the luxuries Zebrica had to offer. Lounging on a beach chair with the parasol tilted just enough to protect her from the schorching Sun, Zecora sighed in content and readjusted her sunglasses. She really needed this to finally relax and unwind. Zecora liked Ponyville but sometimes the ponies there were just too much.

And so she enjoyed the salty breeze and sound of the sea. Foals frolicking in the water and parents yelling at them for hitting somepony with a ball. Perhaps someday she would come her with a foal of her own.

"Drink, madam?" a griffon waiter approached with a cocktail on a tray. Yep, seasonal workers were a thing in Zebrica. Without a word Zecora took the glass from the tray and nodded in thanks. Once the waiter was gone Zecora empited the glass, letting the cold liquid soothe her parched throat.

"Thank Celestia I don't have to pretend to have that ridiculous way of talking here. Makes for great sales, but it hurts my mouth!"

Author's Note:

A little something from the previous chapter

Remember to leave a comment! No, seriously. We need feedback

Comments

[Dragoknight92]

Blame Discord.

[A.P.O.N.I.]

leisury

leisurely

"Why would you do that?" said pony cried in agony and began scratching himself like crazy.

I should not have found that as funny as I did.

Aloe then touched the same pony on it's front long and he fell to the ground and grabbed hold of the area.

Probably leg, less probably lung.

schorching

scorching

More, please.

[yakopak]

11407656
what do you like about it?

[A.P.O.N.I.]

11407661
It's funny. There are some funny stories that go from joke to joke, with the bulk of the story like unto a trampoline that only exists from which the jokes occasionally spring forth. Your story isn't made of those sudden spikes of funny, it's a constant low-grade background humour. Like the movie Airplane!, there's always something funny happening. The background exists for more than setting up punchlines.
The problem with that sort of humour is that you can't just repeat a joke and say "this is a funny joke". There's much about Airplane! that I could mention, but those things aren't objectively and recognizably funny in and of themselves; they're only funny if you've seen the movie and know the full context.

[Adamastos]

Trixie seems possible. It does wreak of over the top trick. Although, she'd have to of had help.

[SkarinOfAtmora]

11407517
i.redd.it/h0j272cg26c81.jpg

[SkarinOfAtmora]

11407711
Airplane!... Haven't seen that one in years.
And you're right, I was doing the background "subconciously" and didn't even realized it had a greater purpose other than being just a background.

Thanks for your support!

[Silent Wing]

Sure Luna. That rump will definitly settle on "dancing for the stallion's amunsment.".

[ShortCaveman]

Love it ! Would like to see more illustrations? Or like are they forever screwed or just boned for a little bit?

[SkarinOfAtmora]

11408400
Stick around to find out

[Lighting Ace]

Holy doubles Celestia! Shining Armor is having a case of "The weekends at Bernies!"

...or was it "Ground Hog Day" case?

On the plus side at least it only happen to those two. Can't imagine what would happen if Shining Armor now became Collosum from X-Men and it an actual living 8 foot stallion armor. Now THAT is a scary thought, specially if he screech like when metal is place against one another each time he moves.

[Chocolate Swirls]

"I'm getting worried now-WHOA!" suddenly somepony tackled him to the ground but Shining quickly realized who it was. "There you are!"

I remember looking on Reddit and seeing something about Twilight having a instinct to just tackle... Now I know where it comes from