Whodunnit?

by SkarinOfAtmora

1 - Cruel joke

Ah Hearts and Hooves day, the day of love. A time of year when everypony becomes a shy and bumbling mess of themselves as they gift chocolate and flowers to their crushes. But the day wasn't limited to romance, oh no, you could gift something to a very close friend, colleague or even your teacher. Today was a celebration of love and Ponyville was ready.

"WHAT THE HAY HAPPENED???"

"MY-MY-MY HOOVES HAVE BECOME ANVILS!"

"OH BOO-HOO, YOUR HOOVES ARE ANVILS! I'M A TOILET!"

You're probably wondering what the buck is going on. Poison joke on Hearts and Hooves day? Who could be so cruel?

Well, beats me. But let's go back a little and see how this whole mess started. It's rewind time.

"You did not just make a Will Smith reference in this story!" Pinkie suddenly sprung up.

Shush Pinkie or I will slap you.

---

Now, as I was saying, it was Hearts and Hooves day and everypony was preparing their gifts. All except one lavander alicorn princess inside the Castle of Friendship.

"C'mon Twilight! It's Hearts and Hooves day." Spike moaned while carrying a huge stack of papers.

"I know Spike but these friendship reports cannot wait!" Twilight's head popped out behind yet another huge stack of papers. "As Princess of Friendship it is my duty to review every single one and-"

"I heard Flash Sentry bought a big box of chocolates and two tickets to a Songbird Serenade concert." Spike interrupted smugly. "But since you're too busy here, he'll probably go with somepony el-GAH!" his stack of papers went flying everywhere as Twilight suddenly appeared inches from his face.

"He will not!" Twilight said a little more menacingly than she intended. "Err, I mean, you're right. It's Hearts and Hooves day and we should be out there with everypony else!" the mare laughed awkwardly.

"That's the spirit!" Spike turned on his heel and made his way to the castle doors.

"Umm, just out of curiosity, who told you I had a crush on Flash Sentry?" Twilight asked sheepishly.

"Rarity." the dragon replied with a blush.

"Of course." the alicorn rolled her eyes. "That mare just loves to gossip." Twilight sighed. Soon they reached the castle doors and Twilight enveloped it in a purpleish aura before slowly opening them.

"She doesn't like to gossip!" Spike protested. "Rarity just likes to, umm, talk about certain confidential things that may or may not be true."

"That's called gossip, Spike." Twilight deadpanned. "Also, what did you get Rarity this year?" Twilight asked after she saw a mare squealing with glee at the present her coltfriend just gave her.

"What makes you think I-" a single raised brow from Twilight was answer enough. "I got her a collection of rare gems." the little dragon pulled out a neatly wrapped box from somewhere and showed it to Twilight. "You think she'll like them?"

"I'm sure she will." Twilight smiled in response. "After all, you're her Little Spikey Wikey!" she cooed and rubbed Spike's cheek.

"Well, after today, I will be her Big Spikey Wikey!" he puffed out his chest and smiled smugly. "And there she is now!" Spike pointed excitedly before getting all lovey dovey about it. "Doesn't she look beautiful today?"

"She looks like that every day Spike."

"I know." Spike eyes already turned to hearts and Twilight knew there was no helping him. Hay, he didn't even acknowledge Rainbow Dash standing right next to Rarity. "Hi Rarity." he then shyly presented his gift.

"Oh hello my wittle Spikey Wikey! For me? Awww you shouldn't have!" Rarity tore off the wrapping paper like a timber wolf ripping into it's prey. "Oh my they're positively beautiful! Thank you Spike!" and with a peck on the cheek the small dragon melted into a mushy puddle. "Hello Twilight."

"Hi chatterbox, I mean, Rarity." Twilight laughed sheepishly at the frowning unicorn.

"I think it was hardly a secret you fancy Flash Sentry, darling." Rarity rolled her eyes. "Besides-" she got really close to Twilight. "-I also heard he booked a trip to Las Pegasus for two." Twilight's face flushed red and steam burst from her ears. "But you didn't hear it from me." Twilight shook her head frantically before turning to Rainbow Dash.

"Hi Rainbow."

"Finally they notice me." the pegaus scoffed.

"You've outdone yourself with the weather today. Those heart clouds look really nice." Twilight complimented her friend who smiled smugly.

"Of course I did! Honestly, did you expect anything less of me?"

"Well, there was that whole blizzard incident at a certain wedding as I recall." Rarity chuckled at her friends expense.

"Hey! I was tired and blizzard and gentle snow clouds look almost the same!" Rainbow huffed.

"Mornin' ya'll!" AJ greeted and before anypony could reply the mare stuffed a heart shaped apple in their face. "These sell faster than Princess Celestia eats a cake!"

"Delicious as ever, Applejack." Fluttershy said while munching on her apple. The others simply nodded.

"Hi everypony!" the chipper voice of Pinkie Pie, who suddenly appeared, stratled the group. "I got you all my famous cupcakes! You get a cupcake!" she shoved one to Twilight. "You get a cupcake!" the next was simply dropped into the pile of lovey dovey mush that was Spike. "Everypony gets a cupcake!" she pulled out a six-barreled machine gun and shot cupcakes at anypony she saw.

As the cupcake madness was going on, a shadow slowly crept it's way over Ponyville and more and more heads looked up. An air-balloon was hovering above them with a gigantic bag suspended on a hook. The bag was hanging upside down so when a knot was pulled the contents would rain down on Ponyville.

"'Scuse me, Twilight?" the alicorn was suddenly approached by Ponyville's mailmare Derpy holding out a heart shaped card. "We got this huge bag with presents for everypony. Mind if we just drop them from the sky?"

"Presents? From whom?" Twilight took the card and read it out loud. "Dear Ponyville! Thank you for everything you have done for Equestria! From: A secret admirer!" Twilight's brow furrowed in thought. "Did you check the presents?"

"Of course. It's just cookies." Derpy then presented one of the cookies. Twilight took the said cookie and inspected it thouroughly. Seemed fine to her.

"Alright." Twilight nodded and handed the cookie back to Derpy who promptly ate it. "You're good to go!" Twilight yelled to the pegasus hovering underneath the bag. The pony nodded and pulled on the rope, showering Ponyville in presents. Chaos promtly ensued as everypony was trying to grab a present for themselves. "Calm down everypony! There is enough presents to go around!"

"Although..." Twilight's head turned to Derpy. "Something strange happens to you when you open it."

"WHAT?"

POOF!

Ponyville was suddenly engulfed in a sickenigly green cloud of smoke. Ponies coughing everywhere and stumbling over each other in the thick fog. Twilight could feel her head rattling-

"Wait, what?" her head was rattling! Or rather it was moving like a bobblehead toy.

"What in tarnation?" the alicorn's head snapped towards her friend whose body elongated and stood upright. In place of her hind legs were now two comically large shoes and her body looked like it was made of rubber.

"Applejack! You look like a, like a..." Twilight just couldn't say it out loud.

"I look like a darn dog's chew toy!" the earth pony shouted.

"Yes, a dog's chew toy! That's what I wanted to say!" Twilight laughed nervously before the screaming began.

"WHAT THE HAY HAPPENED???"

"MY-MY-MY HOOVES BECAME ANVILS!"

"OH BOO-HOO, YOUR HOOVES ARE ANVILS! I'M A TOILET!"

Which brings us to the beginning of this tale. Twilight quickly realized what was going on. A prank of epic proportions was at play.

"Why does it feel like I'm at the beach?" Rainbow asked aloud as she got the feeling of sand beneath her hooves. Looking down the pegaus's mouth hung wide open in shock when she realized her entire body was now made of sand. "What the hay? I am the beach!"

"Twilight! What's happening?" Rarity asked in panic while inspecting her new body. Each part of her body was now a balloon and twisted together like a, well, balloon animal. At least she kept her color scheme.

"Must be poison joke." Twilight concluded quickly as it was the only possible explanation, her serious expression wobbling alongside her head.

"Discord." Applejack growled and waddled towards her alicorn friend.

"L-let's not jump to concl-" Fluttershy began but was rudely interrupted.

PRRRT!

"That wasn't me!" Fluttershy raised her hooves in defence. All four of her hooves were now whoopie cushions.

FFFFRT!

"That one was maybe me..." Fluttershy promptly hid behind her mane like she always does, her yellow coat now a bright red.

"This is so fun!" Pinkie Pie screamed with glee as her transformation made her lower half a spring attached to a wooden base. She jumped around her friends, doing somersault and spinning in the air. So yeah, Pinkie was basically still Pinkie.

"At least one of us is having fun." Rarity rolled her eyes.

"Vell' my dear, perhaps vee' both can have fun." a familiar, yet strangely prench accented voice said behind her. Rarity turned around and saw Spike, phyically unchanged except for a long and thin moustache sprouting over his lip, leaning on his elbow that hovered in thin air.

"Spikey? What happened to you?" Rarity asked the still small dragon.

"Nothing at all, mon cheri." Spike then casually walked to the white unicorn. "I feel better 'zen ever!" he twirled one edge of his moustache in his fingers. "Why don't I make you feel the same?" Spike extended his clawed hand to Rarity with a seductive smile. Now for some reason Rarity was enticed by Spike's words, probably because of the accent, and almost took his hand but luckily reason prevailed.

"Claw!" Rarity jumped back in fright and hid behind Twilight.

"Ze name is Spike!" the dragon said dramatically.

"No! Your claws!" the mare pointed to the sharp objects on his fingertips. "I'm made of balloons!" Spike then took notice of his sharp claws and put two and two together.

"Worry not, mon cheri! I 'vill be right back!" and he ran off to presumably file down his claws.

"No wait!" Twilight called out but Spike was already gone. "Horsefeathers." Twilight facehoofed which only made her head bobbing worse.

"Aren't you nauseous?" Rainbow Dash when suddenly her mid-section suddenly collapsed. "AAAAAAAAA-oh..." her body suddenly began re-assembling itself like it was the most natural thing.

"I AM A CHEW TOY!" Applejack roared at a random stallion that looked like a... Like another chew toy. Maybe there's a battery powered one?

"EVERYPONY CALM DOWN!" Twilight was this close to using the Royal Canterlot Voice. Still, it was enough as everypony stood still like somepony pressed a pause button. "Thank you."

PRRRT!

"Stop moving Fluttershy!" the alicorn's head snapped back only to continue spinning.

"Eeep!" Fluttershy flinched but otherwise didn't move. Applejack helped stop Twilight's head from literally spinning.

"Thank you." Twilight said as her eyes still kept rolling in a comical manner. "And I'm sorry Fluttershy. I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright, Twilight." the shy mare said with a small smile, her cheeks red from embarrasement. Twilight nodded in response before turning back to the still paused crowd.

"As I was saying, somepony clearly thought it would be funny to douse us in poison joke." the ponies murmured in reply. "But it's nothing a little bath at the sauna can't fix. Now, I want everypony to form a line and calmly proceed to-" the ground shook as a stampede of ponies rushed towards the spa center. Twilight wanted to facehoof again but decided against it for obvious reasons.

"Relax, Twi." Applejack rubbed her friends shoulder. "Like you said, a quick bath at the spa and we'll be right as rain."

---

Meanwhile in Canterlot...

Day Court was in chaos. Ponies of all shapes and sizes, and I do mean all shapes and sizes stormed the castle after opening their presents, only to be transformed into some ridiculous form by poison joke. Ponies left and right demanded answers from Princess Celestia as her assistnat Raven Inkwell, in her new not so original raven body, tried to calm down the raging mob.

"We are aware of the situation and I assure you the Princesses are doing everything in their power to find the pony responible for this heinous prank!" the mare shouted to the crowd but none would listen. She then turned to Celestia and actually yelled at her. "STOP EATING YOUR MANE AND HELP ME OUT!" yes, Princess Celestia was now made out of delicious cake. Layers of various flavors created the most delicious Princess in Equestria. And she knew it.

"But I taste so good!" Celestia moaned in delight and took another huge bite of her mane which was made out of various flavors of frosting. As soon as she swallowed the delicious multi-flavored delicacy, her mane regenerated so the cycle could repeat once more. "I am infinite!"

"You will be if you don't stop eating yourself!" Raven flapped her featherd wings in frustration. "At least you can't eat yourself into an early grave." the Sun princess giggled, her eyes manical from the enormous amounts of sugar she ate in the last two minutes. Yes, turn the junkie into what they love most. Should be fine.

"You want some?" Celestia extended her hoof with the message being clear.

"Ew! NO!" Raven recoiled in shock. Celestia shrugged and brought her hoof closer to her mouth.

"Come to mama." Raven couldn't watch as Celestia bit of her own hoof and chewed it with delight. At least it looked like it didn't hurt. Still, ew.

"Where is Princess Luna?" Raven groaned and looked around the crowded throne room. "Maybe she could-"

"RETURN AT ONCE YOU HARLOT!" Luna screamed at her detached lower body, a bluish flame coming from both parts that were previously joined together. "THOU WILL NOT DANCE AT A STALLION'S CLUB FOR THEIR ENTERTAINMENT!"

"Mmmmmm... Strawberries..."

Author's Note:

Not much to say here about this. It's all in the "long story" description.

Other than that, I am not familiar with the, let's say, source of inspiration for this story. I did some research and apparently it was somewhat big when it came out. I like a challenge and this will certainly be one.

Stay tuned!

Comments

[GrandNECROM1998]

Welp this is gonna be plain old weird.

[SkarinOfAtmora]

11383847
That's the plan apparently

[Lighting Ace]

just as requested, here are my two cents littletoncoin.com/LCC/html/featureimages/collectors-corner/1755.50_2cent.jpg

Also, not sure if already though about it, but if not. May I suggest something that happen to Blueblood do to the poison joke?

[PlieRow666]

where’s did you get that picture for your cover from?

[SkarinOfAtmora]

11384067
The artist wants to remain anonymous

[SkarinOfAtmora]

11384025
We're always open for ideas :)

[Lighting Ace]

11384563
The opposite of what happen to AJ the firs time. He became a giant parade balloon, like the ones in the macy's thanksgiven parade, and has to be careful because each step he makes he bounce like he is made of rubber

[A.P.O.N.I.]

"RETURN AT ONCE YOU HARLOT!"

Good luck, Luna. After all, we all know <sunglasses> that rear won't quit. </sunglasses>

[Chocolate Swirls]

"RETURN AT ONCE YOU HARLOT!" Luna screamed at her detached lower body, a bluish flame coming from both parts that were previously joined together. "THOU WILL NOT DANCE AT A STALLION'S CLUB FOR THEIR ENTERTAINMENT!"

Why... Just Why

[SkarinOfAtmora]

11419875
Why not?