In the aftermath of Tirek's rampage across the Equestrian heartlands in 1003ALB, the MP for North Meadshire addressed Parliament, questioning how things had been allowed to spiral so far out of control.
With communist revolutionaries in control of most of Severyana, Canterlot still bearing scars both physical and mental from the recent Changeling raid and hospitals now flooded with the injured, this proved to be the final straw that led to an investigation of the recent abysmal performance of the armed forces, spearheaded by the best and brightest civil servants in the land.
Four years on and with the glow of Hearth's Warming ebbing into memory, the Dotted Line Report was finally complete, and a copy had just found its way to the desk of Princess Luna...
This is a short story set in the Quenta Roccolië timeline of the world of the acclaimed Hearts of Iron 4 mod, Equestria at War. Featured as of 15th October 2022!
Rated Teen for injury in a nightmare.
Thanks to Advisability for betaing.
Cover art by ehfa
Appendices for this story: Parliament, Princesses and Peerage
An interesting opening for your story. I look forward to reading what comes next.
A good opening, I think I will follow along.
That was a interesting story so far goodluck with the rest of it.
Like the cover art
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Good grief, sorry I'm so late in responding! In any case, thanks for the support, I hope you enjoy!
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Thanks, though I can't take credit, I'm glad you approve.
'the conspiracy theorists would rave about communists from another world regardless of what I said.'
Snorts in Escalation '84
It's at this point one would be thinking it would be better to torch the building and rebuild from the ashes.
That was a good chapter. I wonder how deep the corruption truly goes.
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"Those Olenians are hiding aliens, I tell you! I've seen 'em with my own eyes!"
"It's all right Tin Foil, they can't hurt you. Time for your dried frog pills..."
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Yes and no. I'll probably save elaboration for the future however.
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Considering the scope of the story, that might not fully become clear until a future instalment, but hopefully you'll get enough here to piece an idea together.
You have written a very beautiful story.
This hurts with how close this is to actual US bureaucracy.
That was a good chapter.
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Thanks, that's great to hear!
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Heh, I suppose red tape is a constant as universal as Avagadro's number, considering I'm very much modelling all this on British bureaucracy.
Hence Buff Envelope introducing herself with the post-nominal 'COU', which stands for Companion of Unity, a junior (and not ennobling) rank in an Equestrian order of chivalry similar to say, the Royal Victorian Order or the Order of the British Empire. Senior civil servants tend to accumulate such titles, though seldom the senior grades unless they have a direct connection to the royal family that has a title that goes with the job. In Equestrian terms for example, the Permanent Secretary for the Royal Office likely has a GDOU with a semi-ceremonial title attached such as Lady Chamberlain of the Household.
I'm with Luna on this, time to.. what would "trim the fat" be for a herbivores species?
Good chapter
This is giving me so many Pentagon Wars vibes.
This is...almost too realistic
Now do a shot for shot crossover of The Pentagon Wars
That was a good story. I hope Luna's reforms will be enough to save Equestria in this timeline.
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"Hang the entire department and the officers along with their families."
Best part is its only needed once to get the point across even to the stupid ones.
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Had to look up what you meant, but yeah, I see what you mean!
Funnily enough, the original concept for Teething Troubles was pretty much the same story as Pentagon Wars, but it didn't work out within the 10k word limit of the competition.
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Exactly as planned, muhahaha! I wish there was a satire tag.
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Probably the same to be honest, it'd just refer to losing weight.
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My word, that's rather extreme. That said, the thought did probably cross Luna's mind.
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They're a start, certainly. Glad you enjoyed!
Always love your EAW stories.
It’ll be interesting to see what everyone thinks and acts after Olenia is invaded.
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Cut the wheat from the chaff? Unless they eat chaff.
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Oooo I like that one
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Let's just say that a lot of opposition to spending on defence melted with the spring thaw.
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Adds to notes
Luna and Celestia are well characterized. Good use of inner voice, monologue, and interiority. Now, I'll be a bit mean.
You have some very long sentences in here. They're grammatically accurate long sentences, but a one sentence paragraph may be best avoided, even in stream-of-consciousness narration. I'd point to Luna's speech to the journalists in part four, for a moment that is broken up into sentences well, but is a very large, chunky paragraph. It would work on a book page for space, but online reading favors shorter paragraphs.
Brandishing by horn or by hoof? Floating before the muzzle? Whirl around Envelope's head, taunting? I could use a bit more 'Pony' things with our narrator, some more 'action' details to complement her dialogue and activity. This is a minor quibble, but she is a very large Pony with a mystical mane and tail.
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Thanks for the feedback! For the former critique, I think I see where I could add a full stop, but trying to avoid repeat instances will be the main challenge. For the latter, I imagined her holding it tightly open in front of Envelope's face by telekinesis. I'll try and tweak the scene to make that clearer.
The Yes Minister influences are excellent.
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I'm glad you appreciate them! I was rather heavily inspired by that series in making this.
not to contradict, but luna spent a thousand years without food, water, or air. i dont think she needs it lol
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That's an interesting topic, and depends on the state she was in while banished to the moon, both physically and mentally. I'll explain the particular interpretation I've taken further in a later story, but suffice to say for now that no incarnate flesh can endure the void unaided, and Alicorns are indeed incarnate beings.
As for the mind, and to put it bluntly: If Luna remembered what happened in the waking sense, minute by minute and year by year, then after the Elements were finished in the pilot, all that would have remained upon Celestia's arrival would have been a nickering animal, mind irretrievably destroyed by the torment. 'Zombie' would be another way to describe it. Luna would have been centuries dead, fled in despair to her ancestors.
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OHHH! yeah, your take on it actually makes sense! thank you for your reply. i look forwards to seeing what you write next! im still reading the story rn
(also, i wanted to ask bc alicorns in my headcanon are kinda overpowered to fit the weird jumbled lore of the show and comics, ty for clearing it up <3)
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I'm glad you're enjoying! I'm very close now to sending the first book of my main planned trilogy to beta reading, so hopefully the wait shan't be too long.
Hopefully...
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HELL YEA!!! im so excited!