Many many years after graduation, Rarity found herself at the top of the fashion industry, but not without costs. Several of her friends have lost contact, till one day she stumbled upon one of them...literally.
A tale of penance and self-realization.
Note: This story requires a few read throughs and intense thinking, as all the answers lay within the story. Now would you be ever so kind to please stop commenting things that I intend to keep a mystery. If you absolutely can't figure it out, there should be a message from me down in the comments with a spoiler, that holds the answers.
Chapters (1)
I’m a little confused. What was sunset so upset about? Plus, why was she on the streets?
11232843
that's the mystery, ain't it? Also she's mad cuz Rarity basically blew all of em off for her company
Feels rushed. And the character voices and narration are leaking over into each other in a few places.
Also, what exactly is going on here? Sunset is clearly keeping in regular contact with everybody except Rarity. And apparently she's homeless now, and hanging out outside Rarity place? Does she not know this and it's a chance encounter? Or is she specifically there to berate her? The last bit almost seems like it was all a dream until Rarity finds Sunset's phone...which she left there? So...is Sunset homeless and leaving phones with rich people on a lark, or did she deliberately go seeking Rarity to push her to get back in touch and that's why she was there in the first place but she couldn't be bothered to clean up?
And then we reach the ending. Where after the entire story leadup being about Rarity not keeping in touch, rather than calling her friends you have her donating money to charity instead?
I don't want to be too harsh here, but this is definitely rushed. And it almost comes across like you had two unrelated, but not-entirely-finished stories rolling around in your head at the same time, and rather than fleshing either of them out, it seems like instead you kind of mashed them together.
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You make some good points, but as to why Sunset's homeless, thats the part that I want to keep a mystery. There is a mystery tag to the story for a reason. I'll go over the story tomorrow as I am not fit in the mind as of right now. Thanks for saying this, it helps a lot.
Idk man, I think it's pretty interesting how Sunset yelled at Rarity for not staying in contact with them, but it seems like they put in very little contact as well. You were so obsessed with writing the prices and how expensive everything was, over and over again, to show how 'shallow' Rarity is. But Rarity immediately took in Sunset the second she saw her, so it wasn't that Rarity became selfish, it was that the friend group seemed to drift away from Rarity. Like, you're going to tell me that the Rarity who immediately took in one of her friends is the same Rarity who didn't show up to a funeral? I only believe that if not much effort was made into telling her, because it seems Rarity genuinely didn't know.
And of course, that ending. All of the money? So, you're telling me she's going to bankrupt the company because she felt 'guilty'?
This was rushed, and a VERY weird inconsistency of character development. Something tells me rich people are selfish from your story.
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I didn't ask why, and that's not important. The question is what's actually going on?
Is Sunset actually homeless or is that simply Rarity's perception because her worldview is so out of whack? Sunset's certainly not acting homeless. She's seems to be in good spirits, Rarity apparently gives her clothing instead of food or money, and Sunset insists that she's fine, and at the end of the story she apparently gives a phone away.
It comes across like Sunset isn't homeless at all, and the point of all of this is to drive home how out of touch Rarity is that she thinks Sunset is homeless just because she's not dressed up fancy. And if so, then it makes sense that Sunset is there because was specifically looking for Rarity to give her the phone to help her get back in touch with everyone.
But...if that's what's going on, and Sunset is there to give Rarity the nudge she needs to remember to care about people more than money, then Rarity is completely missing the point. It makes Rarity look terrible if her flaw is that she cares too much about money and not enough about people, yet even after being reminded about people, she still focuses on money anyway.
But you also describe Sunset as having mud on her face and her hoodie being moldy...so it does seem like maybe Sunset actually is homeless. But if so, then what's she doing in the rich part of town? How do you reconcile that she's still in contact with everybody but living like this? How do you reconcile that she's current on what everybody's doing, but apparently is living on the street outside Rarity's place and somehow doesn't know? What exactly is she going do with a fancy dress except have a hard time begging because nobody's going to give money to someone in a ball gown? Why is she giving her phone away to somebody who obviously doesn't need it? Did Sunset stumble on Rarity by total coincidence and leave her phone on accident which means everything happening in this story is just random chance?
Do you see how this story is struggling between two very different ideas?
I think it would be a lot better if you would settle down on definitely one point you want to make and drive it home, rather than flirting with both ideas and not sufficiently developing either of them.
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Ohh. Is that what happened?
While I agree there is a lack of explanation, for a one shot it’s still very stirring. Well done.
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Rarity was going to give some money to the 'homeless' person, but when Rarity saw that it was Sunset, she immediately felt guilty for not keeping in touch and therefore wanted to make it up to her. Rarity didn't know about the funeral and all the friend's misfortunes because she pushed away her friends, not them drifting away, so she can make the company thrive.
Yes I agree, the money part at the end doesn't seem that great now that I look at it. I will go over and change some stuff to make it flow better.
Thanks for giving critical feedback, mucho helpful!
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Ok, so my line of thinking was that Sunset was a very successful person, as shown throughout the story, but very hidden. Timatimaana is Shimmer in Hindi and Miroiter is Shimmer in French.
She wants to make amends with Rarity, the friend who brushed away her friends for fame and glory. If Sunset were to schedule a meeting with Rarity via agent, it would take a while. If Sunset were to show up, light chat would be made before Rarity would excuse herself. But if Sunset were to show up as a homeless person, Rarity would have no choice but to take notice and take her in.
The money part at the end, I agree, was the weakest point. Could have done that better, but my line of thinking was that piece of paper underneath the phone was a cheque for millions of dollars to help keep her company afloat, its understandable to miss it, and Rarity'll donate the rest of her money to charity, as penance for not keeping touch.
I'm going to rewrite sometime later today, so just wait a bit, but the whole fact about Sunset being on the streets while rich is supposed to be a mystery the reader is supposed to piece together.
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Thanks, much appreciated!
I really enjoyed this story a lot.
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thanks, that means a lot!
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You're very welcome.
Very rushed.
11274120
i suppose, if u want to think it like that