eiggengrau
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I don't understand why this got as much hate as it did
I understand that the initial few chapters might be a little harsh -- my job is to make it interesting enough that readers choose to stick around and find out more as events progress. If i have failed to interest them, i suppose the hate is no less than i deserve? Thx for comment!
I wish you put more gags in this story.
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Thx for commenting! In general, i'm expecting less humor from this particular tale. But not 'none', i have a gag penciled in for Ch. 7, if anypony survives that long.
I'm unsure who the intended audience for this story is.
Your Twilight is simultaneously juvenile and abusive, and yet your human is professing his love for her. They're both unlikable characters, but they both seem to be willing and interested participants in their mutual dysfunction, so it's difficult to want their situation to improve. If a pig is happy rolling in his own shit, I'm not going to go out of my way to wash him off, but neither do I especially want to watch.
Who is this story intended for?
People who want a Twilight Sparkle story are going to be turned off by her abusive manipulation, her emotional dysfunction and her generally juvenile characterization. In contrast to the human's excessively flowery language, Twilight here is written like a child, even going so far as to use deliberate baby-talk like "wee-wee." And yet your protagonist is being manipulated and abused by this character, which doesn't exactly inspire me to want to read about him either. Meanwhile, people who want clop are going to be turned off by lines like "she punched me in the balls and I woke up pissing the bed." This story has sex, but is unsexy. It has a character insistently professing his love, but it's not romance. I see an "adventure" tag, but I just don't want to see the sort of "heroic journey" a character is likely to go on when he's been introduced as simping for emotionally-stunted, juvenile "wee-wee" Twilight.
The writing quality is at least sufficient that I'm open to the possibility that this is deliberate fan disservice leading up to some sort of "bitter pill" message. But nothing I've seen so far in the story itself makes me want to keep reading long enough to find out whether that happens.
11091180
Thank you for the long and well thought out comment. I am reluctant to answer any questions about the story itself on the grounds that I want it to stand or fall on it's own, so I shouldn't make excuses for it. (Is that a pretentious position? It just seems... i dunno, fair, to the internal reality)
I will answer one question which you did not ask. You might have wondered this, but were too kind to come out and ask: "am i an evil troll, simply trying to torment readers? " The answer is very much "no." My headspace, my sense of narrative flow, may be be so unusual that nopony can enjoy this. Perhaps nopony sticks around for the triumphant song and dance number at the end (i jest) but the intent is not pure torment.
Now, as to who this is for... i guess... other broken, lost, ponies like me? lovers of grimbright? those who survived all five volumes of the Gap Cycle*?
Perhaps I have bitten off more than I can chew -- I have plenty of plot ideas in my notebooks where I think I have a good concept but enough sense to realize i lack the skill to execute. Perhaps this should have stayed as a concept. But, having set my hoof to this task, i do intend to persevere.
Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. Whether i ever improve, or not; whether you give me the chance to improve**, i truly appreciate your feedback. Go in peace, friend.
*volume one hit the wall and lay on the floor for over a year before I picked it up and finished reading
**it sounds like that's a no, and that's okay
Chapter 1: Twilight was kind of like I imagine a princess before Nightmare Moon, the human speaks like an actor in a play. Chapter 2-3-4 are more natural. Twi is still OOC, but Alt. Universe tag...
I think the downvotes are unfair. Must be the unexpected style of conversation in ch.1. I like that there is no exposition dump and I just want to know more. I love those little hints as well. Have a like.
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Thanks for comment! If it's any comfort: my dialog is kinda stilted IRL, too. But this one is trying to improve, verily!
This really doesn't deserve as much hate as it's gotten, like holy hell.
The pacing seemed a bit fast to me, but I'm always up for seeing another take on an existing character, and this version of Twilight, seems to have issues. I'll be reading this a bit more when I got the time. I give you my like because I'm impressed.
I'm not going to leave a rating, but I just came in to say that I'm surprised your story didn't do well, as for some reason beyond my comprehension, people on this site actually enjoy self-insert nonsense.
You should already be featured considering the amount of stories similar to this that make it into the box.
11119397
Thank you for your support! I started this arc on a down-note, and it does get worse before it gets better. Perhaps this was foalish of me?
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No no, I personally think it's fine. It's like you just said, it does get worse before it gets better, and I think it really works.
Most self-insert stories or most stories like a self-insert start off with things getting better, there's a small issue that escalates and gets worse, then by the end, it gets resolved and the story strengthens itself.
Your story started it off at a down-note, and I think it makes your story really good, cause it does what so many self-insert stories don't do... it starts with the problem. And as you said, it's gonna get worse before it can get better, and once I read the next few chapters, I think I'm gonna be right.
This wasn't a foolish choice, this is a choice you made, and I personally think you made the right choice.
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I think they don't like my punctuation.
J/K, I can only speculate. But thank you for taking the time to comment!! I'm not going to give up yet.
I rate this story a: "This a story that you can read on fimfiction side" no more no less
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Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment that i can read on fimfiction site!
Um, someone got bleach for the eyes?
i.ibb.co/RgXXV0Z/eb6.jpg
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Er... sorry? But thanks for taking the time to voice your displeasure.
Hey there, Ponies, it is (and always has been) open season for comments. Otherwise, i'll see youse after Nightmare Night.
What's Ponic Sturm und Drang mean?
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"Ponic" is a custom built adjective meaning "of, or pertaining to, ponies'; i also use it as the name of the language spoken in Equestria. (Why would they speak English, right?)
"Sturm und Drang" is an old literature movement from some time ago. Mid 1800's i think, without looking it up. The words literally mean 'storm and stress'; the works tend to be very emotionally fraught. Lots of ups and downs.
Taken all together you could translate it as "an emotional roller-coaster of a story about ponies."
As the pink one would say, i am out of control.
Thanks for askin'!
So because of his alicorn Powers, is he like Immortal human?
11509585
Um, hrrmmm, hey thanks for checking in! How 'bout that, er, sports team doing something with a ball? D'ya think it might rain?
There is a logical fallacy contained in your question that prevents me from answering it without giving stuff away. Stuff that will be revealed in All Due Time. (Imagine some dramatic organ music. Dunt dunt dunnnnnnnnnn)
I suppose i could just answer with a 'yes' and leave out all the complications, would that be better? It seems kinda less than honest, that's my concern.
Thnaks again for dropping by, don't be a stranger!
When she learns that not did the sex change spell stay but she got her boyfriend pregnant and he was raped she going yelling bloody murder at whoever gets on her bad side. Celestia better watch out because twilight is not going to let her boyfriend go a second time.
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Well, let's just say that it will be a while before Twilight and Celestia see eye-to-eye. Thanks for commenting.
When twilight finds out happened Celestia will be dead meat. Considering if she hadn't butted into twilight love life in the first place the rape wouldn't have happened.
How much longer is gonna take for Celestia to get a lesson in minding her own business when it comes to others relationships.
11560866
Okay, listen, i don't want to give any spoilers about my plans, but i can confirm that there will be a tense confrontation eventually. There is some ground that needs to be covered first. So hold your horses (no pun), stand by for weekly updates, and when the action finally moves to the Canterlot Castle throneroom, well, i hope you won't be disappointed, okay? Thanks for coming along for the ride!
11560915
I'm sorry if sound rude it's just hard waiting for true love to reunited and Celestia to learn there is only so much interference in others lives she is allowed even if she is the ruler of the country.
Why does this story have so many dislikes? I mean, it can't be that bad, right? ...Right?
11560962
Uh, I've been wondering that for a while now. I think it's something about my punctuation... Just Kidding!
11560919
Rude? Goodness no! I am glad that you care enough that you want to see how the exchange between Twilight and Celestia plays out, when we get to that point. But I also want to be honest that, like I said, we have a lot of ground to cover first. I couldn't tell you how long it will be, even if i wanted to. Hold on tight we'll get there
in the end! Eh, eventually, it won't be the end, by a long shot.Not that I disagree but twilight will consider killing Celestia when she finds out what happens because someone thought they had right to dictate her love life. I have no doubt when cadence finds out she is going mad too because love is her business. And nobody is supposed mess with that with her around.
Celestia is learning that minding her own business might have been the wiser course of action in the first place. Though she has a way to go before she fully gets there. And considering the guy has pledging his heart to twilight since day 1 I don't see what difference it makes.
Celestia if she wants to make things right with twilight better bring back her fiance. She has finally begun to realize that she messed up. And sometimes with prophecies if you try to stop them you will run right into them
Okay. That chapter was rather trippy...
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Trippy is good, right?
11586137
Indeed it is good. I was remarking because many of your chapters seem not to elicit any comments. I truly am quite intrigued by your tale. I normally don't care for Human in Equestria stuff, but for now, I will continue reading this fic. Have a moustache
Okay... Twisting the canon to fit the narrative. Clever
Twilight Sparkle: Messiah complex... LMFAO
Okay... the obligatory "mom" thing. Can't wait for Tangent and Shining...
Bananas....LMFAO!
*I remember something that was long* Ah, the entendre!!
And NO one, pony or otherwise, should ever name Flutters a sl*t! Have a moustache on that point:
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A perfect example of "Sturm und Drang" musically would be BOTH G-minor symphonies of Mozart, the 25th and 40th....
Nice to know that Tangent isn't a superhero.... Which might've turned this entertaining fic into something else entirely
You have us readers hypnotized.... BTW, is she Dusk now????
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Ah, thanks for that observation -- trying hard not to make him into some kind of superequine.
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Thanks! Is it still considered "Human in Equestria" if the human has been turned pony? For HiE, i usually think of some anonymous green-faced biped, usually banging everything.