[Short Gothic Comedy of puns and innuendo]
An elegant evening at the theatre as seen from backstage, verily surfeit with shenanigans, pratfalls, and high jinks in juvenile exuberance.
Some ponies blunder into damnation, but I worked hard to get where I am. Welcome to my Hell.
You've been wondering for a while what would be born if Tom Stoppard and H.P.Lovecraft made sweet love all night long on William Shakespeare's grave. This is my attempt to answer that question for you.
(Do we know some of these ponies? Names have been omitted to protect the guilty.)
Chapters (1)
Hmm, maybe it was intentional, or maybe it's because I'm not a native speaker, but I found it hard to understand :/ In any case, IMHO the story could benefit from more dialog that shows what's going on. Right now, it feels mostly 'told' (as in, show vs. tell), which makes it rather dull
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That said... it's good to see Twilight finally loosening up a little, and in public too. Makes you wonder if she knows everypony can see her 'naughtiness'
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Thank you, Huk~
Truth is, i was being intentionally 'wordy' as a stylistic choice. Wordy in regard to long words, and in archaic+specialized vocabulary, and of course in a few terrible puns. Not everypony will like this, and i can see how this might make it more challenging for a non-native speaker. Sorry! Unfortunately simplifying the language would make it no longer what i wanted to create. Maybe i should add a
triggerwarning for "wordplay", ha.Now, regarding dialog, that is a very good point, and one that i will ponder, slowly, on a back burner in my tiny brain. Converting narration to dialog would, in theory, be a change that would not compromise my original creative vision. It might even serve to highlight the absurdity* of it all. But on another hoof, what i don't want is to get trapped into actually writing the damn play they are acting! I love some of the great playwrights (Stoppard, Havel, Shakespeare) but do not pretend to be one and glossing over the details of the play is very much on purpose. And on yet another hoof, i don't want to stretch things out too long. It's supposed to be short.
Thanks again for speaking up!
*if not obvious: absurdism is really the driving force in this piece.
(I didn't mention any canon ponies by name to avoid sullying their reputations.)
Okay I disagree with Huk the dull flat dry deadpan snarky purple prose is so funny. (Although to be fair to Huk a lot of the humor would be lost on a non native speaker...)
I haven't the faintest idea what perambulating prehensile pseudopods of the polyphasic protoplasmic performer means and I love it.
Things that made me irl LOL:
nopony has died so far — off stage.
as they contend with murderers, assassins, seducers and bill collectors
At least their knickers are clean, those who wear them. I will have to speak to the pink one about that again.(Side note: is that Pinkie Pie...)
With a little more luck, their spectacle might distract other ponies as well.
I peer into the murky depths of the orchestra pit and see hooves sticking out of the tuba and I really don’t want to know(side note: I can't decide if I want to know or not...)
“We can’t wait,” I say, “the shogoth must go on!”
AND I AM MAD! Why has so few seen this gem of a story!?
EDIT: Also am i seeing 5 downvotes!? WHAT!?