• Member Since 8th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen Last Friday

King-Mac-13


Comments ( 8 )

This was super sweet.

And that ending:rainbowlaugh:

Good stuff man.

10970566
I'm glad to know you liked it.

Outside, Sunset’s hand hung on the handle to her door. She was early and tried to get ahold of Twilight, figuring the nerdy girl had just gone to sleep. Then she walked in on that. Sunset slowly started to nod before turning away. She pulled out her phone and dialed a number. As she walked off, she spoke to the receiver, “Hey, AJ. You owe me ten bucks.”

What made those two bet that Twilight would have sex with her own brother and did Sunset record them or took a picture because she can't win the bet without proof.

10971066
I was mostly thinking of it being a joke. There's no canon reason, but if I had to say... it was more about 'who' would get with Twilight. Sunset, being an Equestrian Pony and therefore having a looser moral set dealing with sex, bet on Shining. She won.
As for proof... Eh. Then again, I don't think your first thought after walking in on two people having sex on your bed would be 'take a picture.'
That's about what I've got.

10971100
I don't think it's canon for Equestrians to have a loser moral set for sexual and romantic relationships.

11345806
Eh. It's a joke, mostly.

Not bad. Though, yeah, definitely could have benefited from slowing down and taking more time with each scene. Especially the stripping. Did Twi even take her bra off? And just take more time with exploring bodies. Did Shining ever touch — or even look at — Twi’s tits?

Also, why was Shining’s birthday party all male, anyway? Unless they were planning for strippers all along…

Still, though the details we did get were pretty hot, and the sex scene was enough. Just barely enough, but enough.

11431065
I appreciate the review and advice. As I said, this was the first time I'd really written a story like this, so it was a testing ground if anything. If I go back to the genre, I'll take these to heart.

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