Merely An Absence Of Light

by Dawn Leaper

A Thousand Years

They say, that darkness is merely an absence of light.
Darkness is not a thing in itself.
Darkness is not an entity.

If Celestia is the light, then what does that make Luna?

Only worthy in the absence of her sister?

A thousand years is a long time,
To be alone.
Banished, exiled, deserted.
Unwanted, unloved, despised by all-

Wait.

No. That last one was not true.

She was wanted. Had been loved.

Once.

But no more.

She was sure that the only person she had left who she loved now despised her with a surely divine hatred.

Her sister.

For Celestia had been the one to bring this curse upon her.

And truly...

Luna did not blame her.

She had been consumed by greed. Power. She had wanted life itself, in the essence of death. Rage and destruction had become a habit.

But she had been blinded.

Twice, actually.

She had been blinded by jealously. Of her perfect sister, with the perfect demeanour and the perfect reputation.

And she had been blinded by the lights cast by the Elemental Crystals, as the very sister who had sworn to love her always banished her to the Dark Side of the Moon. The burning potency of emotions in her sister's irises shone like two enchanting, deadly jewels.

Had there been tears in Celestia's eyes?

Luna did not know.

She could only see darkness.

Alone, in the darkness, for a thousand years.

Not a single drop of light, a spark, a sunbeam. Nothing.

It made her feel sick, and dizzy, and every time she wished to stand she couldn't.

It was frightening, not knowing, not seeing.

She only knew she was on the moon because she felt it in herself, in her spirit, in her soul.

It was part of her, the night. The darkness.

She had destroyed herself, picking herself apart from the inside, bit by bit. Every envious glance at her beautiful sister, every flare of jealousy haunted her. Every bitter thought and covetous grimace when Celestia laughed or sang.

Every unsatisfied glimpse in the mirror, wishing she could be taller, and sweeter, and softer. Wishing in empty hope that one day, people would seek her guidance, seek her word, like the people sought Celestia's. That one day, Equestria would see the two sisters as equal.

But Luna knew that would never happen.

The Moon was nothing without the Sun. The Moon only shone in the Sun's reflection. Besides, the Sun was a thousand times brighter than the Moon.

The elder sister was an epitome of just about everything... grace, beauty, manner, disposition. Luna was just the odd, dark little sister than nobody paid attention to.

The people adored Celestia. Everyone adored Celestia. Perhaps nobody adored Celestia as much as Luna did.

And do not be mistaken, for Luna loved her sister more than anything else on this world. And if nobody would take her seriously, Celestia would. She would prove to her sister she was worthy of ruling by her side. She would prove she was strong enough.

All at once, Luna felt an inexplicable, crazy, curious emotion of hate, of affection, of frustration and impatience and rage rise up within her.

How was it possible to be devoted and despising at the same time? At the same person?

Luna was torn.

She could feel herself, her conflict, growing stronger.

Her body was not enough for this war.

And so all the hurt, the hate, the love, the jealously, it all poured out of her. It had built up, and up, and up, until even her immortal form could no longer contain the torrent of harsh emotions, and they spilled out of her, over the brim, in a hideously glorious manner.

She shared her conflict with Equestria.

Only this time, it was physical. Violent. Bloody.

And truly, Luna was horrified. For in front of her, lay the physical manifestation of herself.

A scarlet stained battlefield, filled with slain corpses of innocent people, people with families, friends, people who loved them, people who cared about them, people who would without a doubt cry themselves sick with grief.

She would break the hearts of marefriends, coltfriends, husbands, wives. She would tear apart homes, so that they became bleak and desolate, grey with grief. She was terrified...

And enthralled.

With a kind of sick, appalling glory. The power. The power.

She would wield power enough to defeat Celestia, who thrived on light, and sun, and love, and happiness.

She would turn hearts dark with despair, she would bring a dismal gloom on the war-ridden land, she would breathe hatred and sadness everywhere she went, until misery seeped into the very bones of Equestria itself.

She had been... monstrous. Nightmarish. A disgrace to the name of Fausti.

An outcast, surely loathed by the Heavens. Her mother, father. They would be disappointed. A daughter of theirs destroyed their beloved homeland which they had worked so hard to nourish, and build, and protect?

Celestia would be disappointed.

Her sister, whom she hated and whom she loved more than anything else in the world at the same time.

Who sang her lullabies about stars, and flowers, and who tied her shoelaces when she didn't know how; who told her stories of the sun and the moon dancing together at a celestial ball; who encouraged her and taught her how to channel alicorn magic through her horn; who took the blame for her when she smashed their mother's prize vase; who played endless games of hide and seek in tall castle walls.

Who kissed her grazed knee, who protected her, who brushed her hair; who let Luna climb into her bed when it was cold and the younger sister had a nightmare; who gossiped and giggled with her about the cute Prince at Luna's coming-of-age ball; who was always open to late-night, deep philosophical chats about the meaning of the Universe; who had a goofy, playful side that nobody else, not even their parents, had seen before; who secretly owned a massive collection of Wonderbolt trading cards that took up an entire chest in the Armoury.

Who hugged her, who wiped away her tears when Luna cried, who caught her when she fell, who promised to always be there for her and reminded Luna every night before bed she would love her little sister for ever and ever and ever, and that when the sun dies out and the moon doesn't shine and everything is fading, and they were the only two living things left, Celestia's love for Luna would never, ever run out.

Love like that does not die easily.

It had not taken Luna a thousand years to come to this conclusion, but a mere second after she was banished: she loved Celestia with all her heart. And she knew that deep, deep down in herself, there was a memory, a ghost, of a good, kind, innocent girl, who loved stargazing and the constellations and would stay up late watching them through her window. Who would pick the flowers and then feel bad about ending their lives. Who would laugh and smile and love like the purest thing on earth.

And she felt the deep, heavy weight of guilt, of regret, of remorse crush her shoulders, and pin her down in the darkness.

She had swore to herself that she would become that person again. She would use her love for her sister, the only good thing about her left, to build herself back up to what she used to be. She had a million sorries to say.

Not that Celestia would accept them. Not that any of them would accept them.

She could never have her old life back. They would never want her as their leader ever again.

Not after what she did for them.

But still... she could try.

And in the darkness, a will was born within her. A will to be good, and bright. To help others with their fears, their dreams. To not be jealous of her sister, but to be more like her. A resolve.

But she felt the endless darkness finally begin to consume her, and the resolve had crumbled along with the will to live. Life was fragile, and her punishment was long. It droned on and on, infinitely, endlessly. She didn't know one day from the next, it was all one long, dark night to her.

She supposed she deserved it.

She had died every single day. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Waiting.

For there was nothing else to do.

She saw figures sometimes. People. Familiar touches, warm voices. Figments of her imagination. A desire. A memory.

She had dreams, sometimes. Strange dreams.

A warm voice, a soft voice, a laugh that sounded like wind chimes; a silky, feathered white wing over her back; a long, taffy mane, which rippled with ethereal breeze. Her sister, as a child. And then Celestia would morph into an angry, beautiful angel, with snow white wings and furious golden eyes, and then she would see a bright, blinding light... and that's usually when she would wake up. To the darkness.

She had been wrong, Luna realized.

She did have light.

In her dreams.

She always dreamed about Celestia.

Luna wondered if Celestia still loved her. Had her promise of eternal love remained? Her sister was never one to break a promise.

But even so, Luna's heart was heavy with doubt.

She wondered what Equestria was like now.

Had they recovered from her reign of wrath? Had they found Harmony, and peace and love once more? Had they wine and music still? And joy, and a bright-eyed laugh? Had they still sun, and rain, and life and growth, and prayers to those above? Had they childish thoughts of ill and good, and sweet archaic song? Had her absence given them light and freedom, for the time she had been long gone?

Did they tell their children stories of the monstrous Nightmare Moon, an evil, vengeful face?

And how she had been banished, by the Sun, her soul catapulted through time and space?

Or maybe, just maybe, did they know her as the Luna she had been- the Luna she is and not the nightmare she had been.

Had time healed their sore hearts, had new generations brightened the sadness, had all parts of her misery been eradicated?

She hoped so. Desperately.

She truly couldn't forgive herself otherwise. She would never forgive herself.

A thousand years is a long time-
To be alone.
Banished, exiled, deserted.

Darkness. An absence of light.

Or perhaps... just darkness. Was darkness it's own being?

Together, the sisters were balanced. Luna, the darkness, and Celestia, the light. Day and night. Interdependent: there was darkness in the shadows of day just as there was light in the stars of night.

But without her light, Darkness was empty.

Luna wished she could die.

But she couldn't.

She was immortal.

This was her punishment.

Herself.

Author's Note:

So there we are... very dark, I know! Just minding my own business having my daily midday existential crisis when this lovely depressing idea popped into my head :) Also, I was trying a more contemporary structure, so instead of having long chunky paragraphs, I broken them down for a little more oomph. Let me know if you think this works or not! Constructive criticism is welcomed but no flames please!! Dawn x

Comments

[Crystalline Waters]

Oh my gosh this was so good. You did an amazing job at capturing Luna's emotions and struggle!
I almost cried but then the song "Toward the Sun" came on and I started laughing at how fitting it was.
I loved it. :)

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

soloquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Motivational-Quotes-Stay-Amazing.jpg

[Dawn Leaper]

10851144
:D

[Dawn Leaper]

10851132
Aww haha thank you!! I tried my best to convey her *intense* inner struggle because we all know Nightmare Moon isn't who Luna really is :D glad Toward the Sun was there to cheer you up... what a strange coincidence

[Mockingbirb]

They say, that darkness,
Is merely an absence of light.
Darkness,
Is not a thing in itself.
Darkness,
Is not an entity.

You,
do not need these commas in the middle of a sentence,
just because line breaks are there too.

I just happen to have feelings about good punctuation. Bad punctuation can be good when it serves a good purpose, but some of these commas didn't.

with a surely divinely hatred

I gotta go, so I don't get to finish reading the story right now and point out some of the good things about it, WHICH THERE ARE, BY THE WAY.

Also, it's prefectly ok to post a story of your own here that you've also posted to AO3. So no worries!

[Dawn Leaper]

10851459
Ahh thank you for catching those errors! corrected now :) usually I tend to focus more on the descriptive elements of my writing rather than grammatical structure but I'll be sure to have a thorough check next time ;)

[Mockingbirb]

10851485
At least you bothered to have something to say, so any minor punctuation and grammar issues are less important.