- Member Since 15th Dec, 2020
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Aurora Flight
A chef who likes to read romance stories, go camping and ride mountain bikes.
Aurora Flight
Joined 15th Dec, 2020 ·
Offline
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More pls
10843077
I'm currently doing a rewrite on chapter four, and have plans for chapter five.
10843083
Cool
awesome chapter mate keep it up can't wait for the next chapter
Ughh ... So lack of detailing.
I disliked how short it is but its still a good start!
Keep on growing your skills
Now that’s what I like to call bad luck.
Wow. For a grown man he seems to panic a lot.
That’s interesting.
Do they not know how fast pinkie works?
Why not take him to the hospital to get stitches?
What happened?
Why did she leave?
How did he know pinkie was there?
There is a distinct lack of detailing of surroundings. I'm not sure I like his reaction so far and that he is aware of the show, feels like you just took the easy way out to move the story forward and rush it. Unless he reveals that he thought he was dreaming in the next chapter or that he was halucinating because of grief, but at this point it would just sound more like an excuse.