11050976
11051044
11051136
11051259
11051288
11051332
11052250
11054606
11055309
11055310
11055325
11055360
11055367
11055374
11055382
11055385
11055478
11055527
11055785
11055955
11056231
11062935
11062957
11062965
11064018
11064122
11064227
11050992

I've decided to put up an Author's Epilogue talking about the story. Feel free to discuss.

Raserix is a role model of what it means to be a man. He doesn't take shit from anyone - not even the drill instructors. He refuses to be disrespected and lashes out against those who try to walk over him, which we see when he beats the shit out of his drill instructor and then proceeds to take out 10 more fucking dudes - including other drill instructors - before deciding he's had enough. This display alone has elevated his position in the social hierarchy dramatically. You can argue that he would be court martialed and arrested for assault, and this argument is totally valid. You can also argue that this isn't the point of boot and that the military doesn't operate this way, and you would also be valid. However, in this instance, Raserix has displayed unbelievable fighting talent and this cannot be argued. Had he failed to take down anyone in his backlash, it would be totally reasonable and expected that he would be court martialed for his behavior and would undergo entry-level separation. Instead, higher-ups within the military see this guy as an opportunity - someone with incredible fighting skill and an aura that surrounds him due to his unforeseen willpower and devotion to his actions. Someone like him would be perfect for classified ops and suicide missions. Displaying unfounded loyalty to the U.S. Marines, he would be used until top brass feels he knows too much and is then disposed of to tie up loose ends.

Oh my fucking god, dude. This shows you have zero conception of how the military actually works. Where the fuck did you get any of this? People have pointed this out time and time again.

11066744
Exactly, he still refuses to listen to reason, we should just not fuel the ego he's getting anymore and be done with him.

If this was an alternate universe seems ok but since it's not. This fiction is clearly a troll fic.

11066726
By far the cringiest thing I've ever read. If I could I'd dislike it twice.

11066744
11066749
Everyone who has already pointed this out is right in the fact that the military typically doesn't operate in this way, which I already made clear in the epilogue. To make the story more captivating and interesting, I wrote out a fantastical what-if/right time, right place scenario - something out of the ordinary that bends the rules.

The fact that you are trying to actually defend this steaming pile of self-important, wish fulfillment garbage is just laughable. Your grammar sucks almost beyond belief, your story is so pathetic I have trouble believing you actually had the gall to post it, and then you actually DEFEND it? Are you kidding me? Are you for real? How is this level of pathetic, unfounded, egotistical arrogance even possible to have? I would expect some 13 year old child throwing a temper tantrum to write this garbage because his mommy and daddy took away his video games and this was how he coped with learning he wasn't an awesome video game character, but a worthless, snot-nosed little pissant who never had the strength of character to actually become someone who matters in the real world. I have no clue how you can possibly try to justify this trash or how you ever thought anyone would like or agree with it.

I doubt the princesses died from that they’ve been through worse than that. Also he did everything wrong.

11066933
“Everyone who has already pointed this out is right in the fact that the military typically doesn't operate in this way”
No shit jackass

jeez everyone here is so self important lol this shit made me laugh with just the description have some fun

I do not know about the Military, BUT, here's what little I do know about the DI.

The Drill Instructor is supposed to "give you shit" or "give you hell." His role is to break you down, then build you back up from civilian to soldier. They're with you through Boot, through PT, etc, and they do as the name implies, they make you/your team practice Drill, whether ceremonial or otherwise until you GET IT RIGHT and if they YELL AT YOU then you gotta realize that your DI does NOT hate you or any other recruit; he's YELLING AT YOU AS IF YOU'RE ON THE BATTLEFIELD, RECRUIT because when you're there, if he's not firing off orders and yelling them out - as bombs are going off, people are screaming, bullets are flying everywhere - you can't hear him over the din you are DEAD.

11066726

Raserix is a role model of what it means to be a man. He doesn't take shit from anyone - not even the drill instructors. He refuses to be disrespected and lashes out against those who try to walk over him, which we see when he beats the shit out of his drill instructor and then proceeds to take out 10 more fucking dudes - including other drill instructors - before deciding he's had enough. This display alone has elevated his position in the social hierarchy dramatically.

First of all, no, your OC is not a role model, he's your fantasy. Being a man doesn't mean "he doesn't take shit from anyone," it means you are responsible and honorable. Even if a civilian could defeat several drill instructors, it doesn't mean he's a "real man" or a badass, it means he doesn't respect authority nor can follow orders. And the only social hierarchy that display would elevate him in would be during the time of the cavemen, or barbarians, when leaders were decided by who was the strongest motherfucker. The only problem with that system was it tended to produce tyrants and despots, and there was always someone stronger just waiting to take your head off.

Had he failed to take down anyone in his backlash, it would be totally reasonable and expected that he would be court martialed for his behavior and would undergo entry-level separation. Instead, higher-ups within the military see this guy as an opportunity - someone with incredible fighting skill and an aura that surrounds him due to his unforeseen willpower and devotion to his actions. Someone like him would be perfect for classified ops and suicide missions.

Umm, no, completely wrong. Once again, you display total ignorance of how the military works. It isn't just the ability to fight; anyone sufficiently trained can do that (which, by the way, you failed to show your OC having any sort of training). You have to have the military mindset, and that means, in its simplest terms, the ability to work together as a unit. This can only be developed through intense training and hard work. Of course, there's the physical aspect of it, but that's actually a minor part. If your OC sees his initial trainers as a threat and lashes out at them, how can he be trusted to perform classified missions? In short, your OC is not only disqualified for special ops, he wouldn't have a prayer of being part of the basic military. Higher-ups within the actual military would not see him as an "opportunity," they'd see him as a Section 8 and ship his ass out.

I respect that you added this Author's Note to try and explain your reasons and justify your protagonist, but again, you simply do not understand your material. I'll even give you the benefit of the doubt and say you weren't intentionally being disrespectful or insulting. You are obviously quite young and have some maturing to do, both as a person and as a writer. Here's some free writing advice.

It's a common practice for beginning writers to make their OCs rather overpowered, sometimes referred to as a "Mary Sue" or in this case, "Gary Stu." These sorts of characters are extremely boring to read, for they have no character development. Right out the gate, you have your OC defeating several opponents at once, even though you didn't take the time to establish whether or not he had any kind of specialized training. You have to bring your readers on a journey and make it engaging so that they want to be on the adventure with you. It is painfully obvious this tale of yours is one of self-insert and wish fulfillment, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. But you have to keep your audience in mind and make the story interesting for them, and that means taking your time and developing your characters.

All this will take time and practice. Good luck!

Edit: As was pointed out to me by 11067949, you've been on this site for nine years. That puts you in your late teens to early 20s, and as such makes it quite unsettling you're still writing at such an immature level. I take back what I said about you being "obviously young" and giving you the benefit of the doubt about your writing. At your age, you should know better. I still wish you luck, but there's something deeply disturbing going on.

11067641
Not sure if you noticed, but this guy has been on this site for 9 years. If he was even a freshman in high school at the time he joined, he's at least in his 20s by now. Writing something like this, which was done very recently, of this kind of quality and taking it dead seriously carries the implications there was something else driving this story besides ignorance and young adult immaturity. Something more chronic.

I wrote my first fanfic when I was 19 and it didn't even come close to the level of obnoxious and deranged wish fulfillment this one is.

11067949
You're quite right...I hadn't noticed that. This changes everything.

11068655
Yeah. That’s why I want to get some info about the guy from his parents. If he would just stop deleting my comments. Makes it look like he has something to hide.

11068736
I've been deleting your comments because you've been continuously asking me inappropriate questions regarding my personal information on here, through PMs, and even on my fanfiction account, for almost two weeks. I've already been talking to Fimfiction moderators about the situation. You need to stop, and the only reason I'm telling you this publicly is because for some reason this website isn't letting me send you a PM.

11068814
Then maybe you should think about what people are saying to you here and whether or not your outlook on the topics you listed in the epilogue isn’t woefully misguided. If this is an example of a troll fic, nobody is laughing here. The only fool here is you, as you’ve made abundantly clear.

You’ve been on this site for nearly a decade. You should know better by now.

Please don't download this fic cause it has a lot of viruses here. And this virus give you nothing but pain and headache, it will make you shout the swear words in real life.

Edit: nice dislike you have here. I though I created many bad OCs in the past but this one worse

11068837
Enough. We've agreed it's a bad story, but I think we've both ragged on the author a bit too much.

I'm done.

Couldn't get past the second paragraph of the main story.

Gave up before I even finished the first paragraph of the epilogue.

camo.fimfiction.net/-hwNzvvcasB3Op0RCMbkvxs52tJc5r6zm51CeYqyd7s?url=https%3A%2F%2Fderpicdn.net%2Fimg%2Fview%2F2013%2F12%2F13%2F495953.png

Arriving in Equestria, Raserix is still in game mode. He expects everyone he sees to be hostile, and after dealing with mongs shooting at him with Ak47s

it is logical for his next move to be total annihilation of all the ponies who have disrespected him.

my fucking sides, love this shit.

Ngl kinda retarded but was an ok read I guess

COPE HARDER THIS SHIT FUCKING HILARIOUS

This is an obvious troll fic, in case it still needs to be pointed out...

And I thought my stories sucked. I'm one chapter in and I can't stop laughing at how bad it is. I have seen Sonic OCs that are more believable than this protag. I never served in the military, but I can promise that insubordination could result in a court martial and potential prison time. It's just that bad.

Sigma Male #893
Don't step in line. Get Court Martialed.

11099604
I don’t think he’s trolling. He’s just delusional.

But are you affiliated with Corporal Stryker of Deagle Nation? I need to know if this is a spinoff of Call of Duty: Tiberius Rising.

Gosh the toxicity in these comments, let the man be if its a bad fic, who the fuck cares why get so pissy because of it? It just sounds like people get pissy on purpose for attention or to prove something for a higher social status.

11129464
Because the author has never said he's a future former United States marine, thus bringing the entirety of this fic's legitimacy into question.
PRESS 1 TO MAKE RICLO BE TRUE AND HONEST! PRESS 1! PRESS 1! PRESS 1! PRESS 1! PRESS 1!

I found the story to well written good change of pace from most fanfics I read looking forward to the next one 😀 👍

What an unhealthy power fantasy, dear lord. Here’s hoping you don’t eventually get put on a watchlist, especially since you do own guns…

So I'll admit that I didn't read the story but the idea that the MC didn't do anything wrong would be false given the context. Not gonna read the story but from what I've gathered he gets transported in the middle of a combat scenario, in turn causing the MC to think the mission still stands. I've also gathered that the MC doesn't recognize the creatures that are talking to him so it's either a case where the MC is EXTREMELY racist as that means as long as they aren't in human form then he and any human else can do as they please, or where the MC just flat out doesn't care about consequences of their actions.

Raserix is a role model of what it means to be a man. He doesn't take shit from anyone - not even the drill instructors. He refuses to be disrespected and lashes out against those who try to walk over him, which we see when he beats the shit out of his drill instructor and then proceeds to take out 10 more fucking dudes - including other drill instructors -

this just sounds like an ass not a role model, like imagine this scenario. You are an 18 year old kid that gets into the military and see a man threaten and then beat the drill sergeants, there isn't a military in the world the puts the individual over the many and with this action it'd be immediate discharge if not arrest/ shot on sight for being a dangerous individual. The mental screening very well might not've even let him be on base much less get a promotion.

In the latter scenario then this is bad world building as then it's the MC that makes the world-go-round without any being in the world having an affect. Look at any book that's truly successful and the MC is almost never the thing that makes things happen. If this story is what I think it is then it'd be a villain arc story where the MC is remorseless degenerate that can't accept that it's okay to calm down even after finding out being in another world as in terms of demigods. Plot convenience is good and all but armor can only do so much.

I only clicked this story because of the like to dislike ratio so I checked a few comments. I read the epilogue and whole heartily disagree with the synopsis but that's just my opinion and won't be reading as most comments give me an idea as to how it's written although maybe try for something different than a Rambo soldier as that might've worked in the 90's but not so much in the 21st century.

11068837
Ah, so you think your some sort of "hero" bashing an author over a bad fan fic. All these comments are trying to make me think he is some bad person but if anything your just making me feel sorry for him, the freakin' irony.

11263578
The guy’s a self-made edgelord laughingstock. And he’s voluntarily left this site behind. Nothing you do or say will change anything here.

I never said I’m a hero. But he is a fool who just doesn’t know better, as you can see. You clearly have not read the “epilogue” of the story. If you’re going to trash talk me for calling out the author on the embarrassment that this story and it’s message is, you’ll have to take that up with all of us.

Walk away. There’s nothing for you to gain from it.

11331273
Please explain. I’m sincerely curious for academic reasons.

This is simply a stunning, brave and above all epic work. Leo Tolstoy himself could not write a story about the human condition and nature of conflict that could be even a tenth as riveting, insightful and true as the work that Riclo has written for the horse fan community. With prose that would make Hemingway weep tears of envy and a character driven plot that makes Tolkien look like a deviant art blog poster, this timeless epic has simply supercharged literary fiction. A statue of Riclo could be built in every major city across the Earth, each towering 25 feet tall and made of solid gold, and even that would not be enough compensation to thank him for all the good he has done humanity by committing this excellent tale to writing. Bravo.

11376118
(AUDIBLE GASP!) I am DISCOVERED!! My secret has been...REVEALED!!

(falls to knees) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

11376824
Lol

11376118
Oh, and before I forget:

"Pararescue?!" PAH! I...FART in your general direction! Your mothaire was a hamstaire, and your fathaire smelt of elderberries!

Pbbbbbt! Pbbbbt! >smack< >smack<

I decided to click on this fic out of curiosity, but decided not to read it. Looking at the comments, I can only be disappointed by the sheer stupidity and mal-intent pointed towards the author. So what the writing and story was bad? So what he's been on the site for the last decade? Maybe he is going through something, and it is not anyone's place to judge. While this isn't the best story, it does not mean the author should be shown unkindness and hate. Also, I read somewhere that someone was trying to get the author's personal information... What the hell man. It is no ones business what he does, and something akin to this scenario is a legal issue and a crime. Did the show teach you guys nothing?

I wish the author inspiration and hope he continues to try hard at what he loves.

11468719
Dude. The author quit and ran away from the site last April. Unless they ever come back, they'll never see this. And I'm only here to see if they did come back or not.

11590759
Be that as it may, I was directing my comment toward the people in the comments making horrible remarks.