All Washed Up

The very second of my self-doubt started when I was an adult
I was at a talent show for charity and was doing my singing and comic routine that was long overdue
And afterwards my friends asked me: “You never grew up, did you?”
And I realized Twilight Sparkle was Celestia and Luna's royal consult

The advent of my fall from happiness and evolution into despair began later in life
When my bosses let me go for their grown children that I looked after
That was the death of what I thought was my never ending laughter
And I realized Rarity was a proud mother of four and a wife

The days of my doubt started and continued fast
I took swigs of scrumpy, absinthe, ale and ripple
Then pranked the wrong pony and ended up a cripple
And I realized Rainbow Dash tried out to become a Wonderbolt and with flying colors passed

The beginning of my sorrow started days later
When all my friends were “too busy” to have a party
Even my pet alligator Gummy was tardy
And I realized Applejack made a restaurant and became its head waiter

The end of the week was when I truly broke down
Nobody said hi to me or wanted to be my friend
Despite my suicidal attempts, I decided to fight to the bitter end
Because I realized Fluttershy became head of an animal sanctuary town

Why did Fluttershy change me?
I remember my honor code
She is happy, even being prank free
I realized that I must go into battle mode

I am stagnant and a fool merely beseeched
The genius, the fashionista, the tomboy, the country girl and the animal lover
I need to stop using my smile and pranks as cover
I have to look into my mind and confront the ghoul, the tyrant and the leech
This is a sour, burning pill I must swallow
For me to have deliverance and to be saved
That is better than being enslaved or depraved
I am ready for the result even though it might be hollow

The first monster I battle in her dank, dark cave is the ghoul
Who is arrogant, angry, greedy and bitter
She makes my knees, creak and jitter
She is not a true pony, more of a skeletal shell of a mule
She bucks, kicks and spits words of doubt
Bludgeoning me with inferiority, lies, false pride like burning poles
As if she has everything figured out in destroying me with her recent clout
And I decide to duel The Ghoul, on our lines being our souls
My head is blooded but unbowed
I yelled “I cannot be cowed!”
In fact as I spit out the blood from my mouth I smiled
I gained some happiness back with that, no matter how mild
In fact, for the first time in a while I made a laugh
She claimed I am now nothing but chaff
As the Ghoul moves in to strike me down
I assert myself by saying: “you lose.”
As my recovered happiness is of new renown
I summon the element of Laughter and she was blasted, died confused

I enter the canyon of the horror titled The Tyrant
Who looked at me as if it was an annoying young aspirant
She is a cloaked emaciated jester mare in the shade
She's trying to trick me so as I approach I am not lax or afraid
The Tyrant lashes out with her grappling chains
And starts to manipulate me despite my increasing leg pains
I do her orders like a mere, subservient puppet
I cry out for justice saying: “I am not your strumpet!”
The Tyrant cackles and hands me two knives
Projects my five friends in front of me and orders me to “One by one, take their lives.”
They rub their success in your face
They are all a disgrace to the pony race
They all deserve to horribly die
And you are the perfect one to tell them Good bye
She jerks me toward my friends ready for the stabs
However, a familiar voice comes out and gabs
Don't give them a knife give them my hankie
I turn and look, it was Cranky
That hankie was my panacea
Since it gave me a good, brilliant and hilarious idea
I broke my chains and shoved the crumpled hankie in The Tyrant's throat
She gagged and choked and then that was all she wrote

The final specter I confront in the moor is The Leech
So innocent and calm is this foe looking like it was made by amorphous odds and ends
But once I leaped out to attack it let out a screech
The lamprey pony was attached to all five of my now frail looking friends
“It's a Catch-22.” You lose Ms Pie
You don't kill me your friends die
You kill me, the cycle of misery will not end and you will not be able to cleansed
I looked at the bloated blob and she was right
“Very well.” I said. “I surrender this fight.”
I looked around at my friends in defeat
I realized without them I was incomplete
The Leech stuck out her hoof “Now join me.”
I touched her hoof and I whispered “I am no longer baggage free.”
Suddenly my confidence and element of laughter lit up anew
“I will join you, but I am not going to become you.”
With that I merged with my negative aspects coming to calm with them
And I no longer am willing to live under a self-condemn

I came back to reality
with a new, refreshing vitality
I babysit for the foals of Rarity
I help Fluttershy with her charity
Applejack is always my waitress
Rainbow Dash always has my back when I am under duress
Twilight Sparkle always keeps me up to date
I realized I am the captain of my fate
Despite having a now awkward gait
I am Pinkamena Diane Pie and let this be clear
I now know no fear