Just a newly converted brony here to spread tolerance and love you all. Haven't written in years due to depression but now I am back. Many brohoofs
The Cutie Mark Crusaders have been foalnapped along with other young ponies. The MO points to a monster that can't be defeated by normal means. Only rhythm, dance and music can. So the Mane Six make a dance team and go on a rescue mission, can they defeat this monster with the help of some of the more musically inclined ponies in Ponyville?
Cover by tabby444
Page generated in 0.075 seconds
Total duration
650 users online
827,380 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Music is always the weapon.
where did you get that name
3334213 First words that popped into my head when I was thinking of a team name
The story feels rushed to me. I found it hard to read so far, though you have an excellent concept idea to work off. Anyways, just try to flesh out how the characters feel in the situation. Use more emotion, as that really gives us readers a reason to start caring about the characters in general. Just slow down a bit and really put the location and situation into our heads. It takes some effort, but you would be surprised how that can change things around.
Finally, several missing punctuations that could be added in. Another thing that may sound weird, but a properly placed punctuation also slows things down for the reader. Comma's for example, act like a sign to me that I should take a second before I continue reading. Think of it like a cars gas and break. As long as there is no stop signs (commas) I have no need to slow down, therefore the car continues to get faster and faster until, before I know it, I have no idea where the heck I am.
I hope that this is at least helpful. I know it is awkwardly worded, but I feel the point has been made.
3346875 Thanks a lot will think more about that