• Published 22nd Nov 2020
  • 7,646 Views, 67 Comments

Twilight Sparkle, You're Being Ridiculous! - redandready45

Celestia discovers that Twilight plans to exile herself. Celestia tells her how ridiculous she's being. (A Canterlot Wedding fic).

  • ...

Twilight Sparkle, You're Being Ridiculous

"You wished to see me, Your Majesty."

Twilight Sparkle dutifully trotted into Princess Celestia's bedroom. Twilight had just finished singing "Love Is In Bloom" when Princess Celestia summoned her for a private meeting, but was vague on the details.

The Princess of the Sun looked at her student with concern. "My servants were cleaning your room when they found...this on your desk." The Princess of the Sun wandered over to a dresser. Using her magic, the Princess levitated a massive list that was titled "My Going into Exile and Becoming a Desert Warlord To Do List-By Twilight Sparkle."

"May I ask what...this is all about?"

Twilight Sparkle cocked in her head in confusion. "Princess Celestia, I don't know what you mean. Of course I would make a list of things to do to ensure that my banishment and descent into villainy are done in the proper order and on schedule."

Before Princess Celestia could respond, Twilight took the list, let it roll to the floor, and began reading off the itinerary.

"On Day 4 at 3:30 AM, all my bits are to be stolen by a pickpocket in order for me to understand that my cushy life has come to an end and to make me aware of my own naievete," Twilight said with the tone of someone describing a grocery list. "On Day 5, I shall fight with orphans over moldy food from a trash can in order to toughen me up and prepare me for a hard knock life..."

Princess Celestia stood silently while Twilight rambled off her itinerary for her transformation into a wasteland bandit.

"On day 62, I will have usurped my rival for power, using my newly obtained chessmaster abilities to turn his lieutenants against him. On day 63, I will behead him before his former followers with a sword, but not before I belittle him as a pathetic fool who was never fit to be a player in the first place. I have to have that proper mix of cruelty, charm, and magnificence," Twilight said as if describing a cake recipe. "By day 64, I will amass my armies to lay siege to Canterlot to take vengeance upon you..."Twilight trailed off as she noticed her mentor was pursing her lips and making a strange noise. "Princess Celestia, are you..."


The white mare began cackling. The Princess was laughing so hard, her teacher's ribs looked like they were about to burst out of her body, and tears were even falling down her eyes.

"Princess I worked so hard to make that list," Twilight said with some despair as her mentor's laugh started to die down, "but if it isn't up to your specifications, I could-,"

"Twilight Sparkle, I'm not laughing because of poor organization," Princess Celestia said with a smile. "I'm laughing because you honestly thought I wanted to banish with you." Princess Celestia's smile got wider. "Why would you think that?"

"Well," Twilight began, her ears folding down in sorrow..."you got really....mad at me in the rehearsal."

Princess Celestia's grin got even wider. "Twilight, I was angry at you. But do you really think I would banish you, the pony who saved Equestria countless times and freed my sister from her madness, over something as petty as a public outburst?"

Twilight thought it over and blushed out of embarrassment. "Well..."

"You are also the Element of Magic, and our realm's best defense against evil. If I was ever so short-sighted during my millennia of rule as to dismiss one of my best warriors over a minor slight, I probably would've been beheaded long ago."

Twilight thought it over for a few moments and felt her ears fall flat on her head in shame.

Celestia went over to her faithful student and began patting her on the head with her hoof. "Did I banish you over the Smarty Pants incident?"


"Did I banish you when Fluttershy took Philomena?"


"If your behavior ever got even remotely close to that point," Princess Celestia assured her prized pupil, "I think I would've given you a warning or properly disciplined you." Princess bent down to look her pupil in the eye. "Twilight, why would you ever think I would banish you?"

Twilight frowned at her instructor with a frustrated tone. "Well...when I told you what happened, you didn't even bother to check on her. You believed Cadence over me."

Celestia's playful smile faded once she detected the genuine hurt in her student's voice. "You're right Twilight, I am sorry for not taking your words seriously," Princess Celestia admitted. She then gave her faithful student a stern look. "But let me ask you a question, Twilight: if my faithful student is screaming 'SHE'S EVIL!' in the middle of a wedding rehearsal, and my 'niece' has a logical explanation for her behavior, and she breaks down crying in offense, who am I inclined to be believe?"

"I guess...I wouldn't believe me either," Twilight admitted reluctantly. "Maybe I did go about things in a ham-hooved manner."

"As the Smarty Pants incident proves, you do have a history of letting your fears cloud your judgement," Princess Celestia added with an even sterner tone.

"Fears?" Twilight asked, picking up on the fact that her mentor was about to have a serious talk about her behavior.

"You felt so frustrated and scared, that you couldn't come to me with your concerns in a calm and orderly manner," Princess Celestia pointed out to the lavender unicorn with a concerned voice. "Why Twilight? Why did you feel the need to bellow out your concerns?"

"It's just," Twilight began uncomfortably, "I was...mad that my brother wouldn't tell me about the wedding. And then I saw how mean 'Cadence' was, but...everypony just seemed to care more about the wedding than about who my brother was getting married to and I just felt," Twilight Sparkle's voice got softer ,"nothing I said mattered to anypony." Twilight felt her eyes become wet. "And when everypony trotted away from me, it felt like nopony cared about me and everypony hated-,"Twilight felt tears go down her eyes and she stared crying.

Twilight was so upset, she barely noticed two giant wings surrounded her. Before she knew it, she was being pulled into one of her teacher's hugs. They were so warm and fluffy, Twilight as a filly theorized her teacher was made from pillows.

"Twilight," Princess Celestia said in a soothing tone, before releasing her student. "I'm sorry if I made you feel this way. But I assure that I was not planning on dismissing you as my faithful student or banishing you." Princess Celestia then craned her students neck to she could look her in the eye. "At worst, I was planning on sending you home and having you write an apology letter to Cadence and your brother as punishment. When Chrysalis banished you to the mines, I assumed you already had gone home. But once the wedding was over, you were still going to be my faithful student." Princess Celestia pulled her student into another hug when she saw Twilight on the verge of tears again. "And you're right that we all put too much concern into the idea of wedding than if the marriage was correct. But let me be clear: just because your friends and family can act selfishly and get angry at you doesn't mean they'll stop caring about you."

"Maybe I was being a little ridiculous," Twilight admitted once her tears stopped.

Princess Celestia took a tissue and began wiping her student's face. "It isn't ridiculous to worry about losing your friends and family. I often worry about being a good enough for my subjects or whether I might repeat the mistakes I made with Luna."

"You do?" Twilight asked as she the Princess wiped away the last of her tears.

"Yes," Princess Celestia said in a soothing tone. "Losing your friends and family is a new fear for you, because up until a year ago, you had hardly any kind of relationship outside of me or your family. Once you gain friends, you will dread losing them. It's perfectly normal. What you need to work on is not letting your fears control you."

"You're right," Twilight accepted in a mature tone.

"What is ridiculous is you methodically planning to become a hustler in order to, and I quote," Princess Celestia said, holding up the exile list," 'adopt the ruthlessness needed to survive in the desolate settings I shall henceforth live under." Princess Celestia started cackling again. Twilight laughed along, feeling much better. "You're an educated mare, Twilight," the white alicorn said. "Even if you cease to be my student, you still have plenty of options before you need to delve into the criminal underworld."

"Thanks Princess," Twilight expressed with a relieved smile on her face.

"Come," Princess Celestia said while holding the door open, "let's go talk about this with your friends and brother."

"Really?" Twilight wondered. "But it's the wedding-,"

"If you feel this way, maybe you should get this off your chest as soon as possible," Princess Celestia pointed out. "Again, if you don't want to be ruled by your fears anymore, the first step is that you talk about them with someone you trust."

With a small admittance that she was right, Twilight began following her mentor out of the room, preparing herself for the long talk with her friends. She feared it would be difficult, but looking at Princess Celestia, she realized that friendship was difficult, but love could still endure even in the most trying of times.

"On the other hand," Princess Celestia said as they trotted to the Grand Dining Hall, "I think you would've made an excellent desert warlord."

Twilight, as usual, lit up at praise from her mentor. "Really?"

"Your book fort proved that you have the heart of the warrior!" Princess Celestia said dramatically. "If you can battle the Demon of Illiteracy, you can battle desert bandits."

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight squealed with a mixture of embarrassment and laughter.

"'My shield is the Oxen-Ponish Dictionary;," Princess Celestia declared in between fits of laughter, quoting young Twilight''s bold declarations. " 'My sword is the Encyclopdia Maretanica, because the greatest knowledge is power-'," Princess Celestia descended into even more chuckling, while Twilight laughed along with her, more sure than ever she was still Princess Celestia's prized pupil.