"Oh crap, [Akouma] is right." -Bugsydor
In the aftermath of his battle with the sorceress who wielded the Memory Stone, Clover must piece together his mind. He turns to a pony he is certain will have information to fill the gaps: himself.
An entry into FoME's A Most Delightful Ponidox competition.
Page generated in 0.08 seconds
Total duration
1,013 users online
1,867,310 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I was wondering if the wife was who I thought it was, after her name was mentioned. And woo! She got a promotion!
Coool!
...
"Two or more distinct instances of the same person have to interact."
Oooh. That's Exact Wording done well right here!
Great story!
You could play it off as "Clover's memories and feelings slightly returning even after being memory wiped..."
"... Do you mean gossamer held in tension above a gap or simply gossamer laying on the ground? For one way would destroy it, whereas the other would do little to it at all."
"Exactly."
Good stuff throughout. I do feel you could've intensified Clover's initial disgust and confusion once he was home; I didn't even realize he'd forgotten the tribes' reconciliation until the two started talking. Still, given the current climate out there in the real world, I can hardly blame you. And it does feel more fitting for him to approach such peculiar matters as rationally as he could. That being said, a bit more detail to his disoriented wandering and boggling about Canterlot could have helped.
The turnaround is rather quick as well. As you noted, this is mostly wishful thinking. Still, this was the stallion who helped break down those cultural boundaries in the first place.
I suppose my biggest complaint is that we don't know what made leaving written instructions with the Memory Stone seem like a good idea. Burying it in a world of magicless apes, yes, good. The user's manual less so. But I suppose that's a story for another day. Thank you for this. Best of luck in the judging!
Now this is an interesting and unique take on the prompt. Nicely done.
By my count, this story has 4 dashes too few and 4 hyphens too many.
The plausibility of this item's existence amuses me.
It may be your standard predetermined time travel, but something about the fact that he's there to get information from his past self rather than to tell his past self Something Important™ (because he'd ultimately forget anything he wanted to have been told anyway) makes it more enjoyable. That and you've done a good job handling it.
My main complaint is that the edges around the heart of the story are a little lacking; I get the sense that moments, especially the first two scenes, were written mostly with the intent to move the story to the ideas that you really wanted to show. By the time we reach the scene with Starswirl, the story appears to have hit its stride.
One possible justification for this is the idea that the stone only erased his memories, not the underlying personality or emotions. So even if his conscious mind reverted to the racist beliefs of his youth, he still subconsciously retained his love for his wife and his respect for the other two tribes, and as such was subconsciously looking for a reason to abandon those beliefs.