Celestia and Luna have jointly ruled Equestria for centuries, and the land has been stable and prosperous under their rule, yet both of them have been slowly growing less and less enthused as the demands of their subjects begin to mount. As the two princesses approach their breaking points, it seems that the only thing that will stave off the destruction of Equestria is that both goddesses seem more focused on each other than the world at large. In the midst of this crisis, Twilight Sparkle, a newly commissioned officer in the Royal Guard, seeks what may be the only viable solution to this problem: locating the Elements of Harmony before either goddess can destroy them.
Chapters (4)
An interesting story, I want to see how it goes. Keep up the good work.
Yay
Bravo on putting words to page!
Short for "No gods, just ponies" I presume? Interesting.
Alright, this has a Kwakerjack endorsement. Once I am not about to pass out from lack of sleep, I shall look this up.
Let's give this a read. Kwak has never led me wrong.
Bit too abbreviated for a start. Could have used more establishment on the part of all three of your characters here. Other then that you've got an intriguing premise and it'll be interesting to see where it goes. Added to my alerts.
Interesting
Good start. Interested to see where you take this set up!
Kwakerjak sent me here as well.
Very interesting (albeit grim) start. I will certainly be looking forward to seeing this one update!
Someone has to do this, may as well get it done now.
i1.ytimg.com/vi/Y8eRmIah2q0/hqdefault.jpg
And with that out of the way, damn this is a nice story you got here.
Well, the only problem is that I doubt the Elements will work for Twi and Company in this world, considering their motives will be anything but harmonious.
And frankly, since both Luna and Celestia are still around, I'm sure they keep the Elements close by.
The ponies themselves are part of the problem, the media spinning off unsubstantiated rumors and outright lies...
Honestly, I'd respond by becoming everything they fear in a tyrant and more.
The most delightful thing to do when someone is spreading lies is to make those lies come true and then exceed them. And as you loom over the terrified liar, grin your most wicked smile and remind them, "I'm only doing what you said I was doing! You wouldn't want to be a liar, now would you?"
Then you cut their heads off.
It's glorious fun!
I wish I were around more to help out with the story, but it doesn't happen very often. Either way, this was interesting. Very interesting. The only problem is that Celestia's problem almost seems . . . trivial, really. I can see it being frustrating, certainly, but not something that could set off a war.
But I am sure there is something you have in mind. Keep up the good work!
4677010 - While I don't want to put words in the author's mouth, I get the impression that Celestia is going to become very authoritarian, and that she won't think of herself as being "in rebellion." It's her little ponies that are acting up over trivial matters. She, as the Only "Sane" Mare, is being reasonable.
Hmn, promising start.
Poor Shining, though, I wonder what happened. Based on the context I'm going to guess dragon, but it may be more complicated than that.
Good
And thus, Twilight meets the first of her future best friends.
Unless time works differently for one of us, hasn't it only been one month?
Woops.
This entire part needs to be its own paragraph. You switch speakers and POVs in one single paragraph, and that's no good. XP When someone new is talking, they get their own line. Even when they talk using body language.
You know . . . there are a few things that I have problems with in stories, and one of them particularly is when their whole element thing is beat into the heads of the readers through either repetition or an extremely ridiculous selfless act. I mean, some stories revolve around the main character being the epitome of the element they represent, but I don't see this story measuring up to . . . say Austraeoh and its subsequent stories.
Anyway, more to the point, I have a problem with this quoted material because . . . it just doesn't seem believable. I mean, Rarity is indeed generous. That's her element, and she defines the element (not the element defines her, which is a rather massive complication that most people like to have). However, for a pony she just met, giving her the entire thing for free? Really? I'm not sure I can believe that. Twilight has money; she just doesn't have enough. Now, a very nice discount would be understandable. THAT'S what I assumed would happen. I mean, generosity runs out after a while. You can't help everyone and take the hits for doing so.
Didn't she just say that if Twilight wasn't fine with her . . . generosity that she would cut her a deal?
Anyway, pretty interesting chapter. This was rather . . . I suppose you would call it filler, but it was definitely a good chapter that allows us to get acquainted with this new Twilight. You also gave us a glimpse of Luna, and the seeds have been sown for future conflict. Things should be pretty interesting.
4833455
Apparently, my skills do not include counting.
4833963
That's a fair point. In my defense, we've seen Rarity do something very similar in Art of the Dress. Sure, it's not the same situation since Twilight isn't a dear friend, but it's still something we know Rarity is crazy enough to do once in a while. Also, I was trying to emphasize that Rarity is doing this almost as much for herself because she really likes the strange material she's been presented with. I suppose since this discussion is happening I likely failed in that regard.
4834453
No, you made it perfectly clear that she was doing this for both Twilight and herself. But . . . I don't know even then. If she is doing it more for herself, then that is very understandable, but we are, once again, dealing with Rarity only just meeting Twilight.
And I actually think that the show portrays Rarity in . . . some of the oddest ways possible. She is generous, yes, but the show wants to make her perfect or something. She is just so helpful and awesome all the time, she'll do anything for her friends and random people. Like I said, there is a limit to generosity. And something the show has YET to touch on even a bit is just that: limits.
You can't always be laughing, you can't always be loyal, you can't always be kind, you can't always be generous, you can't always be honest, and you can't always use the magic of friendship to fix everything. Sure, season four came CLOSE to making these points, but they didn't do a very good job, in my opinion. But I digress.
Way to go, Twilight, break those testing devices and wear their carcasses on a chain around your neck.
Feels like there's missing words here:
4948495
Indeed. Let me just fix that...
EDIT: Aaaaaaaaaaand fixed.
Too late, already reading stories by almost all of those editors.
Nice job with that dragon, Twilight and Dash, though that kind of makes me wonder about Spike's status in this world. Twilight doesn't appear to have any special relationship with either Princess in this AU, so I suppose it's possible her cutie mark incident was completely different and he was never hatched. Then again, given the conflict with the dragons I could also see it possibly happening and the dragons taking offense, or it happening but going badly for the egg and the dragons taking offense.
4949688
Spike most certainly exists in this AU. His situation in this world is very different, though.
A-ha, been waiting to see where that title would come into play.
Loyalty.
This has got to be one of the most fully-realized and believable AUs on the site. Very much looking forward to more.
4952118
While I'm flattered, I think that may be stretching it juuuust a bit.
...Now I really wish Powers of Harmony was still updating.
4955624 I can't even find PoH, it seems to have been deleted.
4955943
It's still around.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/24125/the-powers-of-harmony
Dumb mobile site won't let me format link.
Instructions unclear, tried clicking green names, got dick stuck in the ceiling fan
Nightingale's asking for uranium so she can try and build a breeder reactor out of coffee cans and string. She's never done it before, or even tried, or has any real idea of how to start, but hey, if it works, it'd be super-neato!
Did Luna's brain get replaced with an olive loaf sometime between chapters or why the hell isn't she seeing the multitude of gaping, apocalypse-shaped holes in this idea?
Wild guess regarding Twilight's gemstone research, in this 'verse she's going to actually make the Elements.
Luna is planning on assisting with research into the possible benefits of demonic possession. What could possibly go wrong?
Ingenious, is our little Sparkle.
There's always gotta be that one scientist/doctor who has to be "That Guy", doesn't there?
5044988
BUG #5_044_988
STATUS: Closed
REASON: Could not reproduce. Configuration not available in test environment.
5045761
I am pretty sure this is how companies like Umbrella Corporation get started.
Maybe she is already possessed?
5046657
We wonders. Aye, we wonders...
My money is on them finding some "Private Gomer Pyle"-like wash-out loser from the Royal Guard by the name of Sunset Shimmer as their first volunteer...
5058166
While the idea of Sunset Shimmer being their test subject is amusing, she in this world is a guard captain with many accolades and a reputation for being a complete bitch. No washing out for her.
I liked how Twilight's notes started off quite formal and then quickly lost punctuation and capitalisation.
Creating an Anti-Magic field by accident not bad Twilight. While the magic resistance element looks like it could be trivially overcome by someone for example Celestia's level of power just by pumping more energy into the spells. The blocking communications/anti scrying element feels like it will be very useful.
Do ponies already have an efficient or portable way to block scrying or it this a truly innovative thing Twilight has come up with?
Wouldn't think difficulty of cracking would be an issue if it breaks open just by being dropped. I would think the issue would be the opposite, if you are going to field deploy the gems you don't want to have them accidental activate when whoever is carrying them needs to dive for cover.