Chapter 37: Relationships Reconciliation and Really?
Hufflepuff House was not a place for the ambitious, the brainy, or the bold. By contrast, its members were loyal, hardworking, and humble. Nothing that could be considered pretentious or elegant made it past the common room’s entrance portal. Therefore, it should have come as no surprise that even the individual dormitories spoke not of conquest, not of academia, and not of high adventure. Instead, it spoke of home; it spoke of hard-earned rewards from earnest effort. Even a blind man could see that the legendary Helga Hufflepuff had preferred contentment and practicality above everything else. Somehow, however, she seemed to have also neglected furnishing individual desks for studying. Perhaps she had realized they were more hindrance than help. Through either design or desire, most, if not all, of the Hufflepuffs preferred nesting on the floor to complete their schoolwork.
It came as no surprise that Ruby found herself atop a mound of blankets, pillows, and comforters, surrounded by open books, parchments, journals, and a flurry of loose notes as she prepared for her upcoming N.E.W.T.S. After all, she was a Hufflepuff; it was not in their nature to take half-measures on anything of import. Despite the urgency of her task, there was likewise no justification for enduring any more discomfort than absolutely necessary.
She was in the perfect Zen-like studying state, balanced between concentration and relaxation when the dorm rooms door banged open, dragging her back to reality. “You’ve got a visitor!” Gloria chirped happily as she entered.
Looking over her shoulder with more than a hint of irritation, Ruby saw who Gloria was escorting. “You!” she spat.
“Only the lonely,” confirmed the pony. “At this point I have to wonder if your mother ever taught you how to say hello.”
“Hello,” Ruby said sullenly. “I wasn’t expecting you to show up, Shadow Flow.”
An eyebrow rose upon hearing that greeting. “Hello Ruby.” Shadow Flow glided in, gracefully touching down before lowering herself to the floor just a couple feet away from the girl. “It’s nice to see you again.”
It was Ruby’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “Do tell.”
“Are we going to get snarky now?” Shadow Flow’s ears flatten a bit. “I was hoping to avoid anything like that.”
Ruby sighed and then closed the book she was holding. “No, you’re right. That was petty. I apologize.”
Shadow Flow fixed her gaze on Ruby, obviously not expecting that reply. “Apology accepted.” She paused for a second. “I think giving you your space and letting you cool down was the correct decision.”
Ruby thoughtfully tapped her book in the palm of her hand. “What do you want?” she finally asked.
“To talk,” Shadow Flow answered.
Silence filled the room and after a minute, Gloria started to hum a game show song indicating a thirty-second deadline. Suddenly reminded of the other individual in the room, the two females turned to look at the one who had dared to breach the quiet.
“Don’t mind me,” Gloria said. “I just thought the two of you needed a nudge.”
Shadow Flow chuckled. “Thanks, Gloria; it was getting awkward.”
“Of course, it was.” Gloria shrugged. “You both know you owe each other a real apology, and since you aren’t Gryffindors, you’re too afraid to just get on with it.”
“Go on. Go watch the telly,” Ruby commanded.
“This is much more interesting,” Gloria said, plopping on the floor. “Besides, I need to stay to make sure we’re not sending Shadow home as pony puree.”
“I’m not that violent,” Ruby protested.
“Pony pudding, then.” Gloria shrugged. “Or maybe a pony popsicle.”
“I’d appreciate it if you’d stop giving her ideas,” Shadow Flow snarled.
Ruby smirked. “You needn’t worry,” she said showing way too many pointed teeth for Shadow Flow’s liking. “I’m not going to hurt anyone.”
Shadow Flow eyed her warily.
Sighing, Ruby put down her book. “Look, I admit, I overreacted when we first met. I’m not proud of it, and Gloria is right; I owe you and the rest who got hit, an apology.”
“That was not,” Shadow tilted her head slightly, “something I was expecting to hear from you.”
Absently, Ruby brought her hand up to rub her left cheek. “My mum slapped me. She never slapped me before. I’m told I received a swat on the bum when necessary -- but a slap? And then she broke out in tears. I thought she broke her hand or something. The slap wasn’t that hard; I thought she hurt herself.” Ruby sighed. “Those tears hurt worse than the slap.”
“Oh Ruby,” Gloria said sympathetically.
“She’s never slapped me before.” Ruby looked at Shadow. “I crossed a line and I need to get back on the right side of it.”
Shadow looked down and tapped a forehoof on the rug on which she was lying. “We crossed a line as well.” She finally said, “We were skirting it by pony standards, but by the way humans see things, we went over by several lengths.”
“Oooh, that begs the question,” Gloria said. “How far over the line did Ruby go by pony standards?”
Shadow thought for a second as the two human girls inwardly cooed at the cute expression on her face. “That depends on how you look at it,” she finally said. “If you see it as a mare stopping other mares from joining her single mare herd, well, that is way over the line. On the other hoof, if you look at it as a mare trying to stop other mares from taking away her marked stallion . . .” Shadow sighed heavily. “In that case, she was well within bounds. In fact, her restraint is commendable -- from that point of view.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sorry I took it as far as I did,” Ruby said.
“I’m not letting you be the emotional sacrifice here,” Shadow said. “We were wrong, snatching Torin like that without bringing you along for the ride.”
“Not, ‘We were wrong snatching Torin in the first place’?” Ruby asked.
“No.” Shadow said. “It was never our intentions to harm anypony, but we couldn’t let Torin go without approaching him in some manner. We couldn’t give up on the promise of another generation or three.”
“That’s still rather cold,” Gloria stated. “It’s more than a little materialistic. He’s a person, not an asset to be traded or sold.”
“The elders are aware of that,” Shadow said. “I think that’s why they gathered so many of us younglings together. They want real family connections to go along with a more diverse gene pool. I wish things had been different, allowing myself and the rest of the herd the opportunity to fall in love with Torin under better circumstances.”
“You love Torin?” Ruby asked in surprise. “Are you sure? Are you sure it’s not just physical?”
Shadow snorted. “The changeling, who still swears up and down that she isn’t a changeling, knew what she was doing.”
Ruby looked downtrodden. “I never stood a chance.”
“I do not understand you,” Shadow said. “Larva already told you that you two were meant to be.”
“Are you still chipping away at that?” Ruby growled.
“I’ve got a hammer in one hoof and a chisel in the other,” Shadow responded. “Seriously, the elders are still hoping to persuade another changeling to help. What Larva managed to accomplish in her short time with us is beyond amazing.”
“Have you talked to Clouded Hope yet?” Gloria asked. “I’m sure she can put you in touch with some other changelings if you ask nicely.”
“Clouded Hope?” Shadow asked.
“She’s a first-year, who’s given up the pretense of not being a changeling.” Gloria said. “Keeps handing out jars of love honey, because flushing it down the toilet has become a hassle.”
“Love honey?” Shadow asked.
“The tasty pink stuff.” Gloria nodded. “You got to be careful though. More than one upper-year is expecting after consuming more than their share of the stuff.”
“That sounds dangerous,” Shadow pressed.
“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” Ruby said. “It doesn’t force you to obsess over anyone like a love potion does. It does, however, amplify what’s already there.”
“I’ve noticed you refuse to eat any if Torin happens to be in the room,” Gloria said offhandedly, looking at Ruby.
“What does it matter?” Ruby asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve lost.”
“Aaaarrrrgh!” Shadow jumped up and flapped her wings. Somehow her torso stayed put as she repeatedly stomped the ground with all four legs.
After the pony seemed finished blowing her gasket, Gloria asked, “Feel better?”
“No.” Shadow said flopping back onto the floor. “What’s wrong with you Ruby? Why does it have to be win or lose?”
“You wouldn’t understand?” Ruby said.
“I just told you I don’t understand,” Shadow snapped. “Apparently, I’m stupid or something. Please explain to me in small, simple words.”
Ruby opened her mouth to reply but didn’t get the chance as the door to the dorm room opened to reveal a woman’s silhouette dominating the doorway. As the three were recovering from the surprise interruption, the woman said. “You are going to need this.” With that, the woman tossed something that landed in the midst of the three girls. They all looked down to see a copper ring. When they looked up again, it was only to witness the door closing as if they had never been disturbed.
“Who was that?” Shadow ventured.
“That was Professor Trelawney,” Ruby said, looking back down at the ring, but making no move to reach for it.”
“Professor Trelawney?” Shadow asked.
“She’s the Divinations Professor.” Gloria informed the pony. “She has gotten really scary lately; let me tell you.”
“That is more than a bit of an understatement,” Ruby said. “Recently, she put the entire first-year Gryffindor class in detention for a week -- for apparently no reason, at that, and no one complained, not even the Gryffindors who got detention.”
“I remember that. She headed off to find the other professors right after. I was in the Great Hall when she stomped up to the headmaster and told him -- told him, mind you, not asked. Told him that the cake was bad enough and that homemade silly string was going on the banned list immediately,” Gloria seemed gob smacked over the memory.
“Kind of makes you wonder about cake and silly string,” Ruby said.
“Right until common sense catches up with your thoughts, at which point you have to admit that you’d really rather not know,” Gloria finished.
Shadow looked down at the ring. “She really derailed our conversation.”
“She probably planned that,” Ruby said. “Wouldn’t surprise me in the least.”
“Okay, let’s back up,” Shadow said. “Ruby, why do you insist on setting yourself up for a world of regret?”
“World of regret?” Ruby snorted. “I regret nothing.”
The other two looked at her for a second before Gloria asked, “Did you convince yourself? If so, then you’re at least one for three on that try.”
“All joking aside,” Shadow said, “you will have to live with a heart load of regret if you continue down this path. You should at least allow Torin to rut you a time or two, if nothing else.”
“Woah!” Gloria said. “That came from, like, out of nowhere.”
“What do you mean?” Shadow asked. “She’s always going on about how Torin created the herd for sex. Ergo, if she’s so focused on losing her sex toy, we should let her play for a bit.”
“Torin is not my sex toy!” Ruby protested hotly.
“Which is exactly the point I was trying to make.” Shadow smirked. “Thanks for saying it for me.”
“That was mean,” Gloria stated.
“Now that I think of it, you should let him rut you as well,” Shadow said.
“What?” both of the humans said at the same time.
“It is becoming clear that the two of you are a package deal.” Shadow mused, “I should adjust my tactics accordingly.”
“I have no clue where you got that idea from,” Ruby said as Gloria did her best impression of a stunned fish.
“Are you telling me that Gloria has never thought of coupling with both you and Torin?” Shadow asked.
As one, they both turned to look at Gloria. Was she more a mullet or a goliath grouper?
“What exactly are you playing at?” Ruby demanded of Shadow Flow.
“Hammer.” Shadow held up a forehoof. “Chisel.” Up went the other.
“Wait!” Gloria finally managed to get out. “Ruby, tell her it doesn’t work that way.”
“I’ve been trying to tell her!” Ruby screeched. “What do you think I’ve been doing all this time!?”
“The way I see it, you’ve been asserting things as fact without having the supporting evidence to back up your claims,” Shadow said.
“That’s . . . That’s . . .” Gloria sputtered.
Ruby looked at her sideways and managed a smug smile. “Not so funny when you’re looking at it from this side, is it?”
“Sooo,” Shadow interjected. “Ruby, exactly what is it you want out of life?”
“Was that rehearsed?” Ruby asked snapping her head back toward the pony. “’Cause, it sure sounded like it was rehearsed.”
“The girls and I may have gotten together and brainstormed on how this conversation was going to go,” Shadow admitted.
“Are we really doing this?” Ruby asked.
The bat pony stared back at her with a serious look.
“I guess we’re doing this,” Ruby slumped where she sat.
“W-what?” Gloria sputtered. “Just like that? After all of the bitching and moaning? Seriously, just like that? Am I the only sane person in the room?”
Both of the other two stared at her with mouths half open until Shadow Flow said, “We are going to need a new irony gauge.”
“’Cause the one we had just overloaded,” Ruby finished for her.
Gloria threw them both a dirty look for their efforts.
“Sooo,” Shadow interjected a second time. “Ruby, exactly what is it you want out of life?”
“Really?” Ruby asked.
Shadow shrugged. “Can you blame me for trying to get this conversation back on script?”
“No, but we could get back on the topic of Gloria shagging Torin,” Ruby said. “I’ve never seen her flustered before, and I’d kind of like a repeat performance.”
“I think we have more important things to discuss than sex,” Shadow said. “That’ll come in its own sweet time.”
“Ahhhh.” Gloria groaned. “I can’t believe you made that pun.”
“What pu . . . Ahhhhh.” It was Shadow’s turn to groan.
“And, Ruby, I never thought I’d hear you say anything about anyone shagging Torin except yourself,” Gloria said.
“I’m not allowed to joke about my ex’s love life?” Ruby shrugged. “Like, I haven’t gotten over him or something.”
“I dare you to say that after sitting across from him and eating a jar of love honey.” Gloria smiled at her friend.
“I’d like to see you right next to her eating a jar of your own,” Shadow said.
Gloria gave Shadow a contemplative look before saying, “All right, fine. If Ruby’s in, so am I.”
“What?” Ruby squeaked. “I may be quoting someone but, seriously? Just like that?”
Gloria sighed and settled herself more comfortably. “Ruby, do you have any idea how long it would take you to count the single guys in our year who aren’t planning on visiting Equestria this summer, intent on finding a herd of willing and beautiful women? I’ll tell you; not very long. After all, it takes practically no time to count on one hand. If I’m going to end up having to share, it might as well be with someone I happen to like and trust. Sharing a man whom I also like and trust is a bonus.”
“What?” Ruby said, “This is the first I’m hearing about anyone making plans like that.”
Gloria grinned. “I can’t imagine why anyone would avoid bringing up the subject in your presence.”
“Am I winning?” Shadow asked. “It feels like I’m winning.”
“Don’t get too excited,” Ruby muttered.
“Speaking of winning and losing, you have stated that you’ve lost. This isn’t true. We are willing to compromise; even if you consider us the winners. Wouldn’t you like to have a partial win?”
“Shadow Flow.” Gloria pointed a finger and waggled it. “You need to learn when to go off script and improvise.”
“It was working so well; I was afraid to,” Shadow admitted.
“I just have to ask,” Ruby said. “Whose idea was it to trick us into the herd with rutting? Instant marriage that it is and all.”
“Ah . . .” Shadow’s eyes went wide. “Believe it or not, I forgot all about that.”
“Sure, you did.” Gloria smirked.
“No. Really. Believe me. I forgot.” Shadow winced. “Besides, you could go human on human. I understand for humans, casual rutting isn’t unheard of, with no obligations afterwards.”
“Would that work now that Torin can go pony?” Ruby asked.
“I don’t see why it wouldn’t,” Shadow said.
“You have no idea, do you?” Gloria accused.
“Not a clue,” Shadow admitted.
The bright, crisp afternoon in Canterlot was practically electric with anticipation. School had let out for the day, and the colts and fillies were milling about as they gathered in their cliques. In their midst, a tan pegasus colt read a map that a blue unicorn colt held in his mouth. The two earned sideline glances as the unicorn said around gritted teeth, “Are you sure we’re in the right spot?”
“I don’t know,” admitted the pegasus. “Clouded Hope’s friend’s handwriting is atrocious.”
The unicorn replied, “We may have a bigger problem on our hands; how can we tell which ponies are the right age? Maybe we should have just waited like everybody else.”
“Don’t be daft -- early bird and all that,” the pegasus said, walking up to a colt who had a book levitated in front of his face. “Hey mate.” The tan pegasus nudged the bookworm gently on his side. “Question for you, if you wouldn’t mind.”
The book lowered itself as the other colt studied the pegasus who had just accosted him. “That’s a Trottingham accent if I’ve ever heard one. How may I be of assistance?”
“We were wondering. What are the ages of the ponies leaving the school?” the accented pegasus asked.
The bookworm’s eyes widened slightly. “That is a weird question.”
“We are a bit weird,” the unicorn said soothingly after spitting out the map.
“Okay,” the bookworm said. “Well, everypony you see is around sixteen to eighteen, depending on the grade they are in -- except Graded Acumen. She’s only eleven, but has advanced enough to be graduating at the end of the year. Can’t miss her; she’ll be the one with a stack of books five times her height.”
“Thanks, mate,” the pegasus said.
“So . . . jackpot?” the unicorn said, coming to stand next to his friend.
“Jackpot,” his friend affirmed.
“Sooooooo, what do we do now?” the unicorn asked.
“I dunno. Stand around in sheer terror over the realization of what we’re planning?”
“Good,” the unicorn said. “I was afraid I was the only one doing that.”
“You two are definitely weird,” said the bookworm.
“We really haven’t thought this through,” said the pegasus.
“How hard can it be?” The unicorn huffed. “All we need to do is look for pretty ponies.”
“You mean like those over there?” The bookworm pointed.
The unicorn cringed. “Correction. All we need to do is look for pretty ponies who aren’t so obviously high maintenance enough to break the bank inside a week.”
“What exactly are you trying to do?” the bookworm asked.
“Were hunting for herds,” the pegasus said offhoofily.
“And on that note, I should probably be making a gallop for it,” the bookworm said. “Curse this morbid curiosity.”
“What about those three over there?” The unicorn pointed at three fillies chatting not too far away.
“That’s Stark Winter, Shuffle Toes, and Raccoon Rocket. I know they are graduating this year; so, eighteenish.”
The pegasus raised an eyebrow. “Raccoon Rocket?”
“Don’t look at me like that,” the bookworm said. “I didn’t name her.”
“Well, she is a pinto, and I can kind of see the resemblance,” the unicorn said. “That is, if raccoons happened to be yellow and black.”
“Be that as it may, it’s showtime. Go over and chat them up,” the pegasus said as he nudged his partner.
“Me?” the unicorn asked. “This was your idea.”
“And you were the one to pick them out. So, it’s on you.”
The three colts all stood staring for a minute. “Well,” the unicorn said, “I think it is obvious why neither of us were sorted into Gryffindor.”
“You mean besides having common sense?” asked the pegasus.
“That, too.” The unicorn agreed.
“What’s Gryffindor?” asked the bookworm.
“I’ll explain later. We should probably focus on the girls before they decide to wander away.”
“Have I mentioned; you two are weird?”
“I’m sure it’s just cultural differences butting heads,” the pegasus said before prodding the unicorn. “Get on with it, Stet; make us proud.”
“Yeah, yeah,” grumbled the unicorn. “I don’t know how I let you talk me into this.” Throwing his withers back, he made a show of strolling over to the mares who had stopped talking to watch him approach. “Ladies,” he said. He then took a half step back astonished at his own boldness.
The pegasus trotted up next to him and prodded his barrel a few times. “Yup, broke,” he declared after getting no response.
Stark Winter looked at the colts before warmly addressing the bookworm. “Hey there, Staunch Cipher, who are your friends?”
The pegasus was the one to answer. “My name’s Alwin; the statue here is Stetson. Pleased to meet you.”
“Pleasure to make your acquaintance,” the masked filly replied. “I’m Raccoon, and these are my friends Shuffle and Stark.”
Alwin replied, “Ah, but the pleasure is surely ours. After all, meeting lovely ladies such as yourself is the quintessential essence from which dreams are made of.”
The three fillies looked at each other, confused. “Ladies?”
Staunch Cipher said, “In the context of things, I think he meant ‘fillies’.” The three fillies took on a pinkish hue as Alwin’s words sunk in. Staunch Cipher continued. “Laying it on kind of thick there. Don’t you think?”
“Ah, I got that from a book,” Alwin admitted. “Too much?”
“Maybe just a little,” Stetson said. “They’re still in shock.”
“You’re one to talk,” Alwin replied. “Why’d you freeze up there? It’s not like you’ve never asked a girl on a date before.”
“Those were just trips to Hogsmeade,” Stetson protested. “That’s a long way from ‘Hello, could I interest you in forming a herd’?”
“A herd?” Shuffle Toes stood up tall on her hind legs and looked around as if expecting to find a hidden camera. “Funt, are you there? Is this a joke?”
“More like an ill-thought-out plan,” Stetson said. “The more I think on it, the more I see things going sideways.”
“So, you just want to slink back to the common room with our tails between our legs?” Alwin asked. “In this case literally.”
“You can’t just tease somepony with a herd, then run away laughing. That’s beyond cruel.” Stark narrowed her eyes at the colts. “What kind of sick ponies are you?”
“Ooooh, we messed up,” Stetson said. “We were just looking for a herd. Never stopped to think what you pony girls would make of it.”
“You really are looking for a herd?” Raccoon’s ears shot forward.
“Yeah, and apparently just walking up to the first group of pretty ponies we see is not the way to go about it,” Alwin said
“Technically, they are the second group,” Staunch Cipher helpfully added.
“That plan isn’t ill-thought-out; it’s absurdly ridiculous,” Shuffle Toes said.
“Shut it, Shuffle,” Raccoon snapped. “Don’t scare away the three willing colts.”
“Three?” Staunch Cipher’s eyes went wide. “Don’t drag me into this. I’m just an innocent bystander.”
“I mean, it’s not like there isn’t a timeless way to go about this,” Alwin said. “It’s called dating. You know, get to know them first. See if you’re compatible. It’s not like we’re on a deadline.”
“A date?” Stetson asked.
“Of course, a date.” Alwin huffed. “You didn’t think we were just going to walk up to a group and say ‘You. Me. Herd. Let’s go shag.’”
“I can’t tell if I’m really happy to hear you say that,” Stark said, “or really disappointed.”
“Shag?” Shuffle asked.
“It’s a Trottingham term,” Staunch Cipher explained. “It means to rut.”
“Oh.” Shuffle covered her mouth with a hoof and managed to turn redder.
“This would be a heck of a lot easier if we had a changeling,” Stetson said.
Alwin facehoofed. “It’s not like we don’t have one hanging out in the common room. We are borrowing her owl, after all. Why didn’t you mention it sooner?”
“I just now thought of it.” Stetson sent Alwin a glowering look.
“Changelings are real?” Raccoon asked. “I thought they were just rumors.”
“Yep, they’re real,” Stetson said as Alwin stuck out a hoof for a large owl that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. “You have to watch out for their love honey though. It is deceptively potent. One minute, you’re munching crackers, and the next, you’re in the broom closet with your childhood friend doing things you never dreamed of before, and then, the very next, you’re in front of her parents trying to explain why she’s pregnant.”
“Ah!” Stark interrupted. “Your friend was just eaten by a teleporting bird. Aren’t we going to talk about that or maybe do something else sensible like run around in terror?”
“Don’t worry; he’ll be back in a minute or two,” Stetson said dismissively.
“So, this childhood friend of yours? You got her pregnant?” Raccoon prodded, though she was scanning the area, on the lookout for hungry birds.
“Not me.” Stetson hurriedly shook his head. “It happened to a pair of our housemates.”
“I can’t imagine having to explain that to my parents,” Shuffle said.
“From what I understand, they were beyond ecstatic when they found out the two went from friends to baby on the way in the blink of an eye,” Stetson said. “Threw a party and everything. An actual party.”
Stark narrowed her eyes at Stetson, “You don’t have any of that love honey on you?”
“Nah.” Stetson shook his head. “Why would I?”
“I don’t know. Looking for a herd and able to get your hooves on something that makes mares want to claim you,” Staunch Cipher said.
“Nah, the stuff doesn’t make you feel anything that’s not already there,” Stetson replied. “You do have to watch out for any suppressed feelings you may have, though.”
“Still sounds dangerous,” Raccoon said.
“It really isn’t.” Stetson shrugged. “We’ve been eating it by the bucket loads. Only three or four couples came around as a result.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Stark admitted.
“Then again, Betty and Veronica were a real surprise, let me tell you,” Stetson said. “Especially after they dragged Archie and Reggie in and told them to deal with it. Lucky blokes.”
“It’s back!” Raccoon and the other native ponies reared back as the owl landed in front of Stetson.
Heedless of their alarm, Stetson said, “Let’s see now. Horn goes here.” He bent down and placed his horn on the pouch the owl was wearing. “Ex dimittere.”
“That’s it,” Staunch Cipher said after the owl’s pouch had noisily relinquished its meal. “I’m done.” With those words, he trotted away.
“What’s that?” Stark demanded tersely, unwilling to abandon her chances with a willing pair of stallions.
“What’s what?” Alwin asked as he and Stetson looked around searching for the spectacle that had the mare worried.
“That!” Raccoon pointed her hoof.
“Hi.” said the monster on two legs.
“That?” Stetson said. “That’s just Clouded. She’s a first-year.”
“What is she?” Shuffle asked.
“A first-year,” Stetson repeated.
Clouded rolled her eyes; then a ring of green flames flashed from her feet to the top of her head. “Better?” the filly asked, looking up at the three older fillies.
With her mane standing on end, Stark said, “I’m not sure. I’m really not so sure.”
Clouded sighed and turned toward Alwin. “So, exactly what was it you wanted?”
“We’d like your help making a couple herds,” Stetson said.
“A couple?” Shuffle sounded disappointed. “You and Alwin aren’t a package deal?”
“We’re close,” Alwin said. “But we aren’t that close.”
“I don’t know,” Clouded said. “You could make it work, with a little effort.”
“Not happening,” Stetson said.
“I think the two of you would be very happy sharing seven or eight mares between the both of you.” Clouded pressed.
“Seven or eight?” Racoon and Stark squeaked as Shuffle’s mouth dropped open.
“That’s not how humans do things,” Alwin said.
“Humans don’t normally have more than one female at once,” Clouded countered. “Think outside the box. You can continue your bromance in an acceptable setting, and no one is asking you two to get physical with one another.”
“They could still kiss? Right?” Shuffle asked hopefully.
“What?” Stetson and Alwin both exclaimed.
“Two stallions kissing is just so hot,” Shuffle supplied.
With an unspoken agreement, Alwin and Stetson both took a measured step away from each other.
“Sooo . . .” Clouded said. “My job is to convince you two that being in the same herd is what you want?”
“No.” Alwin said hastily, “We brought you so we could each find a herd that we could be comfortable with.”
“Their original plan was to find a group of mares and go up to them and say, ‘You, me, herd, let’s shag.’” Raccoon constructively informed the filly.
“That would get the job done.” Clouded nodded. “Though, I don’t doubt the medical ponies would be irate over the heart attack victims you’d be sending their way.”
“That wasn’t the plan,” Alwin protested.
“It’s sounding better, every time I hear it.” Shuffle shrugged. “I say we just go with it and rework it if it doesn’t pan out.”
“Have you explained to them that mating with you means a lifelong herd that nopony can back out of?” Clouded asked Stetson.
“That hasn’t come up yet,” Alwin admitted before the unicorn could respond.
“Seven herdsisters and two stallions?” Raccoon said. “I think we could make that sacrifice.”
“Alwin and I haven’t agreed to be in the same herd,” Stetson reminded the group.
As one, the three unicorn fillies glared at the unicorn colt. Clouded Hope grinned. “Can you colts feel the connection.”
“And suddenly,” Stetson said, sweating, “I completely understand why my dad always backs down when Mum gives him that look.”
“Also suddenly, I have become very worried over exactly what we are getting ourselves into,” Alwin added.
Clouded Hope said, “There’s only one way to find out.” Standing on her hind hooves, she put her forehooves to her mouth and shrilly whistled. “Everypony! Herd audition for these two fine colts.”
As the crowd formed, Alwin and Stetson gulped as they suddenly discovered how it felt to be a gazelle in the midst of a pride of lionesses.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I think the boys are starting to learn why pony boys are girl shy. Though queenie might have to set matchmaking services in canterlot as well.
Well, I like the resolution.
I wonder what Larva is thinking about there approach.
This chapter was magnificent, extreamly entertaining and I really love the side story that is living on and on ~♡
More like breeding stallions in the middle of a herd of mares of only females with estrius come on with super sonic speed
Guess the pony gender ratio mare to stallion will even out more, while females on human earth suddenly find it harder to singel a male out.
That divination professor might yet become a legendary witch for the history books!
That mutch chaos and no CMC in sight, I guess I can see why Discord would like Hogwards.
Hogwards needs more pregnancy prevention methods and a better sex educational class.
It's the typical all to true trope:
If you want a child you have to try and try, not that it isn't fun.
But if it's unexpected or bad timing? Instantly pregnant.
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Amateur approach, sub optimized partner combination, wasted opportunities and finally:
Not enough 100% match results!
Actually, over in the 1632 Universe I learned that modern style desks didn't exist back when Hogwarts was founded. (10th century AD. Say a century more or less before the Norman conquest of England. )
NOT a common human attitude pre 19th century. Slavery existed in every nation on Earth before Haiti abolished it in 1793.
As a fictional land, it's impossible to say when Equestria did. I daresay that cattle, sheep, & changelings might disagree about that date.
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"
Actually, as an Old Fart, I'll tell you kids
"Every One Night Stand is NOT True Love
IMO, Discord booby trapped those rings.
I've got to say, this is not what I was expecting this chapter to be. I thought we'd continue down the plot thread of Twist and the Crusaders or Hector and the rest of the group. Not that I'm complaining. It's interesting to see Ruby come around to resolve the issue. And it was fun to read about the two Hufflepuff boys who didn't plan things out. They didn't want to share a herd - they should just talk to the Weasley twins. And it's always great to circle back around to see Clouded Hope again. I'm only disappointed with the Canterlot colt - I was so sure that we'd finally meet Sunburst.
Does that mean we'll get an update to "Make it till you fake it"?
I thought the Ruby tangent was hilarious.
Be even worse if someone tried pulling a Donky on one of th Dragon students?
Say her eyes are a treasure and next thing you know youll be waking up in St Mungos being decanted from a Changeling Womb Pod, surrounded by a couple dozen patterened ostritch eggs and a very annoyed for the wait mistress wife?
ok first i love this chapter.
the one part
reminded me of a song from my early years.
the amazing band Kix
Actually considering the mindset differences between humans and ponies little surprised there isn't more strife and upset people and ponies.
Equestria females lead and mares coddle stallions and form herds thinking it unusual to have one female to a male of course more mares being born than stallions adds to it
Earth males lead and coddle females and while not an absolute norm for America and most European countries 1 male to 1 female is considered the social norms
Soooo if in this universe author what would happen if a human wanted a herd with Celestia and Luna? How would it go about? I also have a mental image of human broken pelvises if someone tried due to them being so big
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Only if they were on top.
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https://m.So.... Death by Snu Snu?
It's your story, so you ultimately decide how things go, and honestly, this is pretty much how I figured the Ruby thread was going to go.
Can't say I'm not dissapointed though.
A new chapter? YAY!
Ruby's Romance is FINALLY coming to an end? Double YAY!!
Two impulsive Hufflepuffs diving in without knowing anything about pony culture? LMAO!!! 🤣🤣🤣
I like the fact that Professor Trelawney have become a prominent, respectable figure in Hogwart. Quite curious that her fortune telling level has gone through the roof since the exposure of the Equestrians. Maybe her ability is based on Equus' magic and not Earth's?
I don't usualy read reviews here... that said I can understand that blowback being what slowed this fic down. as side plots go i found it a mixed bag. It was interesting but it has dragged on a bit. I mean I haven't agreed with every thing you've done in the fic. I mean AJ and Snape? I still don't see it but thats me and this is your story. I still very much on the whole have enjoyed this series and I eagerly await each chapter.
I cant wait to look forward to more chapters, personally I think you have done nothing wrong you are depicting a deferent and alien culture to ours
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Because so far it has been about 99% witches/wizards involved in those hijinks. It was a problem at first, then they realized that they were getting hooked up with families that can trace back their pureblooded magical family line to near prehistory. At that point the wizarding world magical bloodline prestige obsession kicked in, and the thoughts of marrying to families with that much of a magical background overrode most of the problems they'd have with multiple partners. In other words one cultural pressure won out over another.
I think that was a good way to go with Ruby, Gloria & Shadow.
Welp, they're dead
That last scene was amazing. Most excellent.
Why do I get the feeling both Rose and Gloria will become Thestrals?
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There is also that monogamy is not natural for humans, being a forced cultural thong and it is not followed most of the time anyway.
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AJ and Snape makea sense if you think about it like "A mare to whon family is the most important and a man whose greatest wish was being part of a family".
Snape's greatest regret is the perceived loss of such future after all.
I don't care about Ruby at all but if it has been eating at you I am happy you managed to solve.
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Don't you mean married?
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Well Hufflepuff IS pretty much all about family...
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Probably something along the lines of Clouded Hope having potential but needing more practice.
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Considering how aggressive mares have been so far, it'd be a miracle if they didn't get snoo-snooed before they even got fitted for a suit.
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Well, yeah. I've noticed that as well studying up on human natural history and biology (BS in biology here). Though generally saying that out loud sends the Puritanical fanatics into hysterics, and I didn't want to be responsible for a flame war starting here.
I have been loving this story since I first found it a few years back.
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There is a difference?
Yeah, you kind of wrote yourself into a corner there. This may be one of the best possible escape routes.
Mind you, spending the rest of the chapter introducing yet more characters may not have been the wisest move…
With regards to the Ruby situation I don't like it since Torin seems like an utter scumbag and she's basically been guilted and manipulated into a relationship with both him and the Thestrals. Beings who are still lying since by pony standards they went so far beyond the line they're basically living in exile because no rational person would trust them within a mile of their settlements. That said it is your story and you are right you'll never please all the audience so in the end you need to write what you want so it's still fun.
Hmyeah I do think this is the best way to just table the batpony plotline. Talk, apologize, make up, adapt to new friendships is the Equestrian way after all. Though it does mean overlooking the, by pony standards in this universe, major crime. I do think we could use a scene where Celestia and Luna finish those talks with the batpony elders that were mentioned a lot of chapters back, just so there is a pin in the "how does this work with this being the worst crime possible in Equestria?" question that's been floating around.
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Which is part of the issue even here they're making out Ruby is at fault while glossing over the fact they're breaking the letter and spirit of Equestrian law. Not just with Torin (who's still not come back to school) but with the other under-age students they're trying to illegally trap via contracts. Without even touching on the cultural differences making Ruby personality wise more like an aggrieved stallion than a mare or that Torin did utterly betray her trust and their relationship so she's better off without him.
I'm also fairly sure the talks with the Thestral elders have occured. Their response was to move outside Equestrias borders while continuing to use Equestrian resources e.g portal access and claiming to be "security" at Hogwarts so they can continue trying to kidnap Thestral stallions. Much like when Snape escaped their response wasn't "maybe we were wrong" but to double down and plot how to prevent that kind of failure reoccurring I.e. blocking human magic so the kidnapped stallion can't teleport away to escape them confident once brainwashed he will no longer want too.
Here's some reference material:
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1029012/unofficial-hazy-days-and-magical-ways-thread-tracker-ch-37
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1029013/unofficial-hazy-days-and-magical-ways-character-listing-ch-37
I understood that reference!
Oh they forgot?
....If Ruby ever goes pony unicorn... or earth pony. Oooh!
How about Yak..Breezie or Hippogriff! Maybe that cat thing? Could see Discord ring doing that now. Especially if she asks for something chaotic and not threstal... Anything not threstal.
Those threstals need to learn diversity and respect. If humans say no its no. And Ruby when someone says you never had a chance you fight more. There IS someone out there better then Torin. Don't let them force you into their herd. Also could go neutral...the one who got away friends.
...Those boys are Ravens.
Also Staunch will be back...he wouldn't miss that chaos....well afar and hiding more like it. Also insanity aside he was getting along with Alwin and Stetson.
Archie reference! Does that mean Jughead is with Midge and Moose and Moose's girl then? I know in the Archie life both marry different people...
....I could also see Jughead becoming the first food dragon and then world renowned food tester.
...yeah put that idea in a pony's head. Raccoon, Stark and Shuffle are not letting that go....