Prologue
War, war never changes.
At least, that is what some ponies believe, mostly posh nobles who sit in their mansions and never place their hooves on an actual weapon while ponies train for years just to see the heat of battle. In truth war is always changing, new methods are developed to kill with each passing age.
The ponies who fight these wars change too, many years ago before this war with the zebra’s the only ponies who could be classed as “military” were the royal guards in Canterlot. But now this war is fought by ponies who come from all walks of life from farmers, bakers, clothes designers to ponies like me.
But I am getting ahead of myself, I suppose it is best to start from the beginning, or at least what could be considered a beginning. My name is Cursed Shadow, I am a male unicorn who was once part of Celestia’s royal guard. I’d rather not talk about why I was discharged from the Guard as it is a story for a different time.
Early in the war with the zebra’s there was no real military to speak of, mainly the Royal Guard had to fight the battles to protect the land of Equestria from the zebra threat. It was only later when common ponies were enlisted and technology had developed to the point swords and spears were out-dated and mostly forgotten, almost everypony used some form of firearm or explosive. However ponies were not the only ones to fight in this war, Griffons hired themselves out as mercenaries for both sides and fought along-side pony kind in many battles.
There were some ponies however who were less noble than the common folk who joined the ranks of the army, ponies like me. Because of my discharge I was restricted from joining the army which left me out of half the war. It was only then I realised I could still join this war and do great things to protect pony kind without being an official soldier, I quickly decided to start my own band of mercenaries which would consist of ponies in similar positions to myself.
Late into the war Celestia had stepped down from the throne and put her sister Luna in charge, who had a more open mind-set to this war than her sister did. I approached her with the offer of a fair sum of bits for our services which she quickly accepted, signing my entire group on as unofficial soldiers for the war. All of the stallions and mares under my command were overjoyed at the chance to kill some striped zebra scum.
I grinned with a strange sense of pride as I stood on the hill of our first battle, looking down as I watched my band of ponies charged the enemy lines of the zebra. Killing all the zebras they could before finally being cut down, it was almost a dream come true as I raced down the hill side to strike into the heart of the enemy with a few fellow mercenaries.
The battles were tough, many were killed on both sides, but the thing with war is eventually it must come to an end. That is when the bombs fell.
----------------------- Equestrian boarder outpost: Twelve hours before the bombs fell. ------------------
“We cant hold them back!” Argued a brown coated stallion, slamming his hoof down on the wooden table in front of him. “There are simply too many for us to handle, they even have griffons with them!”
“Don’t say that! If only we could just-” A pink Pegasus mare started before being quickly cut off.
“No! We must retreat! We need to get reinforcements!” Continued the brown earth pony, his eyes staring down the smaller mare.
“That’s enough, both of you.” I sighed before pushing myself up onto my hooves from my chair. “I understand this is hard for you Sergeant Quill, but we must hold the line. Reinforcements will come I promise you.”
Sergeant Quill cursed under his breath before turning around and walking out of the Command Tent, having no other choice but to accept the word of his Commander.
I walked over to the pink mare and lightly pat her back with my right hoof. “I know he can be harsh Melody, but he’s a good pony at heart.”
Melody looked down at the ground as she closed her eyes, worry was spread across her face. “I know, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the moral, even my voice can only do so much…”
“Well all we can do is hope the reinforcements arrives soon, go get some rest alright?” I guided her over to the entrance of the of the Command Tent. “You’ll need it for the next battle.”
With a nod she silently walked off down the short hill to her own tent, I looked up to glance over the outpost. The ponies that filled it were beaten and dirty, we’d been out here for months and had no sign of any other Equestrian forces in the area. We were at half our original number and quickly losing more either to death on the battlefield or to infection and sickness, things were not looking good for us.
I turned back and went to look at the map in the centre of the tent, looking over the known enemy positions and ally forces. “I hope this war is over soon…”
A sudden roar of explosions filled the air, coming from outside. I rushed out to see that the zebras were attacking the outpost along with griffon mercenaries, reaching for my gun with my magic I charged down the small hill to support my troops.
Sergeant Quill and Corporal Melody were already engaged in combat with the attacking zebra’s, most of the other mares and stallions were doing their best to hold off the horde while the rest were trying to get their gear together. I rushed down to Quill’s side and unleashed a few shots from my revolver.
“ There’s too many of them!” Shouted Quill over the sound of gun fire and explosions, Quill fired off his assault rifle into a charging zebra who slumped over into the dirt. “I knew we should of retreated when we had the cha-” A bullet passed through the side of Quill’s neck, a small amount of blood splattered out of the wound and onto my cheek as I watched him begin to choke on his own blood. There was nothing I could do for him.
I ripped Quill’s assault rifle off his battle saddle with my magic then ran over towards Melody who had backed herself up against the trunk of a tree, firing her pistol half-blindly around it into a griffon’s head who swooped in too close.
“Commander!” She cried out as I came closer, shooting past me to hit a zebra who was coming up behind me with a knife in its mouth. “Please be careful!”
I nodded as I took cover behind the tree beside her, a bullet catching the tip of my tail as I got behind the tree. “Shit! Where did all these zebra’s come from?!” I released a hail of bullets out around the tree into the horde of zebras who were quickly overwhelming the rest of the outpost.
“Look out!” Melody leaped out of cover and wrapped her hooves around my neck, forcing me onto the ground before a grenade went off just behind her. She cried out in pain as the grenade exploded and the shrapnel ripped into her armour and hide. “A-are you ok C-c-commander?” A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked down at he.
“Thank you Melody…” I patted her head lightly with my muddy hoof, a small smile formed on my lips before a ‘thump’ rang through my ears, my vision slowly turning black as I felt blood start to run down my forehead.
-------------- Unknown location: Five hours before the bombs fell. -------------
“Are you sure we should of taken this one alive?” Asked an unfamiliar voice as consciousness slowly returned to me, my vision remaining black as I felt the material of a blindfold over my eyes.
“Yes, once Equestria is fully destroyed we will need this pony to remember it.” I could pick out the accent of this new voice, it was definitely one of a zebra. I tried to speak but my mouth had been gagged which only let me give off muffled groans.
“Ah, he is awake. We will have to perform the surgery on him quickly if we are to keep him alive.” I felt myself being dragged along a cold floor which I assumed was metal, although something felt very wrong like something was missing.
A sweet sense of relief filled me as a needle was jabbed into me and I felt a liquid entering my body, my consciousness slowly faded away once more.
----------- Three hours before the bombs fell. -----------
I awoke to a blinding light, I groaned as my mouth was still gagged. Looking to the side and allowing my eyes to adjust I found myself in what looked to be an operation room, moving my gaze down to my body it appeared I was strapped down onto the operation table.
Something was off, I couldn’t quite place what it was first but I knew it was something. Eventually my eyes slowly fixed onto my two front hooves, they were not there anymore! I gasped and thrashed against my bindings before quickly noticing a mechanical arm extending towards my face with a needle. I turned my head to the side and roared into the gag in my mouth as the needle pierced my eye, the arm pulling itself back and pulling my eye out along with it.
A group of zebras and ponies rushed into the room at the sound of my pain. “He’s awake?! Damn it put some med-x in him!” Another syringe pierced my skin as the relief of the drug flowed into my system, I let out a sigh as I looked over at the medical pony standing over me. “You’ll be ok, you’re safe here.”
My consciousness remained for the rest of the surgery, they replaced both my lost limbs with mechanical ones and my eye had to be replaced as well. I had to be injected with multiple doses of med-x just to keep me from thrashing again in pain, the medical ponies keeping a close watch on me.
Soon the surgery was finished and I was taken and placed into a wheelchair, having no real ability to fight back due to all the med-x they had injected into me. I tried to use my magic to grab at one of the medical ponies escorting me but I was quickly subdued by another dose of med-x, I sighed into my gag as I closed my eyes and slowly fell into a deep sleep.
Only a few minutes passed before I woke up, finding myself in a room which contained a strange looking pod I had never seen before. Must have been new technology as both ponies and zebra alike were busying themselves over it, one of the zebra’s approached me.
“So this is him? He doesn’t look like much but he’ll have to do, someone had to remember this mess.” The zebra then guided the medical ponies who were with me over to the pod, tapping on a control panel the pod opened in front of me. “Put him in.”
The medical ponies lifted me up from the wheel chair with magic and placed me into the pod with my back against it, it felt surprisingly comfortable inside as I looked out at the medical ponies and zebra in front of me. My gag was magically removed before one of the ponies spoke to me. “I’m sorry, but we don’t know what will happen… Someone will wake you up when its all over, I promise.”
“But what are you-?” I tried to question as the pod closed before I could finish, a strange feeling of exhaustion washed over my body as my eyes began to feel heavy. My consciousness slowly faded away as my mind went blank.
Level down! You’ve been put into suspended animation, you lose all your levels and perks since you’re going to be sleeping for a long time!
No new perks.
{Thanks and credit goes to Kkat for creating Fallout Equestria who’s awesome! And thanks to all the other major FOE writers who inspired me to try and write my own! If its bad don’t be scared to tell me, I really want to know! Also please point out any mistakes!}
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Well this story's gonna get shot to hell.
Oh dear Celestia...
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/136/232/incoming%20shitstorm.jpg
I swear to god if I see that quote again I'm going punch a hole through titanium.
Oh my god. Red-and-black OC. Has the Internet gone full potato?
Also, this gave me an amazing non-FOE story idea! Hell, this could get featured!
Yuck. I have a bad taste in my mouth after reading this.
i.imgur.com/Duuim.gif
1171648
Small consolation...
STOP! STOP RIGHT THERE! All of you that want to complain about the red and black OC, think for a second! Read the damn story first before you touch that thumb down!
I will read this story and judge it by the merits, not by the image.
I feel like this story... is overdone. It's written well, don't get me wrong, it's just feeling like this is something going through the motions of 'hero nearly dies, survives, goes on an adventure, saves the day', you understand?
Alright look, I'm feeling generous, so rather than just telling you it sucks and being on my way, I'm going to actually take the time to tell you what's wrong with this.
Grammatically you're pretty good, but there's a couple reoccurring mistakes.
-First of all, indent your paragraphs. I know not everyone does it, but dammit it's correct. Do it.
-Whenever you write dialog, the words after the quote don't count as a new sentence, meaning you don't have to capitalize the words. So instead of “There’s too many of them!” Shouted Quill it should be “There’s too many of them!” shouted Quill.
Story-wise, if cliches were water this fic would be Lake Michigan. Cursed Shadow? Urg, that name makes me cringe by how Mary Sue-ish it sounds. I don't care if he's not, readers WILL judge a book by its cover when browsing fanfiction, since so much of it is crap. Speaking of which, your cover image sucks. A word of advice, never use the pony creator for you cover image. It's a sign to readers that your story is bad. It's a somewhat unfair association, but it's there, so you have to accept it.
I encourage you to try writing something else. It really looks like you might have potential, but this is quite frankly just bad.
Red and Black OC, ughh
Welp, small consolation that I was write in the fact that this got shot to shit. Kinda feel bad for the author on this one. At least it didn't feel like giving a blowjob to an overly-hyper porcupine.
How to put this delicately...
The quality of the writing is decent.
The subject of the writing is OHGODWHYWOULDYOUDOTHATTHEHORRORMYEYESMYBEAUTIFULEYES
THANK YOU AUTHOR! Without this, I wouldn't have my super-sexy new story idea!
I didn't think it was that bad...
So is it OC's in general that all this fuss is about? (Still kinda new here)
1171760
I hope it involves RED AND BLACK
anongallery.org/img/2/0/dis-gon-b-gud.gif
1171774
Most OC's are fine. Many are loved. In fact, some of the most popular stories on this site are heavily OC-based.
Black and Red OC's, however...
It seems every twelve year old who wants to make a Pony chooses black coat, red mane and Vinyl's sunglasses. Extra points for Daemonic eyes.
Also, Alicorn OC's are 99% disaster prone. Avoid them like the plague.
1171783 Oh yes.
1171774 Red-and-black OCs are almost always appalling. Even more so if their names try to be dark and mysterious, like 'Cursed Shadow'. And if your OC is also an Element-wielding Alicorn, stand by.
1171801
Jinx
1171792
Whew! I was worried I'd have a 'storm' of my own to deal with (yes I made an OC).
I still am willing to give this story a chance though, I haven't read enough to make a like/dislike decision....
1171808 Damn you.
1171814
Ah-ah-ah! Jinxed, remember?
1171813
Personally, I'd recommend avoiding this one like the plague. Check out some of the other spin-offs like Project Horizons, Heroes, Operation: Flankorage, Pink Eyes, New Beginnings, the list goes on...
Kinda sad really. This author at least seems competent at the technical side of things. Lord knows I've seen far worse far too regularly to complain about that here. It's just the subject matter is so utterly clichéd and over-done. All it needs is for the OC to be able to turn into a Jet and it'd match some of the "highlights" I've seen recently on this site.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this turned out to be a troll-fic.
1171783
Oh it does. And it'll be good
1171864
All we need is an Alicorn!
1171881
Oh there is one. Prepare yourself! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png
1171905
Does it turn into a Jet like Rawhavoc does?
1171915
That might happen in the unreleased epilogue
Both Distrance and sierra_seven_ are here. Huh. Seems we love finding mary sue badfics, don't we?
Anyway, yeah, blatant Mary Sue red-and-black OC. At least it doesn't appear to be Alicorn... yet. It's not the worst thing I've ever seen written, but... there's just nothing I can say about it. I can't view anything past that OC.
Please, for your own sake, if you don't want the flak, scrap the OC and start with something that is not made of Mary-Sue cliche. The story doesn't seem too bad, but that OC is like a huge blot on the canvas of something that otherwise could be quite good.
1171941
I swear there's about a dozen of us who just stumble across these horrible, horrible OCs every time they pop up.
Ho boy, you should've been there in Rawhavoc's one.
Comments got nuked 3 times.
3 times
1171960
I would say good times, but then that would mean I enjoyed being in the same thread with rawhavoc.
1171960>>1171998 Unfortunately I got there late, and could only admire your handiwork. I love that guy
He murderers the English language and acts like nothing happened. Btw, did you see the YouTube video he made about you guys? 
1171960
Just looked at Rawhavoc's profile and newest story.
OH DEAR CELESTIA.
Why? Why does his alicorn OC turn into a jet?
And then his... 'reason' the dislikes are so high.
Ok, time to get some brain bleach.
1172038
No kidding? Are you sure your talking about rawhavoc and not Darkdrome7?
You know, you would think that the human race would actually learn once in a while, to not use FUCKING RED-AND-BLACK OC's? Well, it's not the worst that could happen. At least it's not an alicorn, with random clop scenes with Twilight Sparkle...
1172038
He made a YOUTUBE VIDEO ABOUT US?!?
I feel honoured.
Do you have a link, so that I may bask in it's glory?
1172044
Ouch, I probably should've warned you.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw2798.jpg
1172075
It's the mentality of every teenage Fimfiction writer to try to make
themselvestheir OC's aslame as fuckbadass and cool as possible. What are some cool colors? Red and black! Yeaaaah!1172062 Oh buck, my mistake. Yup, darkdrome made a vid about us fake bronies
Seriously, some people don't learn that love and tolerance doesn't mean we have to love and tolerate every story! Also, I might just follow rawhavoc so I can get to the party sooner next time 
1172082 Darkdrome did, not rawhavoc. My bad
1172038
Yeah, I saw the video.
It took me half an hour to try and figure out what he was trying to say, but god, that was hilarious. Apparently we are all 'anti-brony'.
1172100
No problem man. The Commander and I were actually debating whether or not to follow Raw for the same reason.
I think this was just before it got nuked for the second time
1172113 How dare we dislike his almighty OC. We must cower in fear, lest he turn the Elements of Darkness and Mystery upon us!
1172124 It's a shame talented authors spend their time writing appalling fics about their OCs. Such a waste. Obviously I'm not talking about raw!
1171960
Oh Rawhavoc... Those were goo- Wait, no. They were hilarious times, yes, but I also ran away screaming from his story after the first couple lines of dialogue.
1172100
LINK ME TO THIS GLORIOUS VIDEO
Also,
Plum, Sierra, 1172095
You guys may enjoy this one:
Fluttershy's Guardian
THE GUY'S CLOTHES CAN TAKE A BEATING!
Anyways, going back to the matter at hand, yep, red and black OC. I don't know what to say about it other than it reminds me of the time people thought my OC story pony was a red and black OC, and they also thought it was an alicorn.
I know how people are like when they see OC alicorns, but the red and black hair was kind of my fault. Thankfully, his coat isn't black because it didn't look right to me if it was black. So I made it a deep reddish-brown color. Then, I made my OC's true colors (literally and figmently [however you spell that damn word]), and, now, he is my profile picture. The only problem, his cutie mark is wrong. That is just his temporary cutie mark until my friend finishes his actual cutie mark so I can add it on with my crappy Photoshop skills.
Now, I shall notice I am rambling off... again... on something that does not pertain to the story that I am supposed to be discussing about.
Now, talking about the story, it was decent. Don't use the pony maker image as a cover art. I used crappy Photoshop skills to change mine a bit so it wasn't that. Try to avoid black and red OC's, especially if they have dark names like yours. Pretty decent story plot, and the grammar is good. Just try to change up the story a bit, the OC, and his name (or start a new story all together). After that, you should be fine. You have the potential, you just need to use it on the right stuff to avoid flames. That's all I have to say. Try to improve and keep up the good work.
From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha
1172131
There was an element of mystery as well?? Oh no.
You know, I'm starting to think that we should make a group for discussing/linking badfics or something. But that might go against the rules.
1172082
Here's the video.
1172167
I don't think there are any rules against such a group. Who shall be admin, though? That is the question.
ALSO
THANK YOU FOR THAT LINK!
*watches*
1172165
Ahah, nice to know I'm making a name for myself.
1172154
Kinda sad he didn't recognise the sarcasm
1172167
All of my wat
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw6117.jpg
Anyways, it's 4 am here. As much as I love to tear down R&B OC's, it'll have to wait until morning.
Well. Later in the morning, at least.
Reading Rawhavoc's story now.
It's... wow.
As for this one, I'm not seeing much originality or a very fleshed out protagonist. I know it's only the first chapter but this OC seems bad, I'm not gonna lie. On the bright side it's not painful to read.
Judgement reserved until further chapters are posted, but I would recommend taking this a different route.
1172154 Hahahahaha he though you guys meant that. That's cute
1172154
Dude, don't be bringing any possums to this badass cause he'll shoot the fuck out of them like a Green Beret.
(it was shit)
EDIT: This story is now a message board for discussing failed stories and authors.
1172167
Fun fact: My newfound pal coaxed the guy into making that video.
1172185 1172194 1172195
I know right? I feel bad for the kid now...
1172167 Is there supposed to be no audio for that video?
EDIT: Oh, wait! Never mind, I have my headphones plugged in.
But seriously. We should make a group for finding bad fanfics so we can discuss them and read hilarious comment threads