A Sudden Realization
“Asher, stop it,” the filly told herself as she looked in the mirror. “You need to get a grip. You’re being emotional and getting all worked up, and you’re making everything worse because of it. You just- you just have to…”
She trailed off as she continued to stare at her reflection. She still didn’t like what she saw, and clenched her teeth in a frown because of it. It wasn’t that she was ugly. In fact, she thought she looked rather nice. The problem was that she wasn’t supposed to look like this at all. This shouldn’t have been happening to her. Why was this happening to her?
“Stop it,” she continued. “Stop asking why this is happening. You don’t get to ask why this is happening. It’s not your place to ask why.” She closed her eyes and silently recited, “My thoughts are not your thoughts. My ways are not your ways. Just like the heavens are higher than the earth, so is what you will higher than what I will.”
“Ashley?” Cheerilee suddenly interrupted. “Are you okay? You’ve been in there for a little while now.”
“Yes, I’m fine,” she called back quickly. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“If you need any help, you know you can ask me.”
“I know. I’m fine,” she replied, then closed her eyes once again. “Lord, please let your will be your will, and allow me to have faith in whatever your will for me is. In your son Jesus name I pray, amen.”
She opened her eyes again, now debating whether to use the restroom for its intended purpose or simply to leave, before deciding on the latter. “I’m stuck as a girl and I still can’t use my hooves,” she thought. “I really don’t want to have to ask Miss Cheerilee for help.” With that, she left and quickly sat back down in the seat she was in.
The teacher gave her a concerned look as she did so, asking, “Are you feeling okay? It didn’t sound like you were using the restroom in there to me.”
With a blush, Asher responded, “Yes, I’m fine. I’m just… mentally and emotionally off right now. I’m not in the right state of mind.”
“Can you tell me why?”
She sighed at that, almost annoyed. “I already told you why,” she answered quietly.
“Do you want to tell me again, Ashley?”
She cringed to herself at the use of her name by Cheerilee. “It’s just a name,” she thought to herself as she continued, “No, because what I want to say isn’t coming out the right way and it’s making you think I’m crazy. It’s not like what I say will prove I’m a human, and what you hear won’t be able to prove I’m not a human, so why bother?”
“Ashley-”
“I really don’t want to talk about it anymore, at least not until I can put all my thoughts together,” she told her with finality.
“Well… okay,” she conceded. “Anyway, how about we get something to eat? It’s a little past breakfast, but we’ve been up a long time, so there shouldn’t be an issue.”
“Yes, please,” she replied, “but before that, can I get some clothes if that's okay?”
“Clothes?” Cheerilee asked, confused.
“Yes please,” she answered. The teacher continued to stare at her, confused and a bit suspicious, and she continued, “I- I don’t like being in public… like this...”
“Being in public like what, sweetie?”
“Like… I don’t like being this exposed.”
“Exposed?”
She blushed and looked down at the desk as she explained, “I… I don’t like the fact that everyone… everyone can see my backside.” She quickly looked up again to see Cheerilee cringing and added exasperated, “I wasn’t sexually abused. I just don’t want everyone to see back there.”
“Well, we can certainly stop by the Boutique on our way to Miss Lofty and Miss Holiday after we get some food. How does that sound?”
“If we could, please? That would be nice.”
Before I knew it, we were sitting at a table under an awning of an outdoor restaurant with food in front of us. More veggie lasagna was served, which I thought was strange, but didn’t pay much attention to it. I was more concerned with my still lack of ability to use my hooves.
“Are you sure you can’t use them?” she questioned. “You said you were able to do it when you weren’t paying attention. Maybe try doing what you did before?”
I exhaled as I put my hoof flat against the fork, trying to imagine having fingers again. I didn’t expect it to work at all, and predictably wasn’t able to do more than push it around on the table.
“Can you please tell me how to do this?” I asked her, starting to feel desperate despite only trying a few times. I was feeling very limited right then, and didn’t want to have to ask for help with basic tasks like I would if I couldn’t figure out how to do this.
“Well, um… you just…” she tried to say, seeming like she was struggling to think of how to explain it. It made sense though. It’d be like me trying to explain how to use hands to someone who didn’t have them or wasn’t able to use them.
“Well… it’s difficult to explain,” she continued. “Are you sure you can’t do it?”
“Why would I lie about this?” I asked. “I’m not making it up. How am I supposed to even use the restroom if I can’t use these things?”
“Well, I guess you’ll just have to get help in that case,” she told me, a matter of fact tone in her voice.
“I shouldn’t have to deal with this!” I yelled in frustration, slamming my hooves on the table. I forced myself to take a breath and keep calm though. I needed to stop being emotional and get it in my head that it wasn’t my place to question why this was happening. I needed to just accept it and move on, and stop lingering on why. I was certain the why would come later.
“You can still use your mouth to do things,” she said. “It’s really not that big of an issue. Why don’t you eat your food?”
“I’m not hungry,” I responded, slightly bitter, crossing my legs in front of me.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” she tried to tell me. “I know you’re frustrated and upset, but it’s going to be okay.” She paused, adding, “Maybe you’ll feel better if you talk to me about what’s going on?”
Exhaling a breath, I started again, “I told you I don’t want to talk anymore right now. I know I’ve been complaining a lot and I’m being emotional and everything I say sounds crazy, but I just… need time. I need time to… take this all in and collect my thoughts. I’m all scrambled up right now and I'm just going to keep saying things the wrong way if I keep going, and it’s just going to make things worse. I don’t want to say any more about anything right now. I’m sorry.”
She sighed at that, clearly disappointed at that answer. “You don’t need to be sorry. Why don’t we get you a to-go box and go down to the Boutique, then take you back to Miss Holiday and Lofty and let you get more acquainted with them?”
“My dearest, most faithful student Twilight,” Spike read as the two stood in Twilight’s room in Canterlot, “you know that I value your diligence and that I trust you completely. However, you simply must stop reading those dusty old books! There is more to a young pony’s life than studying, so I’m sending you to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration in this year’s location: Ponyville. I would like you to report back to me each day with updates on how things move along with preparations, as well as notes on any interesting mares, stallions, or foals you meet along the way. Keeping up with interesting ponies is even more important for the other task I have for you, which is to make some friends! I know you’ll carry out both of these tasks to the best of your ability, and look forward to seeing you again during the Summer Sun Celebration. Your teacher, Princess Celestia.”
Twilight sighed in disappointment at her mentor’s request. “She wants me to make friends?” she asked aloud from her room in Canterlot. “What could be so important about that?”
“Hey! At least the princess arranged for you to stay in a library! That should cheer you up!”
She thought for a moment before deciding, “Yes, it does. I’ll check on preparations quickly each day and make note of the ponies I see, and then spend the rest of my time studying and looking for ways to prevent the return of Nightmare Moon.”
“But… then when will you have time to make friends like the princess said?”
“I am her faithful student and will do my royal duty, but the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends. Now, Spike, let’s head out to Ponyville. The Summer Sun Celebration, and Nightmare Moon’s return, is only two weeks away.”
Quickly, Asher and her teacher headed to their next destination. As they did so, Cheerilee tried to think about what she should do next. No word had come back from anywhere nearby of a missing filly that fit her description, which was odd, and the teacher knew she had to start thinking about the long term. Lofty already made it clear that she wasn’t somepony she could have her stay with for more than a few weeks, and she obviously couldn’t just let her stay on the street.
She tried to think of her options, and concluded that the best were the Apples, which wasn’t that great of an option, the Cakes, which really wasn’t that great of an option, and Rarity, who she didn’t think would be able to properly take care of her because of how much she worked. Really, the best option would be to keep her with Lofty and Holiday if she could, but at that point, it didn’t seem very likely that would happen.
This whole thing was just so… complicated. Peculiar. Strange. She still honestly couldn’t tell if the filly was lying or if she truly believed what she said, but at the moment she was leaning towards the former. Of course, there was still the tiny chance that when she said she was from another world she was being truthful, but that was unlikely in Cheerilee’s opinion cause if it was true, Princess Celestia would have noticed. No, the most likely explanation was that she was a runaway who was either hurt by her previous guardians or was an attention seeker, and Cheeilee would figure out which was the case. Maybe if she just pushed her a little bit more, she would get something useful? She didn't want her to close up completely like she seemed she was about to do...
After several minutes of walking, the two found themselves coming up upon the Carousel Boutique, the bell ringing as they entered. Asher looked around for a moment before cringing to herself at the sight. She expected to be in a clothing shop, and while that was currently the case, judging from what she saw, this was a shop that sold dresses in particular. Sure, there were other clothes, but the vast majority of what she saw was girls clothes and dresses.
“Is… is it- does it have to be here?” she asked, a mix of disappointment and embarrassment apparent in her voice.
“What’s wrong with here?” Cheerilee asked back, confusion on her face.
“It’s- it’s just…” she trailed off before sighing. “Nothing. Never mind.”
She really didn’t like the idea of getting something from this place, but she tried to keep herself relaxed. “Stop being emotional,” she told herself. “Yes, it’s a girls clothing store, but you’re just getting something nice and neutral to cover yourself with, like a pair of pants or something…” Although, looking around, she wasn’t sure she would find something like that.
“Helllloooo and welcome to the Carousel Boutique!” a voice called, one with an accent that the filly couldn’t place. The voice belonged to a white mare with dark purple hair and a horn signifying she was a unicorn. With long lashes and what looked to be gloss on her hooves, Asher could tell this mare was more of a girly girl.
“It’s quite lovely to see you again, Cheerilee,” she continued. Then, leaning up close to the silver-coated foal, asked, “And who is this pretty, young filly?”
She blushed and backed up a bit, afraid to have her nose bumped into for a third time as Cheerilee explained, “This is Ashley. She prefers to be called Asher, and she’s new in Ponyville. I believe she’s already made friends with your sister, Sweetie Belle.”
“I see,” Rarity commented. “Well, little filly, we have a policy here at the Carousel Boutique that friends of Sweetie Belle get to pick out a dress for free. Actually, I believe I have just the thing to go with that lovely coat and mane of yours.”
“Umm, I don’t really want-”
“Now, now, now dear,” Rarity interrupted as she looked around her shop for what she wanted. “I won’t be taking no for an answer. Now let’s see… I know I have just the perfect outfit for you here somewhere… ah! There it is!”
Before she could protest, the mare was using her magic to take a dress off its hanger and holding it up against her, squinting as she determined whether it would be acceptable for her to wear.
“I do think this would look quite lovely on you. Dark green will complement your coat and mane well, and red ribbons would complete the look…” Rarity paused, seeing the weird expression on her face, and asked, “Would you care to try it on?”
Quickly though, despite what she expected, the filly shook her head, keeping her mouth tight shut. Sure, she might have looked like a girl right then, but she wasn’t one. She was a boy. She knew that. She wasn’t even a pony. She was an adult human male. She knew that. She was just…
“Lord, I know it’s not my place to question you, but is this really your will?” Asher prayed. “Is it really your will for me to be this way? What could me being here possibly accomplish? I truly don’t mean to question you, I just wish I understood…”
“Are you sure?” Rarity pressed. “It’s really no trouble to give to you, and I stitched it by hoof myself. If you don’t like the colors, I’m certain we could find something else. I do believe pink and purple would compliment you very nicely as well.”
“I just- no thank you,” she answered, trying to assert herself but once again having her voice come out shyer than she anticipated. “I’d really just rather have some pants or something if it’s no trouble.”
“Pants?”
Based on the look she got both from the unicorn and the teacher, she instantly knew that pants wouldn’t be an option, and blushed harder. She really, really didn’t want to wear a dress, and decided that it would be better to wear nothing at all like the rest of the ponies she saw than to put on a dress.
“Actually, nevermind,” she tried to backtrack. “I actually don’t want anything. I’m sorry.”
“I promise you, it’s absolutely no trouble on my part. As I said, you’re a friend of Sweetie Belle’s, and any friend of my little sister is a friend of mine. I really would like it if you took it.” Once again though, the filly shook her head, and Rarity asked, “Just try it on? Please? If you don’t like it, you can give it right back. Just try it on for me?”
“I- I’d really rather not. I’d really rather not. I’m sorry.”
“Are you sure, darling?” Asher nodded her head, and Rarity continued, “How about you take it home with you anyway?”
“I- I don’t want to… I won’t wear it… I don’t want to wear that… I'm sorry...”
Cheerilee saw the sad look on Rarity's face and said, "You can’t know if you don’t like it if you don’t try it on. I’m sure she has a dressing room around here where you can be in private if you’d like.”
“I certainly do!” the unicorn confirmed excitedly. “It’s just this way, in the back.”
Before I could stop it, I was being ushered into a small dressing room filled with mirrors, with Cheerilee trailing behind me. I wanted anything but to try it on, and honestly didn’t even want to say I owned it, but at that point it was starting to feel out of my control.
“I don’t want to put that on,” I told her, trying to put on a frustrated expression but feeling like it was coming out more awkward and shy. “I already told you that I’m a boy. I don’t want to wear that.”
“Now, Ashley,” Cheerilee started like an upset parent as I cringed at my name, “you told me you wanted some clothes, and Rarity is offering to give this to you for free. I know she’ll be really upset if you said no without at least trying it on, and an upset Rarity isn't fun to deal with.”
“I just wanted something to cover me up!” I protested. “I don’t want… that!”
“But why?” she asked me, clearly confused.
“Because I’m a boy!” I yelled, definitely loud enough for other people to hear. “I’m not even supposed to be a pony, but I’m just stuck like this! I’m really trying my hardest not to complain, but… ugh!”
I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe. I wasn’t going to make myself cry again, and I was going to try and be less emotional. I grit my teeth and tried my hardest to keep myself from yelling at Cheerilee in frustration.
“I really just wish you would listen to me!” I huffed, unable to stop myself from stamping a hoof in frustration. “None of you have been listening to me since I’ve been here and you all probably think I’m lying and crazy!”
She paused for a second at that thought before admitting, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to try and push this on you. I don’t know what came over me. We can get you something else if you’d like.”
“No, just- never mind,” I told her dismissively. “I don’t want anything. I just- ugh! Why am I even going along with this at all?”
In that moment, I realized that, while I was stuck here, that didn't mean I had to go along with whatever these ponies said, and with that realization, turned and walked off.
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10513891
I wish i could point you to one instance where the trend was broken but I'm still looking. They usually only believe after some magic scans.
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WAT
huh, so.. seeing Nightmare Moon will break her mind for sure. She'll probably think shes in hell for a sin she committed. In the eyes of a emotionally fueled and scared filly she will see the devil herself descending to punish her or the other ponie
Say it easy, college boy: "I wish to cover the public appearance of my vulva and anus from other ponies." granted it wouldn't help, but at least Cheerilee would be more convinced a filly who would refer to anatomy like that isn't as likely to be lying or attention-seeking.
It is so wonderful you decided to ditch the canon representation of a 24-hour turnaround for the SSC. Didn't think we were that close to these events though...
Hmmm. Trying to act adult in an unknown world will not go well...
Keep going! ;)
Just... just say your nude. Use big people words... just once. This story is getting more painful with every chapter.
Twilight is being sent two weeks early and Cheerilee thinks Celestia is a god. Nice. I wonder how that will go.
Edit: and why do they not know pants? A pony is named for them!
10534268
Asher will not use big people words and you can't make her
I still think Ashley isn't the worst guys name. Just look at ash vs evil dead. His name is Ashley / ash, and he is the epitome of manliness. Doom guy from Doom is actually based off of him. Can't get more manly than that. :P
Can't wait for more though! :>
10534200
Trust once lost. Alicorn of music
I ain't never seen a story where the hie just up and fucks off, so bonus points for that.
I mean this is only the third HiE I've read since I got back on the site and one of the other ones was yours, so... eh?
Can't wait to see Ashley's reaction to Nightmare Moon. That will be interesting.
Ah yes, there will be no assimilation here.
10534381
That depends on what definition of 'assimilation' you are referring to.
10534352
NMM could manipulate her like. Hey, help me out or something and I'll try to get you home. I mean I AM royalty. In a manipulative way.
10534402
I dunno, I think Asher would be pretty wary about taking deals from the devil.
10534438
Illusion magic to look better? Maybe she could dawn Luna's appearance for a bit. Or he might be desperate enough to make deals with the devil.
10534402
Well she'd have to pick her out of a crowd for that, and what could a filly do that NMM couldn't?
10534402
Asher will be all, I know why I'm here now!
DEUS VULT!
And cheerilee will have to hold her back.
10534445
He goes to the everfree she returns finds him he goes on a rant or something she's like oh if hes telling truth I can get his knowledge or something of his world then bring my gloriful moon. Or something idk, who knows maybe she has something to do with him being sent here.
10534446
I wanna respond to this comment in a cool way but there's too many ways to respond to DEUS VULT so pretend I said something that matches a good response.
Asher be like: "You know what, screw you. I have more important things to do," and then she just buggers off.
10534517
The best way to prove you aren't a runaway filly is to be a filly and run away.
10534616
Oh no
Wow, I haven't seen an hie that had the main character just up and leave since Bad Monday's. Now being able to stay away from the ponies? That's going to be a tough nut to crack.
Always great when the main character realizes the OTHER option instead of being railroaded.
Im not sure what the hell Cherilee is expecting, she refuses to use the name someone gives and instead decides to make a name for her she likes personally. Does she really think anyone would accept that? Because if she persists that pretty much gives Asher to change Cherilee's name to Chirpy Tree. If she hates that, then tough shit.
10572228
essentially the logic of dealing w a transphobe my misgendering the transphobe until they correctly gender you.
DA PERFECT REMEDY!
I had the conscious thought that them pushing Asher around to do stuff is eerily similar to what my family does to me and that it was normal while also thinking at as unfair to do
I draw many unfortunate parallels with this character
yes, my son, you must embrace your inner femboi through the body of a filly/mare