Beyond Me

by Boopy Doopy

The Dog Days Of Summer

I was not at Sugarcube Corner for very long, Filthy Rich taking no time at all to just drive me up the wall. I ate my ice cream and within five minutes, was heading back to Silver Spoon’s house, my jaw clenched tightly as I growled to myself. Golden Crest followed beside me, disliking the mood Filthy put me in.

“Don’t worry about him,” he told me as we walked together. “He’s not anypony who you need to bother with. Before you know it, you’re gonna be in Canterlot and be the understudy of some member of nobility and be well above anything I could hope to be.”

Maybe. Maybe I’d just fall over and die if Filthy Rich had friends out there he was gonna spread my name to. Maybe I’d just–

No, not gonna wallow in depression. I needed to be above that. Golden was a great employer, and he was gonna talk me up, and then when I went to that party in Canterlot with Twilight, everything would be great and I would get to where I needed to be. I couldn’t focus on people who didn’t matter and were just trying to hurt me.

“Unless God just keeps on letting everything get completely out of control and keeps on forcing me to have to build relationships up from ground zero every month.”

Man, I was being bitter, and I knew my bitterness was misplaced. I couldn’t blame God for my troubles, and I knew that, but I couldn’t help it. I could feel my faith slipping day by day. It was so hard not to be bitter and try to place blame when I was doing everything in my power to better my position and make my life better.

“Hey, Asher?” Golden asked, looking down at me. I finally noticed that we stopped walking, and looked up at him with a questioning look.

“Chin up,” he told me with a little smile. “Yeah, Filthy Rich is trying to make you upset, but you don’t have to have him in your life if you don’t want to. I’ll make sure he cuts all that mess out, and make sure you get a job wherever you wanna work when you’re older. I’ve got your back.”

That made me let out the breath I’d been subconsciously holding in and smile, too. Of course, as terrible as things seemed to be, it would always work out. I couldn’t let myself get down in the dumps, could I? I had to stay positive, as annoying as staying positive could be.

“Yeah, that was horrible thinking to have on my part… but God’s always watching, isn’t he?” As always, when my frustration got to me and I started to think negatively, God would send my way a little burst of positivity to help me snap out of it. I could always count on that.

I did my best to put Filthy Rich behind me, and enjoyed the rest of the sleepover. In fact, I had it in my head that I would do everything I could to enjoy the rest of the summer– until I remembered that summer was gonna be four hundred days long. Yeah, it was gonna be an absolute slog before anything got done, or even got close to happening.

We made a whole bunch of posters for us to put up, advertising the club. Or rather, my friends did, since I still couldn’t figure out how to make heads or tails of ponish despite spending the last few months studying and trying to get it in my head. I had a feeling that I would never get it into my head, and I’d have to rely on translations of text into unicorn script. I guessed it was a good thing I wanted to work in Canterlot where everyone wrote in that language.

Not that it mattered either way since no one really showed up to the club despite our posters. None of us complained though. It made organizing stuff for us to do easier anyway. In fact, we learned quickly that, even though her special talent was going to be something different, Sweetie Belle was a natural at singing. Applebloom turned out to be great and writing poems, and Scootaloo we all already knew was a stunt enthusiast.

Somehow, both Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara got their cutie marks on the same day. I don’t know how the latter got hers; she just told us that she was looking in the mirror one morning while wearing her tiara and the same one appeared on her flank. She didn’t know what it meant, but wasn’t that what we made the club for? We told her we’d help her figure it out.

I did see how Silver Spoon got her cutie mark. We were at Golden Crest’s house seeing if we could help his wife, Platinum, assemble jewelry, and she got it as she sat at the desk and made things. She was working on a spoon when hers appeared, her cutie mark being a fancy looking bluish-white spoon with a pink heart shaped gemstone pressed into it, the exact same thing as what she was making. How their cutie marks both seemed to fit their names perfectly and looked like the objects associated with them, I didn’t know, but I didn’t question it.

We built the clubhouse out of the messed up treehouse in Applejack’s yard, although that wasn’t an easy process. It took a good month before it was in shape enough to use. When it was though, it was a great spot to just sit and hang out and get away from it all. Not to mention, it was away from everyone else, so it was easy to hang out with Scootaloo since her parents still didn’t like me for some reason. I tried to ask them a couple of times why they didn’t but they insisted that they didn’t feel that way and said they never wanted me to think that of them. I could see through their act though. It wasn't like it was hard to tell since she was conveniently never able to hang out when I was the one asking.

And then after that, there was nothing to do. Golden Crest kept me on retainer, but didn’t really need my advice much at all, so I only ended up talking to him a couple of days a month. I helped Applejack with her apples, but after a certain point, there was nothing else to do with that, either. The days dragged on and on seemingly without end, with nothing to entertain me or keep my mind active. At one point I started wishing for school to start so I could have something to occupy my time, and looked at the calendar to see when it would be. Not for another hundred and fifty days– a good five more months. Five more months of nothing to do.

To say I was bored out of my mind was an understatement. With nothing to do, my thoughts started to roam and seemed to be leading back to dysphoria more often as time went on. Yeah, I had friends to hang out with, but not being a ten year old like everyone else made the things they liked to do become stale after a while. It was absolutely driving me crazy.

I was hanging out with Caramel again one day when I brought up my dysphoria. “I’m gonna go crazy without anything to do,” I told them as I paced around their living room. “There’s nothing for me to focus on so I can pretend like I’m not in this dumb filly’s body.”

“Yeah, I’ve been getting that way, too,” they agreed. “Applejack being done for the season doesn’t help. Hopefully though I can head to Canterlot soon and perform there.”

“Wait, you’re gonna perform in Canterlot?” I asked. “For who? When?”

“It’s just a little show for Prince Blueblood and his friends,” Caramel said bashfully. “I mean, I’m just gonna be the opening act, but hopefully this’ll be the start of an actual career. I’d love to travel the world if I could.”

“When are you gonna go?” I asked. “Is it any time soon?”

“Probably in a month and a half.” Caramel paused for a moment, then said, “You can come with me if you want. I mean, if your parents let you.”

“Yes! I do wanna go! But I’d need to talk to some ponies beforehand.” I wanted to see if Golden Crest would be able to talk to ponies before I went there if he could. Might as well make use of my time. Even if he couldn’t though, going out there could be fun. It’d certainly be better than spending all day doing nothing.

“Well you can definitely come with me,” they said. “I don’t mind.” Then they paused and looked away, continuing, “Plus, it would be nice to, you know, have somepony with me for encouragement.”

I raised an eyebrow in confusion, and was a second away from asking what they needed encouragement for before I realized. My ears flattened against my skull and I couldn’t help it when my face went red. Yeah, I should have known that’d be why they’d want me to come.

“God, I know this is my fault they’re feeling that way,” I thought to myself. “Me saying something made them say something, and now they’re gonna go fully down whatever road they’re on now because of me.”

“I– I mean, n-not that I should expect you to be helping me,” Caramel stuttered quickly, nervously. “I know you’re just a nine year old colt. I should be helping you if anything. O-or we could help each other. Or something. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I sighed. I closed my eyes and took a breath before deciding, “If I’m allowed to go, I’ll be there for you. I mean, I’m almost ten years older than you after all. I might not know much about being trans or whatever, but I can be moral support for whatever you’re gonna do.”

“Moral support. How am I supposed to be moral support when I know that this is explicitly immoral?” Except I was doing literally the exact same thing, so how on Earth could I possibly try and say what they were doing was immoral?

“Lord, just… please. Anything. I need at least a hint that I’m doing the right thing. I know I should be less judgmental since… but not being judgmental shouldn’t mean giving into whatever everypony wants, right?”

“Well, I’d really like it if you were there, Asher,” the pony told me shyly, rubbing one hoof behind the other. “I don’t know what it is, but you just seem like you have it all figured out and know exactly what you’re gonna do. It’s like you’ve done this all before.”

Hah. Now wasn’t that a statement. I’d had been through the whole ‘being a kid thing’ before, but I certainly wasn’t anywhere close to having whatever was happening figured out. I barely even knew what I was doing, and was mostly just guessing as I went along. But I figured it was that little hint that I asked for to see if I was doing the right thing, since they said they wanted me there.

“Well, I’m just older,” I said. “But yeah, I can be there. I just need to talk to Twilight first, and a couple of other ponies.”

“Thank you,” Caramel smiled. “It means a lot. I’ll see if Pinkie Pie can come, too, since she also knows about me.”

I didn’t know how comfortable I was being moral support, but there was a more important reason to be there anyway, which was to try and worm my way into Canterlot ponies’ circles. I hoped there was gonna be no issues with going there.

“Yeah, right. There’s always issues. You’re kidding yourself if you think everything will be hunky dorey.”

Comments

[Barbarity]

And now a new opportunity arises for Asher. Wonder how ponies in Canterlot will react.

Great chapter as always.

[Danger Noodle]

I think I've figured out what irritates me about Asher, and why I have a very hard time feeling sorry for him. It's his narcissistic viewpoint of everything. Very rarely does he approach a situation trying to think about he affects others. It's usually how others affect him. God? Why is God doing "x y z" to me. Carmel? Why is Carmel making me embarrassed? Age questions? Why does everybody say I'm 9 when I'm in my 20s? (Because in this universe, you are 9! Carmel is physically older than you by decades.)

Asher can't seem to get it through his thick skull that he's not on Earth anymore.

Asher makes it really hard to feel sorry for him. Is this by design?

*** EDIT ***
Fixed some silly grammar mistakes.

[Boopy Doopy]

11403563
I want to say partly yes. His attitude is designed to make him... not to be felt sorry for, it's more like it's built to basically conflict what the world is doing vs what he wants. As he'll soon realize, if he starts actually playing nice for the sake of being nice vs advancing himself further, the world gets a lot brighter. Like, being nice because you're supposed to be nice vs being nice because it's the right thing to do, or better yet, being nice because you want to be nice.

[Danger Noodle]

11403590
Oh good. I was kinda worried I was just being a giant asshole with no reason.

[Wolfwaffe]

11403563
Taking words out of my mouth. God this, Lord that. Kid, ever heard of the proverd "Trust God but keep your powder dry"? Is God his justification of being an S-hole to mostly everyone he meets?
Ash is very unsympathetic.

11403590

Ooooh, a character development. Only took 66 chapters and 161k words. Couldn't that begin ab it sooner? Because right now, excuse me, it's like buying your first item at 18 minute mark in DotA or LoL run.

Also, regarding gender dysphoria: magic exists, alchemy exists. You got tools, how about using them?

[Boopy Doopy]

11403665
I don't know what either of those games are, but I'd say Asher's character has been developing the whole way. He started off as shy and unassertive at the beginning, and then met Cheerliee and realized he needed to be more firm and direct about what he wanted, and then met Holiday and Lofty and stopped being quite so homophobic, and then met Scootaloo and company and decided he didn't hate kids, and then met Caramel and realized maybe saying things outwardly that would make other people upset wasn't okay just because you think it, and then met Twilight and realized maybe he was acting to other ponies like she was to him, and then met Filthy Rich and realized that maybe being openly antagonistic like he was to Celestia and Twilight before wasn't the right way to do things.

His character has been developing over the course of the story, albeit slowly. He's not the same in Chapter 66 as he was in Chapter 1, and nowhere close to it (at least, I hope not). He's had a (I think) overall positive effect on the world around him, as the world around him has had a positive effect on him. He's taken each situation presented to him and turned out better for it, but just because you're better now doesn't make you holier than thou and above everyone else. One lesson isn't sufficient for a complete change, but rather a multitude of lessons.

[Wolfwaffe]

11403687
Dull complaints, dull complaints, being a jerk for no reason wnatsoever, "God why are you doing this to me", dull complaints, "God help me", dull complaints... Nope, seems pretty much straightforward to me.

And after the show that Caramel mentioned I guess he's gonna be less transphobic and just as whiny as before. Woo hoo. Can't wait to see Yet Another Fic where Blueblood will be a giant jerk.

And of course this fixation of his to get into the cesspool shark pit that is politics. With no experience. Get your head out of your plot, kid.

[Maulet Paya]

11403699
Relax men ,

[Boopy Doopy]

11403699
...have you... have you not been reading where he's actually slowly stopping himself from doing that because he realizes it's unhealthy? In this very chapter, too.

Maybe. Maybe I’d just fall over and die if Filthy Rich had friends out there he was gonna spread my name to. Maybe I’d just–

No, not gonna wallow in depression. I needed to be above that. Golden was a great employer, and he was gonna talk me up, and then when I went to that party in Canterlot with Twilight, everything would be great and I would get to where I needed to be. I couldn’t focus on people who didn’t matter and were just trying to hurt me.

He understands that he's complaining and has been actually working on not complaining, chapter by chapter. His complaining is much less severe now than it was before, and he now has a habit of cutting himself off mid thought when he realizes that he is.

[Wolfwaffe]

11403725
Yes, I've been reading. He still complains there in the end. And he still looks down upon Caramel. - "I'm ten years older than you". Dude, he's at least FIFTY, because I don't remember how much time got squashed between Equestria and Earth and how old Ash was befor he got fillied.

[silvadel]

400 day summers -- the colts would forget everything they learned during the summer. Kids lose enough learning with 65 days off school.

And if Asher goes to Canterlot, Celestia will likely be there. Hard to avoid the sun.

[Screw]

The story has been a very lengthy slow burn for a while now even with all the interesting ups. If this is the pacing you were aiming for, I'd say you did a pretty decent work, Wordsmith.

Although, I do wonder if this is going to end up like those million words fimfics like Fallout Equestria Horizons

[White seal]

11403699
It's called a character development idk if you ever heard of something like that

[Wolfwaffe]

11404068
Yeah, I heard of it. But Ash's development is damn slow.
In part due to how fhe story is written. To be fair, because there is so many chapters but the chapters themselves are small and feel like they each one is a separate scene, despite it not being the case, the story feels like it both advanced far but at the same time barely moved forward.
And the fact that writer gave Asher this 'holier than thou, I'm always right you're always wrong' attitude and the subtlety and social awareness of a brick, followed by this fixation to get into politics, while constantly complaining to God... yeah, not very compeling character.

As I've said before, what Ash needs is the chaos that he creates to free Discord early and scare the crud out of him.

[Numinos]

11416190
I mean, it's hard to pinpoint what exactly was so frustrating there. Probably repetition of the same thoughts and events time and time again... But on the other hand, it's scaringly realistic, real people are frustratingly repetitive and stuck in their thought processes also. Some kind of uncanny valley relative maybe?

[PhoenixHorseGuy]

“Chin up,” he told me with a little smile. “Yeah, Filthy Rich is trying to make you upset, but you don’t have to have him in your life if you don’t want to. I’ll make sure he cuts all that mess out, and make sure you get a job wherever you wanna work when you’re older. I’ve got your back.”

I love Golden as a character in this story. He's great.

[Dream Seeker]

I think it really is incredibly silly that Asher doesn’t seem to care about the fact that, numerically, a ‘year’ is a construct for a specific period of time, and in fact, being over 20 ‘earth years’ old is literally temporally identical to being around 9 pony years. You are not older than these ponies… You don’t just ‘appear’ younger, in terms of time spent in existence, you quite literally are younger… But perhaps my real issue isn’t so much Asher’s rejection of that truth, but everypony’s nonresponsiveness to it. It should receive just as much criticism and eye rolls as the filly/colt thing, but everypony just drops it when it comes to the age.

[tsaukpaetra]

And that's one of the crux of the issues. They're literally the same in terms of dysphoria, so either they're both morally correct or both incorrect. Resolving this cognitive dissonance will be satisfying, whichever way it goes. Hopefully.
Actually, it occurs that Asher might ask for a body swap curse between them, Freaky Friday style. But that would be a cheap resolution. 😈