Being Nice
“Well, that was an interesting conversation,” Twilight thought to herself as she picked up her drink again, watching the filly walk away with a mixture of anger and sadness. “Is that why Celestia wants her to live with me? I wonder what she’s going to tell me when she introduces us…”
She wondered if maybe she was a bit rude before deciding that she wasn’t. After all, if she really was a colt, Princess Celestia would’ve said she was, but she didn’t. She only said she wanted to be called a colt. That was an important distinction, and Twilight decided that, even if her words might have hurt, she did well to try and set the filly straight before she got out of hand. She was doing a good thing, she figured, as she started to take a sip of her drink.
“Oh, whoa there, dear!” somepony, Rarity, got out. “You’re about to take a sip of hot sauce! You wouldn’t want that, I believe.”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac agreed simply, standing next to the unicorn.
“Although I gotta say, it would be pretty funny to see,” somepony else chimed in, a pegasus with a cyan coat and goldish yellow mane agreed.
“You can say that again,” another pegasus chimed in, one with a rainbow-colored mane, giggling at the thought. “That would so be a good idea for a prank!
“Heck, yeah, it would!” The two flew up to each other, the cyan pegasus introducing, “My name’s Lightning Dust.”
“Rainbow Dash,” Rainbow Dash said coolly.
“Thank you, um, Rarity,” Twilight got out, somehow remembering her name. “But now, if you’ll excuse me-”
“And where exactly do you think you’re going, darling?” the white-coated unicorn asked. “This is your party. You’re the new mare in Ponyville. I believe you should introduce yourself to us.”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac said again, the other two nodding as well as they eyed each other.
“This is going to be a long night,” Twilight sighed to herself.
I had a hunch that the pony I was speaking to earlier would be here, and sure enough, I found them in the back near a table, grabbing a plate of cupcakes with their teeth. The sight of them made me cringe, and I honestly debated for a second whether I should go up to talk to them or just leave them alone. However, before I could decide, they caught sight of me and immediately frowned once we made eye contact.
“Ugh, just do it,” I told myself, feeling slightly ashamed of the conversation I had with them earlier. “Just go up and talk to them and apologize. I don’t think God needs to make it any more clear. I just… I’m almost certain I know what the lesson is, but… ugh, it doesn’t make sense.”
I took a second to close my eyes and let out a prayer, saying, “Lord, please let your will be your will, and let your hand guide me. Please, just give me an indication that I’m… doing what’s right in talking to this pony.” With that, I walked up to them and tried to start the conversation
“Um, hey, um…” It was a struggle to get the next sentence out, but I closed my eyes and forced myself to say it, trying my very best not to cringe as I did so.
“Excuse me, um… m-ma’am?” I said, watching them blush and look away as I did so, giving a tiny smile. They didn’t say anything as they tried to wipe the wide grin off their face, and they used their eyes to direct me to a farther corner of the room to talk in while they set the tray down.
“Um,” the pony started in a whisper, their eyes darting around the room looking to see if anyone else was near us, “I, um… not everypony knows about… um, me. Like I told you earlier, you, um, you’re the only pony I’ve told…”
“I’m sorry,” I responded. “I just wanted to apologize for being mean to you earlier. It wasn't... it was mean. I’m sorry.” I had my ears flattened in embarrassment as I spoke.
“It’s okay,” the pony told me, going back to a kind of uncomfortable look. “It’s why I don’t tell ponies, cause I…” They trailed off with a sigh, hanging their head low as they did so, making me feel even worse about how I spoke to them before.
“I’m sorry…” I told them again. “Um, can I… ask what your name is?”
“Caramel. My name matches my coat color. What’s yours?”
“Asher…”
“Well, that’s a nice name to fit a… handsome colt like you.”
“You… did that on purpose to make me smile,” I responded, trying to stop myself but smiling anyway as I looked at the table.
“And it worked, didn’t it?”
“Yes, it did. And um…” I got quieter as I tried not to grimace when I continued, “You… you’re… y-you’re a v-very… a very n-nice l… l-l-lady...”
I took a breath to keep myself from physically flinching at my words, looking up for a moment to see Caramel smile and give a tiny giggle. It felt so much like I was doing what was wrong in talking to them and calling them a girl, but I forced myself to keep that thought to myself. They were being nice to me and going out of their way to try and make me smile. The least I could do was be nice to them and humor them, even if it felt very wrong of me to do.
"Should I humor them though?" I thought to myself. "Is that an okay thing to do? Lord, I don't understand this at all..."
“Um, I have to know, um… why don’t you want to tell people you’re…?” I asked, a few seconds of silence passing before I did.
“Ah, well, I mean…” Caramel trailed off, clearly embarrassed. “Um… I- I don’t think… I mean… you know.” I frowned as they looked away for a moment in embarrassment before continuing, “I mean, I look and sound like this, so… it’s just going to… yeah…”
“I mean… well… isn’t there something you can do?” I asked, feeling very uncomfortable as I did so. “I mean, if it was me… well, it is me, kind of, but… I would tell people. Or, I have been telling people. It’s been about a fifty-fifty shot if they listen to me though. But regardless, wouldn’t it make you feel better?”
“I- I don’t like confrontation. I really don’t. I don’t want to… it’s hard. I really, really don’t want to have to tell ponies things. I don’t want to have to say…” Caramel paused to sigh before telling me, “If I just looked how I wanted to look and sounded how I wanted to sound, then I wouldn’t need to say anything. But I don’t…”
I paused at that statement, letting it roll around in my head for a few moments before asking all of a sudden, “Does it get better?”
“What? Does what get better?”
“I mean, like… how long have you felt, um, how you feel?”
“I- I don’t know… years? A long time…”
“Well, um… have you always known it was… um, that?”
“No, but, like... it took until about a few years ago until I realized what it was that was making me not like myself and physically uncomfortable looking at myself.”
“Have you ever… like, has it gotten worse? Or does it get better at all?”
The pony sighed, saying, “I don’t know. It feels like… well, some days it's… ugh…”
“I’m sorry. I- dang it, I hate this. Is there… ugh.”
“Is there what?”
“Nothing.”
I was going to ask if there was something that could be done about our situation, but that prospect made me very uncomfortable. Once again, I was getting the feeling like I was doing the wrong thing. If God put me here and made me a female pony, then I couldn’t really go against that, could I? Besides, I was pretty sure I remembered Celestia saying that there wasn’t anything that could be done. Not that that was a reason to give in, seeing as I didn’t know how I felt about trusting her very much, but still.
“Lord, please,” I started in prayer, pausing for a moment before deciding what I wanted to say. “Let your will be your will, and help me to follow that will to the best of my ability. And please help me to feel better about all of this, and help this pony to feel better about themselves, too.”
As I finished, the feeling of doubt started to creep in. Did God really do all of this? If he created male and female in his image, then how could any of this be okay at all? It didn’t make sense. There was no way that it was okay at all, even in my case, especially if God was the one who made me like this.
Of course, that princess certainly didn’t seem to think that was what happened. She thought something called a worldgate sent me here and changed me into a pony, and a female because apparently I’d always secretly wanted to be one. I knew that was completely ridiculous, since I’d never thought that once and was extremely uncomfortable with what my life had been for the last couple of weeks. However, the idea that I was taking away the wrong message or doing the wrong thing built up, and it made me afraid. I didn’t like being a girl, and the idea that I was meant to be one by God was scary because it gave Celestia’s theory more credibility. It meant that God might not exist, and that was a truly scary prospect to me. The idea that Celestia might be right about her theory of some portal sending me here and making me a pony made me breathe faster and start to get worked up.
“Don’t hyperventilate,” I told myself as I closed my eyes. “Don’t hyperventilate. There’s no way He’s not real. Being a pony right now is proof of that. This isn’t all just a coincidence. There’s no way this is. God is real, and that’s a fact, seeing as He’s proven it to you before. Don’t start getting dumb ideas in your head. Even if it doesn’t make sense, that doesn’t change the fact that He exists. Even if it feels like the worst ever or being trans is still a bad thing, even if you're forced to be a pony forever and a girl one at that, it doesn’t change the fact that He exists. More than once he’s proved that, countless times in fact. Actually, my suffering right now proves that. How I feel reaffirms the fact that you exist, Lord, and I thank you for that, even as awful as it feels. Maybe that’s why I’m the way I am now, so that I don’t lose faith in you.”
I let that thought wash over me, letting myself be comforted by the reminder of God’s existence. It was a nice feeling, and helped me get relaxed once again.
“Are you okay, Asher?” Caramel asked me, and I almost jumped, forgetting for a moment that they were there.
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just trying to not have an anxiety attack for no reason.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
“You didn’t make me upset. It’s just…” I looked around for a second before waving a hoof and continuing, “Everything. Being a pony, being a girl-”
“I thought you said you were a boy, silly colt!” Pinkie suddenly said behind me, startling me. “Oh, are you making friends with Caramel? Hi, Caramel! This is Asher! He just moved to Ponyville, and we threw a party for him at Scootaloo’s house, but you weren’t able to come cause you were in Appleloosa, but now you’re meeting him here at Twilight’s party, and it’s just so exciting! You’re making friends with two new ponies, and it’s amazing!”
Being referred to as a boy reflexively put a smile on my face as I felt a wave of happiness overtake me again. It took a few seconds for me to realize what exactly had happened, and once I did, my happiness felt more intense.
“Lord, I know you’re watching and hearing me. There’s no way it’s a coincidence she came over here and made me feel happy right as I was feeling bad about myself, and I thank you for it. I thank you for always being there.”
I saw Caramel glancing at me as Pinkie talked, the corners of their mouth moving up when they saw me smiling. I blushed because of it, and wondered if that automatic smile and feeling of happiness I always got was what they got, too, when I called them ma’am.
“I’ve known Caramel since forever, Asher! He’s a great pony to have as a friend! Oh! Maybe he could introduce you to other ponies, too! That way you can have even more friends!”
“Um, Pinkie Pie?” the pony started. “I, um, I- could you…” They trailed off and blushed, looking to me for a moment before looking at their hooves. I blushed too, and despite trying not to, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of aversion to what I knew they were about to ask.
“Oh! You want a party to celebrate making friends with Asher? I’ve never thrown a making friends party! It sounds like so much fun!”
“Oh, well, I was just going to- to say that, um… if you wanted to call me a mare, that would be nice…”
She paused for a second and blinked at them, and I could tell that they were about to backtrack before she said cheerily, “Oki doki loki, ma’am! Anything for a friend! I’m sure Asher wouldn’t mind, either, since you’re such a nice mare!” Caramel practically squealed, they were giggling so much, their smile covering their whole face, and it made Pinkie giggle too.
“But um,” they started again after a moment, still smiling, “could you, um, just keep this between us three? I- I really, really like it, but I don’t want other ponies to know, um, at least not yet. Please?”
“Absolutely positively! You can count on me, ma’am!” She gave a little salute to them before hopping away like a rabbit.
“Aaah, sweet Celestia, that was amazing!” Caramel said happily, giving a little shiver and prancing in place for a moment. “I can’t believe that actually happened! That was amazing!”
“I’m glad,” I told him, giving a smile and trying not to think about how it made me cringe. I opened my mouth to say something else, but stopped and decided to just smile politely instead. It was very tough to smile without grimacing. It felt like agreeing with them and saying they were a girl was the wrong thing, even though having Pinkie call me a boy made me feel nice and happy and felt perfectly normal.
“It’s because it's not the same,” I thought to myself. “I mean, I still need to be nice, but it's not the same. I’m not going to be mean, but… is it really okay to encourage them? This can’t be right, can it? There’s no way that this is right... but I don't want to be like that other pony, Twilight. She was just rude.”
“Thank you, Asher,” Caramel told me, still smiling. “You really did make me feel better and more confident in myself. I never would’ve asked her to call me a mare if you wouldn’t have talked to me. Thank you. Ah, Celestia, I feel so happy right now!”
“It’s no trouble,” I told the pony simply.
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hey that went well ^^
the interaction with twilight will be the opposite im afraid
Silly Asher, it's exactly the same and deeper down you know it...
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-Celestia, probably
10879256
Snrk. Maybe!
Not exactly. Asher's gender dysphoria now is far different from Caramel's. Caramel is closer to how Asher was when he was back on Earth. If you actually made Caramel female it would be....
Holy toledo is Caramel Asher's alternate in Equestria?
10879265
I'm a little bit of a silly filly. Can you clarify for me what you're saying?
In the fence of greatness
Twilight needs to get a clue-by-four upside the head. Several in fact. Thank Goodness for Pinkie however.
Somehow I just knew Pinkie Pie would be the one Caramel would say something to first after telling Asher. I'm actually somewhat surprised she didn't just suddenly know because of her connection to the author or whatever. You never can tell with the Pink Eldritch Horror lol
I just fucking read this whole bad boy tonight because it was that captivating. Personally I consider myself to be a catholic, conservative, and even uninterested in stories like this but, felt like widening my horizons. What you have written so far is wonderful. It brings a bunch of questions I have within myself on whether I have been fair or acted fairly against those with the issues covered in this story. Reading this has made me realize that even if I don’t agree with someone’s beliefs or ideals, I shouldn’t be quick to dismiss them as foolish or misguided rather be willing to adapt some for everyone’s equal enjoyment. I’m not saying that I agree with ideas like hate speech but, referring to someone by the way they wish to be called really shouldn’t be an issue. That’s my ten cents, nice story so far
You know, reading this story has me wondering; do you support LGBTQ+ or are you against it?
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It'd be very weird if I didn't, since I'm trans. Can I ask what makes you ask that question?
10881928
The story and the main character's views. I will admit, I do find myself slightly annoyed by the constant shaming towards one being trans, but it's also had me confused and curious about you and your views on the topic. The story overall, is quite good so far.
This story is very good
seems there might be shenanigans later
in a way, if magic in the world was convenient enough.
Caramel and Asher could have done a body/soul switch.
Tho, Caramel would literally be an adult pony in a child's body
For asher, it would solve 2 problems he is having when it comes to his body
The story is great so far. Reading this even with religious trauma is hard because it’s so easy to hate the main character. But I can tell the work and sweat put into this story. I hope as the story progresses they confront their own feeling instead of pushing them to the side for a higher power, at least, that’s what it seems to look like to me. WARNING!!! Controversial text
If your being a good person because god tells you (because you will be “sent to hell” if your not) to be then your not truely a good person. I want to make the people around me happy because I genuinely WANT to not because I fear retribution if I can’t make those decisions for myself I need to see why I can’t. That’s what make it feel genuine and not forced like a guise.
“It felt so much like I was doing what was wrong”
"Should I humor them though?"
Now I will say to have the will to push your feeling to the side to show kindness that deserves some merit they want to try they want to BE better but seem lost and confused on HOW to do so.
Why do you feel like you have to humor them? It make what you’re doing seem disingenuous and makes it seem more like mocking with the inside knowledge of his thoughts. Question your own thoughts and feelings WHY does it feel wrong to you and how to do you fix it?
is it really okay to encourage them? This can’t be right, can it? There’s no way that this is right...
Why doesn’t it FEEL right? Why does it seem like you HAVE to encourage them rather than do it because it’s who they are as a person. If they can respect you for all that you are why can’t you show the same decency? Out of kindness….out of common courtesy and respect towards the individual in general. Who does it REALLY hurt in the end?
but I don't want to be like that other pony, Twilight. She was just rude.”
This is the counter perspective. A flipped script so to say. Everything he does to caramel before hand can be somewhat flipped to say this is what twilight did to him. Everything he relays through his speech if dangerously oversimplified makes him come of like this but him TRYING to be better make him better than twilight because he understands people have feelings just like them and just like him they just want to be happy. To feel whole.
This is a great story.
but the slow progression towards realization it painstaking slow and eats at the reader it’s like guiding a horse to water. You can guide him to the answer but it’s up to him to accept the truth
Man, I love this story. I love finding these stories that give a perspective on what these things are like that I couldn't possibly comprehend, especially from someone who understands what it's like. Another one that I saw that did this pretty well (but not nearly as well) ended up abandoned as of a few years ago. Thank you kindly :)
Pronouns are all over the place and it annoys me a bit but i get it was on purpose