My writing slowly improves, I believe. I hope to be an even better writer tomorrow. Feel free to join my Discord.
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This story starts just before season one
In the blink of an eye, the whole world collapsed in on me. Well, it didn't necessarily collapse. It's different though. Very different. Frighteningly different. I knew that God had a plan for me, I just didn't think it would involve being a pony.
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I'll give it a go
So far so good
Seems good can't wait to read more.
Short, perhaps too short. But I wanna give it a try.
Ok, I'll give this a try.
Yes, definitely *not* okay.
Pretty nice so far, I'll follow this to see where it goes :)
This could be interesting. Show us what you got.
#Ineedanadult
#Iamanadult
#lowhangingfruit
#I'msorry
Could be intresting, but I doubt that Scoots was already obsesed with getting her CM, even before the return of our beloved Princess of the night.
It's fascinating (and nice) to see a christian perspective on this topic. I wonder if there are going to be any theological incongruities however; one such being that if you stop being human the laws in the Bible don't apply to you. (aka murder, adultery) God didn't have the animals adhere to the Ten Commandments, only humans. And then there is the kicker: Jesus didn't come to save animals, he came to save humanity. If you are not human Jesus did not die on the cross for your sins; there is no intersession for any other creature beyond humans, not even angels.
It's not going to bother me to read this and you don't need to get into it if you don't want, but for me I'd never want to lose my humanity even though I personally really like this genre and I am interested to see how this plays out. Here's hoping for weekly updates plz.
10310843
Ah, I was just thinking that everypony would be obsessed with getting their cutie mark
10311282
Yes, I do want to get into all of that (and hopefully will)
10311283
True, but not as obsessed like those three.
So how many barrels of treesap will be used in your story, because i already see him joining the CMC.
10311290
That's a very good question that will have a very good answer : )
I wonder how he will react if he has a dream in what he belives to be a dream and Luna shows up.
Ooo, I wonder... I don't know. This story is already great and shows astounding promise. I can't wait for the next chapter!
Very interesting. In my experience, no one from a dream tells you their name, so I would know if it was a dream lol.
10314453
this is before season one so no Luna, at least not yet.
So the CMC are stupid. No doubts about it, they're just stupid. They find someone who isn't from there and isn't in a good state at all, and they go from "Let's get an adult to help" to "You don't have a cutie mark so instead of getting you help we're going to force you to come to our school so we can teach you." Whatever happened to getting help? They've basically abducted a foal new to town that has lost its parents.
Also, please don't let this go the route of her denying their origins and lying about themselves to prevent anyone from ever helping them, trapping them as q foal forever.
Cognitive dissonance level three, any further and the snap could be unpredictable and dangerous!
It's interesting the Cheerilee is just trotting with it, but really, what could she do? Can't leave the foals to themselves for who knows how long it will take to find somepony who could better take care of the situation...
Keep going! ;)
10319586
She's like, seven years old, what do you expect?
10322239
So you're saying she should act entirely like the pony she has been turned into, and not at all like the human she was before? If that were the case it wouldn't be a human in equestria story, it would jjlust be a foal that spontaneously came into existence without any past whatsoever.
10322734
Uh, we are talking about Scootaloo, aren't we? What are you going on about?
10322760
You mean Scootaloo? Well that's actually kinda hilarious, I thought you mean the protagonist. Funny, that.
10322932
Sorry for playing the pronoun game when there were multiple possible "she" characters.
In my experience, dreams are never that specific. And even if they can be, they typically don't have names given out for strangers. They also don't switch perspectives to other creatures that "don't exist".
10324548
Hmmm... I guess you could say those things are true...
It's almost as though somepony is in denial
10324553
God, you say?
Sorry, not sorry.
awesome, want more!
He's feeling the cognitive dissonance pressure! Soon enough it's going to flow over and the more he waits the faster it will be!
Poor Cheerilee, having to trust that the foals won't just run off. They haven't so far, but one spook and... well, they're so well behaved, normally!
Scoots is playing fastball, watch those pitches fly at our poor totally-a-dreamer!
Keep going! ;)
I think that's a warning.
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/916/909/9bb.gif
HA! She said it!
Well. If it ain't Diamond Troll and Silver Spite.
That's suspicion and fear you're feeling.
Dun dun dun, it gets more complicated~
Oh now he's willfully trying to pretend. Eminent breakdown alert!
This coupled with the apparent situation that certain child-like features are in effect. But time definitely feels longer when you're stressed...
Keep going! ;)
You've always been an animal, you dunce...
Don't mind me, I make this comment anytime someone says something to this extent. Cause I'm a smart alec.
The pacing works just fine, keep it there. Quite often authors move too slow or too fast.
I also enjoyed the Scootaloo problem foreshadowing.
10334428
I was going to say the same thing. I've always found it kinda funny and kinda sad that so many people don't realize humans are animals.
10334573
Well, the protagonist seems to be religious and I think Bible's allude to humans not being animals or something? I dunno, I'm not an expert on that subject.
10334573
Sure, but we're a unique type of animal that puts us in a different category. The scary realization isn't that he's an animal, but that he's in the body of what would normally be something that doesn't have a consciousness. That's the scary part.
To quote a certain character from Cool World,
I like that Cheerilee is trying her hardest to give Asher the benefit of the doubt, despite all of the disadvantages she seems to have.
No, the pacing is just fine. I really like the way you go into details and I am currious how they will react now.
Aaaaand, things get more complicated~
I like your writing. I still can't seem to feel sorry for Asher. Are we supposed to feel sorry for him?
Also, I agree, Starlight is best pony.
10352390
No, I'm not writing Asher to be somepony who should be felt sorry for (at least, not right now)
I'm still enjoying this. Though it sort of feels like chapters were split up.