Beyond Me

by Boopy Doopy

Something To Do

I didn’t sleep that night, reading the book on Canterlot politics. It wasn’t really a guide, more of a history book, but it did provide some good information. It explained how there were three pony tribes that banded together to drive away Windigoes and bring good weather to Equestria, and then went into detail about how Celestia and Nightmare Moon rose to power in the hundreds of years since then. Apparently, they ruled together for a few thousand years before the latter tried to stage a coup against her and keep the moon up forever.

Twilight looked over my shoulder as I read and explained a few things when I asked. She also asked me more questions about Earth and its politics. I gave a brief history of the world and the US, and explained the concept of the US government. Honestly, it was a nice conversation, one she seemed interested in.

The librarian was yawning by the time the sun came up, but I wasn’t. “I’m gonna head off to bed for the night… err, day. Are you gonna stay awake?”

“Yeah. I can’t fix my sleep schedule if I go to bed now. I’m gonna stay up as long as I can. Besides, I’m not tired.”

“Well, make sure to keep it down if you’re gonna be up. Good night.”

With that, she trotted off, leaving me sitting alone. I wondered what our relationship could be like as I read a little bit more. That dragon was right when he said Twilight and I acted similarly. Although I couldn't say I was OCD like her. Or just flat-out mean.

“As if I’m much better. Apparently it took being super dysphoric to realize it pays to be nice to people.”

I quickly let that thought end where it was. I didn’t want to let my thoughts spiral and be reminded of what I was. It was better to stay focused on other things if I could.

I read for a couple of more hours before heading out, Celestia’s sun shining brighter than usual. I didn’t waste time heading over to where Caramel said their house was, before long being let in by the pony. Their home was a sight to see, the walls pink with blue trims and pictures of phrases like you’d find in the home of a forty-five year old woman hanging on the wall. Not to mention, they had makeup on and their eyelashes done up, clearly trying to appear more feminine. In a word, it was girly, and it was extremely weird and off-putting.

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have encouraged all of this,” I thought to myself, extremely uncomfortable with being here now. But I was already here, and couldn’t just leave without being weird and rude myself. Besides, it wasn’t like I didn't have a boyish haircut on right then to make myself feel better, too.

“I just wanted to ask if there was anything I could help you with,” I said quickly as I stood in the doorway, not willing to go inside. “I don’t wanna spend all day fooling around and doing nothing. Do you have a job I can do or help you with?”

“Oh, I was just gonna go work on Apple Jack’s farm like I always do. You can come with me if you want.”

I didn’t know what they were doing with their voice, but it sounded different, higher pitched than it was before. It only made me more unsettled. I did want to have respect, but I wasn’t in the business of encouraging all of this.

I didn’t comment on it though, instead following behind the pony to the farm they worked at. Most of it from what I could tell was an apple orchard, but I gasped when I saw the farm itself. It was not great, looking like it was in a state of disrepair. Fences were broken and the barn was beaten up and the house at the center of it all looked like it had a lot of work that needed to be done. We even passed by a tree house that looked like it was ready to fall out of the tree. It was bad.

“I guess I have a use for my time,” I thought, “although rebuilding a farm wasn’t what I was expecting. How in the world did they let this get so bad?”

“Hey, Asher?” Caramel started, their eyes pointed down at their hooves. “Can I ask a question of you?”

“Sure, what’s that?”

“How, um… how do you keep from being insecure?”

“What? What do you mean?” I had an eyebrow raised in complete confusion.

“Well, I mean… you’re just so confident about being yourself, and wearing a colt’s haircut and not really caring what other ponies think, and here I am, being super insecure about wearing makeup.”

This was the kind of conversation I wanted to avoid because I had no idea what to do. I did not want to enable this pony. I knew I was doing the exact same thing as Caramel, but it still felt different for me than it did for them, and the idea that I might be enabling them made me extremely uncomfortable.

“You’re not pressuring them. You’re not enabling them. They’re an adult, and you, from their point of view, are a child. There’s no way you can change any of what they’re gonna do.”

“Our situations aren’t the same at all,” I started, “but I have a mindset that I don’t care what other people think. I only care what God thinks… which I guess doesn’t really apply to you. But I guess the main thing is to follow your moral code and use your best judgment wherever you go. If you do that, then everything else should fall into place.”

“Wait, who’s God?”

“God is… a topic I’m not gonna talk about while we’re standing up. That’s something I have to sit down for so I can think out what I want to say. I guess in your case you’d follow what…” I did not want to say ‘your heart’, because I knew hearts could make bad decisions. Even more than that, I didn’t want to say ‘Princess Celesita’. I wasn’t going to speak badly about her, but I certainly wasn’t going to condone following her.

“Anyway,” the pony said, speaking after a few seconds of my silent pause, “that’s not really what I’m asking. I mean, how do you have the courage to go out and be yourself?”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, if someone says something to me, I know who I am, and I am what I am. And I guess in my head, it’s outrageous and uncomfortable to be seen as a girl because that’s not what I am. I mean… I don’t know! I’m not trans. Well, not really, anyway.”

Oh, this conversation was going to make me dysphoric as heck. I was intentionally trying not to think about all of this. If I got in my head all of this, it was just gonna lead to me wondering whether or not I was really supposed to be a girl and if I was doing the wrong thing trying to assert myself as a boy, and I still wasn’t in a headspace to get into all of that because I was afraid the answer was going to be yes.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel weird.”

“It’s fine,” I replied. “I just didn’t come out here to talk about this stuff. I actually came out here to specifically not think about all of this. Anyway, what do you do?”

Caramel showed me around and showed how they collected apples from the trees. They explained that they didn’t usually do this kind of work, normally tending to the farm itself, but the pony who normally did it was out sick in bed with diphtheria. It made me feel bad because I knew for sure they got it from me.

We walked around for a while collecting apples until somepony came out. It was an orange one with a blonde mane and three apples on her butt. She also looked extremely sick, like she wanted anything but to be out here. It made my ears flatten against my head in shame.

“Hey there Caramel,” the pony started as she made her way up to us, having a thick country accent. “Glad ta see ya here helpin’ with the apples today. And who’s this little colt ya brought along… err filly. Filly? And are you wearin’ makeup, Caramel?”

“I- I was just experimenting, you know?” they said, their voice dropping back into their normal range. “There’s a- a cl-clown show in Apploosa coming up in a few weeks, and I want to be prepared.” The way they said it, it almost looked like it was physically painful for them to force the words out. I knew exactly what they were thinking the implication of their words was.

“A-anyway, this here is Asher. I brought him because he said he wanted to help me out with stuff because he doesn’t want to sit around all summer.”

“Well, he sounds like he’s got a good head on his shoulders ta me,” the mare said tiredly. “That being said, he looks like a filly from where Ah’m standin’.”

“I have a genetic condition,” I responded, figuring it would be easier than explaining myself. That was probably the first straight out lie I’d told since I became a pony, something I hated. It made me feel awful to lie, even if lying itself wasn’t necessarily a sin. This might have been edging on sinning though.

“Um, I’m sorry I got you sick,” I offered up in apology, feeling bad about the state she looked like she was in and wanting to say something despite her not knowing. “I was the first one to have diphtheria because I wasn’t vaccinated, and it looks like it made its way to you.”

“Awh, shucks, it’s not yer fault, sweetheart,” she told me, me unable to help but make a face at the word ‘sweetheart’. “Ah’m glad ya apologized ta me though, and are here ta help Caramel with these apples. There aren’t too many responsible young, uh, foals like you, Ah’ll say. Although ya oughta meet my little sister, Applebloom. Ah’ll say, she’s a model young filly.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” I replied politely. “I’m glad we can help you though while you’re sick, especially since it was me that got you sick. It might give you more time to rest up.”

“Nawh. Ah appreciate ya, but Ah probably ain’t gonna be able ta rest. There’s repairs that need ta be made to the farm, if ya can’t tell. Ah’ve been behind on them for years at this point.” She sighed, muttering, “Would help if we could make more money.”

Those words got my attention. “You’re having trouble with money?”

“Heh, not any trouble little fillies should be concernin’ themselves with.”

I ignored being called a girl as I pressed, “You have an entire field full of apples and an entire world of ponies to sell to. If conventional wisdom holds true, then I expect ponies to like apples as much as regular horses.”

“Don’t get me wrong, ponies buy them, and Apple Family apples are the best in all of Equestria, but it’s barely enough for us to just buy the things we need day ta day, let alone make repairs and stuff.”

That got alarm bells going off in my head. There was something being screwed up in her finances, and I wanted to know what it was.

“Is there another company you’re competing with for apples?” I asked.

“Company? Oh, you mean like a farm. Nawh, we’re the only ones who sell apples in Ponyville.”

“Okay, if you’re the only one who sells apples, and I’ll take your word that your apples are the best in the world, then you should be in the black. Unless the price of goods in Ponyville is just unbelievably high, then you’re underselling.”

“Ah don’t know if Ah’m undersellin’, but Ah like ta charge a nice, fair price for my apples. Would be dishonest ta do otherwise.”

“And what exactly is a fair price to you?” I asked. “How are you able to determine that? Or actually, we might wanna sit down so we can have an economics lesson.”

Comments

[silvadel]

Something tells me Asher wouldn't have let the cider squeezy thing go. A nice balanced contract where the machinery made the apple cider for all the pony towns as opposed to just ponyville, making Flim Flam and AJ rich would have been possible had FF been a bit less greedy and AJ a bit less stubborn and/or fiscally minded.

[Killjoy1221]

“I have a genetic condition,” I responded, figuring it would be easier than explaining myself. That was probably the first straight out lie I’d told since I became a pony, something I hated. It made me feel awful to lie, even if lying itself wasn’t necessarily a sin. This might have been edging on sinning though.

What lie? You were born with a missing Y chromosome.

[Silentwoodfire]

11243475
Doesn't help that at this point in time her time management is poor

[silvadel]

11243567

I agree that I wouldn't call it a lie either. Of course AJ doesn't have spooky element of honesty truth detection here so she is only able to go on her own abilities.

[The Weaver]

11243475
I wouldn’t let it go.

At the end of the episode she learned nothing she claimed. Nothing. Do you know how many lessons I learned in that episode? Enough to turn her “work ethic” into a joke; a bad joke.

Work smarter not harder is the saying; you will find no pony better at doing the opposite than Applejack.

Edit;
Ps: this is the story’s 1,000th comment

[Vaalintine]

Someone sitting down and doing some bookkeeping with Applejack? While rare, I swear I've seen that before on several different stories.

[Truthseeker]

Economics lesson with Applejack? Sounds intriguing.

[tsaukpaetra]

Kinda different when it's someone else, isn't it? Funny how trying to avoid thinking of something can lead one into situations where thinking long and hard becomes inevitable...