Rainbow Dash was hurt, she could tell that much, her wings feeling like they were at the very least sprained as she was flung into multiple ponies before eventually hitting the door. In hindsight, it might not have been smart to throw hooves with a pony who was so much bigger than her, and an alicorn at that. But to be fair, she looked and sounded evil, and couldn’t just let her get away with whatever she was planning.
The rainbow-maned pegasus sat up and shook her head, stretching her wings painfully for a moment before bringing them back to her sides. She would be grounded for at least a few weeks, the thought of which annoyed her, but she at least hoped she gave whoever that awful pony was something to think about, trying to steal Princess Celestia’s throne.
“That could’ve gone better,” the mare thought to herself. “I thought I got a good hit on her. Maybe-”
Suddenly, she heard a scream, one that sounded like a foal, and looked up to see the silver filly she’d met a couple of times before falling to the ground. She didn’t stop to think about it and quickly reacted, flying over to catch Asher before she hit the ground. She landed hard on top of her, mostly being caught by her back and wings, and she let out a sharp yelp of pain. As it happened, in the back of her mind she thought about the fact that if her wings weren’t broken before, they definitely were now.
“Oh my gosh I hate this place!” the silver coated filly yelled with tears in her eyes as she wrapped her hooves tightly around Rainbow Dash’s neck. “I just want to go home! I hate it here!” She still had her eyes closed as she said it and shivered, clenching her jaw so as not to cry.
“Hey Asher, it’s okay,” Lofty consoled her, she and Holiday upon her in a heartbeat as they comforted her while she sat on the wings of the pegasus. “It’s okay now,” she told her as she petted her with a wing. “Everything’s okay. You’re fine now. It’s okay.”
“It’s not fine!” she yelled angrily as her breathing quickened. “I shouldn’t be here! I don’t want to be here! And this is Celestia’s fault anyway! She’s just letting this-”
Suddenly, she was interrupted by Nightmare Moon, who loudly asked to the room, “Is there anypony here who knows my name?” She asked it with anger and fury in her voice, looking ready to start hurting the citizens of Ponyville if she didn’t get an answer.
“I know who you are,” somepony, Twilight Sparkle, called out loudly, using a hoof to point in her direction, seemingly fearless. “You’re the mare in the moon, Nightmare Moon!” The crowd gasped at that revelation as Nightmare Moon flew down to greet her, the purple unicorn standing her ground and scowling at her.
“Well, well, well, what have we here?” the alicorn asked. “Somepony who remembers me. I’m sure you also know why I’m here now. Tell me, what is it?”
“You’re here to… to…” she trailed off, looking away for a second, turning her attention back to the moon for a second before finishing, “to bring eternal night!”
Nightmare Moon laughed at that, telling the crowd, “Remember this day, little ponies, for it shall be your last! From this moment forth, the night will last forever!”
With that, she let out a loud, evil bellow, creating a cloud of smoke to wrap herself in, the sound of thunder and bright flashes of lightning surrounding her. The crowd gasped in fear at the unicorn, however, the members of the Royal Guard who were present quickly flew up to her to face her. They were unable to get very close before being struck down though, lightning hitting them and sending them flying to the floor. The alicorn didn’t linger for much longer, fully encasing herself in blue smoke before flying away out the door, into the night.
“Okay, that… was more than a little bit scary…” I thought to myself as I tried to process what happened, just now realizing that I was shaking hard from my encounter with Celestia’s sister. “I don’t like this world at all, and I know for a fact that I don’t like Celestia. She’s just letting me be in danger for no good reason, not to mention all these other ponies. And she said that was her sister… oh, I don’t like this world at all. I just want to go home. Lord, I ask that you keep me and all these other people safe, even in spite of what that princess is planning.”
I took a few deep breaths and rubbed away the tears that tried to form as I tried to stay calm. Lofty was still rubbing my back, which helped a little bit, and I closed my eyes for a few seconds to exhale deeply. I was fine now, and everything was okay. Well, not really, but I wasn’t falling anymore or trapped in an almost demonic looking pony’s grasp, so that was a start. Stay calm, don’t cry, and act like an adult as best I could. It was my motto for the last few days, and it certainly applied here.
“Hey, kid,” Rainbow Dash suddenly said, sounding out of breath, “I know I saved you and all, but can you get off of me now? You’re crushing me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I got out as I quickly scrambled off of her, turning to thank her before catching my breath at the sight of her. “Oh my gosh, your wing looks really bad! I’m sorry!”
“Huh, this?” she tried to say cooly but obviously wincing as she lifted it up. “Not gonna lie, it hurts now, but this’ll be all healed up in a few days.”
“That looks like it’s going to take longer than a few days,” I responded, grimacing at the sight of it. “It’s just… not good! That looks like it’ll take months to heal!”
“It’ll be fine, Asher,” Holiday told me, putting a hoof on my shoulder and directing me away from her. “I’ve seen worse from Lofty, like that time she tried to carry me. It looks bad now, but I’m sure she’ll be up and flying again within a week.”
“Or a few days with how Scootaloo talks about her,” Lofty chimed in. “But, uh, she does need to get to a doctor. Can somepony help me fly her over to Ponyville General? You stay here with them, Holiday.”
“I’m gonna trust that it’s going to be okay, cause that looks awful. Like, a person on Earth would have to rehab for months after something like that. I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash.”
“Don’t sweat it Asher. It’s no trouble. I’m just glad you’re not hurt. Besides, it’d be worse if you were a unicorn, since their bodies are more fragile. But we don’t have many of those in Ponyville, so it’s all good. Still hurts like hell, though.”
“I’m still sorry for hurting you, but this is all her fault.”
“Who's fault is it now?” Lofty asked as she and some other pegasus started to pick up Rainbow carefully.
“Celestia’s! She was the one who said she was gonna have…” I looked around for her student to point her out to them, but couldn’t find her anymore amongst the crowd that mostly stood still chattering amongst themselves or trying to help up the other armor plated ponies who were hit by that pony’s, Nightmare Moon’s, lightning.
“Where did she go?” I asked aloud as I looked around, unable to find her. “She was just here!”
“Who was, dear?”
“That pony that Celestia said would… never mind. I’ll explain it to you later. The point is this is all Celestia’s fault because she wants her student to do something for her or teach her a lesson. I forgot what she said exactly, but she wanted this to happen.”
“Well, I would like to hear about that,” Holiday told me, “but first, we need to get you fil- err, foals home and bandaged up. You have some cuts on you we need to treat.”
“But what about Rainbow Dash and Aunty Lofty?” Sooctaloo asked, disappointed that she wasn’t able to go with the two to the hospital, having already started to get going.
“Plus, our sleepover!” Sweetie Belle added. “We were going to go to Diamond’s house!”
“Well, looks like that’s been cancelled given the circumstances. Actually, you girls and Asher can stay over at our home for the night… err… as long as whatever’s happening lasts. Come along, now. I don’t think it’s very safe to stay here.”
“Elements, elements, elements…” Twilight muttered to herself as she tossed around books. She was safely back in her library, having run from the scene once Nightmare moon took off. She didn’t want to waste any time in figuring out what to do, stopping only to put her baby dragon, Spike, to sleep.
“Ugh, how can I stop Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony?” she asked herself aloud as she continued throwing books. “What am I going to do?”
“And just what are the Elements of Harmony?” somepony asked, flying up to the mare suddenly and startling her. It was a pegasus Twilight remembered from earlier that evening, Lightning Dust, eyeing her suspiciously as she continued, “And how did you know about that alicorn, huh? Are you working with her?”
“What? Of course not! I’m trying to-”
“Oh yeah?” the pegasus interrupted, getting in her face. “Then how come you left so quickly? What are you up to?”
“Calm down, darling,” Rarity said, trailed by the three other ponies who Twilight spoke to at the party not too long before. “I hardly think she’s plotting anything with… well, whoever that pony was. In fact, I think we ought to listen to her, since she seems to be somepony who knows what’s going on, right Twilight?”
Twilight stared at them, debating internally whether or not to divulge what she knew. She bit her lip as she tried to decide before sighing and telling them about Nightmare Moon. She quickly explained who she was and how to stop them, the five ponies before her listening intently.
“But I don’t know what they are or where to find them,” she finished. “I don’t even know what they do!”
“The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide,” Pinkie Pie suddenly called out, staring at the book sitting on the library shelf. She was quickly pushed out of the way by the purple unicorn who grabbed the book and quickly skimmed through it, reading its contents aloud to the group.
“It says here the last known location of the Elements is in the ancient castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, located in what is now… the- the Everfree Forest…”
“Oh my,” Fluttershy squeaked out. “That’s certainly not good.”
“I agree with you on that, Fluttershy,” Rarity said. “That’s certainly not a place I’d want to be wandering into at night.”
“Eeyup,” eeyuped Big Mac.
“Don’t think we have much of a choice guys,” Lightning Dust said. “She said she wanted to make the night last forever, and I don’t know about you, but I like my sun napping.”
“Well, I don’t know what we’re waiting for then! If we have to save Ponyville, then I say let's go!”
“Well, umm…” Twilight started anxiously, “I appreciate the offer, really I do, but… I’d rather do this on my own, if it’s no trouble.”
“Well it certainly seems like your asking for trouble, dear,” Rarity told her. “You expect to go into that dreadful forest without us? It’s absolutely preposterous.”
“You’re not really going to follow me there, are you guys?” the mare asked, almost more afraid of that than she was of going after the Elements of Harmony and facing Nightmare Moon. “You should stay here where it’s safe.”
“Eenope. Us Apples ain’t about leavin’ a friend hangin’.”
“Yeah, silly! What kind of friends would we be if we let you go face that meanie pants all alone? Bad ones, that’s what! We just threw a new pony party and everything!”
“Besides, I just wanna go after that pony! If we save Princess Celestia from whoever that Nightmare Moon mare is, I’ll be a wonderbolt in no time!”
Twilight rolled her eyes at that thought, and, realizing quickly that she wouldn’t be able to get them off of her, decided, “Fine, but you have to be careful, and listen to what I say. Who knows what’s in that forest…”
you could have the elements bind to asher and the others insted if you go full new set for them or could just go with replaceing twilight as she is the one that has been "meddled" with by celestia (plus that way you can have twilight do the other elements awakening like before but when it gets to her the element just refuses or starts and stops
10931808
The different ponies they would bind to in this case would be Lightning Dust and Big Mac, LD being Honesty and BM being Loyalty
GlitchyFox. I like this idea, which robs Sunny Tyranka of her perfect plan. and the new members of the magical arefacts will also be worthy of the name. I hope the author doesn't take the easy way. it's great to read this story. I use google translator so sorki how weird it sounds
Hehehe, just slide them replacements right on in! 😇
It's kinda surprising how much privacy they had, you would think Asher's panicked screeching about Celestia would have drawn some ire.
Speaking of panic, seems the dam finally broke. He may try to pretend to have control over himself but time and again it's been proven he does not. Which is interesting to think about since an important aspect of discipleship is surrendering your will to the Lord, yet he's constantly trying to reinforce his worldview.
As far as keeping canon Bearers, Meh. The show did a really shifty job waving away why the Elements associated with their ponies, and it appears you're already making plans to adjust a blatant swap from canon (wasn't it a fandom meme that RD and AJ's elements were basically switched?) so it's whatever. Your story and all that.
For some reason, considering how annoyed she was in last chapter. I was expecting NMM to say something along the line of this:
"Ah... finally," the dark alicorn grinned in satisfaction.
It's hard to say. Aside from Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, none of the Mane 6 seem really like they're currently eligible to be Elements. Personally I was expecting either Asher to be an Element, or for him to end up being the focal point that non-canon Bearers rally around.
10931809
huh nice past couple chapters and that is an interesting take. I was expecting the usual LD is Loyalty and Big Mac is Honesty. Twilight kinda doesn't deserve friendship right now. Hmm...let the night go on longer.
#standbackyoufools
#Perception
#ItwasunderE!
And... what? Are six ponies without an ounce of training supposed to be better? Your gem hunting makes you the best choice.
One or more of you should of died to the manticore. A kids show is the only excuse an agitated outnumbered predator didn't use its claws, fangs and stinger.
I think the second one would be interesting it something I don't think I see to often.
Have the CMC, plus Asher, DT, and SP join and end up taking and binding with the elements instead. That would really mess with Tia.
Having Celestia "react to that" implies both that they were "supposed to" bind to specific ponies and that Celestia knew who those ponies would be. That would both require in-story justification for why it was "suppose to be" a certain way as well as why it didn't turn out the way it was supposed to.
What's the payoff for all that? Does it make the story better? And, are you willing to deal with the long-term consequences if you go this route? After all, it could substantially change which ponies receive story focus who even knows how many chapters down the line. Do you really want to make Lightning Dust or whomever a main character? Although I suppose alternately, if you want to make one of the mane six a focus character for this story with fewer restraints, having them not become an Element potentially could make it easier to do something unconventional with them instead. This story doesn't have to focus on the elements. You could even focus on Asher while all the show story stuff happens in the background, for example. Really depends on what story you want to tell.
This seems like a more interesting option, but it comes with consequences. For example, binding with any at all implies they make it to the Castle of the Sisters, and if they make it that far and confront Nightmare Moon without a complete set...then what? What happens next? They fight Nightmare Moon and she wins? I mean, sure that's absolutely a thing you could do. But what happens next? Celestia rescues everypony? Nightmare Moon takes Twilight to be her slave consort while the others escape and regroup to fight another day? Nightmare Moon sees Lightning Dust sacrifices herself for the greater good while twilight goes into reseach mode, and the story proceeds under darkness of night for the foreseeable future? Does Nightmare Moon even confront them at all? Does she go to Canterlot and take over because the others aren't a threat? Where is Celestia through all of this? Watching from her extradimenainoal viewing room from Twilight's ascension scene? Banished to the sun? Dead already, but so what she can come back from that?
You have a lot of options, but these things you're considering have consequences. I advise considering the consequences and coming up with a general outline of what you expect to happen, before you decide and possibly end up writing yourself into a corner.
Personal preference? Lean towards heavier divergence. Nobody wants to read yet another copy and paste of the show while an OC tags along, and there's no reason for it to play out that way. You could have Pinkie Pie check on Dash at the hospital, and without her in teh forest the others don't make it past the trees. Or because Dash isn't present, you could have Rarity push to pick up some important things from home, or want to freshen up first, and because of the delay they don't even make it to the forest before Nightmare Moon becomes involved, and the entire encounters happen within Ponyville. Which allows Dash to be present after all, because she's at the hospital. You could have no binding of elements at all, and have the situation resolve in some completely different manner.
There's no end of alternative. But whatever you do, please don't copy and paste the show while your OC tags along. That's been done hundreds of times.
Sorry everyone... browser went back and i accidentally resubmitted the same post...
I say you get new elements for the ponies and have over 6+ ponies be the element bearers.
I could see Big Mac as a replacement for Applejack but Lightning Dust would accept NMM's bribe at the broken bridge. She's no bearer of loyalty. (Or honesty, for that matter.)
10931984
I'll echo these sentiments and add...
What is it you are trying to tell us? What is the message? If there is no message (which is fine) then what is it's direction; the direction you want the character to go? (you need one of these things) I use singular character because it is/was Asher's story...
What your question tells me;
1. That your story is done.
2. Episode one is complete.
3. Episode two is barely a gleam in your eye...
4. Asher has completed his arc. Which is good; seeing a cosmic chew toy getting chewed is getting old...
5. (Quick edit) You are now gearing up to tell us someone else's story. One i paid money for.(/edit)
What these last few chapters have hinted? That Asher is not really a mane character; he is a living Mcguffin of change. You have foreshadowed that his part is over. To continue to drag him through Twilight's story is to make him Mary Sueish... in an admittedly new way.
10932040
Agreed. Personally this story hasn't at all been giving me what I wanted from it. I'm not sure it's become what the author intended either. It started out with a great foundation to examine, or at least play with what happens when a seriously religious individual comes face-to-face with a Physical Goddess. A religious man whose spent his entire life living in an injust world full of misery and pain, in devout prayer and submission to an invisible, unknowable entity who doesn't answer his prayers...meets a kind, benevolent, otherworldy creature who raises the sun and loves everyone and is knowable and verifiable because she's right there and you can talk to her and hug her and watch while she moves the heavens.
"Is she god?"
That would have made an interesting story. One that the author was acknowledging in the comments 10-20 chapters ago. But here we are several tens of thousands of words later, and nothing has been done with that premise. Instead it's been whiny protagonist on repeat. It's hard to even call him a cosmic punching bag, because he's the one doing the punching.
So, that premise having not gone anywhere...the next possibility this story presented was that it was going to take a stab addressing gender dysphoria and self-hatred as a result of internal conflict between learned and innate predilections. That he's mentally female in a male body, or gay, or whatever...but raised in a religious environment that taught him that whatever his deal is, is sinful and evil. And dealing with that by being placed in a society that unconditionally loves him and fundamentally accepts whatever his issue is.
That's not what I wanted from this story, but it might have been interesting...but this story hasn't done that either. Again, it's just been 30 chapters of this guy whining and beating himself up.
And yes, it's getting old.
@Boopy Doopy:
What happened here? I get the impression that you had a plan, but then things went off the rails somehow and you're not sure what to do with the story now.
Of course this new potential main 6 could FAIL.
As for Lightning Dust, I think a lot of people misjudge her because of her careless disregard in 3/7. Thing is RD was fairly similar at the beginning. It took a tempering for her to grow up. At this point, LD wasn't rewarded for her cockiness yet -- she is younger and still finding her way up the ladder. I do NOT think she would betray the others to NMM, even at the height of her hubris, much less as a younger pony. The other factor is that sometimes events make the hero rather than the other way around. if one is at the right place at the right time with the opportunity to make that pivotal decision, more people or ponies than you think will make the heroic choice.
10932255
10932040
Without spoiling, both of your comments have helped me realize what outcome needs to be had, and I thank you for that. And you're right. I don't want to get into this being Twilight's story with Asher being dragged along.
10932255
We did have a great start; Celestia's start. Playing the role of "the Chessmaster" as main antagonist with Twilight insensitive Sparkle being "the Dragon". All that is on pause... until things finally get moving. The story (Asher's story) seems stalled until the author moves past Nightmare Moon.
Most of the conflict comes from Asher and this trans business. The ponies don't seem to care and often don't even understand the problem. They are not even being transphobic as that requires them to be both understanding trans enough and finding it unacceptable. Most of the conversations result in confusion on the pony side. So most (dare i say all?) of the transphobia comes from Asher. That is the point really; that is one character arc that did reach conclusion.
I seriously have no idea what to make of this story. "Not about religion" the author says; the main character won't shut up about it. Heavy trans message; the main character is the only one to care with ponies accepting without a care or telling him what his plumbing is and closing the case in their own minds.
10932396
Glad to help :)
If the elements don't bind with who they are supposed to then I'm out. The idea of LD being any of the elements is laughable. Honestly her being there doesn't even make sense, she lives in Cloudsdale. Plus it would be so much more interesting for them to fail.
Just have them all bind to Spike.
He's always there.