A Quick Wonderbolt Threesome

MRainbow Connection
MLP: FiM
Porn
Rainbow, Soarin, and Spitfire continue their fun in Rainbow's dorm.
Sex
Rainbow Dash
Spitfire
Soarin
AndwhatIseeisme · 4.9k words · 35 8 · 1.3k views

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Comments ( 6 )

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*Rainbow Dash*

*Rainbow Dash* #1 · Apr 18th, 2020 · · ·

very nice! and hell yeah! can never go wrong with a sexy wonderbolts 3 way! cant wait to read a much longer one!

dirty little secret

dirty little secret #2 · May 26th, 2020 · · ·

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-I'm glad you remembered to call Rainbow 'Crash', but it would be nice if you continued that into calling Soarin 'Clipper' as established in that episode. (And Spitfire as 'Swallowfire', as the fandom has almost universally decided.)
-Make me feel like I'm yours" Rainbow stopped -- missing punctuation.
-"Yes maam," -- ma'am. (It's a shortened form of 'madam' and needs an apostrophe for the omitted letter.)
-with their commanders." Spitfire explained. -- incorrect dialog punctuation.
-Soaring saluted. -- Soarin's more formal cousin, I presume?
-His hips rocked in and out of her, grunting in exertion. -- he should consult a doctor about those grunting hips. That can't be good.
-Yeah, even this little bit of story is too much story for 1000 words. It really needs to be longer. (Or you need a simpler story concept if you're going for that shortest story prize.)
-Worse, it gets very rushed toward the end, the most important part.
-Probably should have edited down the beginning in order to make room for a proper ending instead of rushing things at the end.
-As short as it was, the final orgasm was really hot, given Spitfire's help.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 70/100
Allure: 30/100
Enticement: 60/100
Immersion: 40/100
Prose Quality: 68/100
Total Score: 268/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

AndwhatIseeisme

AndwhatIseeisme #3 · May 26th, 2020 · 1 · ·

10253191

-Yeah, even this little bit of story is too much story for 1000 words. It really needs to be longer. (Or you need a simpler story concept if you're going for that shortest story prize.)
-Worse, it gets very rushed toward the end, the most important part.
-Probably should have edited down the beginning in order to make room for a proper ending instead of rushing things at the end.

Yeah, I had too many ideas as I wrote this, and ended up getting kind of frustrated by how limiting 1000 words really is. It's really hard to strike a balance between good sex scenes and build up with so few words. Its why I ended up writing "Rainbow Connection" after this, just to be able to spend more time with these three.

dirty little secret

dirty little secret #4 · Jun 10th, 2020 · 1 · ·

Congratulations on winning Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
For the full results, check the Dirty Little Award Show.

This story won:

i.imgur.com/jE72FlP.png

Two Pump Dump
Just because it didn't take very long doesn't mean it wasn't fun! And you can always go again after a little breather. Your clopfic was the shortest by Fimfic's word count!

Mirror Star