• Member Since 27th Apr, 2019
  • offline last seen 20 minutes ago

Stolenalicorn


Running with scissors.

T
Source

This will be a collection of sad stories I write, not really connected to each other. Sometimes I just feel like writing something sad.
I'll post them as I finish them, without any real editing. So there will probably be a few mistakes.
Thanks.
I'll add tags and correct things as I do more.
Special thanks to River Shy and Olden Bronie

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 10 )

Well, shit, the title really does say it all.

10087152
Yeah, I'm bad at naming things so I just went with the obvious.

That one really got to me. Nice writing. You did a great job moving between her emotions.

10087186
Thanks. I was worried that it would be a bit too much emotional whiplash. Especially for such a short story.

*Snif*

That...was very touching. Loyalty and love can truly travel from one phase of our lives to the next. This was beautiful.

So sad and sweet all at once. Getting old definitely isn't for the weak willed, especially those that care for them, each and every day. It can be rewarding, of course, but it is also very hard, mentally and emotionally, to be a care giver.

Thank you for showing both sides of aging.

..............................................................................



fUCK.

Stories like this never fail to get to me. :raritydespair:

Alright, I spotted you wanting some honest feedback on this work of yours, so here we go with a little critique for the first chapter:

First and foremost, a few words about the technical aspects of your story. While your grammar is still pretty good, even a cursory glance can reveal a few runaway errors, incorrectly used punctuation in direct speech, definite articles where indefinite ones should go, some mixed-up words, and a few lengthly or run-on sentences. I'm not going to list all of these here, but I can help you edit them if needed.

Now, for the style of the story... it just feels bland. There is not much emotion or interest in it. It's just a list of your OC's daily chores with semi-finished scene transitions. When I get into a sad story, I want to cry, I want to root for the character, or even experience the heart-wrenching loneliness and boredom. However, I feel nothing here, no matter how hard I try to connect with your character and his daily routine. I'm also lacking any kind of reasoning behind the events of this chapter. Why clearly convey he is for some reason not very popular, only to brush it away in the next moment without any explanation (or even a hint of a promise of explaining it later)?

Now, how can you pull off a good and impactful Slice of Life story? One thing you can do is focus on the beauty or dread of one moment that might be seemingly frozen in time. Pay more mind to atmosphere and pacing. Elaborate on the emotions and thoughts that may be trapped in that one moment, warring inside your character's head. Don't get stuck midway between focusing either on the plot or emotions, as that's most likely going to derail your story.

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