Take a minute to be kind to someone today, even if that someone is you. We all need a little more kindness, giving and receiving.
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A suicide right by the school of friendship.
Why would someone do that when there was help so close?
Twilight can't let this go as just a tragic incident. There has to be a reason.
*UPDATED*
I just added some detail and fixed a couple small problems. The story itself is unchanged.
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Shit man, that hit me right in my heart.
Good job.
9680397
Thanks for the compliment. It was hard to write.
RIGHT IN THE FEELS!
It’s like my story Hurt, but much better-executed.
9680434
I'll have to read hurt when I get over writing this one.
9680437
It’s not very good, I can vouch for that.
Also, that was the quickest reply I’ve ever gotten.
9680439
Quick question about hurt.
Johnny Cash or NIN?
I'm die hard Cash but the original is still great.
9680449
Yeah, the point is to show that you could hurt those who don't even know you yet. There's people who will help if you tell them what's wrong. He never told anyone what was wrong.
Self-loathing is an absolute beast to deal with. If you aren't careful, it can consume you.
Not a bad story.
9680661
I'd be lying to say I enjoyed writing this one, it was pretty damn hard. But there's value in things that hurt and I didn't want to shy away.
Your welcome. So many times you see the person cry for help, but then there's the times they don't.
The ending is pretty strong, I have to admit that, and so is the concept of the story. However, since you were asking for feedback, I’ll try to go a little deeper.
Grammar-wise, there were some occasional typos and errors here and there, though watch out for run-on sentences. Noticed quite a bunch of them, especially in the beginning. Also, it was rather hard to get into the story’s atmosphere as it oftentimes felt just like a summary of recent events and Twilight’s reactions—in other words, it didn’t make the reader live those through.
Furthermore, what is this? The narrator’s statement or Twilight’s thought?
Also, why does Ashen Mane switch from considering himself forgettable to a magnet for disasters midway through? It doesn’t really seem like he has had any kind of similar disastrous experience before the Festival of Friendship, but he still behaves so. Is there any kind of information the readers are missing?
9680667
Yeah. There's more ways to be depressed than what most people realize.
9680691
Yeah, run on sentences are a big problem of mine. Always have been.
I'm trying to get better at pulling people into the story, and that comment about pinkie was supposed to be Twilight's thoughts about it. It looks like I missed that one as I hurried on to write the rest.
It's supposed to be his journal where he remembers most of what happened and is just writing his thoughts on them at the time and Twilight's reactions to them.
As for how he switched. When someone is depressed long enough some start looking for reasons why that could be, I've latched onto the cursed thing myself from time to time. It doesn't make sense to anyone but them at the time. I hoped Twilight's confusion would mirror the reader's confusion at it.
OOF damn too relatable, *looks at bleach* not quite yet my friend your time will come soon.
your writing was really good though, really sucked you in to the story
9680731
Thanks.
*steals bleach to clean the floor*
9680711
Yeah, I see. In cases like this, it is good to spend more time describing the scene and also do so in a way as if the reader was there. So, don’t describe just how something looks and don’t tell them what it means. Use other senses beside sight and explore the place a little, letting your audience connect the dots. And don’t forget to convey how the place feels. That’s the ultimate trick to dragging people in.
And actually, I was surprised that Twilight didn’t really react to him switching that much. Sure, she commented on the fact that he shouldn’t blame himself, but the fact he started blaming himself so suddenly went unnoticed
9680747
Gotcha.
I'll keep these in mind.
I wanted to try telling it from Twilight's perspective but I'm not exactly good at that writing.
To anyone reading this who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know that you can be helped. Your life matters, and the world will be emptier and darker if you are gone. Even if by some twist of fate no one noticed (and it's almost certain someone would know and care), there would still be a phantom pain - an absence that no one would know the source of, but would be felt all the same. We would be diminished by the loss of you. If that wasn't true, then why is it that people willingly choose to spend their days professionally helping complete strangers to realize their own self worth? You matter. Please talk to someone who can remind you of that.
As Forgettable so poignantly says, there are people whose lives you touch in such wonderful ways that you aren't even aware of, and chances for friendship that you don't even realize. Let others teach you how to find them!
If you're not struggling, but you know people who might be, please share this, especially if you write stories dealing with this subject material - I have therapist friends, and they advised me long ago to pass this along in case the content is a trigger for people.
Suicide Hotline: Link
List of International Suicide Hotlines: Link
9680786
So well said, and so true.
Thanks for your time reading, understanding, and for providing these resources that some may just need.
Never give up. Not on others, and not on yourself.
(I can only up vote once.)
Nicely done... got a fave and a watch.
Too bad it's like a vision of the future for some of us...
9680792
Hey, if you wanna 'upvote' more than once, just copy-paste it to the author's note so it stays attached to the story and not a random comment. I'm just the messenger. Thank you for providing a venue for the message to get around.
9680795
Hopefully not many though. Antiquarian just below us here has a few things to say about it worth reading. And don't forget, there will always be someone who cares, even when things feel their darkest.
9680799
Respectfully, but... as someone who has 'studied' the subject both in theory and practice, I'm afraid some people can't be helped, no matter what 'specialists' would like you to believe.
If you're like that pony from the story - an average forgettable person with no friends or family, then calling a suicide hotline may be a quick fix... but it won't magically give you friends, or make you less shy, or more trusting towards people. It won't fix the underlying condition - that takes time and effort, and those are two things that people these days don't have in abundance...
Sorry for sounding so negative, but that story hit close to home... especially today.
9680818
No, I understand. I really do.
There are people you can talk to if you need to. Even if it's a hopeless situation hopesully someone can make you feel a little better for a while at least.
9680444
I based it off of the Johnny cash meaning with a touch of the NIN ending.
I personally love the Johnny Cash version, not that big of a fam of the NIN version.
9680736
Muahaha that was my plan all along look at you now cleaning the floor as I thought you would
9681283
Well played.
Excellent story, very well written.
9681511
Thanks.
9681666
You disagree with providing resources people might need for help?
The point of the story is if you need help reach out and get help.
I get the reference, but people I've known who need help have never had this happen to them. Yes, in the US.
9681666
You base not calling for help on a COMIC? My god thats INSANE.
9681870
I completely agree with you. I've had friends who've needed these resources and it's nothing like the comic said it to be.
So sad and simple, yet it touched so many. Thank you for writing this.
Waited a bit to comment to get my thoughts in order and reflect on the story. There was a time I was pretty much in Ashen Mane's exact situation, a time when it felt like I was nothing more than a burden on everyone and I genuinely wondered if they would be better off without me.
I've mostly been able to move past those days with the help of some treasured friends of my own, who in all likelihood may never know how much they've helped me just by existing. Every time I was in that pit, the main thing stopping me from just giving up was the thought of what it would do to the person who found me, be they a stranger or family and how my friends would take it.
I'm reminded of how the cosmic gods in fiction rewrite destiny just by existing. They don't intend to, just being there changes things. The thing is, everybody does that right here in reality every day. You don't need to speak, give a material gift or even solve the problem. Sometimes just listening while they vent can be enough. Just that might be enough to stop someone from crossing that line, and you may have done so for someone without even knowing it.
Every life is a candle, and sometimes it only takes one light to hold back the dark.
9682495
I never expected it to reach more than a handful, but here we are now. Thank you, and everyone else who's read Forgettable.
9682532
That was a very thoughtful and well written comment. I know this story is hard for some and can drag up some dark memories, but if we look we can find light in the darkness.
Thank you. And I'm glad that you have friends who helped you through your hard times.
While this story did bring up some old dark memories I also think that it's its own brand of good. Explaining that mindset to others is so very hard to do, because what you're thinking makes perfect logical sense to you. "Of course the all of the bad things are my fault, I'm just not a good person anymore, and I'll fix it by just taking myself out of the equation. It'll be okay, everyone will be happier then!" And you just don't get how horrifying that is for someone else. For the people you'll leave behind if you do that. A lot of people don't really want to die, it just seems like the best solution when you're stuck in the mindset.
But people like Twilight in this story do exist, they are there.
I guess the weirdest thing is you can be both, even at my worst I didn't want anyone else to make such a devastating choice. I think that's what kept me going. I would go out of my way to help others who felt suicidal and then they became my reason to stay. It turned into "I can't go anywhere until I know they'll be safe, they're counting on me to be here now." It showed me I could be a valuable person to others, in showing others they had worth I found my own.
Sorry I'm rambling, good story, very good.
9682969
You weren't rambling, and I appreciate your comment. It's great that you can be there to help others and in so doing find strength for yourself.
It was a good story. I understood it only upon rereading...The point of it wasn't to understand Ashen Mane's reasoning, to see all the details of his life that would justify what he did. The unanswered questions irked at me...but...of course there are no answers, of course it's insufficient. His life was cut short. The point was that no matter what, he didn't have to do it.
Somehow this part had got to me the most, and is what probably allowed me to understand. Because of course it doesn't work like that..He could have been helped, he was the most suitable pony for this school in the whole Equestria. Nobody needed it more than him. I'm probably rambling, but this story hit me a little. The point of this story is that everybody deserves help no matter who they are...at least that's what I got from it.
9683311
Very well said.
this story is really well done and covers a fact about suicide and suicidal people that pop-culture tends to avoid.
the suicidal people aren't obvious, they aren't rationalizing things they way most people would, and they rarely do anything that would foretell there intentions before it's too late.
this story is very well done, good job.
That speaks to me on a personal level. I've been through this, and if not for chance, I'd probably not be here. But back then, I didn't think that I was causing trouble or was worthless. My inner reasoning was that... hm, I actually don't know how to explain it correctly. I think I was under a delusion of a different, better world waiting for me on the other side. I just longed for something that would be better than my situation and the world surrounding me. I didn't think that the world would be better off without me, it was the other way around. I thought that I would be better off without this world. And it might still be true.
Obviously, no one knows what happens after death. As far as I can say, there is nothing, just like before birth. And we won't be able to perceive it because, well, we're dead. Maybe it's somewhat difficult to wrap your head around the concept of not existing, but to me, death seems like the end, and nothing comes after it.
I wasn't scared by it, though. When I wanted to die, I was ready for anything. Nothingness I could or couldn't feel, some sort of afterlife, reincarnation, or something else, I was ready for it. I just wanted to escape the reality permanently.
I still do, but now I know what dying feels like. It's very painful. I no longer actively seek to end my life, but if death came to me, I'd not resist. After all, if there was an easy way out, I would still take it. Living can be exciting, but my life is not, and I don't really see how it would change.
Sorry for rambling, but this story really hit me. I didn't even want to open it at first because, well, no one likes to think of death. And yet here I am.
9683858
I understand a lot of what you said.
Though I would like to pull bits from several sources for this.
Do not go quietly into that good night. Fight like hell, and create your own future. One where you can be happy and look to your past, mistakes and all, and feel pride for what it has lead to.
9683865
To be honest, I don't even know what future to consider good. I'm a dreamer, and I like to dream of impossible things like cute intelligent ponies that love being friendly. I can't really chase that dream unless I take drugs, and we all know where drugs lead.
I don't really know what else there is that I want. Maybe living a quiet life? Sure, I can probably manage that, but... It's just existing without purpose. Frankly, I don't believe in inherent purpose or meaning of life, but I don't know what purpose to assign to my own life.
I'm disappointed in pretty much everything. I don't really have friends, I've never experienced love. I'm just, well, here. Existing. Writing pony fiction using my imagination and daydreaming.
There's really nothing else. I guess that's why I'm accepting death. If it's the absolute end, I won't even realize it to care. If it gives me a second life... maybe it'd be interesting.
Here, though? Sure, there are plenty of interesting thing. But I don't really want to put the energy into any of it. I want to sit in a comfortable armchair by the fireplace and just stare into the flames. I don't have a solid motivation for anything.
So yeah, I'm just here, existing because I've not died yet. There's barely anything driving me forward. I just do what I always do. I have food, water, shelter, internet. And... well, I guess I feel empty. I used to have suicidal depression, and I hope it's the right term. I used to cry a lot about things, but now it's all pretty empty. I can't even talk to a therapist because I have no money and I'm on Russia. I don't really want to trust any therapists here. And again... I don't have much money. Definitely not enough to afford a good therapist.
Actually, scratch that part about therapists. I'm going to get one once I get money transferred to my bank account from PayPal. I need a therapist,and it's best I talk to one. Maybe my life will become better.
Hoo boy. Yea this one is dark.
Stuff like this is why I thank God everyday that I learned a very important lesson early on.
You are who you choose to be.
This is a very good one-shot.
This is really good
9684049
Yes. Please talk to someone.
Finding purpose is difficult but when you know what you want you can start moving towards it.
I hope you can find a therapist you trust and like.