• Published 28th Nov 2019
  • 1,608 Views, 60 Comments

Smitten - Natedogg2006



Pinkie Pie has a crush on somepony special. ..... So what else is new?

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Being Too Much

Princess Twilight Sparkle sat at her desk in her crystal bedroom, finally understanding why princess Celestia put up with peace conferences every year. It was certainly easier then the task of integrating pony society with the rest of the species of Equestria. That was proving to be the biggest and most tangled mess of a bureaucratic nightmare that had ever existed. For the first time in her life she found herself to be getting sick of the smell of parchment and ink.

She looked back at the stack of papers still piled up on the floor behind her. She could only groan as she would swear it had only gotten bigger even after hacking through it for the past three days. She rubbed her tired eyes as she lit her horn to cast a now very familiar reheating spell on the pot of coffee sitting on the corner of her desk. As she lifted it with her hoof she let out another groan. She lit her horn again to cast an old and reliable restoration spell on the spot where the pot had begun to leave a burn mark.

The coffee was dark enough to bend light around it, and yet it still wasn't doing much to make her feel any more awake. She downed what was left in a couple good chugs before deciding to have what she had tentatively started referring to as a break. She pushed away from the desk and walked in the direction of where she'd decided she needed a coffee maker installed in her bedroom for occasions just like this.

"It's because the coffee isn't fresh. If I make some fresh coffee I'll be fine." She muttered the words to herself, knowing they were largely to convince her own body of the lie. She was going to have to keep going, and the only comfort she could count on was the hope that she did in fact have enough coffee left for another pot.

She poured water into the maker as pesky thoughts of what she really needed right now started playing in her head. Simple things she'd been without for a few days now. Natural light for one. Some fresh air. Maybe a proper night's sleep. Probably some real food.

'Yeah that would be so great right now,' she thought to herself as she started messing with the settings on the machine. 'A picnic, with all of that. Food, sunshine, fresh air. I could even invite all the girls. Maybe I could even get some time to finally...'

She grumbled as she thought back to the stacks of paper waiting for her. That all was going to have to wait, as much as it weighed on her. Right now she needed coffee, then when she finished there would be time. She picked up the container of special coffee given to her by the ruler of the dragon lands. She was told that a single drop of it could keep a dragon awake for over a week. Twilight was scraping the bottom of the container after less then a week. Although she felt like she was in luck. It actually seemed to be a little heavier then she remembered from the last time she'd made a pot.

Sleep deprivation was probably the reason why that didn't tip her off.

"Whoa!" It was all that she could say as she was caught off guard. As she opened the container she was suddenly covered in confetti as a horn sounded from sources unknown and a familiar pink mane filled her vision.

"Surprise!!!!!" Pinkie exclaimed having somehow managed to extricate herself from the coffee tin. "This is your official Pinkie Pie wake up call. It's way better for you then drinking more coffee to stay awake don't you think?"

Twilight groaned. That statement was debatable at the moment as the shock of something coming out of her coffee had made the princess panic, skitter back a few feet, and fall backwards through a stack of completed paperwork.

She lit her horn to pull a few pieces off her face. As she did she could see Pinkie's smiling face. The sight instantly warmed Twilight's heart, but something on the papers she now levitated stole her attention away from it.

"I know you're probably still super busy with all the 'running Equestria all by yourself really soon' things. But you've been locked up here for three days and I haven't felt my "Twilight is sleeping peacefully" feeling that whole time."

Pinkie was now running around setting things up. Twilight couldn't pay attention to what as she was now sifting through papers. She rapidly checked each, finding what she was looking for before moving on quickly.

"And I promised you three years, two months, and six days ago that I'd stop you from going too far into a coffee and studying binge if you'd stop me from going too far into a sugar rush. I still have four more to make up to you until we're even."

Twilight finally turned to see that Pinkie had turned her bed into a large and intricate pillow fort, somehow using way more pillows and cushions then had been in the room previously. There was also a banner set up, "Super-duperest slumber party ever" written across it.

"So way later today we're meeting up with the girls for a picnic with all your favorite foods. But until then, since the sun won't be up for another few hours, I'd say it's the perfect time for a slumber party."

Twilight felt her eye twitch as she looked over her last workday and a half laying all over the ground. She let out a stuttering breath as she finally spoke. "Pinkie Pie, why did you do this?"

Pinkie was taken slightly aback by the words, but still smiled as she waited for Twilight's smile to emerge. "Because you're my one and only super-duperest marefriend ever and I need to take care of you if you're not taking care of yourself."

"So you think what I really need right now is a slumber party?"

Pinkie's ears flattened a little at that. "Well, it was going to be way more focused on the slumber then the party. The only thing that would make it a party is the banner and the fact that I'll be here too. But mostly only to make sure you sleep."

Twilight rubbed her eyes in frustration. "You realize that because of you I just figured out that all the paperwork I've been doing all day was wrong. I'm going to have to start all over on all of it. It's a miracle I noticed before all this was submitted and that I didn't accidently start a war with some of the mistakes I made."

Pinkie was losing steam somewhat, but with a snort she straightened herself back up to reply. "Well you can do that after you get some rest. It sounds like you need a break, and I made a promise that I'm going to keep."

Twilight gave a sigh. "You really remember a promise like that from that long ago. And
you've even been keeping track of how many times each of us have stepped in to help each other with our problems like that?"

"Of course I did. I love you and I want to make sure you're okay no matter what."

"I love you too. But you decided that just because I hadn't slept in a few days that I needed all this. A slumber party. Time with all my friends, proper nutrition. And you decided that I needed it so much that you'd just sneak into my room, scare me out of my stuper, and whisk me off to a state of comfort and relaxation the likes of which I was just starting to feel like I really needed."

Pinkie now seemed very confused. Her ears were flattened and she was drawing away somewhat, but she managed a nod at the words. She winced as that made Twilight give a defeated sigh.

"Pinkie Pie. I think both of us know this has been a long time coming."

"What... what are you talking about? What did I do wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong Pinkie. You're just, too much."

Twilight didn't want to do it this way, but she honestly didn't know when a better time would come up. She felt bad as Pinkie's mane and tail seemed to start deflating. Tears also started threatening the corners of her eyes.

"Twilight... no. I, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"Yes you did Pinkie. Just like you've meant it for three years, two months, and twenty-eight days. You've meant it for every party, every snuggle, every kiss, every... thing else. I love you so much for it Pinkie. But you're just too much". She had been walking back over to her desk where she was now pushing aside papers seemingly looking for something.

Pinkie wasn't sure what she might be looking for, but she had followed on shaky hooves as Twilight had gone. She didn't think she'd ever hear this from Twilight, not after everything they'd gone through. She needed to know why.

"But you said, you said I'd never be too much for you. You said the stuff I do only makes you love me more and more. You said.." there was just a little anger mixed in her words, but the sadness was what made her stop.

"And I meant every word. But you're just too much to deal with as a marefriend. If I'm going to be able to handle running the whole country soon then some changes have to be made." She finally found what she was looking for. It was good timing, she didn't think she could stand doing this to Pinkie any longer.

Twilight could only smile. She had turned around and bent down low. The second a small black box had come into view she had saw her possible fiancé perk up immediately. Her mane instantly inflated to a poof the likes of which Twilight had never seen before. At the same moment there was a literal slurping sound as her tears were apparently sucked right back into her eyes.

"You'll never be too much, if you promise to be with me forever." She cracked the case open, revealing matching bracelets with each of their cutie marks upon them.

The speed at which Pinkie ran into and embraced Twilight made her really appreciate alicorn endurance. She thought she'd heard a mini sonic boom when Pinkie had suddenly vanished in her vision, but it was drowned out as the mare excitedly began to shout.

"YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESSOMUCHYES!!!!"

Their lips met, and Twilight felt a now familiar feeling of not knowing what was being done to her body for a brief moment. As their lips parted she realized she was now on top of her bed turned pillow fort. Twilight could now see that in Pinkie's hoof was a rope connected to a blanket over the opening. One of the bracelets from the box was already around Pinkie's hoof, the other somehow already around Twilight's own. The princess blushed at the smile Pinkie was giving her at the moment, but nodded as she matched it with one of her own.

They looked forward to many smiles and lots of fun in the future as Pinkie pulled the blanket closed.

Author's Note:

This was a fun little ride. I was right when I first started, writing for Pinkie is difficult. I think she's going to be staying a secondary character for me from now on. Honestly, I ended up focusing much more on Twilight as a result, which means I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out. But like I said, it's been fun, so I don't regret it. Still might publish the song if there's enough interest, but for right now this story is as finished as I can make it.
Also, yes I do think they're going to leave the rest of their friends waiting at the picnic later. But I assume Pinkie planned ahead in some way. That's just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.
The usual. Let me know what you think. I don't think this was my most followed work ever, but hopefully some of you got something out of it.

Comments ( 13 )

Thanks for writing Smitten, I enjoyed reading it. :pinkiehappy: :heart: :twilightsmile:

10740019
Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks again for the fav:twilightsmile:

10886037
I have a lot more FlutterDash if you're looking for it:rainbowwild:

10886057
Well, that's why I'm following you. Hope there will be more coming soon.

I must admit that it scares me a little in this chapter, I do not say that it would have been a bad ending that Twilight ended with pinkie seriously, it would have been interesting and very moving, in addition to identifying many other people, but in the end I discovered that it was all a plan of Twilight to propose to pinkie, so I was very happy, well done, you managed to scare me, good job writing this, it was a great story. :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

"But you said, you said I'd never be too much for you. You said the stuff I do only makes you love me more and more. You said.." there was just a little anger mixed in her words, but the sadness was what made her stop.

"And I meant every word. But you're just too much to deal with as a marefriend. If I'm going to be able to handle running the whole country soon then some changes have to be made." She finally found what she was looking for. It was good timing, she didn't think she could stand doing this to Pinkie any longer.

Me reading this chapter up until this point: no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Twilight could only smile. She had turned around and bent down low. The second a small black box had come into view she had saw her possible fiancé perk up immediately. Her mane instantly inflated to a poof the likes of which Twilight had never seen before. At the same moment there was a literal slurping sound as her tears were apparently sucked right back into her eyes.

Me the next paragraph later: :fluttercry::pinkiegasp::rainbowkiss::raritydespair::raritycry:

11293628
Not one, but two crying Raritys, I am honored:pinkiehappy: This wasn't one of my most popular stories and it was a little difficult to write, but for me it was worth finishing just for this scene. Thanks so much for reading and for including it among your liked stories:twilightsheepish:

Thanks so much everyone for getting another one of my stories to 1000 views. Makes me so happy to see

A friend said this was one of her favorite twipie fics and I decided to check it out as I have a major soft spot for this ship. That friend was so entirely correct, this is one of the absolute best fics I've read ever!! You really understand these characters and how they interact and affect each other!! Masterful work, great dialog, utter perfection!!

11766918
Thank you so much, and thanks so much for the fav as well. This story didn't get the widest reception when it first came out, but that's OK because it means the comments I get all always genuine ones like this. I had fun writing it story, but also some trouble. But if it made you smile, it's all worth it and then some. :pinkiehappy::twilightblush:

11813605
Thanks so much for all the advice. Some of the stuff you mentioned is stylistic choices, like the "ellipsis" thing. I'm not even sure what that is or how to use it. Multiple dots, especially when paired with commas, is just how I denote awkward pauses. More dots, longer pause. But I can definitely take a look at them. A lot of your advice looks really good.

'Yeah that would be so great right now,' she thought to herself as she started messing with the settings on the machine. 'A picnic, with all of that. Food, sunshine, fresh air. I could even invite all the girls. Maybe I could even get some time to finally...'

Don’t show thoughts through single quotes, it gets confusing, italicise it.


Phew, you kinda worried me there with this chapter, :twilightsheepish: I thought this would end with a sad ending but I am so glad I was wrong. This was probably one of the best TwinkiePie stories I’ve read so far (and believe me, I have read a lot of them). Yes, writing for Pinkie is hard, but don’t push her aside just because you think your characterisation for her is bad, it’s quite good.


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Would'ya look at that! The author responded, doesn’t Fimfiction notify you about this?

Our final rating lands you on... GOOD!

11814399
With all the advice you've given, of course I'd want to show my appreciation. I've got a soft spot for this story as among my longer stories, I don't t think this one got much attention. I loved your break downs, really made my day. Thanks again.

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