• Member Since 19th Jul, 2018
  • online

Avellana


The walls are plotting and the furniture stole my marbles

T

Sometimes it's easier to forget out pasts than deal with our problems. Sometimes its easier to ignore what we want, to accept that everything's been done and our dreams are impossible. When our worlds come crashing down in front of us, sometimes it's easier to simply forget, to distract, to pretend.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 2 )

Small grammar issue:

“I love you Rainbow Dash spoke aloud, causing the girl next to her to smile wide as she shifted her gaze from the sky and to her girlfriend.

Add a comma and then a quotation mark (,") after "I love you".

Feedback:
This story should be tagged slice-of-life since it is going through the casual and depressing happenings of Rainbow's adult life. There's not much I can critique since the story is only going through the motions of Rainbow's night with a brief flashback with her anonymous lover of the Mane 6.

I like how descriptive your story is, it's definitely the strongest appeal to me. But to nitpick, I would have liked for the paragraphs to be spliced up to smaller ones. It would make it easier to read and for some readers, less overwhelming.

If you ever choose to write a sequel for this, I'm curious to see how Dash led herself to this predicament and has affected the relationship with her friends (especially her lover) because of it.

9924829
Thank you for the feedback! :pinkiehappy:

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